living with a large person

[norajane]

I don't know about your gf... but I HATE going to the gym to work out. I finally just gave up the notion altogether. But I go and all these skinny mini's are there, wearing spandex and fake tans, and I feel SOOooo self-concious. I don't want to work out in front of them. Which is stupid, but it really bothers me.

 

 

Same here - hate the gym! I keep trying to find one where the ladies aren't in full make-up and hogging the machines (while not doing much working out)!

 

Zankon, the gym isn't the only option. Some people just hate the gym and can't get motivated to go there regularly for a lot of reasons. But there are so many other options!

 

Perhaps you could suggest that you and your lady go bike riding together, or walking/jogging (jogging is hard on the knees, though, so walking might be better). Tennis is also a LOT of fun, and it's something the two of you can do together (also a little hard on the knees and ankles).

 

Personally, I love taking belly dancing classes. Not only are the women in there of all ages, shapes and sizes, but it does wonders for your self esteem and body image, and it's a fantastic workout.

 

Another option is to set up a home gym with maybe something like an elliptical trainer for cardio (which is safer on the knees than jogging on a treadmill or stair climber), and maybe some free weights that you can teach her how to use safely. That way she won't have to deal with the gym while still getting the benefits of weight training.

 

Point being, if she wants to lose weight but hates the gym, there's no reason to give up!

[Zankon]

I care so much about my gf that I am all confused and I ask myself what the hell did I get myself into. I was told once: "are you desperate or is she loaded?" and it just bothered me. It's true that during sex I wish she could be able to do different things but she can't... even when she s on top of I feel almost suffocated and I cant' reach around her, but it's ok with me you know as long as she's having fun... basically the only think she likes is DS.

 

Let me ask, do stretch marks go away if you lose wait or does it stay that ugly? Also I saw her pics when she was a kid and she was big too... does that mean it's genetic and she won't lose it or even if she does there is a higher risk of gainning it back?

[Zankon]

I care so much about my gf that I am all confused and I ask myself what the hell did I get myself into. I was told once: "are you desperate or is she loaded?" and it just bothered me. It's true that during sex I wish she could be able to do different things but she can't... even when she s on top of I feel almost suffocated and I cant' reach around her, but it's ok with me you know as long as she's having fun... basically the only think she likes is DS.

 

Let me ask, do stretch marks go away if you lose wait or does it stay that ugly? Also I saw her pics when she was a kid and she was big too... does that mean it's genetic and she won't lose it or even if she does there is a higher risk of gainning it back?

[yousaveme]

Why dont you try making a workout for her that is fun , so much fun that she wont even relieze she is working out. Go take a hike. Make it romantic then find a spot where the two of you can be totally alone and well you know....Outdoor sex is always fun.

 

The most important thing about losing weight is you that you REALLY want to do it.

 

I love working out so its hard for me to say working out is hard....running is hard to start with...Going for walks and hikes are an easy way to start and can be really fun..And before you know it your body will crave it and you wont stop...

 

You should try that with her...See what happens

[Walk]

I think possibly a couple things are influencing your thoughts...

Maybe you're getting to that stage in your relationship where you're considering a more "long term" future? And your more concious of compatibility then you were previously?

 

The initial chemistry that over-rode the "flaws" is wearing off, so the feeling of confusion may stem from not understanding why it was okay earlier, but not now?

 

And potentially combined with the fact that things might be getting a little routine, and you're wanting a little more excitment.. but she's not quite as willing to strive for "change" as you are?

 

The one thing that bugs me the most about people, regardless of their weight, is their fear of doing/trying new things. (ie: your gf not wanting to go kayaking) That will kill my desire to be with a person quicker than anything.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm getting the feeling that you're more troubled by the fact that she hinders her personal growth. Not so much that she's fat, or her looks, but her mindset toward life. Then again, I could be reading too much into your posts.....

[Sand&Water]

Said from the mouth of someone who's never had a weight problem? Or was your weight problem consisting of the 5lbs of water weight gain you had during your period?

Thank you for your story, Walk. Very well written, and does have considerable amount of truth to it. Good to know there is someone with life experiences in regards to this issue.

 

Let me tell you, the things I encountered, expereinced throughout my life ... telling myself "I just want to die" would be an understatement of how I truely felt long ago. But, that doesn't justify. Carry on.

 

Zankon,

 

You have to motivate her. Sit down with her, and talk about whether she sincerely wants to devout a few hours a week working on her weight. Tell her that she is the only one that can confirm any life changing decisions in her life. Don't pressure her into doing it. Make sure, that it is for herself first and foremost.

 

As, for the work outs. Start small. Go for walks in the evening, cut down on trans-fat foods, and engage in recreational activities. Make sure that you're careful about how you handle "care" when dealing with such an issue. Misunderstanding, is a possibility.

 

Sand&Water

[superconductor]

Zank, stretch marks do not go away, at least as far as I know and as far as I've seen.

