Does texting count as cheating?

[Fun2BMe]

Well you feel guilty so it's not harmless - for YOU. I am more worried about the power your BF has over you though. You are not quite happy with the relationship so you do things out of anger, boredom, and frustration. Then you feel bad.

 

He is toxic for you and you have to find a way to turn to yourself and get over him. The urge to cheat means that something is wrong in your relationship. Then you do something "harmful" behind his back and feel like you got back at him for what he does to you.

 

Concentrate on fixing the problems in your relationship, if possible. Don't seek temporary outlet for your hurt feelings just to hurt yourself some more.

 

Those are some interesting points "Concentrate on fixing the problems , don't seek temporary outlet " I keep getting mad at him and doing things that are not so healthy in a relationship. Currently I am trying to get back in contact with a man in New York so I can go visit him when I make an excuse to my bf that I am going to NY. I am sick of him traveling with out me even if it is on business, so I am making elaborate plans to travel and contacting people to visit while traveling since I hate to be in a foreign city on my own. I want him to know what it feels like for me to leave just like I suffer every time he leaves. I don't know if this is a temporary outlet as you put it for my hurt feelings, or considered working on the relationship, as I am taking big steps so he knows how I feel.

 

He is taking me out to a dinner party followed by a concert tonight.I am busy getting ready. On the one hand we have fun so can't imagine putting unnecessary strain onto the relationship by telling things to him. On the other hand, it is a daily up and down where I will be feeling in love one minute, and extremely angry at him the next. It is completely confusing and taking a toll on me emotionally and physically and time wise. I look at others who are simiply satisifed and not going through extreme ups and downs in such short periods of times so I don't know. I'm scared I'll regret anything I do to break things off on the one hand,on the other I fantasize of being released from these emotions.

[Fun2BMe]

I'd bet if you both were honest with one another you might realize that you probably shoulda remained exes.

 

I'm not so sure it's that simple. He has been mentioning more and more that he thinks there is a bigger plan why fate has brought us together and that for the first time in his life he is considering marriage! Whenever I feel like getting away and he says that, I think I will be throwing a good thing away and feel all messed up in the head:o

[hotgurl]

Currently I am trying to get back in contact with a man in New York so I can go visit him when I make an excuse to my bf that I am going to NY. I am sick of him traveling with out me even if it is on business, so I am making elaborate plans to travel and contacting people to visit while traveling since I hate to be in a foreign city on my own. I want him to know what it feels like for me to leave just like I suffer every time he leaves. I don't know if this is a temporary outlet as you put it for my hurt feelings, or considered working on the relationship, as I am taking big steps so he knows how I feel.

 

Traveling is part of his job. He can't help it. If you can not deal with all the traveling he has to do for work than you need to find someone who is home more often and doesn't have a job that demands so much traveling.

[ZbrandnewT90]

My SO has been out of town on business for 2 weeks now and I'm tired of it. Anyways this guy I used to be interested in before my ex returned to my life started texting me tonight. I was bored and whereas I usually ignore the texts he sends now and then, I decided to reply. It was friendly at first then got a little flirty. Nothing more. Now I feel a little guilty and confused. Is that wrong or harmless?

 

dont worry yourself about that texting does not count as cheating

[RecordProducer]

Don't work yourself up for unnecessary things. Only fix the ones that directly hurt you. E.g. you can tell him that you want him to call you every day when he is away but don't get angry because he is on a business trip. What other problems do you have, if no secret? Perhaps we can help.

 

Traveling is part of his job. He can't help it. If you can not deal with all the traveling he has to do for work than you need to find someone who is home more often and doesn't have a job that demands so much traveling.

My husband hasn't gone on a business trip once... I wish he did once in a while. I could have a party with my sons at home until 1 a.m. I would drink wine, they would drink milk! :laugh:Then we would wake up in the morning and walk in our underwear, laugh, and eat junk food for breakfast.

[Buttaflyy]

Traveling is part of his job. He can't help it. If you can not deal with all the traveling he has to do for work than you need to find someone who is home more often and doesn't have a job that demands so much traveling.

 

I agree with this F2BM. You obviously have trust issues and they may very well be valid, but still this is unhealty for any relationship. You need to communicate better verbally with your BF. Your revenge plan is a tad ridiculous. Why can't you just talk to him about his schedule? Let him know how you feel insecure or that you have doubts that he is "just working" on these trips? Tell him how you feel and stop with the game playing.

[whichwayisup]

Fun, you sooner or later have to decide if this guy is worth it. He travels, he treats you OK sometimes, but it's when he's UP for it, the rest of the time he seems to not really care...It's unhealthy and doing damage to you.

