JOLn Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 ABout 2 weeks ago my wife came to my office and admitted to having sex with a guy that she met thru work. She said they talked via email for awhile. The weekend before she spilled her guts she went 300 miles away and seen him. She says nothing happenend.SHe told me it was exciting but not worth it. At the time things have been rough for us. I was dealing with jelousy and pushed her away becuase of it. We have been married for 9 years have 2 kids and 90% of the time get along great. We are friends and enjoy each others company. She feels horrible ( SHe SHould) and is asking me for forgiveness and wants us to have a happy life toghther. This is the problem. When Im with her I want to work it out when im not I keep thinking about how she did this to me and our kids ( They are suffering as well) She has never cheated before ( from what I know) and seems so sincere. I really dont know if I can handle the heartache. I am looking for advice from people that may have been in this seat before to share there feelings and stories. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Only you can decide what you wish to do but first you both need to be tested for STD's. You have been dealing with jealousy for many years. Because of your jealousy she goes away and meets a guy and has sex with him? I guess that proved you had no need to be jealous? I have to tell you that I doubt that you have been told the whole story. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be as accepting as you? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 She must have been really disappointed in this guy to come crawling back and confess the affair to you. If she had liked him I doubt you would have found out unless she wanted out or you stumbled upon her affair. Yea. She drove 300 miles and nothing happened. Something happened but not what she expected or wanted. She now is backtracking, trying to salvage your marriage. I wouldn't let her off easy because the fact that she went down this road means she is not committed to your marriage. You both need to go to counseling to see if your marriage can be saved and you both must be committed to its outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 First, I would absolutely refrain from sexual contact with her. You need proof that she has no STDs (which can take months if not years to surface), second, because you just need some time for his chemical deposits to wear off (maybe I've watched too much CSI, but the idea that the other man's stuff is still there for a while grosses me out), to make sure she's not pregnant (even though there is likely a legal presumption that it is yours), and lastly, because if you go back to regular sexual conduct you may waive the right to sue for divorce on fault grounds. Other than that, seriously, I have a hard time understanding how you drove her to this. Did you beat her, emotionally abuse her, were you drunk a lot, refused to provide financially? Link to post Share on other sites
arniebuteft Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 She feels horrible ( SHe SHould) and is asking me for forgiveness and wants us to have a happy life toghther. This is the problem. She probably should have though twice about cheating if she really wanted you to have a happy life together. IMO, it's very difficult to move past an incident like this, because you'll never really trust that person again, and you'll never actually forget. If you can't trust her, there's little point in being married to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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