I'm in good spirits once again

[garnet]

I feel for your predicament, I truly do. But I'm sure you realize how unhealthy the situation is. There is absolutely no way you can have a healthy relationship with another person when you're dependent on them for your happiness. It just isn't possible.

 

And from the other person's perspective, it's difficult to love someone when you feel they are dependent on you. It puts so much pressure on the other person. He's told you himself that he finds it unattractive when you are needy and clingy. I know that you don't want to be that person.

 

You've mentioned before that there are people there that you've gone out with. What about them? And you have also mentioned the idea of moving. I know that he says he doesn't want you to go, but that doesn't change anything. You should not be basing any life decisions on this guy...in the long run you will regret it.

[Teacher's Pet]

I have a very difficult time meeting people

 

Could have fooled me.

 

You are warm, sweet, fun to be around, and...

 

Ok, I'll say it...

 

GORGEOUS.

 

Just be YOURSELF.

 

 

your biggest fan,

 

-tp

just a round ball of cuteness and mirth:)

[Mollyanna]

He called. I asked him if he went out last night. He did. He went out with yet ANOTHER girl. So now there are 2 others. I told him I think it is disgusting and wonder what he gets from it, wonder how many girls it takes before he is satisfied. I told him that I would not exactly be admired if I was out there trying to sleep with a bunch of people. He said, "Oh, I didn't f*ck her. We just played a little slap and tickle". and he laughed. And I started crying and he said he was sorry but he had never held anything back from me before and didn't plan on starting now. He then said he had to go. I heard girls in the background. A friend had come over and brought a couple of girls with him. I said, oh hell why don't you just go f*ck all of them too. and he laughed. he said "Please stop being so upset" and I was crying and said "I wish I could stop hurting over you" and he said, "so do it, stop crying." He said he would call me tomorrow. I sat there and said nothing, still crying. He said it again and said, listen I really have to go.... I said "FINE" and I hung up.

 

then i cried, falling on the floor type of crying. wishing I would die kind of crying. wishing I would just get the courage up to swallow all the pills I got out on Friday.

[garnet]

He is being cruel. He's got his head stuck so far up his own a** that he doesn't realize it, but he is.

 

Taking pills is not courageous. What is courageous is telling this loser to F*** off. He is a fool. Step outside of this situation and imagine that one of your close friends was in a situation like this. What would you tell them?

 

For the love of God, please listen to everyone on these boards and walk away from this! Losing him may be painful in the short run, but staying in contact with him is going to be much worse in the long run and cause you guaranteed pain. You can do this!

[Teacher's Pet]

then i cried, falling on the floor type of crying. wishing I would die kind of crying.

 

***sending incredible amounts of love and positive thoughts straight into the heart of Florida***

 

-tp

who is now very worried about his friend.

[Teacher's Pet]

Taking pills is not courageous.

 

Do you know what IS courageous?

 

Getting up in front of an entire nightclub in New York City and singing karaoke.

 

I happen to know someone that did that last Sunday night!!!!!

 

I have the pictures to prove it.

 

And the next time you come up here, the 3 of us are singing Love Shack!

 

SMILE..... you are loved!

 

-tp

decent singer

loveable fuzzy ball of fun

...and just a phone call away.

[AriaIncognito]

See what happens when you go a week without talking to me online? You need some FW time, my DS. :-) I know it sucks right now, and you're hurting so much. If I can help you not hurt for even a second it will be worth my while. Don't do anything you wouldn't want any of us to do. You know that doing something to yourself isn't the answer. I know you know this. You're such an awesome person, and D is a fool to not claim you as his own, however some other man will be very happy that D gave him that chance. Now, you just need to give that man his chance at you. It won't be today, or tomorrow, or maybe not even this month, but in time, you'll be ready. And when you are, watch out

 

Plus, you can always come up here. :-) I've got a spare bedroom

 

Jennifer

[TheSilentType]

Your giving so much control to this person...and he doesn't even care what he's doing to you. He knows that you are kind of desperate, and he's just playing you easily.

 

Spare yourself the pain. We've all been in situations like that. It's tough, but you must start total no contact. Otherwise you won't get any peace.

 

It's a devil's choice to make between being (temporarily) lonely and being (constantly) jerked around.

 

I hope you make the right decision and avoid this loser. I know you're scared that you might not find someone else. But its degrading for you to accept a situation like this when you want more. Cut this scum out of your life because he's just going to keep on feeding off your desperation when its convenient for him.