 

Also..

 

Currently I am trying to get back in contact with a man in New York so I can go visit him when I make an excuse to my bf that I am going to NY.

This isn't thinking clearly, and what I mean is, if you are looking to visit other men because you're lonely this relationship is heading downhill faster and faster. Why would you want to spend time with another guy?

[Fun2BMe]

Don't work yourself up for unnecessary things. Only fix the ones that directly hurt you. E.g. you can tell him that you want him to call you every day when he is away

 

That's one of the problems I have, is that simple things like calling every day (which by the way he was good at doing on his last trip, I was in SHOCK literally that he called every night except one) I feel he should do without being told to, just like the sex. I feel like when it's at the point where I have to verbalize simple things, turning them into demands, I start to get frustrated and look in another direction for comfort.

[Fun2BMe]

I agree with this F2BM. You obviously have trust issues and they may very well be valid, but still this is unhealty for any relationship. You need to communicate better verbally with your BF. Your revenge plan is a tad ridiculous. Why can't you just talk to him about his schedule? Let him know how you feel insecure or that you have doubts that he is "just working" on these trips? Tell him how you feel and stop with the game playing.

 

I think that's what I'll do. I thought that would make me come across as a demanding jealous person but if the roles were reversed I'd go out of my why to make him feel secure.

[Fun2BMe]

if you are looking to visit other men because you're lonely this relationship is heading downhill faster and faster. Why would you want to spend time with another guy?

 

My thinking is that I will take steps even if they are uncomfortable such as spending time with other men, to help make this relationship work. If I am feeling lonely or mad at him, instead of breaking up, I will have my non-sexual needs met by other men so I will be happy and content with what he does give me. It's not an ideal scenerio by any means so it's not like I'm crazy about all this. I'd rather my bf give and do all the things I need from him.

 

As an update, last night he took me to the opening of an art exhibition then to a wonderful concert. We bumped into a friend of his and things went well. Then we went to his house and he said he had to call it a night, but that we could have intimate relations the following night (tonight). So in my head I'm thinking, I'm very attractive, he supposedly loves me, so what man would turn down sex, especially as frequently as he does? He said it takes a lot of energy out of him that he needs for work! I'm thinking "I wonder if he was with another girl this afternoon." So basically it's always on his terms, when HE feels like it, even though he said last week to me "if you are ever particularly horny, you can seduce me and I won't turn you down, I know you have needs too." So what in the world. How romantic is that? I'm supposed to 'seduce' him knowing he'd rather not have sex on a particular night, just because I do like I'm some hormone crazed person who can't control myself?

 

So tonight we are invited to have dinner at his friend's house, and he said he wants me to spend the night at his place. ALSO, he senses I get upset when he travels, so last night he broke it to me that he will be going to NY again before the end of the month, that this time it is going to be a long trip. He was on speakerphone with his mother who lives in NJ telling her he'd be there for Thanksgiving, that he is going on an extended trip for work. I don't doubt it is for work, he is working on a very big thing Broadway related, but after all these years (taking into consideration our relationship prior to the breakup and now) he said that I could go out to visit him for a few days while he is out there.

 

It is so overdue for him to offer this that I don't know if I should be happy or angry. It's like he has a 5th sense where he knows when I am starting to pull away and he will offer what he knows I want, whereas otherwise he will act like he doesn't know what I want, which in this case is to see him while he is away. I am imagining that he is having a bunch of girls visit him for a 'few days' so it will be like a revolving door, one girl leaves, the next one arrives. I have no idea if that's the case, but that's a glimpse as to how insecure I am feeling. And still very confused. I don't know if things are going well or bad, if I should be happy or completely frustrated to the point of ending things. If things are clearly bad and I'm fooling myself, or am I reading into things. I usually have a good sense for things but I am so lost it's scary.

[CrushedOrgans]

My thinking is that I will take steps even if they are uncomfortable such as spending time with other men, to help make this relationship work. If I am feeling lonely or mad at him, instead of breaking up, I will have my non-sexual needs met by other men so I will be happy and content with what he does give me. It's not an ideal scenerio by any means so it's not like I'm crazy about all this. I'd rather my bf give and do all the things I need from him.

 

 

okay, but whyyyyyyyyyyyy? why do all this for a crappy relationship filled with unmet needs and dishonesty?

 

why are people so desperate to be in a relationship, especially a bad one, that they will do anything, including lie, flirt, and cheat, and fool themselves, to keep it?

 

what is the logic here? honestly.

