Bizarre logic

[Foreign_Love]

Ok - I just want to get some opinions on the following situation that happened:

 

At one point a couple of weeks ago, my Japanese GF broke up with me and said she was moving home - she packed her suitcase and was looking for tickets home and as far as I was concerned the relationship had ended. During out relationship we had promised each other that we would cut off contact with all of our old penpals (of the opposite sex) in order to avoid all jealousy. When she did this I asked her "I would like to contact one my old penpals again - do you care?" her answer was "NO, you can do whatever you want". I immediately contacted my penpal (a married woman with children) to talk to her about teaching jobs in Japan.

 

A day or two later my GF and I decided to work things out and got back together. I had received a reply from my penpal so I immediately told my GF about it, gave her a copy of the email and told her I would not contact this woman again - complying with our original agreement.

 

The fact that I contacted my old penpal so infuriated her that she went on several "friend finder" websites and posted classified adds - in her words "in order to make you feel the hurt I felt".

 

She believes that what we each did are equal deeds. What do you all think?

 

She then later said to me "if you ever write to her again I will leave you" - I said that I don't appreciate threats and that making those kinds of threats are dangerous to a relationship - they set up an adversarial role rather than a cooperative one. I said that instead she should have talked to me about how it made her feel and simply ask me to not contact my pen pal anymore.

 

What do you guys think about that? She thinks that making threats on things like writing to old penpals is a good, honest way to deal with the situation.

[quankanne]

you don't mention how your relationship was while you were together, but it sounds to me like she wants to be in control badly. It's understable that people often feel threatened when their loved ones have even simple relationships with people of the opposite sex, but it's all a matter of trust. If you are above board in those relationships -- i.e., no hanky-panky, but just simple and sincere friendship -- there's really no need for excessive jealousy.

 

like I said, it sounds like she wants to control your relationship, first by telling you she didn't care if you contacted that person after you stopped seeing her, then by losing it the way she had after you followed through on your plans.

 

Is she like this all the time, or was that an isolated incident? If she has to take revenge to make her point clear, you're probably better off without her, because anytime she feels slighted (real or imagined) you're going to pay a heavy price, my friend.

 

She sounds like she's more concerned about manipulating your relationship to her liking, which leads me to believe she's an emotional vampire. Dump her if she can't adopt a mature stance. Life is too short to put up with bulls***, even if you think it's something you must do to be with someone.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "She believes that what we each did are equal deeds. What do you all think?"

 

I think she has the mentality of a five year old child and I think you're in for trouble in the future.

 

She clearly gave you permission to contact this old penpal. She obviously doesn't have a drip of understanding, intelligence, or elasticity of thought if she got pissed because you did something she gave you permission to do after she left but prior to her return. You were even very open about it, which you didn't have to be.

 

This lady is a real turkey. You may think you're in love with her but I don't see how you could feel secure with a lady who will just break up with you, pack up and leave at will. If she was even slightly mature, she would have deeply appreciated you being upfront with her and kindly expressed the desire that you drop the penpal once more. Now, if she was very secure and mature, she would have no problem with you having a penpal as long as it was platonic with no sexual overtones.

 

This gal is a control freak and will make your life miserable. Trust me on that.

 

I hope somehow this works out for you but this lady has got a lot of growing up to do. As far as that goes, I don't think growing up can do a lot for a warped thought process...I don't know where she can go to get her head screwed on properly. But that's your problem...we can't do that over the Internet.

[Angel]

When people are in love and in a relationship they have been in for a while---we can't see the forest for the trees. But as you have detailed this woman's response to your actions, this woman has a mean streak a mile wide and 2 miles long. Do you want to live your life with this? Maybe it's culturally acceptable to behave like this for her (?)and I have heard of this kind of behavior in the Asian community --sorry if socially unacceptable--but I wouldn't put up with the meaness for one minute. That she is a little insecure about your talking to others could probably be worked on, but the downright mean uncompromising attitude will never go away. Good luck.

Ok - I just want to get some opinions on the following situation that happened: At one point a couple of weeks ago, my Japanese GF broke up with me and said she was moving home - she packed her suitcase and was looking for tickets home and as far as I was concerned the relationship had ended. During out relationship we had promised each other that we would cut off contact with all of our old penpals (of the opposite sex) in order to avoid all jealousy. When she did this I asked her "I would like to contact one my old penpals again - do you care?" her answer was "NO, you can do whatever you want". I immediately contacted my penpal (a married woman with children) to talk to her about teaching jobs in Japan. A day or two later my GF and I decided to work things out and got back together. I had received a reply from my penpal so I immediately told my GF about it, gave her a copy of the email and told her I would not contact this woman again - complying with our original agreement. The fact that I contacted my old penpal so infuriated her that she went on several "friend finder" websites and posted classified adds - in her words "in order to make you feel the hurt I felt". She believes that what we each did are equal deeds. What do you all think? She then later said to me "if you ever write to her again I will leave you" - I said that I don't appreciate threats and that making those kinds of threats are dangerous to a relationship - they set up an adversarial role rather than a cooperative one. I said that instead she should have talked to me about how it made her feel and simply ask me to not contact my pen pal anymore. What do you guys think about that? She thinks that making threats on things like writing to old penpals is a good, honest way to deal with the situation.

[BeenThere]

Considering this; and your previous posts, I can't imagine why you haven't thrown in the towel yet!

 

Of course, you are only sharing with us the difficulities with your relationship since you are seeking some feedback, but I can't help but wonder if the two of you ever get to enjoy some "quite time"? Are you constantly involved in arguements and ethical debates? Is there any subject matter in which the two of you agree and get along? Can you help us to understand what it is about this lady, other than your constant arguing, that makes you "love" her so darn much?? It's starting to seem as if the both of you might be feeding off the drama and chaos...as if its the only form of emotional stimulation you are able to relate to?

 

I'm suddenly having flashbacks to my own two grandparents. She was a little hot-headed Italian and he was a stubborn beer-bellied German. My grandparents never seemed to talk unless they were yelling at each other. I can laugh at it now, but I still wonder how the two of them ever managed to stay married so long when they seemed so miserable. As a matter of fact, the only time I heard Mee Ma speak Italian was when she was cursing at him and calling him a "Nazi." It was just horrible!...Even more so the one time at 6 years old when I tried to repeat my grandmothers Italian...and got a can of pepper dumped on my tongue!

 

...End of my Italian 101 lessons!!

 

Please don't allow yourselves to turn into them!....Ahhhhh!

Ok - I just want to get some opinions on the following situation that happened: At one point a couple of weeks ago, my Japanese GF broke up with me and said she was moving home - she packed her suitcase and was looking for tickets home and as far as I was concerned the relationship had ended. During out relationship we had promised each other that we would cut off contact with all of our old penpals (of the opposite sex) in order to avoid all jealousy. When she did this I asked her "I would like to contact one my old penpals again - do you care?" her answer was "NO, you can do whatever you want". I immediately contacted my penpal (a married woman with children) to talk to her about teaching jobs in Japan. A day or two later my GF and I decided to work things out and got back together. I had received a reply from my penpal so I immediately told my GF about it, gave her a copy of the email and told her I would not contact this woman again - complying with our original agreement. The fact that I contacted my old penpal so infuriated her that she went on several "friend finder" websites and posted classified adds - in her words "in order to make you feel the hurt I felt". She believes that what we each did are equal deeds. What do you all think? She then later said to me "if you ever write to her again I will leave you" - I said that I don't appreciate threats and that making those kinds of threats are dangerous to a relationship - they set up an adversarial role rather than a cooperative one. I said that instead she should have talked to me about how it made her feel and simply ask me to not contact my pen pal anymore. What do you guys think about that? She thinks that making threats on things like writing to old penpals is a good, honest way to deal with the situation.

[velvet]

So find out how she feels now after lashing out at you.

 

If she feels like she was overly dramatic than she recognizes what she is doing to the r/s. Resulting in wishing she was not emotional.

 

Or she if she still comes across as she expects you to understand her, than your living with a controller.

 

You can stand up and lay down exactly what you expect from her, and tell her she best try and prove that she wants a healthy r/s becuase you arent going to be around otherwise.

 

She will manipulate and control you all the way to the alter unless you take some control.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok - I just want to get some opinions on the following situation that happened: At one point a couple of weeks ago, my Japanese GF broke up with me and said she was moving home - she packed her suitcase and was looking for tickets home and as far as I was concerned the relationship had ended. During out relationship we had promised each other that we would cut off contact with all of our old penpals (of the opposite sex) in order to avoid all jealousy. When she did this I asked her "I would like to contact one my old penpals again - do you care?" her answer was "NO, you can do whatever you want". I immediately contacted my penpal (a married woman with children) to talk to her about teaching jobs in Japan. A day or two later my GF and I decided to work things out and got back together. I had received a reply from my penpal so I immediately told my GF about it, gave her a copy of the email and told her I would not contact this woman again - complying with our original agreement. The fact that I contacted my old penpal so infuriated her that she went on several "friend finder" websites and posted classified adds - in her words "in order to make you feel the hurt I felt". She believes that what we each did are equal deeds. What do you all think? She then later said to me "if you ever write to her again I will leave you" - I said that I don't appreciate threats and that making those kinds of threats are dangerous to a relationship - they set up an adversarial role rather than a cooperative one. I said that instead she should have talked to me about how it made her feel and simply ask me to not contact my pen pal anymore. What do you guys think about that? She thinks that making threats on things like writing to old penpals is a good, honest way to deal with the situation.

[Tony T]

It takes a lot more than love to make a lasting relationship. If 1/2 of you wants to end the relationship, that's way way way way more than you need to take action today.

 

First of all, I hear a great deal of insecurity in your post. Being 32 is by no means a factor here. You can fall in love with a quality lady until you're 105. So don't even consider that.

 

Will you never find another gal like her(?)...I hope not.

 

I had a car once that was absolutely perfect in (almost) every way, perfect design, started perfectly everytime, excellent gas mileage, low maintenace...but it would just stop running all of a sudden...anywhere, anytime...even at 70 miles per hour on the Interstate. Mechanics couldn't find the problem. It had power steering so when the engine stopped I lost 90% of my ability to steer it in the right direction. I got rid of that perfect car because it could have put me into the perfect coffin.

 

NOW, LISTEN UP!!! When you find the right woman, you won't be having doubts. Half of you won't want to leave. Now I said the RIGHT woman, not the PERFECT woman. There is NO perfect person but there will be the absolute right person for you who you will love and care about.

 

The objective here is to find someone for whom you have a great love and who has the physical, behavioral, intellectual components that will ensure a measure of fulfillment and longevity for the relationship. You do not have that here, according to your posts.

 

If your gal will go with you to therapy to learn more about herself, if she is open minded enough to learn excellent techniques for managing her anger and handling dispute resolution in a civil way, give it a chance. But people are very hard to change and often unwilling as your lady may be if this manipulative behavior has served her well up to now. I think your gal has a lot of issues not related to you or to the relationship. She needs help identifying those, working through them, and getting rid of the fear that causes her obnoxiousness.

 

If I had a gal and I had to have people on the World Wide Web help me decide whether or not I ought to keep her or break up with her, I would consider that pretty pathetic. Why don't you meditate on that for a few minutes.

 

The day you go down the aisle or make your wedding vows, make sure you have absolutely no doubts in your mind whatsoever that you are with the person you feel you will be happy with and want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

I don't think you can do that with the lady you are in love with at present.

 

See if you can make it better, and don't spend an inordinate amount of time trying...then decide if you're happy and there are no doubts...or give it up!!!

[Foreign_Love]

Good car analogy - but here's another one for you to consider:

 

I own a 1977 Land Cruiser - it's old, gets terrible mileage, is always breaking down, sometimes when I'm working on it I cut my hands, get oil in my face, and smash my knuckles. It's expensive to own because I can't get parts anywhere & for the most part it's being worked on more than it's being driven. However, with all of that in mind, I love my truck and would never trade it for anything. When I'm smashing my knuckles on it - I swear at it & wonder why I ever bought it, but afterwards I forget all of that and look at it and think about how happy I am to have it - I've always dreamed of owning one and now I do. No matter what happens, I will always love that stupid truck.

 

On the issue of me, I see two things happening. First, I have a degree in psychology and therefore I tend to overanalyze everything in my life - I'm never absolutely sure of anything - especially involving relationships. Second, I tend to be overly sensitive. My GF's ex beat her up once & he is from Iran - whenever she says anything positive about the middle east, the languages, the history or the people, I immediately recall how I felt when I learned she had been beaten by him - I transfer that anger and frustration over to include everyone in that region. Furthermore, when she tries to excuse similar behavior by people of that region I tend to feel she is excusing him for what he did to her. I think if I was a little less sensitive about things like that there would not be so many problems between us.

 

NOW having said all of that, I can say I am truly greatful for everyones advice. I have not made up my mind yet at all. Please keep the opinions flowing - I feel sometimes as though I need to hear outside opinions because I am looking at the situation through my own tunnel vision.

 

Thanks

[Nina]

Why dont' you consider a two week break with no contact with eachother to see how you really feel?

 

Also, with respect to your girlfriends ex-husband being from Iran, I have to tell you that I grew up there, and the men there do NOT treat their women like you mentioned...

 

Abuse is present in ALL societal levels.... since you mentioned you studied psychology, you should know that. Abuse, goes BEYOND all socieetal lines, income levels, education levels, etc.

 

Also, think about your own happiness;

 

Every post you post is more about your UN-happiness than your happiness....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good car analogy - but here's another one for you to consider: I own a 1977 Land Cruiser - it's old, gets terrible mileage, is always breaking down, sometimes when I'm working on it I cut my hands, get oil in my face, and smash my knuckles. It's expensive to own because I can't get parts anywhere & for the most part it's being worked on more than it's being driven. However, with all of that in mind, I love my truck and would never trade it for anything. When I'm smashing my knuckles on it - I swear at it & wonder why I ever bought it, but afterwards I forget all of that and look at it and think about how happy I am to have it - I've always dreamed of owning one and now I do. No matter what happens, I will always love that stupid truck. On the issue of me, I see two things happening. First, I have a degree in psychology and therefore I tend to overanalyze everything in my life - I'm never absolutely sure of anything - especially involving relationships. Second, I tend to be overly sensitive. My GF's ex beat her up once & he is from Iran - whenever she says anything positive about the middle east, the languages, the history or the people, I immediately recall how I felt when I learned she had been beaten by him - I transfer that anger and frustration over to include everyone in that region. Furthermore, when she tries to excuse similar behavior by people of that region I tend to feel she is excusing him for what he did to her. I think if I was a little less sensitive about things like that there would not be so many problems between us. NOW having said all of that, I can say I am truly greatful for everyones advice. I have not made up my mind yet at all. Please keep the opinions flowing - I feel sometimes as though I need to hear outside opinions because I am looking at the situation through my own tunnel vision.

 

Thanks

[Foreign_Love]

Please don't misinterpret my writings. I said that because of what happened to her I find it difficult to separate my feelings when she defends middle eastern behavior that I would consider irrational - such as cutting off someone's hands for stealing or giving men the right to kill their wive's for adultery.

 

I do not believe her ex's behavior is common - I simply have trouble separating his behavior from the rest of that part of the world. That is *me* projecting my feelings onto the situation.

 

As for the question of whether or not I'm happy - I would say that the majority of the time I am very happy. And, until very recently, even during an argument I was happy - because I knew the relationship would still be there after the argument.

 

Keep the comments coming.

[Ed]

I like all these analogies about the cars. I like to think in hypothetical terms about ideas and situations. It's one of the best ways to get one's point across without arguing.

 

To me, Tony's analogy conveys the message that one should rank the stability and reliability of a particular part of your life far above the mere existence of that "object" being there. His analogy focuses on the characteristics of the object, not the object itself. Reread his post carefully and considerately.