[Teacher's Pet]

Plus, you can always come up here. :-) I've got a spare bedroom

 

SLUMBER PARTY!!!!

 

You have no idea how much I ADORE you two.

 

I say the three of us just get a big apartment together, kinda like "Three's Company" Oh, the adventures!

 

But I am *not* pretending to be gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that! lol)

 

*GROUP HUG*

 

-tp

not gay

not exactly "tearing it up" with women, either

[Teacher's Pet]

It's a devil's choice to make between being (temporarily) lonely and being (constantly) jerked around.

 

Sounds like great advice.....

 

You can do it, sweetie.

 

We're here for you.

 

xoxo

 

-tp

jerked around no more

[Mollyanna]

I hate the idea of NC. I hate the idea of letting someone into my life and becoming close to them and then just ripping them out and throwing them away. I wouldn't want him to do that to me, how can I do it to him? I know I can't date him anymore because I can't share him. But I really want to be his friend.

 

Except right now, I can't handle it. I sat down to write him a "goodbye" letter last night and I can't get through the first 2 sentences. I woke up this morning several times gasping for breath, in pain, realizing he is gone and how much I hurt. The only way I could push him out of my mind was to go back to sleep.

 

Today I hate him and I don't want to talk to him. So when he calls TODAY, I will not answer. I can't promise this won't change tomorrow, but for now I can't deal with any other hurtful words that might come out of his mouth.

 

Yeah I am desperate. I hate it. He KNOWS no matter what he does, I will still be here waiting. My last ex before him, he knew it too, and told me as much. He said he sometimes did stuff just to see how much he could get away with. I thought I was being a nice person, understanding, not a nag, sympathetic, and cool. All that equates to these days is doormat.

[garnet]

I don't see how you could possibly want someone as your friend who treats you like a piece of dirt on the bottom of his shoe. As long as you allow this person to stay in your life, friend or otherwise, you will remain in this cycle and prolong your own misery.

[Mollyanna]

He doesn't treat me like dirt. In fact, he has honestly treated me better than anyone else I have ever dated. He is the only one who doesn't run when I get all panicky and anxiety-ridden. He lets me get completely out of control and is always there to help me sort out the pieces. And he cries over me. I saw it again tonight. I have never seen anyone cry over me before, and with him, it has happened twice.

 

The deal is - he told me right from the beginning that he was not looking for a serious relationship. But the more time we spent together, the more I grew to love him and the closer we got. I thought he would realize he was in love with me too.

 

I was wrong. I saw him tonight and he sat there holding both of my hands and telling me what a good person I am and that if he was going to be with anyone, it would be me, but that isn't where he is at right now. He cares about me and wants me to be one of his closest friends. He said he was drunk last night or he never would have told me the details of his date that he did. He promised he would not tell me that kind of stuff anymore unless I asked him to. He made it very clear that a sexual relationship with us is over because he can't handle the crying and fighting with me again.

 

We talked a lot about my depression. I even told him about the pill bottles on Friday. I told him I was so confused because he is my best friend and I need him to talk to, and he said ... yeah but i feel so bad because I am the catalyst. But he made me promise when I feel this way that I will call him. I told him I can't see how that is possible without making him feel bad. He told me not to worry about him, that all he cares about is getting me better.

 

I told him I was afraid all this time to let go of our sexual relationship because we wouldn't be as close anymore and maybe he wouldn't want to spend time with me if I wasn't putting out. I could see in his face all much that comment crushed him. He believed we had something much better than sex between us. He made me do a pinky swear (his way of making me smile through my tears) that we will work this out and be friends and still be as close.

 

He told me that one day he may be ready to love someone, but not now and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do or who I am or what I look like or how I act. He just wants to have fun right now and not be tied down.

 

When I was leaving I started crying AGAIN, and I told him how difficult this will be because it makes me crazy thinking of him being with another girl. HE said, don't think about it. He said he can't stand thinking of me with another guy but he he knows I have been on dates and it has bothered him, but he just doesn't think about it. And he said if it makes me feel any better, if I ever see him out with someone, to know that they will never get even as far as I did.

 

I don't know guys. This feels so much like love. It was so romantic! But he isn't ready for love. So how do I stay friends with him? Because I think I would be crazy to lose him from my life when he obviously cares for me. I told him how I have been waking up crying and he told me to call him on those mornings. He even offered that I start going bike riding with him and his guy friends on Sundays.

