Still have feelings for him

[Jackie]

My ex boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago. We still call one another every couple days and have dinner at least once every two weeks. No more sex or anything like that. He has become a very caring friend. The problem is I still have feelings for him. When he hugs me goodbye I just want to grap him and ask him to stay. He did not want to get married again because his first marriage was so bad, so I broke up with him. We both date casual other people. I have tried to talk about getting back together, but he never seems to really want to. He is content the way things are. I still feel in my heart that I want to marry him, so I cannot move on with my life. What can be done?

[Tony T]

You will not be able to get over this romance until you stop seeing this guy entirely, no contact whatsoever, for a period of time. It's pretty obvious that you can't handle just a friendship with him right now.

 

He's made it very clear by his demeanor that he does not want to get back with you now. Your best chances of getting back with him will be if you cease all contact for a while.

 

You need to get over this guy and give up hope of getting back. You need to move on. There is no magic formula, nothing you can do. You can't even use hypnosis to make this guy do something he doesn't want to do right now.

 

If you stay away from him, maybe that will nudge him into wanting you. If you make yourself so available to him as a friend, he has no motivation in upgrading that at this point if all he's looking for is your company.

 

Later on, once you get past your feelings for him, you might reinstate the friendship and enjoy it for a period.

 

Right now, you're in a dead end situation and you are not serving your interests well at all.

[velvet]

I agree. I am in the same boat with you.

 

Although I work with mine. But its not so bad, I get to tell him what to do! But decrease contact and keep telling yourself that this guy does not want you. Nothing you can do to change his thoughts now. Even if you feel like you need to see him or want to be his friend. The best remedy is to see less of him.

 

Less contact the better. Its not healthy for you have these thoughts and feelings for too long. I went through it for a couple years. I felt as if I was surviving day by day.

 

Im finally starting to feel good about myself again.

 

You will not be able to get over this romance until you stop seeing this guy entirely, no contact whatsoever, for a period of time. It's pretty obvious that you can't handle just a friendship with him right now. He's made it very clear by his demeanor that he does not want to get back with you now. Your best chances of getting back with him will be if you cease all contact for a while. You need to get over this guy and give up hope of getting back. You need to move on. There is no magic formula, nothing you can do. You can't even use hypnosis to make this guy do something he doesn't want to do right now. If you stay away from him, maybe that will nudge him into wanting you. If you make yourself so available to him as a friend, he has no motivation in upgrading that at this point if all he's looking for is your company. Later on, once you get past your feelings for him, you might reinstate the friendship and enjoy it for a period. Right now, you're in a dead end situation and you are not serving your interests well at all.

[witchbreed]

Please read the post just above yours : I DONT UNDERSTAND

 

I have a friend, female btw, who had a very bad marriage. She is now happily living together and raising a kid with her bf of 5 years. He did want to marry her, but just the thought of marriage freaked her. He was able to understand her feelings about marriage and that she is very commited to him neverless. She has the feeling that marriage would spoil their relationsship, giving false securities and making people more "lazy" about the relationsship.

 

Can you only be happy with marriage? I think he still cares about you too, but he is not willing to marry again and since you told him, either marry me or we have to break up - he had no other option.

 

But if you decide you need marriage to be happy, then you will have to forget about him and as some others said, dont see him till you get over him. Its just hurting you and makes you unable to move on.

 

Btw you sure know how many people get divorced, so marriage is no guaranty for everlasting love. If its financial or social security you want out of it, yes then marriage is important - on the other hand, I have divorced friends and their exes dont pay child-support (or only part of the agreed sum) and the father of my kids (3 kids, we were together for over 13 years - but never married) has always paid on time, always takes his kids on their daddies weekend and spends vacations with them. So the paper doesnt make anyone responsible who is and when someone is, there is no need for a paper.