Tough decisions

[Luzzinit]

Hello all,

 

I guess this is a place to come to get advice, and I am sorely in need of some. I've been with my bf for 3 years. Honestly, we have a pretty good relationship, though there have been things from day 1 that have thrown up red flags. In particular, I'm afraid that his crazy mother has spoiled him against women. This isn't just potential daughter-in-law speak, the woman has some serious psychoses. Luckily for me, he recognizes it too and barely speaks to her. But there are aspects of our relationship where I really see his attitude towards her coming out - and why shouldn't it, she's the only example of a woman he's really known his whole life. Basically, his mom is not loving, and only cares about herself. So I'm regularly accused of not caring about him and our relationship when I make little mistakes. Good example - yesterday I spent the whole day working on an important report I need to get done. When he came home from work, he was mad that I hadn't gone to the store to get groceries. I admitted that I probably should have made time to do that, but he translates it into our entire relationship. In other words, since I didn't go to the store I obviously don't care about him or our home together. It's really frustrating for me, because I consider myself a very loving, caring person. I take it as a personal attack on my character. Another result of his mother's disregard for her children is that I rarely get an outward expression of his love. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me very much. It's just hard for him to be romantic, or say sweet things. He barely says "I love you," because he says I should just know that he does.

 

So, the reason I'm posting this in the cheating category: I met this really gorgeous guy about a week ago. He knows I have a boyfriend, but that didn't stop him from flirting with me - and I really liked it! He said things like, "your eyes are hypnotizing me," and told me how beautiful I am. You know, things a girl likes to hear! I haven't done anything with this guy, because I don't want to cheat on my bf. But it's hard for me to forget all of the sweet things he said, especially when I'm being yelled at for "not caring" about my current relationship. Should I accept my bf for who he is and try to work through these issues, or should I go to a man that fulfills all of my romantic desires? Help!

[Guest]

When a guy knows you are in a relationship and he goes for you anyway, he will judge you and never take you seriously as girlfriend/wife material. And if he does, you will both have trust issues later that if he could steal you from your boyfriend, some other guy who sweet talks you when things are rough will be able to steal you from him.

 

See the vicious circle?

 

If you are tempted by another please break up with your BF before doing anything.

 

And do realize this new guy will judge you based on how easy you are to steal from your boyfriend in the back of his mind, and put you in the good for now girl category, no matter how nice he seems. So you will lose your integrity, your standing to your current boyfriend, and be a cheap fling to the new guy if you decide to cheat or start a new relationship before ending this one. And you do not even know this guy, or what he is really like. A few nice compliments is all it takes to make you consider cheating?

 

Please, for your sake and your self esteem later on do not do it. At least end it first....

 

Harsh, but true.

[Luzzinit]

Thank you, and I know you're absolutely right. I had a talk with my bf, and we're staying together for now. One thing that I really love about our relationship is that we can be completely honest about everything, even when we're attracted to someone else. He's very understanding.

 

However, I'm a little upset with myself. I do look at other guys, not just as attractive but as potential lover material that I'm missing out on. What does this mean? I don't feel like I'm that unhappy with my bf. In fact, I'm very happy with him. So why do I feel like I need to consider what I'm missing with other guys? Am I missing something in my current relationship? Like I said, he's not as loving as I would like him to be. Or is it a problem within myself, that I'm always looking for the "greener grass?" I know nobody out there knows my situation personally, but any advice or experiences you have had might help me examine why I'm in this cycle that is, I feel, very destructive.