Insecurity advice

[Samantha]

Hi all,

 

I have a problem with being insecure in relationships. This past weekend, I got insecure when I thought my boyfriend was 'checking out' another girl. We discussed it and he denied it and I realize now that I was overreacting.

 

The problem is - he now thinks that I'm a very jealous insecure person and he's freaked out.

 

Any advice on how to stop being insecure and to mend things with my boyfriend.

 

Thanks in advance,

[Ed]

Realize that you are worth the time, attention and loyalties of a man. You won't get that from every man that comes into your life, only some of them. It really comes down to what you think about yourself and how you fell about yourself. If you don't think or feel good about yourself, then under normal circumstances it's hard for you to believe someone else does or ever will.

 

Most healthy, virile men "check out" other women from time to time, whether in a committed relationship or not. It's pretty natural and it has nothing to do with your attractiveness. However, it's absolutely rude for a man to do so, blatantly, while in the presence of a date, girlfriend...etc. Any guy that does that deserves to be dumped, confronted or whatever you think is necessary.

 

Don't worry about him being freaked out. What happened, happened! If he can't handle it and get over it, it's just as well. That's just where things are right now.

 

Your best relationships will thrive when you believe you are attractive and desirable. Not in a stuck-up or conceited kind of way, but in a self-respecting kind of way. When you feel this way, you won't be so worried about if or when your guy is checking out another woman. When you have this kind of respect for yourself, you'll also be better able to tell when you are with a respectable man.

 

There is no way for me to know, since I wasn't there, whether you actually did catch him checking out another girl or if your imagination got away with you. Just make sure you feel good about yourself first. Then, if you still don't feel good about him, you might need to start "checking out" some other guys.

[velvet]

I dont think there would be any reason to be jealous when he's just looking. He's with you right? So dont push him to someone elese. If he cant put up with your insecurity, than he will grow tired and move on to someone elese.

 

I believe a man has every right to check out another women.

 

So long as he is faithful. If he makes a comment about another women you can play along with him, because all he's doing is playing. You can play right back with him. Tell him "in your dreams". Laugh at him, loosen up, dont take it so seriously.

 

Work at a sense of humor about it, you've already gotem.

 

Enjoy him.

Realize that you are worth the time, attention and loyalties of a man. You won't get that from every man that comes into your life, only some of them. It really comes down to what you think about yourself and how you fell about yourself. If you don't think or feel good about yourself, then under normal circumstances it's hard for you to believe someone else does or ever will.

 

Most healthy, virile men "check out" other women from time to time, whether in a committed relationship or not. It's pretty natural and it has nothing to do with your attractiveness. However, it's absolutely rude for a man to do so, blatantly, while in the presence of a date, girlfriend...etc. Any guy that does that deserves to be dumped, confronted or whatever you think is necessary.

 

Don't worry about him being freaked out. What happened, happened! If he can't handle it and get over it, it's just as well. That's just where things are right now. Your best relationships will thrive when you believe you are attractive and desirable. Not in a stuck-up or conceited kind of way, but in a self-respecting kind of way. When you feel this way, you won't be so worried about if or when your guy is checking out another woman. When you have this kind of respect for yourself, you'll also be better able to tell when you are with a respectable man. There is no way for me to know, since I wasn't there, whether you actually did catch him checking out another girl or if your imagination got away with you. Just make sure you feel good about yourself first. Then, if you still don't feel good about him, you might need to start "checking out" some other guys.

[Anon]

I was with a man for three years that I caught "looking" at women. He did it on the sly and I tried to reason it out that there was no harm in looking. I tried to be adult about it and understand that men are visual creatures. Well it turned out that where there is smoke there is fire. If it walks like a duck dear---it is and he was one big womanizer. Run don't walk!

I dont think there would be any reason to be jealous when he's just looking. He's with you right? So dont push him to someone elese. If he cant put up with your insecurity, than he will grow tired and move on to someone elese. I believe a man has every right to check out another women. So long as he is faithful. If he makes a comment about another women you can play along with him, because all he's doing is playing. You can play right back with him. Tell him "in your dreams". Laugh at him, loosen up, dont take it so seriously. Work at a sense of humor about it, you've already gotem. Enjoy him.