Paulie Posted March 1, 2002 Share Posted March 1, 2002 Tomorrow night, I have agreed to go out (to clubs, bars) with my brother and a bunch of his friends...20 or so of them. The problem is that they all attend college with an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I'm concerned that they might tell me things about he life now that may be hurtful to me...I don't like to hear anything about her...it creates a degree of anxiety with me. I am completely over her, but I just don't enjoy hearing about the present lives of ex-girlfriends...I know if I hear that one of them tells me that they were/are seeing her, are friends with her, etc...it will ruin my night, because wont be able to get it off my mind. What might be some suggestions to ensure that I can go out, have a good time, and not have to be exposed to any stories I don't want to be exposed to, without necessarily letting anyone know that this bothers me. The fact that this still bothers me, I believe, lies primarily just in the fact that I did have a very intense relationship with this girl. Any advice would be much appreciated...and I realize logically, I just shouldn't care...but the heart sometimes dictates otherwise. Thanks Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
ok Posted March 1, 2002 Share Posted March 1, 2002 Paulie, just bite your tongue and try to deflect the subject away from her. You are not completely over her, protestations to the contrary notwithstanding. Go have some fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 2, 2002 Share Posted March 2, 2002 If your friends start talking about her, ask them to cease. If you see her at a club, leave. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted March 2, 2002 Share Posted March 2, 2002 When the subject comes up look over there shoulder and say excuse me as you leave them to talk to the first prettiest thing within eyeshot. Or walk up to the bar and order a bottle of water, whatever. You dont have to part of that conversation anymore. Or if anyone expects a reaction from you just ask if shes doing fine and move on to another subject, another crowd, whatever. Tomorrow night, I have agreed to go out (to clubs, bars) with my brother and a bunch of his friends...20 or so of them. The problem is that they all attend college with an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I'm concerned that they might tell me things about he life now that may be hurtful to me...I don't like to hear anything about her...it creates a degree of anxiety with me. I am completely over her, but I just don't enjoy hearing about the present lives of ex-girlfriends...I know if I hear that one of them tells me that they were/are seeing her, are friends with her, etc...it will ruin my night, because wont be able to get it off my mind. What might be some suggestions to ensure that I can go out, have a good time, and not have to be exposed to any stories I don't want to be exposed to, without necessarily letting anyone know that this bothers me. The fact that this still bothers me, I believe, lies primarily just in the fact that I did have a very intense relationship with this girl. Any advice would be much appreciated...and I realize logically, I just shouldn't care...but the heart sometimes dictates otherwise. Thanks Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted March 2, 2002 Share Posted March 2, 2002 I don't know how long it's been since you parted ways with this girl or what you went through with her, but if it's still causing you this much anxiety, then you still haven't really sorted through everything that happened between you. The good and the not so good. Right now you don't even know if her name will come up in conversation. You are getting all worked up about something that hasn't even happened yet. I understand you feel like you should be prepared for the possibility that this may happen, but no one has even mentioned her yet, except you. You obviously still harbor thoughts of her. I still harbor thoughts of some of my ex-girlfriends too. There is nothing unusual about that. To be anxious about conversation of her is another story altogether. I suggest you do a little more work on what happened between you and this girl. Once you do have it all sorted out, you won't have more than a moments distraction at the thought of her. I've been there. I know how you feel. But I can still eke out a smile from thoughts of my worst relationships. You'll get there eventually. Go out and have fun with your brother. To hell with the other guys, let me rattle on about whatever. If someone does bring her up in conversation, just excuse yourself and come back later. However, if you really want to put this demoness to rest, then join in on the conversation and get it out of your system. I hope you have a good time tomorrow night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted March 2, 2002 Author Share Posted March 2, 2002 Thanks, Ed...sounds like you understand...your advice is much appreciated Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
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