Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Why don't you all please forget that episode because every time I post a problem, someone has to bring in the past and the thread turns back to this old issue which is over with by now. sure.. .... Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 To stereotype all sexual encounters outside a relationship as cheating is extremely destructive to society. Seriously. You must be like a ROCK STAR with the guys on this board. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 My father cheated on both of my mothers (step and real ) and one of my sisters was an illegitimate child born from an affair.. To have to witness the pain he caused from his sexual encounters outside of his relationships was tragic. He has altered or effected literally over a dozen lives with his encounters and caused a tremendous amount of of pain in those same peoples lives. You are on a very slippery slope as we speak.. if you think cheating is fine as long as they don't know.. I never said cheating is fine. If I had cheated, which I would never do because I think it's wrong, I would tell him. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and how he cheated. That is very painful and destructive. Anyways as an update, my bf just called and I finally answered. He said he was on his way to the airport. I said I thought he was staying a few more days, he said he felt he needed to get back. I guess he finally missed me or something. Ok, I didn't mean that, it's just been hard for him to be away for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Fun, you know I mean well, no cruelness from me, k... Yes, I totally know that:love: and appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Then that is RAPE, my dear. Did you two use protection? If not, get a pregnancy test done. WWIu you missed that whole thing. She did end up pregnant and was going to pass the baby off as her BF baby. But then the thread got locked and I never found out what happened. I guessing there is no more baby though. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I He said he was on his way to the airport. I said I thought he was staying a few more days, he said he felt he needed to get back. I guess he finally missed me or something. Great Hope you at least ironed out a few things in your head on Ls today.. Link to post Share on other sites
will2power Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 here's my worthless 2 cents in case anyone is interested. I know this is off the original topic, but... This is just me, but I would never get too drunk when alone with any male friends as I would never want to be put in a position to make 'bad' decisions. If I'm alone with another male friend, I would prefer not to drink at all. I'm pretty risk adverse where that's concerned, but I have had bad experiences with men since pre-teen years. I think its a shame when people don't put limits on themselves and then say they had accidental sex with someone at a later date in time. One should take ownership to the situation in a way. You made a choice to drink more than you can handle. In all fairness though, your male friend is no friend of yours and you should have reported him to the police for rape as you were not in the right frame of mind to condone to sex. If you cannot consent, then its rape. At least that's what it is in my country. Your male friend may as well have slipped you a date rape drug... what he did was no different. As for texting = cheating: I have text messaged other male friends harmless, yet flirty messages and yes, stbxh did mind (and no, that's not why we are no longer). In a way, he's right. Even if its harmless to me, I put myself in the path where I can cheat. Its not cheating in and of itself, but its creates a potential to cheat. Why would you want to be put in that position? Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 I hate cell phones! Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 I was drunk and it happened. I didn't plan anything deceptive, I did not cheat, period. you asked where you said it never happened. you were drunk and it happened...but it's not cheating. there is one example. it doesn't have to be "planned deceptiveness" to be considered cheating when you have sex with another person. regardless of why or how, you got yourself into a situation in which a result was you having sex with someone else. and there is also no question that an act of deception would include hiding a sexual indiscretion from a significant other. unless you were tied and bound and had a gun to your head, or you for some reason don't remember a thing about it, you went through with it. just because you feel no remorse about it, because it meant nothing to you and was a stupid drunken mistake, does not mean it was not cheating. you can have sex with someone and feel totally grossed out and wish it didn't happen because you know it was a huge mistake. but it still happened. didn't this guy you're dating now cheat on you in the past and you took him back? is this why you feel the way you feel, maybe? sorry if i am mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 I think the past keeps getting brought up because you seem to be in denial as to what is cheating. You are concerned that returning text messages may be cheating but having sex with a guy while drunk is an accident. If I was your bf, I would be apalled that you consider a drunken episode just an accident and the sex not cheating. Why? Because you could put yourself in that position again. Text messages are only cheating when they cannot be revealed to one's partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 didn't this guy you're dating now cheat on you in the past and you took him back? is this why you feel the way you feel, maybe? sorry if i am mistaken. No, you must be mixing me up with someone else. He has never cheated on me. In our first relationship he wasn't spending enough time and doing enough for me so I had to leave him even though I was madly in love with him. I thought he needed a wake up call to realize what he was going