living with a large person

[allina]

Girls - would you date a handsome multi-millionaire Hollywood film star who believed in commited relationships, loved you for who you are, but weighed 250lbs? Think a 6'2 younger Tom Cruise with a bit of a Jack Nicholson paunch.

 

250 isnt that much for 6'2, so hell yes I would if I loved him as well.

 

However, to the OP, 260 lbs for a woman is a huge amount of access weight, and something that will take a long long time to lose. Think of it this way, 160lbs is overweight for a woman (usually) so your gf has well over 100lbs to lose, it would be something you would have to be understanding and patient with.

 

As for your questions, I would date a man that was overweight by a few lbs, but not a very obese man because I am not atracted to rolls upon rolls of fat and the squishy feeling of a very fat body.

 

I'm not as thin as I used to be when I lived with my parents and ate healthy home made food, but I'm no where near 260 lbs, not even close to 160lbs so I would like the same, close to normal proportions in a bf. My bf is 6' and around 175, I think he's absolutely gorgeous, but I wouldnt find him any less attractive if he gained 20 lbs or so.

[Guest.girl]

I took her to a gym and she enrolled. 3 weeks later, she had every excuse on earth to why she s not going. So I bought her an ipod she got all excited still nothing... then I bought her an ipod sport's pouch and I said this way the music will really pump you up... still she never steped foot back in the gym.

 

 

I think there is some deep psychological issue with her that she is unwilling to do something to loose some weight. She may need to see a psychologist for this, this is for her health's sake.

[Walk]

Lately she's very distant (I felt) ans said that I am controlling and I want her to be what I want her to be which is not necessarly who she is. She said she cant find herself anymore. I explained I was just trying to help her better herself in some subjects. She argued I make her feel unworthy, useless and uncapable.

I was kind of wondering if she was feeling this way... I think your intentions are good. If that makes any difference.

 

The way I see it.. you see potential in her to be someone really great. And you want that for her. So you make suggestions, comments, thoughts on how she can achieve that. And when she doesn't seem motivated, then you feel you have to try again, or try in a different way because your first way didn't work. And you do want to help, so you keep trying.

 

But what she is hearing is that she isn't "perfect" as she is right now... if only she'd just change (this) about herself, then you would love her. But that leaves a person feeling like they aren't good enough as they are. That you don't love the whole them.. but only a portion of who they are. The person feels "less".

 

Maybe if I related it to something else... (feel free to tell my I'm WAY off track. I won't take offense.) Hypothetically.. Your gf tells you she wants you to dress more stylishly. She explains she thinks you'll feel more confident about yourself, that you'll have more fun, and that you'll feel better about yourself. But you've always worn the clothes you have. The nasty jeans with the ripped up t-shirt. It comfortable. Known. So she goes out and buys you a whole new set of clothes she wants you to wear. But you feel self-concious wearing the clothes, so you slip on your favorite jeans. She doesn't tell you out right that she's unhappy with your choice, but you know she is... Plus you expect her to be unhappy about it, so even if she doesn't do anything obvious, you interpret it as displeasure in your choice.

 

Say you did want to be more fashionable to make her happy, but you knew that one of the reasons she wanted you more fashionable is because her friends were making fun of her for being with you. Even if it wasn't "the main" reason she wanted you to dress better... wouldn't you internalize it as a big reason she wanted you to change. That she's embarresed by WHO YOU ARE. So she wanted you to change to be someone she could be proud of.

 

And would that make you question that if you did change into what she said she wanted... would she later change her mind again, and want someone different from who you had changed into? Would she ever be happy with you just as you are? Would you believe she really loved you for you? What if you never reached your potential? Would she still love you? Or would she leave you when she realizes you aren't who she wanted you to be?

 

So because this is all emotions and there is no logic behind it and I really can't explain it therefore I apologized to her very deeply and said that it was never my intention to make her feel as such... I don't think that made a difference although she claims she s ok because I always feel that distance

 

I think it didn't make a difference because you don't understand what the problem is. She feels frustrated because she is feeling upset, and although you see she has a problem, you don't understand and therefore it can't be resolved. So it will continue to be a problem. No matter how much you apologize and say you don't want to make her feel bad... you still make her feel that way, and it won't change unless you understood what behavior made her feel that way.

 

So she distanced herself in order to protect her heart. There's a problem. She attempted to talk to you. There was no resolution. Problem still exists.

