melodymatters Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 hey all, My BF is all over the board on living together and/or getting married. he seems to change with the wind ( and we are both in our 40's, so a person should know their own mind by then, eh ?) So, because this is the main topic of our arguements, and I can't stand MY personal future being whipped around at somone elses mood du jour, I came up with a " Contract". Of course it's not legally binding, but hopefully it will end the indecision and fighting, AND, if he WON'T sign it, then I'll really know thats he's that commitment phobic that he can't even sign a pretend contract and it's time to walk away. here's the contract and the question is: is it a dumb idea, or a pretty damn good one ? [FONT=Palatino Linotype][/FONT][FONT=Palatino Linotype][sIZE=5]Contract Between Parties[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=5][FONT=Palatino Linotype][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Palatino Linotype]________________________________________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]We, XXXXXXXX and Melodymatters, realizing that lack of planning leads to fighting, unhappiness and failure, hereby execute this contract between parties.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]We the above named parties agree to find a suitable place of residence in which both parties have equal stake, no later than summer of 2007.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Assuming both parties are satisfied with the living arrangements, the parties agree to engage in a contract of marriage no later than summer of 2008.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Contract may be voided only by acts of God, or one party wishing to end the relationship totally and completely. [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Both parties agree that any real or personal property shall remain with the original owner of such, should this contract be voided.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]XXXXXXXXXXX ___________________________ Date_________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]MelodyMatters___________________________ Date__________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 glad i am NOT involved with that! seems like your relationship is more a hassle that joy. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 A bit hard to read amongst all the html code stuff, but I can see where you're going. Is the contract open to negotiation, or is this a "take it or leave it" document? Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 hey all, My BF is all over the board on living together and/or getting married. he seems to change with the wind ( and we are both in our 40's, so a person should know their own mind by then, eh ?) So, because this is the main topic of our arguements, and I can't stand MY personal future being whipped around at somone elses mood du jour, I came up with a " Contract". Of course it's not legally binding, but hopefully it will end the indecision and fighting, AND, if he WON'T sign it, then I'll really know thats he's that commitment phobic that he can't even sign a pretend contract and it's time to walk away. here's the contract and the question is: is it a dumb idea, or a pretty damn good one ? [FONT=Palatino Linotype][/FONT][FONT=Palatino Linotype][sIZE=5]Contract Between Parties[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=5][FONT=Palatino Linotype][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Palatino Linotype]________________________________________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]We, XXXXXXXX and Melodymatters, realizing that lack of planning leads to fighting, unhappiness and failure, hereby execute this contract between parties.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]We the above named parties agree to find a suitable place of residence in which both parties have equal stake, no later than summer of 2007.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Assuming both parties are satisfied with the living arrangements, the parties agree to engage in a contract of marriage no later than summer of 2008.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Contract may be voided only by acts of God, or one party wishing to end the relationship totally and completely. [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]Both parties agree that any real or personal property shall remain with the original owner of such, should this contract be voided.[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]XXXXXXXXXXX ___________________________ Date_________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype] [/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype]MelodyMatters___________________________ Date__________[/FONT] [FONT=Palatino Linotype][/FONT] Too much work!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author melodymatters Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 When I previewed it, it didn't have all the html crap, so apologies ! Yeah, I'd rather not have to do this, but the other option is ending it completely, or being jerked around at whim. i AM a planner. I know we could all get hit by a bus tommorrow, but in case you DON'T, you seem to be better of with a general IDEA of where your headed. yeah, it's negotioble, but i am looking for something along those paremeters at this age. at 40, I've sowed my wild oats, don't want to serial date, go to bars, etc. I mean I did a bikini car wash yesterday, i'm not even close to ugly and i have my own money, but i WANT somone to make dinner with, rent movies, buy furniture with, whatever for the next 25 yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 When I previewed it, it didn't have all the html crap, so apologies ! Yeah, I'd rather not have to do this, but the other option is ending it completely, or being jerked around at whim. i AM a planner. I know we could all get hit by a bus tommorrow, but in case you DON'T, you seem to be better of with a general IDEA of where your headed. yeah, it's negotioble, but i am looking for something along those paremeters at this age. at 40, I've sowed my wild oats, don't want to serial date, go to bars, etc. I mean I did a bikini car wash yesterday, i'm not even close to ugly and i have my own money, but i WANT somone to make dinner with, rent movies, buy furniture with, whatever for the next 25 yrs. how long have you been with this guy? what strikes me as ironic is that you Say you are a planner, you do not want to be jerked about..... but you HAVE been letting him do so. IMO~ he will never marry you.... and it has NOTHING to do with you. tell him how you feel, what you expect, and he wants to do something about ya'll he will...... a contract is nothing but a baby band-aid for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 When I previewed it, it didn't have all the html crap, so apologies !No prob, I got it all figured out eventually. I did a bikini car wash yesterday, i'm not even close to uglyThat was YOU???? Wow... that little number that you were almost wearing was quite, uh, evocative... *ahem* If your man is less of a planner than you are, then if I were him I think I'd resent the whole contract idea. But hey, if nothing else, it might be a good idea just to make sure you're both on the same page. Take out the marriage thing though. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 , whatever for the next 25 yrs. I hope that you enjoy your whatever. But I do understand exactly where you are coming from - I hate chopping up my own green beans. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 A contract isn't a tool to be used for conflict resolution in a relationship. If he is causing you problems like this now then think what a lifetime with this man would be like.. You don't have the office space that it would take to store all the contracts that you would have with this man. I suggest that if arguing is such an issue that you seek a therapist to teach you both conflict resolution. Or dump him Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 To be honest, I think it's a waste of time and may even backfire. Two compatible people would be able to talk over and agree on these major issues. If you can't, you really shouldn't be planning a life with this man. The contract is meaningless and will also, I think, cause resentment. It's like you're foisting these things on him..things that maybe aren't his ideas or even things he agrees with. Build a life with a man with whom you can DISCUSS and AGREE on things. Your relationship with this man sounds a little parent/child-like. Don't you want an equal partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I would never even dream of having to put all of this effort into trying to be with a man that so clearly isn't trying to be with me. You are attractive, relationship minded, and your demands for a relationship are reasonable if he wants the same things in which case he would be discussing and moving toward them. He isn't. If he is "all over the board", he doesn't know what he wants. No contract or discussion will clarify that for him. He has to decide what he wants. You are taking a gamble wasting time on a guy that may eventually come around, maybe not. He may live up to the non-legal "contract" - he may not. In the meantime you are wasting time with someone who isn't sure he wants you. Why? Go out and find someone who feels LUCKY to be with you. You won't need a contract with that guy - you'll proceed to what you want with someone who is looking for what you are looking for. Putting up with double talk and sometimes yes sometimes no behavior is never fine but at least it isn't a complete waste of time. Younger people take more time to figure stuff out. He is 40! He should already have a plan for what he is looking for. It seems like what he is unsure about is commitment and you. Get out of the push-me-pull-you game and find someone that knows what they want and values you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I don't think the contract will get you where you want to be. Ideally, you want to be with someone who is looking forward to marriage and living together, and those guys don't need pretend contracts. Also, don't be too sure that living together will take you in the direction of marriage. For a man who is wishy washy about getting married, living together makes it easier for him NOT to commit. After a year or two of living together, you'll find it harder to break up and leave, and he'll have more reason to say, "but we're committed to living together and things are great now. How would marriage be different from what we're already doing? It's just a piece of paper blah blah blah" Link to post Share on other sites
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