He's aggravated all the time

[Guest]

My husband and I (married for 6 years) have been having problems for a few months now and I am at an impass not sure where to go from here.

He refuses to go to a MC, claims I am always aggravating him, or is always aggravated. He flys off the handle at the drop of a hat. He acts like a child when he doesn't get what he wants. And he says mean things to me when he gets aggravated (like shut up, get out my face, F*ck you, etc) I consider myself to be a strong person, but this is grating on my nerves.

 

I know I am not without fault here, because I can be a tad controling, but I don't believe that warrants his constant short fuse. We had a heart to heart about a month ago and things seemed to get resovled, then recently back to square one. He wants to have a baby and I DID, but with all this I am really concerned. He can't get it in his head that that will not fix anything. We have talked about seperating, but we do love each other so we try to stick it out. I am just so unsure of what to do. I am a very positive person and try to keep a good outlook on it, but this has me stumped. I couldn't imagine my life without him, but I can't see myself staying sane if he continues this behavior.

Please help me.

[superconductor]

Could be a number of things:

• Adding children to the mix detracts from time spent with just the two of you;
  
• He's rebelling against your controlling behaviour;
  
• Could be job stress;
  
• If there's a lack of sexual intimacy in the marriage, that's a biggie;
  
• Possible depression.
  

Or, of course, any combination of the above.

 

Drop the MC idea, because it's obviously a sore point. Encourage him, though, to talk to his physician to rule out things like depression. As well, it's far more likely that he'll open up to his physician more than he would you, because his physician doesn't represent a threat.

 

Good luck.

[johan]

It's resentment for something. Maybe nothing to do with you. But it's a lack of respect.

 

My suggestion is to give him a lot of space. Don't explain it, tell him you're going to do it, or get upset about it. Just back off and do your own thing somewhere where he isn't. It might take hours or days, but he'll come around to see what's up and he'll be nice.

[Guest]

It's resentment for something. Maybe nothing to do with you. But it's a lack of respect.

 

My suggestion is to give him a lot of space. Don't explain it, tell him you're going to do it, or get upset about it. Just back off and do your own thing somewhere where he isn't. It might take hours or days, but he'll come around to see what's up and he'll be nice.

 

It funny you should suggest that b/c for years I was home all the time, no social life. I recently began going out with friends once a week and that has been a problem with him. But it's a great outlet for me to let loose with friends and leave home at home. I think he needs a circle of friends but his only good friend works with him and his wife and child consume all his free time.

 

It's strange b/c he wants me to stay home but when I'm at home he's in another room.

 

none of this makes sense.