 

Did any of that make sense to you? I'm not always the clearest in trying to express my thoughts... Or it might not be the true situation. I'm only going off what little you've posted... so might not be accurate.

[Adunaphel]

ok its its a date...... but keep your hands off my Pop Tarts or you get the fork!

 

Yay!!!!!!!!!

 

(Your new avatar is slightly disquieting, btw)

 

----------------

 

Zankon,

 

I think that Walk's post makes perfect sense and is very, very probably right on spot.

[blind_otter]

I think there is some deep psychological issue with her that she is unwilling to do something to loose some weight. She may need to see a psychologist for this, this is for her health's sake.

 

I remember hearing about a resistance to losing weight in college aged women when I was in college, I read an article for a women's psychology class about how some overweight women stay heavy as a form of protection. Most of these women were sexually assaulted or molested as children, and they chose to de-sexualize themselves by gaining weight so that men would not look at them with sexual desire. The lascivious looks apparently caused an anxiety response.

 

I obviously have no clue if this is your partner's problem or not, but there are psychological reasons why people are resistant to weight loss. This is one of many.

[Zankon]

I see what you mean and it makes lots of sense. Now that I am thinking about

other things I said or did, your comments are helping me put more pieces of the puzzle together.

 

You see, I am that type of person who will always take a good suggestion

with open arms... let's say we're playing football and you come to me and

you say : "buddy you suck at XYZ" I ll respond by "Ok, so how do I improve that?"

 

I know that people don't like to be criticised but knowing that we're together

bf/gf and all, there should be no bounderies... but it seems not.

 

So, do you think I should stop trying to motivate and do things for her

and let her be on her own? Should I just back off totally or shoud I keep

trying but less rigorously?

[2sunny]

Girls - would you date a handsome multi-millionaire Hollywood film star who believed in commited relationships, loved you for who you are, but weighed 250lbs? Think a 6'2 younger Tom Cruise with a bit of a Jack Nicholson paunch.

 

depends on his "package" and how he uses it.... hmmmmm

[Walk]

You see, I am that type of person who will always take a good suggestion with open arms... let's say we're playing football and you come to me and you say : "buddy you suck at XYZ" I ll respond by "Ok, so how do I improve that?"

 

My bf's the same way as you.. I think it's part of how men/women communicate that causes the problem.

 

I think it's a fine line between supportive and pushing too hard. I'm not sure exactly where her "line" would be.. for me, I prefer that my bf ask if I need/want anything, but not suggest a specific direction. That way he leaves it up to me without influencing me toward anything specific.

 

I'll have to think on this for a bit...

[Walk]

So, do you think I should stop trying to motivate and do things for her and let her be on her own? Should I just back off totally or shoud I keep trying but less rigorously?

 

I think if you concentrated on increasing her self-esteem/confidence (without focusing on weight) that losing weight might become a side-effect.

 

I know when I feel good about myself as far as accomplishments or intellect or whatever, then I have a tendency to take better care of my body. The worse I feel about my abilities... it all goes down hill.

 

So maybe just shift your focus from her weight, to her making her feel like she is princess/queen of your world as she is.. Help build her confidence, and feeling of self-worth. Compliment the things she is good at, notice the accomplishments, the hard work, even the little things...

 

Potentially this could take away some of the comfort food eating, which may decrease her weight some... Plus, some fat women can be Sexy when they're confident. Which would really help in the "romantic" portion of your relationship. She might not lose a ton of weight but she may find renewed energy to be a better lover for you.. And don't forget that sex is exercise! You could really work together to burn off calories.

 

At some point, you're going to have to face the fact that she will probably be heavy her entire life. Best case scenario it'll be something she'll struggle with for life. Is that something you could accept or even want to?

[Mirage222]

I am a women and NO I would not date an overweight by any means man. I am 115lbs. and I'm sorry but I have no attraction to anyone for that matter who cannot see their shoes or other places because their gut is hanging over their belts. To me, normal weight is healthy. Heavy guy or gal is just not healthy, appealing, nice nothing and its a shame because there are SO MANY nice, beautiful people that are stuck in "fat suits"

[Zankon]

No I really don't want her to be obese all her life. I saw on Life Tv that she might suffer from heart and liver problems at a later age plus some bone problems and veins etc. I mean as somebody said 160lb for a girl her height 5'7" is overweight but she is 259lb to be exact. I am 5'7" too but only 155lb How long would it take a person to lose that much weight anyways?

