Jake Posted October 20, 1999 Share Posted October 20, 1999 I need some guidance on how to handle a relationship with a new person in my life. We meet about a month ago, and I feel that she is a super young lady. She's 34, I'm 37. We have had about 4 dates, a ton of fun, and numerous phone conversations. I am developing very strong feelings for her. Here is the rub. An old boyfriend who dumped her recently has come crawling back. To make matters worse, it's a long distance relationship. He's in Chicago, she's in New Jersey. She is not sure how to handle the whole situation with both of us. She wants to continue to do things with me, but in a friendship capacity. I ended the relationship diplomatically for fear of falling in love with her and getting hurt. Did I do the right thing? Should I keep in contact with her, or should I wait to see what happens with her other relationship. I'm very fond of her and I feel from all indications that we are extremely compatible. I'm hesitant to contact her because I don't want to complicate things or look desprate. I would be thankful for any insite on how I should proceed. Jake Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted October 21, 1999 Share Posted October 21, 1999 If you feel she is still interested in being with you as a friend, I'd take the chance and give her a call. With her ex creeping back into her life from a long distance, you stand a better chance than he does being closer to her - at least geographically. Many women go back to an ex because it's familiar ground - she may find out or may have already found out she doesn't want him back. Only she and her ex know what went on between them and what caused him to dump her. He may be a jerk but she may also feel more "comfortable" with the familiar. If you think you can be with her as a friend, the worst that could happen is you'd have a great friendship with someone you feel you are compatible with and she may discover that she has more than friendly feelings towards you as time goes by. You sound like a very caring person and if you feel you can handle the friendship side of it, you may find she appreciates you more and more and her feelings may change from just being friends. Being dumped by anyone is never pleasant and she may really need a friend right now. Love and romance are very good but often times being a good friend and having one makes life bearable. And it's not unusual for a friendship to grow into love. If you don't feel you can handle being friends and think you will push too soon for more from her, then I would leave her alone because putting pressure on her to make the relationship anymore than she wants it to be will not help. Just my.... dollar's worth! Link to post Share on other sites
Jake Posted October 21, 1999 Share Posted October 21, 1999 Dear WW, You are wise beyond your years!!! Thank you for your excellent advice. I feel much better and I am thinking clearer after reading it. I think I am going to call her and offer my frendship. As you suggested, something good may grow out of it. I'm excited!! Thank you again for taking the time to help me out. Keep up the good work!!! Jake If you feel she is still interested in being with you as a friend, I'd take the chance and give her a call. With her ex creeping back into her life from a long distance, you stand a better chance than he does being closer to her - at least geographically. Many women go back to an ex because it's familiar ground - she may find out or may have already found out she doesn't want him back. Only she and her ex know what went on between them and what caused him to dump her. He may be a jerk but she may also feel more "comfortable" with the familiar. If you think you can be with her as a friend, the worst that could happen is you'd have a great friendship with someone you feel you are compatible with and she may discover that she has more than friendly feelings towards you as time goes by. You sound like a very caring person and if you feel you can handle the friendship side of it, you may find she appreciates you more and more and her feelings may change from just being friends. Being dumped by anyone is never pleasant and she may really need a friend right now. Love and romance are very good but often times being a good friend and having one makes life bearable. And it's not unusual for a friendship to grow into love. If you don't feel you can handle being friends and think you will push too soon for more from her, then I would leave her alone because putting pressure on her to make the relationship anymore than she wants it to be will not help. Just my.... dollar's worth! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted October 22, 1999 Share Posted October 22, 1999 Jake: Glad I could help - it just seemed to me, being a woman, that I would be very glad if a guy who appears to be as sensitive and caring as you wanted to be a good friend to me, never mind a potential boyfriend/lover. Sometimes friendship really has a way of paving the way to a wonderful love affair. I'm not really wise beyond my years.... I'm not that young!! Best of luck to you - be a good friend.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts