! Should I hold on to him, I Love Him so Much

[JennRn]

Hi, I am new to this and I am in a major depression. I am recently seperated from my husband after 15 years and in the last 2 years when I moved to where I am now I met a man who lived down the street from me. We both became very close friends, and became emotionally connected, then over the last 9 months. He is 51 and I am 32, and we have shared great times, best friends, could tell each other anything. We both were in marriages where we were verbally put down, and emotionally. I think that is why we became so close. He left his wife several times in the past 9 months for me, but I was not out of the house where I was living. In April this year he met with me and asked if I was going with him, and I told him yes. I told my husband I was unhappy, and that I was moving out. I moved out in May, during the time I could move out things got rocky and he went back to his wife a week before I moved out. He said he regrets that decision of asking her back, and told her that he is in love with me and that his heart belongs to me. He told his wife kids, his parents, everyone. 2 weeks ago he finally had the courage that I helped him build over this time to stand up for himself and he told his wife all the things she has done to hurt him. He has cried over the last 9 months, things she has done to him, and I was there for him. After he done that I guess all that surfaced, all the hurt that he went through for the past 17 years. He says he does not know who he is anymore, that he feels no emotion, does not know what he wants anymore. He feels he put an emotional barrier around himself so he does not get hurt. I have been harping on him, and I feel insecure now that he does not want me anymore. He says he thinks about me, he hurts for me, and that he loves me, but is very confused right now. He still calls me from time to time, if I call him he talks, but it feels like it is not the same. We still see each otehr, but not as much. He is not showing anything to me.

I ask if he is going back to her, and he says I do not know what I want. I just want my space, and to be left alone to sort things out. He says this morning when I saw him that he thinks about all the great times we share all the time, and it makes him sad. What does that mean? I know he loves me, he says if he did not love me, that he would not be hurting like this. What do I do? He gave me a ring to promise me that one day he will marry me. Now all this has happened, and he says he does not love me as much as he use to, but I feel that alot of this would not come on just over the last week. He says I have turned possesive, almost demanding, that I am not the happy, independent person he fell in love with. I guess I might be calling him alot, when can I see you, what are you thinking, and when he talks to me like always, I am on the deffensive, and he feels like he can not even talk to me anymore. Help! I want us to be back to where we were prior to him letting his feelings out. He is so down, glummy, unemotional, I feel like I am unwanted. I am holding onto hope. He says I still have his heart, and that that is why it is hard. ANy suggestions. Sorry for being long, just a long story.

[catgirl1927]

You're changing from a mistress to a wife. It really sounds to me like he wanted an exciting, no strings affair, where you make all kinds of promises you never have to keep, and now it's becoming real and he's changing his mind.

 

If he has been unhappy in his marriage for a long time, there is a good chance he's going to want some time to himself.

 

My suggestion is that you deal with the mess you've made of your own life, you should have plenty to do there. Once your divorce is final and you're on your own, THEN look around for someone else.