 

If she was chubby as a child, then it's going to be that much more difficult for her to lose the weight. Not just because she may be genetically predisposed, but also because she'll have to change life-long habits around eating & exercise.

 

Also, while you can help motivate her, the only motivation that will truly work is one that comes from within herself. You can support her and help all you want, but if she's not motivated - and STRONGLY motivated - nothing will help.

[Walk]

Let me tell you, the things I encountered, expereinced throughout my life ... telling myself "I just want to die" would be an understatement of how I truely felt long ago. But, that doesn't justify. Carry on.

 

Sorry Sand&Water.. guess you touched a nerve. I wasn't really directing that at you specifically, even though I wrote it toward you. You got the.. uh.. brunt of my residual resentment.

[Zankon]

I think you're on the right track and I agree with you to some extenct.

Now she's doing well she got promoted, had a nice pay raise and works more hours because she has more responsabilities.

 

Lately she's very distant (I felt) ans said that I am controlling and I want her to be what I want her to be which is not necessarly who she is. She said she cant find herself anymore. I explained I was just trying to help her better herself in some subjects. She argued I make her feel unworthy, useless and uncapable. That really shocked me and I have no idea where that came from... I SWEAR I didn't even know why she said that and in the life of me I never expected such comments. She brought up things that happened 14 months ago... I couldn't even recall but I was surprised that she keeps thigns to her heart for so long.

 

She was rude to me many times but I can't remember anything because I forgive and forget and remember only the good memories

 

So because this is all emotions and there is no logic behind it and I really can't explain it therefore I apologized to her very deeply and said that it was never my intention to make her feel as such... I don't think that made a difference although she claims she s ok because I always feel that distance

 

a friend of mine said to me I care too much and I should take care of my own crap...he asked me y I give a s*** if she loses weight better herself or whatever. I dont know I really dont'!!!

[stoopid_guy]

I don't know about your gf... but I HATE going to the gym to work out. I finally just gave up the notion altogether.

An exercise bike and a set of free weights is less than a year's gym membership, and you can do it in whatever clothes standing in front of your TV...

[DeeBrod83]

Is there anyone out there who's ever obligingly dropped their pants for someone they liked but didn't fancy purely in order to prove they weren't shallow? Would that be considered a healthy or an unhealthy form of behaviour? Would the other party to that reluctantly performed sexual encounter feel better as a result of it? Should we introduce some rule that everyone must sleep with at least one person who has a BMI in excess of 50?

yup. I was basically trying to prove to myself that I was wasn't shallow, but just proved to myself that it's okay to want what you want. To me, if I don't find you physically attractive, than you're just a friend. There's no spark. It doesn't mean fat or not fat, ugly not ugly.... I'm just generally not attracted to bigger guys. I usually end up with guys who have almost a BMI that's too low.

[Arianna72]

Normally I am attracted to the slim/muscular pretty boy types, but I never seemed to have much luck there. Back about 3 years ago I met a wonderful guy who was considerably overweight but really liked me a lot. I honestly believed that going for someone who was not my “typical” type would be good for me so I decided to try and make things work with him despite not being physically attracted to him. My level of attraction to him did grow some based on his personality but I never really felt sexually attracted to him.

 

In the end it just didn’t work out and I tried for well over a year. He always felt insecure in the relationship and was constantly very jealous; always worrying that I would find someone else who was more a match for my physical type. I am a slender/athletic woman and weigh 118 at 5”5 ½’

His insecurities eventually drove me away.

 

So yes I have tried to date an overweight person and learned my lesson. I think in most cases people need to match (at least a little) in physical aspects.

 

On the other side of the coin when I met my ex (on again off again for 15 years) he was very thin/muscular and in shape. I totally fell in love with him. Since then he has gained a lot of weight and oddly enough I am still physically attracted to him though I would never date him again as he is also an ***.

 

As to if this is shallow or not? Frankly, if people think it is that is there right but I now recognize that being physically attracted to someone is an important aspect of any long term relationship (for me anyhow)

[Yamaha]

I could and have dated overweight women and I have no problem seeing them as sexual beings. They were some of the funniest, sweetest people you ever want to hang with or date. Now there probably is a limit to my interest because being to big hinders you from doing things. As long as they are able to be active and have a good personality then I'm up for a plus sized woman.

[mental_traveller]

It's a simple question:

Q1:

Girls, would you go out and/or build a relationship with a fat man?

Guys, would you go out and/or build a relationship with a fat woman (260 lb +)

 

Q2:

If no, why. If yes, what's your weight limit?

 

When you answer plz specify if you're a woman or a man.

 

Participate and let's see!!!!

 

So 259lbs isn't "fat"? Really, 260lbs is more like "very fat" or "obese". I mean for a typical 5'5-5'6 women that is medically unhealthy to be that big.

 

I'd say out of every 100 women 260lbs or more, maybe one or two are genuinely sexy. Like Dawn French, the UK comedienne, is pretty sexy even though she is fat. But that's definitely the exception to the rule.