 

fun, why do you even want to be in this relationship? do you really just not know any better? from the info you give, this isn't even a relationship, it's a sick joke.

[Fun2BMe]

okay, but whyyyyyyyyyyyy? why do all this for a crappy relationship filled with unmet needs and dishonesty?

 

why are people so desperate to be in a relationship, especially a bad one, that they will do anything, including lie, flirt, and cheat, and fool themselves, to keep it?

 

what is the logic here? honestly.

 

fun, why do you even want to be in this relationship? do you really just not know any better? from the info you give, this isn't even a relationship, it's a sick joke.

 

You know, it's not nice to call someone's relationship a sick joke. I am trying to work on it to make it better. Sometimes I want to give up but I remind myself that every relationship has its problems, why should mine be perfect. I agree there are a lot of unmet needs on my part, but I wouldn't call it a dishonest relationship. We are honest we each other other than I don't always communicate to him how I am feeling because I think he should pick up on it and when he doesn't I get frustrated.

 

Also I believe that relationships take a lot of work. Things are much better this time around than from previously when we were together in the past. I am trying to figure out how to fix the things that are still not right instead of taking the cowardly step of walking away, which I think people do too often in relationships. They see a problem, so they end it. I like to fix things instead of walking away, but it is wearing me out and draining me of my being.

[Buttaflyy]

You know, it's not nice to call someone's relationship a sick joke. I am trying to work on it to make it better. Sometimes I want to give up but I remind myself that every relationship has its problems, why should mine be perfect. I agree there are a lot of unmet needs on my part, but I wouldn't call it a dishonest relationship. We are honest we each other other than I don't always communicate to him how I am feeling because I think he should pick up on it and when he doesn't I get frustrated.

 

Also I believe that relationships take a lot of work. Things are much better this time around than from previously when we were together in the past. I am trying to figure out how to fix the things that are still not right instead of taking the cowardly step of walking away, which I think people do too often in relationships. They see a problem, so they end it. I like to fix things instead of walking away, but it is wearing me out and draining me of my being.

 

 

Relationships do take work yes, but everyone must have standards or dealbreakers. Sometimes you have to evaluate whether you still have anything strong enough to sustain a "healthy" relationship. Are you both happy being in this relationship. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you may have to accept that it's not working.

 

I hope all goes well for you F2BM. But, you've got some work cut out for you. You have to first be able to be comfortable with being with yourself. Everyone gets lonely, but you can't look to others to give you happiness.

[Art_Critic]

Then we went to his house and he said he had to call it a night, but that we could have intimate relations the following night (tonight). So in my head I'm thinking, I'm very attractive, he supposedly loves me, so what man would turn down sex, especially as frequently as he does? He said it takes a lot of energy out of him that he needs for work!

 

You have a BF that isn't really into you and is just using you for the occasional bing..

But you also aren't into him so .....

 

It seems that you both are not into each other..

[Fun2BMe]

You have a BF that isn't really into you and is just using you for the occasional bing..

But you also aren't into him so .....

 

It seems that you both are not into each other..

I'd think someone who wasn't that into me, then he wouldn't care to hurt my feelings or lead me on so would therefore have sex with me. If he says no to sex because it will drain him from his creativity or whatever excuse he gives me, wouldn't that mean he does care for me? I would hate to think he's using me, he would be spending all his time with someone else if that were to be the case. And if I wasn't into him, I would be with someone else too. I can't bring myself to spend time with someone I'm not into and he is the same but I question the degree he is into me or what his motive is for wanting to be with me because it is not clearly that he is in love with me. I wish I could read inside his head or something.

 

Also when I went to see him earlier this week, he was busy working in his office and put on a movie where he had left off watching it for me to watch until he finished working. It was at a scene where a lady runs away because she is in love with a man thinking he won't return the feelings. She later comes back to find out he is in love with her too. I don't know if he was trying to send a message because when I left him 2 years ago, just like in the movie it was without a clue or note and now we're back and I don't know if he's trying to say he's in love with me? Is he keep on leading me on to give me false hope that he is or will be falling deeply in love with me? He's never said I love you to me before and lately I have been pulling away and whenever I do, he pulls all the stops hence the concert and dinner tonight and all that. I am really getting fed up and confused.

