need to salvage my relationship

[Luke T]

i need advice from women about a dilemma i am in-

i've got a few days to save a relationship that i have messed up, i guess.

 

i'll give you the background-

i've had many, quite long term, relationships-(9months-3years)

i'm 22 and thought i was in love many times before.

 

about 2 months ago i met this girl in a lounge bar/club- which is a 1st for me, to be honest. i was at the bar, when she poked me, thinking i was a friends boyfriend. we started talking. i got her number. i asked her if it was fake- she said;"you'll find out when you call me..". i quit while i was ahead, and left the club. two or three days later i msg'd her, asking her out on a little date. she was eager. our first date was great- we did absolutely nothing, just sat and talked for hours. i found out that she was young-18- but not your typical 18 year old. she has been working full time in make up and cosmetics,since age 16, and is the manager of her section, with many older people beneath her.

anyway we said our goodbyes, and agreed that we wanted to see more of each other. 4 great dates later and things had begun to get kind of serious. we were msging each other 20+ times a day when we didn't see each other. after 2 or 3 weeks together we went back to where we had first met for a friends bday. we were all over each other, with no shame for public displays of affection. we left together- i said; take me home with you. she agreed. we didn't have sex, but professed our love for each other- the next couple of weeks were great. we were talking of a future together regularly. she didn't wanna be with anyone else but me, and the feeling was mutual.

 

a week ago she discloses that she is having an interview to fly for a well known airline.(flight attendant) this is what she's always wanted to do. so i encourage her. the only problem is that if she gets the job, she may eventually have to be based in another state. she becomes afraid that we will be broken up and she or i will be heartbroken. i say that with my job i can travel and get work anywhere. she is pleased that i feel that way, and that i love her that much.

 

today, i get a message that she loves me, cares for me, but she needs a week or so to evaluate how our relationship will work in the future. she's freaked out about how fast everything has gone, but says she wants to make it work. i know that she is young, i know it's been fast, but in the short time i've known her, i have never ever felt this way about any person in the world. she seems perfect for me and hate to think what my life will be without her in it.

 

i feel that i need her in my life, and will do anything to save this relationship from doom.

 

i need to know anything i can say without sounding obsessed or clingy.

i was gonna give her red roses, but dont know what to say on the card. plus i'm not really sorry for being in love with her. i'm stuck- so if any of you precious ladies can help me out i would be forever thankful!

 

p.s. i have never ever done anything but be a perfect boyfriend to her- we have heaps of fun together, the sex is amazing- for her too(you know what i mean...)and i love her to death...

[Ruff Ryder]

Get over yourself firstly. Noone is the perfect partner. Thats the firat thing you need to learn.

 

Second be indiffrent to the out come of this relationship. It sounds like your headed for trouble love is a great thing but your building a life arround someone that has the potential to destroy you and it. She is young so are you HELL so am I. Just relax. Im not saying dont care im saying be carefull about what you care about.

 

Love this girl let her love you but build your lfe arround you and let her share it. Dont be nagging clingy be a man be a person that she wont wont to leave and NOONE wants to be arround an over protective cliny controlling person. If she goes let her if she stays then you know its ment to be.

 

Do what you can but dont seem desprate doing it.

[Cathy1]

Totally agree with the previous post...

 

If you want to keep this girl, you will have to play it cool. A LOT.

Tell her that whatever she dedcides that you will accept and whatever turns out, it will probably be meant to happen, or something like that...

 

Th point is for her to see that you are able to live perfectly fine even if the two of you break up....

People, both men and women, are more attracted to cool and self-sufficient people than to those who are "willing to do anything to dave the relationship"... That always seems clingy and desperate and adds pressure.

 

You just have to play it cool and appear to be strong and your own person, otherwise IT IS GUARANTEED that she will blow you off. Simple as that.

 

Good luck and play it smart. :-)

[amaysngrace]

I have to agree with the others here as well.

 

To seem too obsessed with her isn't a good thing at all. Either way, know that what happens is just what is meant to. Because everything happens for a reason.

 

If she stays with you or not, decide that it isn't going to change your life.

 

 

PS I think the roses are a nice idea. I would just put "thinking of you" on the card.

[Luke T]

i would think putting "thinking of you" on a card, sound clingy- like i don't have a life away from her? i was thinking that if i even send her roses that the card would say something like: "hey, i've been thinking... sorry that i came across clingy and desperate to be with you.. i forgot that we both have separate lives away from each other. i was an idiot for overwhelming you, and now i realise that this is the reason why i've probably wrecked any chance we had to be with each other"

 

does that sound too desperate?? remember-we are in limbo- we haven't busted up yet..

[amaysngrace]

"hey, i've been thinking... sorry that i came across clingy and desperate to be with you.. i forgot that we both have separate lives away from each other. i was an idiot for overwhelming you, and now i realise that this is the reason why i've probably wrecked any chance we had to be with each other"

 

 

 

 

I don't know if it sounds desperate, but it does sound very negative.

 

I hope you don't give her the vibe of negativity as well when you are with her.

 

Remember she has to WANT to be with you...I'm not so sure I'd want to be with a guy with your outlook, no offense. She very well may feel the same.

 

I think maybe you should ban the rose idea as well. It may get on her nerves, actually.

 

Just try to relax about it all. It's out of your hands now. She knows you and she's thinking about her life. Either she's going to choose you or she isn't. There really isn't much you can do about that, so stop stressing yourself out over it.

 

If she breaks it off, be glad because you'd want someone who wants you back, right? Just lighten up, man. Call your friends and go hang out or something.

 

People like people who are easy to be around.

[Guest]

I agree with amaysngrace it does sound negative.

 

Why not send her flowers but put something really positive in the note like 'I have ever mentioned that I think your gorgeous?' or 'you make me smile when I'm around you' (actually thats a bit sappy maybe remind her of how you met or a fun time 'remember at x, man we laughed so hard, it was great' with nothing else written.

 

I'd go for bright happy flowers in this situation, red roses might say 'too much pressure' 'too intense' to her.

 

I can tell you that the idea of moving states/countries big changes in someone's life are big things to go through and can make you question everything. Especially if she's young she may be seeing this opportunity to travel and have fun and may be worried about such a serious relationship. So you want to make sure that you're there for her, willing to support her and be her friend and have fun. That you're not looking to tie her down.

 

I think if you can get across to her that you're not looking to clip her wings but be there for her then that would help. Gee I'd love a guy to do that for me! Also you can slow stuff down too, its never too late to do that.

 

Good luck