 

So yeah, if she was one of the few who could look/act sexy even at that weight, I'd be into her. And if she was "not bad", and amazing in other respects, then I'd be open to it. But on the whole I'd have to say it would normally be a big impediement, just like dating a 70lbs stick insect.

 

Now if you go into the normal definition of "fat" (i.e. any woman over size 14), then yeah there are lots of women like that who are sexy. Personally doesn't bother me at all, and sometimes can be better than a slim woman.

[blind_otter]

 

Same here - hate the gym! I keep trying to find one where the ladies aren't in full make-up and hogging the machines (while not doing much working out)!

 

I hate the gym too. You feel like you're eating other people's sweat. I do anyways. It's a thick miasma in the air all over the place, a mixture of chlorine from the pool and human B.O.(no, not me! body odor.)

 

Also, I hate it when the machines have sweat schmeared all over the place. It's just gross.

[mental_traveller]

Regarding teacher's pet's comments - I pretty much totally agree. There's absolutely nothing wrong with *choosing* to be fat - if you hate working out, hate gyms, and love food and drink, then why the hell not enjoy what you enjoy and ignore what you hate? In fact, given the social disapproval of being fat, it takes some balls to say to hell with everyone, I love things that make me fat, and hate what it takes to be atheletic. And you know, a fat person who's happy with being that way is a lot more attractive than someone who is guilt-ridden and pathetic about it. So if you just find that you end up overweight because of your preferences and choices in life, it is ridiculous and unproductive to blame yourself or hate yourself or any of the other nonsense that psychobabble America has foisted on the world in the last 30 years. Just be fat and enjoy it, and next time you see someone running on a treadmill for 30 minutes, or saying "sorry I can't have that champagne and caviar, I'm on a diet", you can laugh and feel sorry for them.

 

A happy, hedonsistic fat bloke or bird beats a guilt-ridden stressed out exercise-bike fanatic any day of the week!

[mental_traveller]

Girls - would you date a handsome multi-millionaire Hollywood film star who believed in commited relationships, loved you for who you are, but weighed 250lbs? Think a 6'2 younger Tom Cruise with a bit of a Jack Nicholson paunch.

[blind_otter]

Girls - would you date a handsome multi-millionaire Hollywood film star who believed in commited relationships, loved you for who you are, but weighed 250lbs? Think a 6'2 younger Tom Cruise with a bit of a Jack Nicholson paunch.

 

250 ain't all that much. But your scenario is pretty fantastical. Just because he was Mr. Magic man wouldn't negate my smallness, nor would it negate my fear of being crushed during intercourse.

[UnknowingOW]

Girls - would you date a handsome multi-millionaire Hollywood film star who believed in commited relationships, loved you for who you are, but weighed 250lbs? Think a 6'2 younger Tom Cruise with a bit of a Jack Nicholson paunch.

 

WOO HOO! Send him over!

 

Money doesn't matter...I make my own. However, finding someone who believes commitment NOW that is something I am interested in!

[alphamale]

Money doesn't matter...I make my own.

that's a total crock of bull-oney UOW...study after study has shown that even professional women want a man who makes more than they do.

[Teacher's Pet]

I have a fear of being crushed during sex.

 

Honey,

 

You've been with the WRONG fat guys.

 

Climbing on top of a woman and just lying there isn't what I'd consider "good lovemaking"...

 

It's all in the movement....and (most of) us fat guys know that..

 

I've been with girls 200lbs lighter than myself, and they sure didn't complain.

 

And of course, there is always doggie style.....woman on top......and various other fun things to do.

 

But hey, I'm just a fat guy.

 

-tp

just a fat guy.

[Teacher's Pet]

:lmao: well, at least you can lose the weight :lmao:

 

True.

 

Getting the foreskin back is a bit more complicated.

 

-tp

[alphamale]

I've been with girls 200lbs lighter than myself' date=' and they sure didn't complain. .[/quote']

thats cause they couldn't breathe T'sP....

[Zankon]

that sounded mean ... but it's hilarious!!!

[Teacher's Pet]

thats cause they couldn't breathe T'sP....

 

har har har, dee har har, Norton!

 

 

I have no problem getting on top of a woman.

 

First of all, no matter WHO you are, if you are applying your total body weight to a woman while on top, you aren't doing it right to begin with! You need some room to work it, if you know what I mean.

 

My ex enjoyed it a little rough, so I would grab her shoulders and PULL myself into her. Very little of my actual weight is "on" her, but the penetration is deeper and a lot harder still. She would arch her back, and put her legs around my chest, and the combination of her legs pulling me inward, my pulling on her shoulders, and the general "rhythm" of my lower body...

 

Well, let's just say... of all the complaints she had about me, sexual inability was NOT one of them.

 

Sadly, I'm rusty now. *sighs*

 

-tp

bangin' em out good since 1988