yes Posted March 3, 2002 Share Posted March 3, 2002 Hi! Sorry it's not very logical... it's too late @ night... here it comes: New guy - new questions ... Background: he's insanely flirty, playful, outgoing guy. He has a long-distance gf - he told me about her - in the context that he wants to date locally, but he cannot be serious b/c he has a serious r/s with that girl.though they permanently live in diff. countries. Also: since he met me, he has gone out w/ this other girl (locally), and broke up almost immediately - maybe after a month or so ... Also, there's a girl he liked back in highschool who rejected him... That's all I know about his past... Oh and right now he's really close friends with this girl - but she has a bf - she's practically engaged, so they're just friends. Oh - i've known him for about 7-8 months, about 5 of which i wasn't single - so a buddy-style r/s has established.... he knows im single right now. My guess is he's so into his long-distance girl is cuz he hasnt been having much luck locally... It's happened to me -as soon as I didn't have anyone in my city, I started liking more the guys I knew who were in other towns... But thats just my guess and i suppose it doesnt matter what i think. I know he sent her flowers for V-day... So - I always have fun with this guy, and wouldn't mind dating him - but nothing serious - at least i dont think so. I've dropped some hints - usually on IM, so that it's not too forthcoming ... i've made jokes like saying he's only into asian gals, and he jumped up insisiting he likes girls of any race ... also, he said something like "u're welcome to my dreams anytime" , and i said "only your dreams? :P" and he replied "well - it's your call"... It's very hard to tell how he feels because he's so flirty - pretty much with everyone - sometimes i feel like more so with me than others, but maybe its just wishful thinking. he does have chances of going out w/ me w/ our group of friends, but doesn't take them - this is why i think he isnt prolly worth any attention ... Sometimes he does weird stuff - like double-check if he has me in his phone-book - but he calls very rarely. Basically - he doesn't do anything but flirt when he sees me - which I guess he does with lotta girls. So - what do I do? I'm leaning towards enjoying the flirting whenever I see him and leave it at that. Am I right? PS I just read over my post and i'm thinking - yeah, I shouldnt worry bout him... Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted March 3, 2002 Share Posted March 3, 2002 It is late, or early depending on how you look at it. Either way, I didn't see any questions in your post. You gave a little background info on this guy, but what is your question about him? Hi! Sorry it's not very logical... it's too late @ night... here it comes: New guy - new questions ... Background: he's insanely flirty, playful, outgoing guy. He has a long-distance gf - he told me about her - in the context that he wants to date locally, but he cannot be serious b/c he has a serious r/s with that girl.though they permanently live in diff. countries. Also: since he met me, he has gone out w/ this other girl (locally), and broke up almost immediately - maybe after a month o Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 3, 2002 Share Posted March 3, 2002 If you're really interested in going out with him despite his long distance relationship, or perhaps even knocking some sense into his head about that relationship, back off this guy. Don't return so many of his calls...don't hang around him so much...and when you are around him, make excuses to leave early...because you've got other things to do. But remain friendly, just not too friendly. If you will not be so available to this guy, if you will turn yourself into more of a mystery, you will not only have this guy interested in you but he will be going out of his mind for you. I tell people this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over in this forum and they still just don't get it. Am I the only guy who understands this concept? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 3, 2002 Author Share Posted March 3, 2002 No, i understand it too - but I see quite little of him as it is, and he barely calls. But hmm - okay, I'll what u say - he'll see/hear even less of me than before... -yes If you're really interested in going out with him despite his long distance relationship, or perhaps even knocking some sense into his head about that relationship, back off this guy. Don't return so many of his calls...don't hang around him so much...and when you are around him, make excuses to leave early...because you've got other things to do. But remain friendly, just not too friendly. If you will not be so available to this guy, if you will turn yourself into more of a mystery, you will not only have this guy interested in you but he will be going out of his mind for you. I tell people this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over in this forum and they still just don't get it. Am I the only guy who understands this concept? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted March 3, 2002 Share Posted March 3, 2002 He sounds like he wants to spend time with a lady. I dont see how he can make a long distance r/s work while his g/f is another country. How long well she be there? Does this girl live there permenantly? Consider that he did say he has a r/s and take like he is not looking for a serious r/s but just the fun of another female. He cares about himself, and doesnt care how you feel. Thats what comes to mind when a guy says hes not looking to get tied down. This other girl in his life could be just an excuse to keep things simple btw the two of you. If you dont mind his ways and like him, there is no harm in giving it a try. After all he make take a big liking to you. But I first would not invest any feeling into it if you think things could get messy! Take it slow and get to know him first before you invest too much of anything. He is a pig. Thats my first impression of him. It is late, or early depending on how you look at it. Either way, I didn't see any questions in your post. You gave a little background info on this guy, but what is your question about him? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted March 3, 2002 Share Posted March 3, 2002 If you back off anymore than he wont exist! You could give that a try to see if he goes crazy to see you. It sounds like this guy has his pick & choose of whomever he feels like it. If you give him the impression your not interested he will move on. He sounds like the type I've known. The flittery ones, who can pick and choose. Who go from one girl to the next in a weeks time! (off the subject) By the way my cop friend called me. Early this morning, I let the machine get it. I havent called him back. I dont know what I doing with this one. I want to get back up with him but I dont want the abusing phone calls 3,4,6 times a day or him trying to pucker up to me. Im at a loss for words with him. If you're really interested in going out with him despite his long distance relationship, or perhaps even knocking some sense into his head about that relationship, back off this guy. Don't return so many of his calls...don't hang around him so much...and when you are around him, make excuses to leave early...because you've got other things to do. But remain friendly, just not too friendly. If you will not be so available to this guy, if you will turn yourself into more of a mystery, you will not only have this guy interested in you but he will be going out of his mind for you. I tell people this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over in this forum and they still just don't get it. Am I the only guy who understands this concept? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 3, 2002 Author Share Posted March 3, 2002 Maybe ask him to call you less? Or pick up the phone, say u'r busy, and that u'll call back when you can. Go out with him, but let him know u'r quite busy, and if u'r TOO busy for him - u'r not a match... - that is if he complains abotu your business... Thats my view! About my guy: no, he can't just get anyone, - he's very flirty on the outside, but that shallowly perky inside... It's true that if i back off, i'll almost stop having contact with him... But I can kind of see what Tony's saying - I'll back off in a way... Esp. after all my hints, it's in his court now ... I'll see what he does. I got other boys to worry bout meanwhile -yes If you back off anymore than he wont exist! You could give that a try to see if he goes crazy to see you. It sounds like this guy has his pick & choose of whomever he feels like it. If you give him the impression your not interested he will move on. He sounds like the type I've known. The flittery ones, who can pick and choose. Who go from one girl to the next in a weeks time! (off the subject) By the way my cop friend called me. Early this morning, I let the machine get it. I havent called him back. I dont know what I doing with this one. I want to get back up with him but I dont want the abusing phone calls 3,4,6 times a day or him trying to pucker up to me. Im at a loss for words with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 3, 2002 Author Share Posted March 3, 2002 Thanks for your warnings I'll be careful. I'm not looking for anything serious, and he looks like a good one to have fun with - that's why I got sort of interested. Thanks for your reply, and i also replied your message above -yes He sounds like he wants to spend time with a lady. I dont see how he can make a long distance r/s work while his g/f is another country. How long well she be there? Does this girl live there permenantly? Consider that he did say he has a r/s and take like he is not looking for a serious r/s but just the fun of another female. He cares about himself, and doesnt care how you feel. Thats what comes to mind when a guy says hes not looking to get tied down. This other girl in his life could be just an excuse to keep things simple btw the two of you. If you dont mind his