 

In the past he wouldn't have much sex with me either and I'd always ask if it was that he wasn't attracted to me which seemed like a joke to even ask because I am very attractive, nice body and all that. So now when he gives the excuse that it will take too much of his creative energy away, he follows up by saying "and in the past you thought it was because of my attraction towards you, that is not the case" and so on. I really really don't get it. At the same time he tells me about his very passionate relationships of the past and all the trips and things he used to do with his other girlfriends and it makes me feel like chopped liver but he says maybe that's why things never worked out, because there was too much intensity in the relationship. Hey I'm a romantic woman and wouldn't mind somem of that intensity myself. What the hell does he want from me? Why won't he let me leave him if he's not in love with me? I can't go on suffering like this.

[Buttaflyy]

I'd think someone who wasn't that into me, then he wouldn't care to hurt my feelings or lead me on so would therefore have sex with me. If he says no to sex because it will drain him from his creativity or whatever excuse he gives me, wouldn't that mean he does care for me? I would hate to think he's using me, he would be spending all his time with someone else if that were to be the case. And if I wasn't into him, I would be with someone else too. I can't bring myself to spend time with someone I'm not into and he is the same but I question the degree he is into me or what his motive is for wanting to be with me because it is not clearly that he is in love with me. I wish I could read inside his head or something.

 

Also when I went to see him earlier this week, he was busy working in his office and put on a movie where he had left off watching it for me to watch until he finished working. It was at a scene where a lady runs away because she is in love with a man thinking he won't return the feelings. She later comes back to find out he is in love with her too. I don't know if he was trying to send a message because when I left him 2 years ago, just like in the movie it was without a clue or note and now we're back and I don't know if he's trying to say he's in love with me? Is he keep on leading me on to give me false hope that he is or will be falling deeply in love with me? He's never said I love you to me before and lately I have been pulling away and whenever I do, he pulls all the stops hence the concert and dinner tonight and all that. I am really getting fed up and confused.

 

In the past he wouldn't have much sex with me either and I'd always ask if it was that he wasn't attracted to me which seemed like a joke to even ask because I am very attractive, nice body and all that. So now when he gives the excuse that it will take too much of his creative energy away, he follows up by saying "and in the past you thought it was because of my attraction towards you, that is not the case" and so on. I really really don't get it. At the same time he tells me about his very passionate relationships of the past and all the trips and things he used to do with his other girlfriends and it makes me feel like chopped liver but he says maybe that's why things never worked out, because there was too much intensity in the relationship. Hey I'm a romantic woman and wouldn't mind somem of that intensity myself. What the hell does he want from me? Why won't he let me leave him if he's not in love with me?

 

WOW F2bM, let's see here...

Actually, I'm trying to go into detail here, but I think this will sum up what I'm trying to say...

 

We as people, human beings, are not usually equipped to read people's minds. You are doing alot of guessing about what his actions may mean, I think you need to have a conversation with him and go in with boundaries.

 

I think you are taking some of what you said here for what you want it to be. I hope he isn't using you either, but why can't a grown man express that he loves you without these foggy messages? I'm pretty sure he knows you love him whether you've told him or not.

[Fun2BMe]

I think I have a lot of thinking to do. I was in the shower a minute ago and got so angry thinking about all this that I started seeing spots and thought I was about to pass out and it scared me. I am so stressed and angry that I feel like a ticking bomb and have a feeling I may explode at him this evening. I don't know but I feel like something is about to happen tonight. I have to finish getting ready to head over to his place. Let's see what happens. I'm filled with too much resentment and anger right now.

[kismat]

He has been contacting her ,she knows it bothers me . why would a ex lover of her,s contact my girl ? nothing to do with trust told her looks like he,s still has feelings for her, she said he contacts her not her contacting him. A RESPECT thing to me ! p.s we have beeen talking about getting a house together , so the relationship is serious . peace

 

i agree with you, and completely disagree with what RecordProducer just said...

 

i would see that as a respect issue as well.. and i would definately look to see how my SO treats other people as a reflection of his repect level of me.

 

I would think she should stop responding to the contact from the ex if she knows how much it upsets you...

[CrushedOrgans]

i'm sorry if that bothered you, fun, but that is exactly what it looks like.

[pray1]

i agree with you, and completely disagree with what RecordProducer just said...

 

i would see that as a respect issue as well.. and i would definately look to see how my SO treats other people as a reflection of his repect level of me.

 

I would think she should stop responding to the contact from the ex if she knows how much it upsets you...

She has stopped all contact (been told that anyway ) . recently she was over using my computer and i got a offline " i miss u " mess on yahoo instant mess, which she saw. After 2 days she began to ask me about it . Told her it could have been a ex gf but i really had no idea . She got really upset and started blowing my cell up , which i turned off . Early next morning she came by and said " she was afraid of losing me " . To which i replied ' now u know how i felt about the pic your ex bf sent . Time will tell . any thoughts ?