This could be a potential problem... race.

[Brandy Wine]

Ok this might seem a little mediocre compared to some of the other postings on here but its big to me.

 

I posted about 2 weeks ago about a guy I liked that I bowl with, well he saw me online the other day and (Finally) asked me out, but I think I might have hit a snag.

 

See, I am caucasian and the guy is asian. My Mother doesnt like me dating outside my race (actually she said not to date any black guys so I dont know if this would be a problem for her or not). I know it seems like the oldest problem in the book but I really like this guy and I would like to get to know him more/better. I dont want to hide this from my mother, but what am I to do.

 

He asked me to go out with him tomorrow night so this is kinda urgent.... please hurry.

[ok]

If you wish to date any guy, your standard for the decision should be whether or not the guy is a decent person and you are attracted to him and you have common interests.

 

The race of the guy is only relevant in that you recognize that he and you have different cultural touchstones.

 

It is not pertinent that your mother likes or dislikes his race.

 

If your mother has an opinion about, say , drug use, or violent behavior, that is one thing, but to dismiss a whole race is not defensible.

 

Date whomever you want that is not toxic and who treats you well.

 

If your mother tries to pressure you out of it, ignore her.

 

If you're living at home and she tries to tell you it's the highway or my way, then take the highway on this issue.

[Tony T]

I think it's great that you can go out with someone from another culture, someone who may perchance have morals and ethics that surpass those of many in this country.

 

Have your mother give me a call and I'll convince her.

 

Otherwise, go out with him and make no big deal of it. Let the guy know how she might feel and leave it to him to charm her and make her feel comfortable.

 

Incidentally, I have found the female offspring where one parent is Asian and the other caucasian to often be the most beautiful in the world. The male children seem very attractive as well. If nothing else, you can have some beautiful babies. Get some pictures and show your mom.

[BeenThere]

I also think that Amer-Asians and afro-caucasians are among the most attractive people 'visually' that I have ever seen. They seem to be blessed with only the best features of both races.

 

I don't know your age and would certainly not encourage you to challange your parents' authority, but perhaps you could sit down with them and try to explain what it is about this guy you really like. Focus on his positive qualities...even suggest having them meet him first. As with any potential love interest, no matter the race, this will ususally make parents feel more comfortable and eventually win them over.

 

I dealt with this issue several years back with my own daughter who developed a crush on the star basketball player in her highschool. Adrian, a straight "A" student and absolutely adorable. Had a smile that would light up a room and seemed to treat Kayla like a princess. Since I was accustomed to working with teens from a variety of ethnic backgrounds I didn't even see this as an issue and encouraged him to come over and visit...to spend time with my daughter. Dating was out of the question at that time because my daughter was only fourteen. Kayla's father, on the other hand, was a back-woods bigget of the worst kind. Always concerned about what "other people would think." Yet he encouraged her relationship with Larry a few years later...a druggie with a criminal record who eventually indroduced my daughter to alcohol and drugs at only fifteen. He approved of Larry only because he was "white."

 

Well, Adrian eventually graduted with honors and is in college now on his way to becoming a productive human being. And Larry...well, last I heard he was in jail! No matter, at least he's locked far away from my daugher

 

But this only goes to show you that race has nothing to do with the equation. It's all about who the person is and what they're about.

 

Let us know what happens tomorrow night. And please be careful about keeping "secrets" from the folks. Its best to be upfront since they always have a way of finding things out anyway!

 

Good Luck!

I think it's great that you can go out with someone from another culture, someone who may perchance have morals and ethics that surpass those of many in this country. Have your mother give me a call and I'll convince her. Otherwise, go out with him and make no big deal of it. Let the guy know how she might feel and leave it to him to charm her and make her feel comfortable. Incidentally, I have found the female offspring where one parent is Asian and the other caucasian to often be the most beautiful in the world. The male children seem very attractive as well. If nothing else, you can have some beautiful babies. Get some pictures and show your mom.

[Kenny]

If you like this guy, definitely go out with him. But be upfront with your family about it. Talk to them. Show them why it makes no difference whether he is Asian or not.

 

I'm an Asian guy and I have seen this before. I date caucasian women and sometimes I do run into these problems because of my race. It is an obstacle for me since day one and it will always be. My brother married a caucasian girl and the families on both sides are okay with that. Have him meet your family and let them get to know each other.

 

The world is changing and more and more people are dating outside of their own race. I have had women telling me that they were glad to have gone out with me and got to know me. Some of them even thought it was a really good experience to learn about different cultures.

 

Do what will make you happy. Follow your heart.

[velvet]

Well I think that while under your Mothers roof its best to live by her rules to leave things on the pleasent side.

 

A way to brake it to her is just come out and tell her that you accepted a date with someone. You can reveal his name and talk about him but not mention that he is Asian.

 

I would leave it alone at that. Now if you do have to come out and mention that he is Asian than do so. If she wont allow you to go on the date dont make a big deal out of it. Give her Tony's number, I'm sure he would be kind enough to chat her up to speed.

 

I'm caucasian and have dated different people of different cultures & ages. This started back to my teen bop day's.