 

And then he hugged me again and held on tight forever and we kissed goodbye. i knew this would be the last kiss. and cried all the way home.

[Teacher's Pet]

OMG sweetie...

 

That was so touching.....

 

At least it sounds like you are starting to get some of the answers you needed to hear, even if they aren't the ones you wanted to hear.

 

I know it's still not easy, but at least you have a better idea where you stand.

 

He's so lucky to have you, you know that? Friend, lover, whatever. He's the lucky one.

 

No one knows what the future holds for the two of you, but at least, no matter what, you know he DOES care.

 

Right now, that's more important than anything else.

 

It's going to be alright, sweetie *hugs you tight*

 

Things like this have a way of working out for the best...for everyone.

 

You are a lot stronger than you think.

 

Love you DS

 

-tp

eternal optimist.

[loveinlife]

Awww...Im so sorry to hear that Mollyanna. I know how hard it is to be friends with an ex. As a am going throught that, but minus the sex. I believe she has a bf, however, her mom told me she isn't talking to anyone. I am kinda stuck in the middle. My so told me I still mean a lot to her, but we are just friends. Kind of like what you are going through. They care and they also want to see if there are other people out there for them. I dunno, I am confused too!!!!

[Teacher's Pet]

As a am going throught that, but minus the sex.

 

My ex had a saying that is fitting right about now.

 

"D*** is a dime a dozen."

 

I KNOW, how could I let someone so profound get away?

 

Of course, I have my thoughts on the female genitalia as well. I just need a few other things (a brain and heart, for starters) to keep me interested.

 

I have another thought on the subject too, but it's not for mixed company.

 

-tp

has a large jar of pennies, and really wants to go shopping

[Bogun]

I dont come to this section on LS much these days, but I started reading through this thread and wanted to say something.

 

I don't know guys. This feels so much like love. It was so romantic! But he isn't ready for love. So how do I stay friends with him? Because I think I would be crazy to lose him from my life when he obviously cares for me. I told him how I have been waking up crying and he told me to call him on those mornings. He even offered that I start going bike riding with him and his guy friends on Sundays.

 

And then he hugged me again and held on tight forever and we kissed goodbye. i knew this would be the last kiss. and cried all the way home.

 

In my opinion this is not love. It is a very unhealthy relationship. You are depending on him for your happiness, and he is using you to feed his ego, although he will never admit this to you and maybe he doesnt even realise it. Just take NC one day at a time, soon it will become a week, then the weeks will turn into months, and as they do you will get stronger.

[Mollyanna]

I don't want to go NC. I know I may have to eventually but right now I am not on stable ground. I have no one else to lean on. No one else here to spend time with and I don't have it in me right now to go out and try to meet people. He is being a tremendous help so far. He called me his morning and left me a very nice message, so cute and caring. He called again an hour ago and we talked for a while. He is just really concerned about me and he seems to have made it his mission to make me smile. He even offered to take me shopping this week so I can get out of this house and prepare for my trip next week.

 

I wish we never would have been romantically involved because he truly is one of the best friends I have ever had. How can I push away a helping hand when I need it the most?

[Mollyanna]

and yes i realize how pathetic I sound. I hate it. I do. But i don't want anything else but him right now.

[Teacher's Pet]

and yes i realize how pathetic I sound.

 

You don't sound pathetic.

 

We ALL need people in our lives. We ALL need human contact.

 

Sometimes, the ones we want might not be the BEST possible choice for the moment, but if you find comfort in someone, go with it.

 

As long as someone isn't hurting you (physically or otherwise), and you can handle the ups and downs of a "pure friendship", you'll be ok.

 

That being said, when the time is right, you WILL meet new people. You'll make new friends, and have new experiences, and when you least expect it........ Love will come knocking.

 

Right now, friends are the most important thing for you.

 

Look at what YOUR friendship has done for me. Remember the first couple of times we talked on Yahoo? Am I still that same sad, heartbroken guy? I don't think so. And you know why? You and Jenn took the time to listen to me whine. And you didn't judge me. You listened, you gave good advice, and you stood by me when I needed someone most.

 

So don't tell me you can't meet people! You sure dazzled us last week! :)

 

And if you want a good laugh..... I framed the picture of the 3 of us and put it on my desk at work. Some of my coworkers noticed and asked me which of the two of you I was dating. "Yo, man, check YOU out with the hotties!"