 

Your analogy focuses on the "object". It puts the most weight and rank on just having the "object" present in your life, regardless of it's characteristics.

 

I understand your desire to have a mate. I have shared in your frustration to "find someone". However, it seems to me you are trying to force this into your life. Your attitude is one of...I don't care how hard it is, how much work I have to do or how unreliable this "thing" is or will be. I just want it!

 

That's fine for now. You're still young. You have lots of time, energy and funds to expend on things that only serve a limited purpose in your life. What you will eventually discover (on your own, not by someone explaining it to you) is that having things or people in your life, just to have them, is not near as important as the characteristics of those things or people.

 

When you are in a relationship with someone, you want it to be well tuned, reliable and exhibit good performance when cared for and given reasonable maintenance. You don't want something that is always breaking down or requiring frustrating, heartbreaking repairs that leave you wondering, "Is this the end?"

 

You can put an old car on blocks and rebuild the entire thing in your spare time. But, while you are doing this, you still have to have something to drive. A marriage takes daily maintenance to keep it running smooth. You can't put it aside while you pursue others things to fulfill your daily needs.

 

If you want a vehicle to tinker with that's in the shop more often than it's in use, knock yourself out. But, you don't want a relationship like this and I don't think she would put up with you having more than one woman!

[Foreign_Love]

Well I'm back. A few of you can remember my old posts I'm sure. Well today I'm going to break netiquette and post a private email. As some of you remember, my Japanese GF and I have been going through a rough couple of weeks. We were at a point where we thought possibly we needed a break - maybe 6 months or even a year apart. I didn't particularly like the idea, but I heard it enough from enough people that I thought maybe my judgement was clouded by my feelings. Well, yesterday I received the following email (I've changed the names to protect privacy)then when I came home she had put a letter in the mailbox titled "The 50 reasons why I love you" and this has really confused the issue. I really am torn now - I do love her very much and up until 2 weeks ago was ready to spend the rest of my life with her - but her recent temper problems and stubbornness she has shown has put doubts in my head. Please read this email and give me some thoughts on the subject.

 

Thanks

 

I just finished lunch. I hope you are having a nice day.

 

I think you are very tired and sleepy ...

 

I am sorry. I am going to make some lists to make our relationship stronger.

 

I love you very much and I always want to

 

be with you. I do not want to lose you.

 

I do not want to think about my life without

 

you. You are very important to me and I need YOU in my life. Please forgive me

 

that I said "I do not love you" last night.

 

It was not true. (my name), I love you with

 

all my heart. I am sorry I hurt you so much.

 

I hope we can always talk things and that

 

we will have a happy life together FOR EVER.

 

Thank you for sending me a lot of articles.

 

I am happy that you love me and care for me

 

so much. You are so sweet and I love you so much.

 

I miss you and want to hug you and want to be

 

hugged by you. I can't wait to see you!

 

I love you!

 

(her name)

[Rachel]

Hi.

 

I have been reading your posts the past few weeks and what I see that bothers me a LOT is the following;

 

1. Your title is always : Foreign Love

 

2. You ALWAYS refer to your girlfriend as your "Japanese" girlfriend....

 

I believe you have a huge issue with her ethnicity, whether or not you know it. I think you have a level of discomfort, otherwise your would always refer to her as your "girlfriend" not Japanese "girlfriend.....

 

So, maybe that's a major issue for you even though you dont' think it is. Why would you even refer to her ethnicity, like my "black" boyfriend? I think you need to be a bit more honest with yourself.

 

I think you need to be honest with her and discuss this with her at the risk of losing her.

 

Good Luck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I'm back. A few of you can remember my old posts I'm sure. Well today I'm going to break netiquette and post a private email. As some of you remember, my Japanese GF and I have been going through a rough couple of weeks. We were at a point where we thought possibly we needed a break - maybe 6 months or even a year apart. I didn't particularly like the idea, but I heard it enough from enough people that I thought maybe my judgement was clouded by my feelings. Well, yesterday I received the following email (I've changed the names to protect privacy)then when I came home she had put a letter in the mailbox titled "The 50 reasons why I love you" and this has really confused the issue. I really am torn now - I do love her very much and up until 2 weeks ago was ready to spend the rest of my life with her - but her recent temper problems and stubbornness she has shown has put doubts in my head. Please read this email and give me some thoughts on the subject. Thanks I just finished lunch. I hope you are having a nice day. I think you are very tired and sleepy ...

