Relationship with my parents is detoriating...

[Guest]

This goes back a long way... I'm 29 years old, and have been in difficult terms with my parents for the last 7 years or so... Before that, we used to share the best possible close relationship.. I'd always been very close to my mom, fairly close to my dad, and have never really gotten along with my sister, who is 3 years elder to me... married now with 2 kids.

 

So, all this goes to a few years back. I had been dating my childhood sweetheart for around 8 years (we started dating when i was 16 and she was 14), until she started getting uneasy and pushing me for marriage. I really really loved her, but, was not in a position to get married at that point, but, was willing to, since she was getting a lot of pressure from her parents. I come from a very orthodox family, and in our culture, the older sister has to get married before you can even think of it... So, the only way for me to go forward was to either elope and marry her, or, have her wait.

 

Me and my gf had detailed discussions around waiting, and we agreed that we would wait, but, her parents asked that they wanted to get some kind of a commitment from my parents. Well, that wasn't going to happen since my parents never liked my gf one bit. So, I tried convincing my parents to speak to hers for around 6-7 months, but, finally, gave up when they started abusing her, and telling me that I was immature and what not.

 

I'm going to be turning 30 soon, and still haven't been able to forget my first love. She got married a few years back... I dont where and what she's doing now, but, I wish she is happy whereever she is. My problem is that I haven't been able to forgive my parents for coming in the way of my dreams of spending my life with my gf, and everytime I pursue women, I keep thinking about what I had, and how I let it go.

 

I know practicality says that I should get over it, and move on with my life, but, I just haven't been able to. I haven't really been able to keep interest in any relationship after that. I am well educated, decent looking, and have what most women desire in men, but, I just can't forgive myself and my parents for what happened, and so, don't let anyone come too close to me... I think I am going to end up unhappy in life, if I continue this.

 

I need some help and advice on the best way to move on... forgive my parents and myself... It's been very difficult.

 

Thanks.

[suegail]

If I understand this right, (and please correct me if i'm wrong) you were about 24 years of age when you made this decision to break with your girlfriend. If that is true, you made the decision...you were an adult, and could have decided otherwise and told your parents that you were an adult and were going to live your life as an adult, making your own decisions. Your parents were against it and I understand that, but ultimately you did make the call.

 

I would try and let go of the anger...what's done is done. and you're exactly right - if you don't get over this you could wind up very unhappy in life. Don't let that happen...