 

I have been lucky that my parents never told me I couldnt date anyone outside my culture. On the inside they didnt like it, but never told me I couldnt do it. I respect them for that. But it doest hurt to throw out at them once in a while that when you fall in love and decide to marry and start your family that he could be of any color or any culture.

 

I threw that out on the table not too long ago during a family party. Some of the men where discussing a specific culture and I had decided to clear my throat (and the air). I made there jaws drop and it made me feel so much better than them.

 

 

 

Ok this might seem a little mediocre compared to some of the other postings on here but its big to me. I posted about 2 weeks ago about a guy I liked that I bowl with, well he saw me online the other day and (Finally) asked me out, but I think I might have hit a snag. See, I am caucasian and the guy is asian. My Mother doesnt like me dating outside my race (actually she said not to date any black guys so I dont know if this would be a problem for her or not). I know it seems like the oldest problem in the book but I really like this guy and I would like to get to know him more/better. I dont want to hide this from my mother, but what am I to do. He asked me to go out with him tomorrow night so this is kinda urgent.... please hurry.

[yes]

Isn't it amazing how the most attractive people turn out to be black/white or white/asian or black/asian? I love mixes!

 

Hey - latin/asian must look awesome too... hmm...

 

teehee,

 

-yes

I also think that Amer-Asians and afro-caucasians are among the most attractive people 'visually' that I have ever seen. They seem to be blessed with only the best features of both races. I don't know your age and would certainly not encourage you to challange your parents' authority, but perhaps you could sit down with them and try to explain what it is about this guy you really like. Focus on his positive qualities...even suggest having them meet him first. As with any potential love interest, no matter the race, this will ususally make parents feel more comfortable and eventually win them over. I dealt with this issue several years back with my own daughter who developed a crush on the star basketball player in her highschool. Adrian, a straight "A" student and absolutely adorable. Had a smile that would light up a room and seemed to treat Kayla like a princess. Since I was accustomed to working with teens from a variety of ethnic backgrounds I didn't even see this as an issue and encouraged him to come over and visit...to spend time with my daughter. Dating was out of the question at that time because my daughter was only fourteen. Kayla's father, on the other hand, was a back-woods bigget of the worst kind. Always concerned about what "other people would think." Yet he encouraged her relationship with Larry a few years later...a druggie with a criminal record who eventually indroduced my daughter to alcohol and drugs at only fifteen. He approved of Larry only because he was "white." Well, Adrian eventually graduted with honors and is in college now on his way to becoming a productive human being. And Larry...well, last I heard he was in jail! No matter, at least he's locked far away from my daugher But this only goes to show you that race has nothing to do with the equation. It's all about who the person is and what they're about.

 

Let us know what happens tomorrow night. And please be careful about keeping "secrets" from the folks. Its best to be upfront since they always have a way of finding things out anyway!

 

Good Luck!

[Brandy Wine]

I posted on here the other day asking advice about dating someone who has a different ethnic backround (trying to be politically correct here) then me. He's asian and Im white. Well, he had asked me out for last night but we didn't get to go out.

 

Something came up (on his side). But, I DID tell my mother about it and she didn't really get as angry as I had thought. The only thing she didn't like was the fact that he (his name is TONY) had slept with my sister-in-law right before she married my brother. Tony didn't know she was involved with anyone so I don't hold that against him. SO I guess when I see Tony (should be in the next couple days) I'll see if we can try to go out again (hopefully we can actually go out and do something).

[Jackie]

You need to learn a valuable lesson....NEVER take your relationship to other people. Do you realize that by what you told your mother she will always have a bad opinion of him because of the fact of what you told her. If your relationship becomes serious she will never like him, not because of race, but because you told her something that belongs between you and the man. Learn this lesson now before it hurts you later.

I posted on here the other day asking advice about dating someone who has a different ethnic backround (trying to be politically correct here) then me. He's asian and Im white. Well, he had asked me out for last night but we didn't get to go out. Something came up (on his side). But, I DID tell my mother about it and she didn't really get as angry as I had thought. The only thing she didn't like was the fact that he (his name is TONY) had slept with my sister-in-law right before she married my brother. Tony didn't know she was involved with anyone so I don't hold that against him. SO I guess when I see Tony (should be in the next couple days) I'll see if we can try to go out again (hopefully we can actually go out and do something).

[Tony T]

I guess it's nice to have a mother who knows who has slept with whom and when and doesn't mind telling others. Urge your mother to be more discrete with personal information about other people.

 

I do hope you enjoy your upcoming date.

[BeenThere]

Oh...oh! Can't say I blame your mother for being a little uncomfortable with this one. I'm suprised that you are! Ever think of how awkward it might be if you and this guy starting dating regularly and he was invited to your home while your brother and sister-in-law were there?

 

I don't know, Brandy Wine. It just seems to be a little "wacky" to me, but than again I'm not the same kind of person that you are. Sort of had a 'pack' with my sister growing up. We Never, Ever, dated anyone the other one liked or went out with...no matter if it was overwith or not. Just leaves too much oppurtunity for trouble.

