Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 My SO has been out of town on business for 2 weeks now and I'm tired of it. Anyways this guy I used to be interested in before my ex returned to my life started texting me tonight. I was bored and whereas I usually ignore the texts he sends now and then, I decided to reply. It was friendly at first then got a little flirty. Nothing more. Now I feel a little guilty and confused. Is that wrong or harmless? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 How would you feel if your Significant Other was doing the same thing behind your back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 One has to assume that the reasons you ignored his texts in the past is that they were inappropriate (ie. he is not a friend & you're taken). Then you get "bored" because your SO is out of town & start replying to this other guys texts?? Now you're leading this guy on & probably lying to your b/f (even if by omission) about it - not terribly nice qualities. How would you feel if your Significant Other was doing the same thing behind your back? Quite. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 It's wrong - as I think you realized. Just don't do it again! Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 It can be disrespectful in some relationships, but it certainly does NOT count as cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 It can be disrespectful in some relationships, but it certainly does NOT count as cheating. yes, it's not all that bad to be considered cheating. I mean it's not like having a SO means you have to let go of your entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 It's only cheating if it breaks the rules (spoken or unspoken) of your relationship. Do you know the rules of your r/s? Are you exclusive? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 My SO has been out of town on business for 2 weeks now and I'm tired of it. Anyways this guy I used to be interested in before my ex returned to my life started texting me tonight. I was bored and whereas I usually ignore the texts he sends now and then, I decided to reply. It was friendly at first then got a little flirty. Nothing more. Now I feel a little guilty and confused. Is that wrong or harmless? I wouldn't go as far as calling it cheating. If this is someone that you would never text in front of your SO, then it is not right to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 yes, it's not all that bad to be considered cheating. I mean it's not like having a SO means you have to let go of your entire life. Ofcourse not, noone has told you to give up things that you did before you and your SO got together, but texting with your ex because your SO was out of town for 2 weeks and you were lonely isn't an excuse. Call a girl friend, or a family member. Keep busy! Staying intouch with your ex, flirting etc, because you're sick of your SO being out of town isn't right. It's not like the guy (your SO) did that on purpose, it's work related. Now I feel a little guilty and confused You feel guilty because I think you know the answer to that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 It's interesting that you think this might be cheating and are feeling guilty about texting, but you had sex with that other guy while your boyfriend was away and didn't consider that cheating and don't feel guilty about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 but texting with your ex because your SO was out of town for 2 weeks and you were lonely isn't an excuse. Just to clarify, the current SO is the former ex. The person I texted was someone I was interested in before the ex re-entered the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 It's interesting that you think this might be cheating and are feeling guilty about texting, but you had sex with that other guy while your boyfriend was away and didn't consider that cheating and don't feel guilty about it. First of all, you don't have to be a coward by concealing your identity, "guest." Secondly, I never said I didn't feel guilty for the accident when I got together with the other person. The big difference which I guess you never understood my point from the previous episode, is that whereas the sex happened unintentionally while I was extremely drunk, the text happened while I was sober and made a sound decision to respond to the text. That was not the case before when I hardly knew what was going on, so I didn't want to get into a fight about something that meant nothing, was not anything I had responded to or initiated but happened while intoxicated. I don't think you still get it but that's the scenerio. Who are you? It's not like I bite. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 Just to clarify, the current SO is the former ex. The person I texted was someone I was interested in before the ex re-entered the picture. I know, I thought this one that you were texting was also an ex from the past too. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 Is that wrong or harmless? I don't know...text me some stuff and we'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 I don't know...text me some stuff and we'll see. ... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 ... Sadly, I know alpha too well. He's thinking "Hey, those .... looks like boobies!" Am I right alpha? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Sadly, I know alpha too well. He's thinking "Hey, those .... looks like boobies!" Am I right alpha? Poor Alpha, I feel like texting him pics of some real ones as consolation:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 If you feel guilty about texting but not about having sex with someone else while in a relationship, then you are confused. Anytime you have any sort of relationship that you do not feel you can tell your SO, husband, wife, or partner, it is cheating. As I have said before, ask you partner...let him or her answer your question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 If you feel guilty about texting but not about having sex with someone else while in a relationship, then you are confused. Anytime you have any sort of relationship that you do not feel you can tell your SO, husband, wife, or partner, it is cheating. As I have said before, ask you partner...let him or her answer your question. Please read what I wrote a few posts up. I never said I didn't feel guilty about the sex! Just because I did something else less significant such as texting doesn't take anything away from the first thing that happened, which caused a lot of emotional problems for me. So I don't know what I am writing that gives the impression I didn't feel guilty or terribly badly about the sex. That doesn't mean anything less than sex I won't feel guilty about. Even for the texts, which consisted of what are you doing, what are you watching, very G rated stuff, I felt conflicted over. Imagine how I felt about the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I never said I didn't feel guilty for the accident when I got together with the other person. Accident? How is cheating an accident? Oh honey sorry about that, it accidently slipped between my legs when I was lying down! Sorry about that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Accident? How is cheating an accident? Oh honey sorry about that, it accidently slipped between my legs when I was lying down! Sorry about that!!! You're obviously very immature to simplify it like that. I never said anything slipped in. Listen, it's intentional vs. unintentional i.e. accidental. I was intoxicated and not in the right state of mind to make any decisions. If you sign a contract and you are drunk, it doesn't count in court either. There was no premeditative planning or consent with a clear head. It was an A C C I D E N T not cheating:sick: . I hope you people get it by now, or maybe it'll take another month and a dozen additional explanations until it suddenly sinks in? Definition of cheating: To deceive by trickery; swindle, mislead, fool. Got it? I didn't do any of those things. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 So I don't know what I am writing that gives the impression I didn't feel guilty or terribly badly about the sex. I think it's the fact that you don't consider having sex with someone else to be cheating because you didn't plan it or intend for it to happen that gives people the impression that you don't feel guilty about it. Most people consider it cheating if you have sex with someone else regardless of whether you were drunk or whether you planned it or whatever your reasons for it. That you don't acknowledge it as cheating - even though your boyfriend would certainly consider it cheating since he didn't know about it and ok it beforehand - makes people think that you just dismiss the sex as inconsequential and don't feel guilt. It seems like a form of denial, pretending that you didn't have sex with someone else even though you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Definition of cheating: To deceive by trickery; swindle, mislead, fool. Definition of accident: an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage I rest my case. Why should I have to consider something cheating when it clearly was not? I never planned on having sex with the other person. It happened by accident. So I'm supposed to tell my boyfriend so he gets upset over no reason and risk damaging the relationship over something that was not cheating? If all you guys THINK it's cheating, what if he would think that too? I suffered enough emotional injury and damage. Why spread the pain needlessly? If I didn't care for his feelings to get hurt I would tell him. If I thought it was my fault I would tell him, he'd deserve to know. But the way things went down, he deserves to be spared the info. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Why don't you just ask your SO if he thinks it is cheating. And while you are at it you can get his view on the meaning of a few important words... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 His opinion won't change the dictionary definitions. Why present a situation that is widely mistaken to mean something that it's not and risk that he misunderstand when I know it is not cheating? There are enough real problems without introducing an unnecessary one from the past. Link to post Share on other sites
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