 

I am sorry. I am going to make some lists to make our relationship stronger. I love you very much and I always want to

 

be with you. I do not want to lose you. I do not want to think about my life without

 

you. You are very important to me and I need YOU in my life. Please forgive me that I said "I do not love you" last night. It was not true. (my name), I love you with

 

all my heart. I am sorry I hurt you so much.

 

I hope we can always talk things and that

 

we will have a happy life together FOR EVER.

 

Thank you for sending me a lot of articles.

 

I am happy that you love me and care for me so much. You are so sweet and I love you so much. I miss you and want to hug you and want to be hugged by you. I can't wait to see you! I love you! (her name)

[Foreign_Love]

It actually sounds like you have the issues here. Whether you like it or not, considering marrying someone from a foreign culture does raise its own set of unique problems. There is a big difference from saying my "black" GF and my Japanese GF. She was born and raised in a different country from me - that is VERY different from the color of her skin. (note: I have NEVER mentioned the fact that she is actually a dark-skinned Japanese woman in ANY of my posts because it is irrelivant to the situation)

 

Just as marrying someone from Russia, China or Mexico would introduce a set of cultural and linguistic challenges, so does marrying someone from Japan.

 

There are many sites actually dedicated to marrying someone from another country. For Japanese people considering marrying "gaijin" (foreigners) there is Patanouchi - my GF reads it a lot because it helps her deal with the cultural differences we come up against.

 

I think that you are projecting your OWN emotions on to my situation. You may want to re-think your position.

[clia]

Actions speak louder than words. It's very easy to put together a sweet e-mail or a list of reasons why she loves you. However, putting that into action is a different thing entirely, especially when it is part of her personality to be stubborn and have a temper. I'm sure she loves you, but she needs to understand why you aren't happy. If you haven't already, you might consider sitting down with her and telling her exactly what it is that is bothering you about your relationship. Be honest. Tell her if she doesn't want to go to counseling or try to remedy the situation in other ways that the two of you likely don't have a future together. Heck, maybe write a "50 Reasons why you love her" followed by a "X Things you don't like about her" and give it to her.

 

You need to deal with this issue. One or two nice moves don't erase what she's put you through in the past. Only you can decide whether this is worth giving her another chance, but do not lose track of what you want in a relationship if she occasionally does something nice for you. The nice times should severely outweigh the bad times.

Well I'm back. A few of you can remember my old posts I'm sure. Well today I'm going to break netiquette and post a private email. As some of you remember, my Japanese GF and I have been going through a rough couple of weeks. We were at a point where we thought possibly we needed a break - maybe 6 months or even a year apart. I didn't particularly like the idea, but I heard it enough from enough people that I thought maybe my judgement was clouded by my feelings. Well, yesterday I received the following email (I've changed the names to protect privacy)then when I came home she had put a letter in the mailbox titled "The 50 reasons why I love you" and this has really confused the issue. I really am torn now - I do love her very much and up until 2 weeks ago was ready to spend the rest of my life with her - but her recent temper problems and stubbornness she has shown has put doubts in my head. Please read this email and give me some thoughts on the subject. Thanks I just finished lunch. I hope you are having a nice day. I think you are very tired and sleepy ...

 

I am sorry. I am going to make some lists to make our relationship stronger. I love you very much and I always want to

 

be with you. I do not want to lose you. I do not want to think about my life without

 

you. You are very important to me and I need YOU in my life. Please forgive me that I said "I do not love you" last night. It was not true. (my name), I love you with

 

all my heart. I am sorry I hurt you so much.

 

I hope we can always talk things and that

 

we will have a happy life together FOR EVER.

 

Thank you for sending me a lot of articles.