 

Sure this guy is OVER your sister-in-law? And how can you be sure your brother will be comfortable having him hanging around the family...and his wife?

 

Better think this one through a little more carefully before getting too excited. There will be plenty of OTHER guys soon enough.

 

PS...maybe it was FATE stepping in to make sure that date fell through? Maybe you shouldn't push your luck!

I posted on here the other day asking advice about dating someone who has a different ethnic backround (trying to be politically correct here) then me. He's asian and Im white. Well, he had asked me out for last night but we didn't get to go out. Something came up (on his side). But, I DID tell my mother about it and she didn't really get as angry as I had thought. The only thing she didn't like was the fact that he (his name is TONY) had slept with my sister-in-law right before she married my brother. Tony didn't know she was involved with anyone so I don't hold that against him. SO I guess when I see Tony (should be in the next couple days) I'll see if we can try to go out again (hopefully we can actually go out and do something).

[velvet]

Oh come on! Why would you do that to your sister? What did she do to you?

 

I know a guy who slept with his g/f sister becuase his g/f was cheating on him. He new her sister had a crush on him. So he had sex with her to get back at his g/f. He had said that way he wouldnt get back together with his g/f once she cried and begged for him. And now his ex g/f has to look at her sister everytime thinking she had sex with her ex b/f.

 

Pretty sick!

 

Have you talked to your sister about this?

Oh...oh! Can't say I blame your mother for being a little uncomfortable with this one. I'm suprised that you are! Ever think of how awkward it might be if you and this guy starting dating regularly and he was invited to your home while your brother and sister-in-law were there? I don't know, Brandy Wine. It just seems to be a little "wacky" to me, but than again I'm not the same kind of person that you are. Sort of had a 'pack' with my sister growing up. We Never, Ever, dated anyone the other one liked or went out with...no matter if it was overwith or not. Just leaves too much oppurtunity for trouble.

 

Sure this guy is OVER your sister-in-law? And how can you be sure your brother will be comfortable having him hanging around the family...and his wife? Better think this one through a little more carefully before getting too excited. There will be plenty of OTHER guys soon enough. PS...maybe it was FATE stepping in to make sure that date fell through? Maybe you shouldn't push your luck!

[Brandy Wine]

Actually she's my SISTER IN LAW and we have NEVER gotten along. I can actually say I hate her. She isn't part of the family in any way except that she is married to my brother. He has been trying to get out of this relationship because she is NO good. He only married her because she was pregnant with his child (so she says it was his). He has tried to leave since but she got pregnant again. The girl lies to me and my whole family all the time and she steals from me every time she comes over to my house. NO ONE in my family likes her.

 

I won't really have to worry about the awkward feelings if they we in the same place because my brother and the bitch he has for a wife live a few states away (he's in the military stationed in NC) and only come back here once in a blue moon.

 

She cheated on my brother right before the wedding and while my brother was in basic training so I know she is no good. In town she is know as "the Russian Whore" because she has slept with all the russians here. My brother told me he started dating her because "she gave good head". Why would I talk to her about dating a guy she slept with.... I know he was a fling to her and I have talked to him about it and he likes me a WHOLE lot better then he ever liked her (he said he was kinda just using her for sex anyways). We can talk about anything and everything.

 

OHHH WELL... I guess Ill just see where things lead me.

 

Thanks for listening to me ramble on about this

 

Oh come on! Why would you do that to your sister? What did she do to you? I know a guy who slept with his g/f sister becuase his g/f was cheating on him. He new her sister had a crush on him. So he had sex with her to get back at his g/f. He had said that way he wouldnt get back together with his g/f once she cried and begged for him. And now his ex g/f has to look at her sister everytime thinking she had sex with her ex b/f. Pretty sick! Have you talked to your sister about this?

 

[Rachel]

Actually she's my SISTER IN LAW and we have NEVER gotten along. I can actually say I hate her. She isn't part of the family in any way except that she is married to my brother. He has been trying to get out of this relationship because she is NO good. He only married her because she was pregnant with his child (so she says it was his). He has tried to leave since but she got pregnant again. The girl lies to me and my whole family all the time and she steals from me every time she comes over to my house. NO ONE in my family likes her. I won't really have to worry about the awkward feelings if they we in the same place because my brother and the bitch he has for a wife live a few states away (he's in the military stationed in NC) and only come back here once in a blue moon. She cheated on my brother right before the wedding and while my brother was in basic training so I know she is no good. In town she is know as "the Russian Whore" because she has slept with all the russians here. My brother told me he started dating her because "she gave good head". Why would I talk to her about dating a guy she slept with.... I know he was a fling to her and I have talked to him about it and he likes me a WHOLE lot better then he ever liked her (he said he was kinda just using her for sex anyways). We can talk about anything and everything. OHHH WELL... I guess Ill just see where things lead me. Thanks for listening to me ramble on about this

[Rachel]

(he said he was kinda just using

 

her for sex anyways). We can talk about anything

 

and everything. >

 

You want to be with a guy who used a woman for sex?

 

GOOD LUCK!!