ways and like him, there is no harm in giving it a try. After all he make take a big liking to you. But I first would not invest any feeling into it if you think things could get messy! Take it slow and get to know him first before you invest too much of anything. He is a pig. Thats my first impression of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 3, 2002 Author Share Posted March 3, 2002 Hi! You explained to me why the guys I didnt like back liked me - ... Now i know how to treat a guy once he starts calling, etc. But the other part is - what happens before that? What is he's simply an aquintance, a guy from some lecture? How do I make him cross the line & call or ask to have lunch together or whatever? There's plenty of guys with whom i do stuff like work on ass-ts, but they never try n take a step forward... how should i act with them? normally, I'm simply friendly, somewhat flirty. I think i've asked you this before and u said - go talk to a girlfriend - well, most of my girlfriends would either ask the guy out or simply sit there n wait for him to act... isn't there a middle? like drop a hint n back off? I suppose a lot of this is supposed to come naturally - but in my pre-teens i was taught that ALL initiative should come from the guy & i should simply sit there n do nothing... & now i'm having trouble re-orienting myself - cuz i know sitting there doing nothing aint the way to go ... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 4, 2002 Share Posted March 4, 2002 You're looking for way too much control in life. Just please relax and let things happen. If you know of a guy you'd like to know better, do a little flirting. If he doesn't call you or ask you out, don't worry. Relax!!! There are so many others out there. You're going to drive yourself nuts worrying about this stuff. Let life happen naturally in its own good time and stop trying to be a control freak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 4, 2002 Author Share Posted March 4, 2002 That makes a lotta sense. Do you think it's worth it to not be a control freak in other areas of life too? Like school? Sometimes I feel like I gotta try hard n get those damn grades so I can do grad-school, but other days I feel like - if i'm smart nuff, i'll get into grad-school more or less naturally, if not - so be it ... Same with some sports... i enjoy a lot of them, but am not good at any.. some days i get upset at not being good at any sport, other days i dont care - just have fun... i am so fcking in love with life, -yes You're looking for way too much control in life. Just please relax and let things happen. If you know of a guy you'd like to know better, do a little flirting. If he doesn't call you or ask you out, don't worry. Relax!!! There are so many others out there. You're going to drive yourself nuts worrying about this stuff. Let life happen naturally in its own good time and stop trying to be a control freak. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 4, 2002 Share Posted March 4, 2002 Doing you best to get good grades in school is not being a control freak. Just do the best you can and let it go. Do the best in life, enjoy the ride and let it go. You have to understand. Life is just a very temporary ride on planet earth in a vast cosmos of planets, stars and gases. We get on at a certain point and we get off at a certain point. Nobody stays on the ride forever...NOBODY! While we are here on the ride called Earth, we do the best we can to enjoy it. A lot of people take so many things so seriously they forget that our lives are ever so temporary and the only object is to do the best we can, to love and help others, and to enjoy the ride. So lighten up, babe. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted March 4, 2002 Share Posted March 4, 2002 Alot of people believe that you have to make your on fate. Nature makes it for you. Yes hard work and trying helps, but thats only the second step. Fate is the first. Something you have no control over. If you try too hard for a particular guy, it wont happen. If you play head games with the guy and it works out, come back and give me a crash course at it. Im one who does not care to play head games to win over a man, but I've been told I do play them. Heck I feel clueless Im just being me! Doing you best to get good grades in school is not being a control freak. Just do the best you can and let it go. Do the best in life, enjoy the ride and let it go. You have to understand. Life is just a very temporary ride on planet earth in a vast cosmos of planets, stars and gases. We get on at a certain point and we get off at a certain point. Nobody stays on the ride forever...NOBODY! While we are here on the ride called Earth, we do the best we can to enjoy it. A lot of people take so many things so seriously they forget that our lives are ever so temporary and the only object is to do the best we can, to love and help others, and to enjoy the ride. So lighten up, babe. Link to post Share on other sites
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