 

I am happy that you love me and care for me so much. You are so sweet and I love you so much. I miss you and want to hug you and want to be hugged by you. I can't wait to see you! I love you! (her name)

[Foreign_Love]

Another thing to remember - because she is from Japan, taking a break from each other is not as simple as her going to live with her mom in the next town from where I live - it is an event which will cost $1500-2000 in airfare and probably hundreds more in additional costs. I don't state that she is from Japan as a put-down or to stereotype her or to say that she's any LESS of a person than me - I state it because it's a fact and it adds complications to this situation that need to be considered.

 

IF she goes back to her country there is a chance that neither of us will be able to afford to see the other for a year or two because of our level of income. Therefore taking a break from each other is a MAJOR issue. That is why I refer to her country of origin.

[Foreign_Love]

I'm waiting for you to chime in. Your blunt, in-your-face, responses are one of the things I enjoy most about this board.

[Angel]

I would be careful of someone who in anger can tell the love of their life that they don't love them. Words are important; do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life that can blurt out hurtful things? For me, this would be a big issue and unless unresolved would be a deal breaker. Be careful.

Well I'm back. A few of you can remember my old posts I'm sure. Well today I'm going to break netiquette and post a private email. As some of you remember, my Japanese GF and I have been going through a rough couple of weeks. We were at a point where we thought possibly we needed a break - maybe 6 months or even a year apart. I didn't particularly like the idea, but I heard it enough from enough people that I thought maybe my judgement was clouded by my feelings. Well, yesterday I received the following email (I've changed the names to protect privacy)then when I came home she had put a letter in the mailbox titled "The 50 reasons why I love you" and this has really confused the issue. I really am torn now - I do love her very much and up until 2 weeks ago was ready to spend the rest of my life with her - but her recent temper problems and stubbornness she has shown has put doubts in my head. Please read this email and give me some thoughts on the subject. Thanks I just finished lunch. I hope you are having a nice day. I think you are very tired and sleepy ...

 

I am sorry. I am going to make some lists to make our relationship stronger. I love you very much and I always want to

 

be with you. I do not want to lose you. I do not want to think about my life without

 

you. You are very important to me and I need YOU in my life. Please forgive me that I said "I do not love you" last night. It was not true. (my name), I love you with

 

all my heart. I am sorry I hurt you so much.

 

I hope we can always talk things and that

 

we will have a happy life together FOR EVER.

 

Thank you for sending me a lot of articles.

 

I am happy that you love me and care for me so much. You are so sweet and I love you so much. I miss you and want to hug you and want to be hugged by you. I can't wait to see you! I love you! (her name)

[Tony T]

What people write is a bunch of bunk, usually. It represents how they feel (maybe) at the moment they are writing the stuff.

 

My drawers a filled with love letters from ladies who eventually gave me the boot and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. The letters say how they love me with all their heart and want to be with me forever...yeah, right.

 

Sometimes people write this love letter stuff to convince themselves of something. I think in her case it's pure and simple manipulation. I promise you, the economy in Japan sucks now, jobs are hard to find, people are miserable and she's smart enough to know she's better off here. She's not smart enough to know she's got to change her ways if she wants to stay with you.

 

Maybe she's got some sort of medical problem that's causing her anger and other unacceptable behaviors. Explore that.

 

Forget what she writes. If the two of you don't get along or have serious issues that cannot be worked out, forget it and move on.

 

Taking a break from a relationship to make it better is like leaving a broken TV in the garage hoping you can bring it back into the house next year and it will magically work. Breaks only drive two people further apart. Well, maybe getting back together in a reunion would be nice for a week or two but that time apart drives people in different directions.

 

If you have to go to extreme measures to make a relationship work, it's just not worth the trouble.

 

This gal is jerking you around with her sweet letters. They are a tool of manipulation. Don't take my word for it. Take her back and see just how long she goes right back into her tantrums.

 

Sure you may have some good times. But if you're not wanting to pay for those by taking the BS that comes with it, spring yourself from this and go find a nice girl you can get along with.

[Paulie]

his isnt a chat site,and Tony isnt always here