to miss. I do admit I never talked to him about it so that wasn't too fair but I needed a lot more time from him which is why I am getting frustrated this time around with all of his traveling. I don't want to paint him as a perfect person because the reason I was mad at him to begin with and why I went to the friend for consolation is that I saw on his myspace account that he had added some girls who he was watching their webcam stripping/sex stuff on. I still get mad thinkinng of that. As to why I feel the way I do, not sure what feeling you are referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 I think the past keeps getting brought up because you seem to be in denial as to what is cheating. You are concerned that returning text messages may be cheating but having sex with a guy while drunk is an accident. If I was your bf, I would be apalled that you consider a drunken episode just an accident and the sex not cheating. Why? Because you could put yourself in that position again. Text messages are only cheating when they cannot be revealed to one's partner. Well, I would't mind telling him I texted with someone but I wouldn't want him to read everything that was texted. Come on, it's not like being in a relationship (we're not even married) means that someone now owns you. If I felt a crush for the person I texted or had the accident with, then it becomes a problem. Since that is not the case, why bother upsetting him and trying to convince him I really don't have feelings for these guys? Doesn't make sense to open an empty can and fill it with worms is the analogy that would be most fitting. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Doesn't make sense to open an empty can and fill it with worms is the analogy that would be most fitting. maybe it would be more palatable to him if you opened the empty can and filled it with beer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 maybe it would be more palatable to him if you opened the empty can and filled it with beer... That tells me you have a complicated personality. Why not just open a can of beer period? Link to post Share on other sites
LeeAnn26 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Getting back to the original question and the remarks of some posters that "texting" is not cheating, I do not agree. My WH has got a specific "thing" for anonymous email and text exchanges (sexual). He has admitted to me that he doesnt actually want to meet people, as they usually spoil the fantasy for him. But they do exchange photos (yeah, even pics of genitalia which i would find hillarious - if it wasnt happening to me!) To me, a sexual exchange between my partner and someone else robs me of the intimacy I should be experiencing, and i consider that cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 Getting back to the original question and the remarks of some posters that "texting" is not cheating, I do not agree. My WH has got a specific "thing" for anonymous email and text exchanges (sexual). He has admitted to me that he doesnt actually want to meet people, as they usually spoil the fantasy for him. But they do exchange photos (yeah, even pics of genitalia which i would find hillarious - if it wasnt happening to me!) To me, a sexual exchange between my partner and someone else robs me of the intimacy I should be experiencing, and i consider that cheating. Do you draw the line anywhere? I mean what if there are no sexual pics exchanged, and even the language isn't sexual. The most we talked about was bland stuff except a tiny flirting, I made a comment about Tom Cruise from the movie I was watching and he asked if I'd choose him or Tom and I said of course him blah blah blah BS-ing. So come on, that can't be considered cheating! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Originally Posted by Fun2BMe To stereotype all sexual encounters outside a relationship as cheating is extremely destructive to society. Sadly most of you will never get that and will continue ending relationships needlessly over and over again for various reasons that could be avoided. I will never understand you opinion on this...?! It's just laughable. It flies in the face of sanity. I think you should investigate personal counselling. I think it would be useful. You seem unable to face the truth about your own actions, and unable to take the responsbility for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 I will never understand you opinion on this...?! It's just laughable. It flies in the face of sanity. I think you should investigate personal counselling. I think it would be useful. You seem unable to face the truth about your own actions, and unable to take the responsbility for them. So you, along with everyone else, (except a couple of exceptions that I think don't really agree with me, nothing personal guys) think that I should tell him everything. Then he will think I have feelings for some guy and wanted to have sex with him when it meant nothing and I didn't want to. Then I'll have to spend the rest of the relationship convincing him that it was nothing. He will finally believe me because I am always honest with him. Then he will always have the image of me with the other guy and be hurt by it. Why put him through all that? It really doesn't make sense on how it would improve the relationship, especially considering it was not cheating. It will be of no benefit to him or me so what is the point? What is the positive aspect of telling him? NOTHING! Name one positive thing that will come out of it? There is none. So it's almost as though everyone is telling me to ruin the relationship. He flew back Monday night. I am to see him tomorrow. Am I to say oh by the way, blah blah blah? That would be so ridiculous and stupid it really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. No wonder there are so many breakups! He wouldn't break up with me, but it would sure cause damage that would not be merited since nothing was intentional and nothing that happened had meaning or feeling attached. If it did, I would tell him. Yes I am tempted to tell him just so I can tell all of you "told you so, happy now?" Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 because I am always honest with him. :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 So you, along with everyone else, (except a couple of exceptions that I think don't really agree with me, nothing personal guys) think that I should tell him everything. Then he will think I have feelings for some guy and wanted to have sex with him when it meant nothing and I didn't want to. Then I'll have to spend the rest of the relationship convincing him that it was nothing. He will finally believe me because I am always honest with him. Then he will always have the image of me with the other guy and be hurt by it. Why put him through all that? It really doesn't make sense on how it would improve the relationship, especially considering it was not cheating. It will be of no benefit to him or me so what is the point? What is the positive aspect of telling him? NOTHING! Name one positive thing that will come out of it? There is none. So it's almost as though everyone is telling me to ruin the relationship. He flew back Monday night. I am to see him tomorrow. Am I to say oh by the way, blah blah blah? That would be so ridiculous and stupid it really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. No wonder there are so many breakups! He wouldn't break up with me, but it would sure cause damage that would not be merited since nothing was intentional and nothing that happened had meaning or feeling attached. If it did, I would tell him. Yes I am tempted to tell him just so I can tell all of you "told you so, happy now?" F2BM, I'm honestly not trying to be mean here. I really believe you should speak to someone for the sake of your future relationships. So that you can go on and have successful ones. And yes, I think that includes leaving this one behind. The positive thing that will come from this is that your bf will have been given the truth and a chance to make the decision for HIMSELF whether to stay or leave. Right now you are making his decisions for him, by choosing not to be honest. Yes he might get hurt. Yes you might get hurt. But lying to him for the rest of your relationship isn't healthy or good either. The relationship is already ruined, and will continue to be, because of your actions, and now your guilt. Stop making excuses for yourself. Grow up and take responsibility for the actions you take. Stop pretending this is all about not hurting him, and not about protecting YOU. He will finally believe me because I am always honest with him. Clearly you're not are you? Or you'd have told him already. Please listen to us. This way of thinking isn't healthy for you. And again you did cheat. That's the truth plain and simple. Intentional or not. It was cheating, and you know your bf will call it that too. Stop deluding your self with your arguements, and try accept it. This realtionship isn't healthy for either of you. You cheat, he watches sex cams. Why not move on, get help, and look forward to a healthy and mutually rewarding relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 :lmao: :lmao: that deserves at least 4 more of these :lmao: :lmao: Hey did you tell him you planned on having him take responsibility for a child that was not his? Were you honest with him about your plans too? I think if he had that tidbit of info he would so dump you. Rightfully so at that. Poor guy....... man, I can only imagine what you have up your sleeve for him next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 You know littlekitty for your sake I will give it some thought. I don't want to make any rash decisions then regret it but I will think about what you've written, along with some of the others so thanks for your thoughts. As for a4a, the moment I see the horse signaling there's a post by you, my skin begins to crawl :sick: :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 You know littlekitty for your sake I will give it some thought. I don't want to make any rash decisions then regret it but I will think about what you've written, along with some of the others so thanks for your thoughts. As for a4a, the moment I see those horses my skin begins to crawl :sick: :sick: because at times the truth is hard to face isn't it? You really need to seek some help. I don't think you are really living in reality at all. You just posted on another thread that you "have higher standards".......compared to what? You cannot be happy living a life of lies. How can you even look at this guy without feeling bad? Leave him before you hurt him more. Maybe subconciously you had "accidental sex" on purpose to get even with him over his web cam sex? You really need some help. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 You know littlekitty for your sake I will give it some thought. I don't want to make any rash decisions then regret it but I will think about what you've written, along with some of the others so thanks for your thoughts. Good! I'm pleased. That's a start! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 You cannot be happy living a life of lies. How can you even look at this guy without feeling bad? Leave him before you hurt him more. Maybe subconciously you had "accidental sex" on purpose to get even with him over his web cam sex? I'm not living lies, I truly believe that I am sparing him from getting hurt for an unnecessary reason since there are no feelings involved and no intention with the sex. As for your second point, now that you say that I have to admit that I do feel less angry about his web cam thing after what I did. I mean I used to be obsessed with it and constantly checking to see if the girl was signed on, but now I don't think of it much anymore. Maybe at the end of the day everything worked out well as painful and difficult as it was for what I had to go through emotionally and physically. If anyone, I'm the one who suffered, and now I'm suffering by keeping this information away from him so he doesn't get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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