 

And a hottie you are *smiles*, and more importantly, a great friend.

 

You're gonna be fine. I can feel it.

 

Always your SB,

 

-tp

not quite a hottie yet, but still cute

[Mollyanna]

Good Story TP. Thank You. I look like hell in that pic, but thanks anyway. And I cut my hair AGAIN. that is 2 more times since I last saw you. I am out of control!

D is taking me shopping tomorrow. He called me twice today. First time to chat. The second time just to remind me of something that he knew would cheer me up. I'm scared to see him tomorrow. I am already a nervous wreck.

[Teacher's Pet]

Good Story TP. Thank You.

 

It's a good story, because the characters are wonderful.

 

I look like hell in that pic, but thanks anyway.

 

You DID see that pic of my ex from her personal ad, right? LOL

 

And I cut my hair AGAIN. that is 2 more times since I last saw you. I am out of control!

 

Yeah, that HAS to stop. I LOVE you with the longer hair. *purrr* :) Ok, ok, I love you with the shorter hair, too....but you were MEANT for longer hair.

 

D is taking me shopping tomorrow. He called me twice today. First time to chat. The second time just to remind me of something that he knew would cheer me up. I'm scared to see him tomorrow. I am already a nervous wreck.

 

Just take a deep breath and have fun. He obviously wants to see you...that's a positive step...... enjoy your time together.....

 

.....and then burn through his credit cards.

 

-tp

wants an xbox 360

[Mollyanna]

had a great time! it was like a date. I didn't make any moves, but he sure did. But hell, I dressed up, did my hair and makeup and I think I looked cute. He must have thought so too... he kept touching me and hugging me and kissing me..

 

I am so confused. I love him... why am I not enough? Why does he need to have the attention of more than one girl???

[Mollyanna]

i am SUCH an idiot. Why couldn't I leave good enough alone? I had such a good time last night and could have went away on my vacation tomorrow happy. But nooooo, i call him this morning and ask him if he will come over tonight, kinda to say goodbye. I had planned on a new start when I got back, with him and I as just friends. But i wanted to have "one more time" with him tonight. He said he already had plans. I laughed and said, well, my thought process might be a little screwed up, but I thought this could be our last time together, since you haven't been with anyone else since me it would be OK.

 

and he said, what makes you think that? I said "well, you told me you hadn't been with anyone else". He said "Well, when did I say that?" And it hit me, sometime between Monday night when I saw him and Thursday night when I saw him, he had sex with another girl. He wouldn't come out and say it until I just said, "OK, well it is obvious you have and I can't believe you are that much of a whore. I suppose *** is coming this weekend too and maybe you are even meeting yet another girl tonight! How many girls do you have?"

 

Yes, he had sex on Tuesday with that girl. Drove to her house and picked her up and took her to his house to spend the night. Hell he even called me on Tuesday. Wonder where she was at the time? He was probably on his way to get her. And yes that other girl is coming this weekend too. We got into a huge fight, with me of course crying again and him telling me to stop trying to hold onto him, that he doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants us to be friends. He said last night was a blast, why can't we just do that? Oh hell, with the kissing and everything? Is he kidding me?

 

I feel like the biggest ass. How could I fall for someone like that? I told him I couldn't believe he could be such a whore and still respect himself. He said "Honey, you forget I am guy. That's how we operate." WTF???

[Mollyanna]

OK, so I had this break-through this afternoon that I am completely wasting my time on someone who will never commit to me. Even as sweet and kind and honest as he is and as wonderful as he treats me when we are together - i will never convince him to want what I want in life and to live by the morals and standards I expect him to. Suddenly once I was aware that he is not type of guy I want to be with in the future anyway, then I wasn't upset anymore that the FWB girl with be there this weekend.

 

When he called me, I told him I was OK and not to worry that I had stopped crying. I told him the realizations I had. And all he did was rush me off the phone. He had to go, he was on his way to party with his buddies. Told me he was glad I wasn't upset and said "So, now you don't want to be with me like that, right? We can just be friends?" And I said yes, you sound so relieved. Do you not look at me that way anymore. He said "Of course I do, but I try not to because it isn't working like that." Then again he told me he had to get off the phone.

 

All afternoon I assumed he was worried about me and I just wanted to reassure him I would be alright. And he acts like nothing happened. "oh great, have a good time..." then my good mood is gone again and I cry again. WHY? Why do I let him affect me like this?