[Mirage222]

I see what you mean and it makes lots of sense. Now that I am thinking about

other things I said or did, your comments are helping me put more pieces of the puzzle together.

 

You see, I am that type of person who will always take a good suggestion

with open arms... let's say we're playing football and you come to me and

you say : "buddy you suck at XYZ" I ll respond by "Ok, so how do I improve that?"

 

I know that people don't like to be criticised but knowing that we're together

bf/gf and all, there should be no bounderies... but it seems not.

 

So, do you think I should stop trying to motivate and do things for her

and let her be on her own? Should I just back off totally or shoud I keep

trying but less rigorously?

 

I'm just jumping in here "Z" because I live for what your saying "Bussy you suck"... OK, how do I improve that" .. that's my life too.. I for one am ok with critisizm because it just makes you out to be a stronger, more conscience people about your mind, body and soul.

 

As for your girl SHE should want to help herself. She is missing out on so many great possibilites that life has to offer .. not just from a healthy perspective but in EVERY way. Think about it this way i.e. : The other day I had to get myself in a 1 foot area and I did side ways, but I did and at that moment I though... not many other people can use themselves like this and I thought how sad that everyone was created/born as "little people" and when we became aware of who we are we either helped ourselves along or did not. Basically what I am saying Z is that your girl could and should be able to do everything that a 120lbs-er + is doing ... but who at 260 could?

 

I look beyond looks in a scene .. but not when the other person is not conscience of the destruction that awaits them.

[burning 4 revenge]

What a few people alluded to, but not many want to say straight up is that a large amount of excessive fat is unattractive. It distorts the human form and the human face.

[alphamale]

I remember hearing about a resistance to losing weight in college aged women when I was in college, I read an article for a women's psychology class about how some overweight women stay heavy as a form of protection. Most of these women were sexually assaulted or molested as children, .

who were they molested by? a box of twinkies and a double whopper combo?

[RecordProducer]

Q1:

Girls, would you go out and/or build a relationship with a fat man?

Q2:

If no, why. If yes, what's your weight limit?

A1: No, I am not attracted to fat men. I am thin myself (not skinny).

A2: I find it unattractive. I must admit I was thinking for a while about whether to post this or not, but I decided to be brutally honest and maybe motivate someone to do something healthy for him/herself: I think overweight people look kinda retarded. That's the part that turns me off. Plus a huge, round body is far from attractive to me.

 

I could bear up to 40 lbs of extra weight. That's if my partner gained it, but I wouldn't go out with a guy who has more than 20 lbs of excessive weight.

 

There's a product named "Hot Rox" that I bought in Wallgreens, that suppresses my appetite greatly. I am sure most weight-loss pills do the same. I take 10 pills a day (twice, on empty stomach).

[alphamale]

I am thin myself (not skinny).

what's your BMI?

[allina]

 

There's a product named "Hot Rox" that I bought in Wallgreens, that suppresses my appetite greatly. I am sure most weight-loss pills do the same. I take 10 pills a day (twice, on empty stomach).

 

Wow, I'm sure that's healthy Diet pills are pretty dangerous, I hope no fat kid reading this is encouraged to start taking them.

[stoopid_guy]

A1: No, I am not attracted to fat men. I am thin myself (not skinny).

A2: I find it unattractive. I must admit I was thinking for a while about whether to post this or not, but I decided to be brutally honest and maybe motivate someone to do something healthy for him/herself: I think overweight people look kinda retarded. That's the part that turns me off. Plus a huge, round body is far from attractive to me.

Um... Why would this "motivate someone to do something healthy for him/herself?" (assume you mean loose weight?)

[Guest]

Wow, I'm sure that's healthy Diet pills are pretty dangerous, I hope no fat kid reading this is encouraged to start taking them.

 

hahahah!!!!!!!!!

 

I'd rather be fat and happy then live under the constraints imposed by those beliefs. hahaha

[RecordProducer]

No I really don't want her to be obese all her life. I saw on Life Tv that she might suffer from heart and liver problems at a later age plus some bone problems and veins etc. I mean as somebody said 160lb for a girl her height 5'7" is overweight but she is 259lb to be exact. I am 5'7" too but only 155lb How long would it take a person to lose that much weight anyways?

I am 5'6" and 124 lbs. 259 is 110-120 lbs more than she needs.

 

She needs at least 6 months to lose all that fat if she is persistent and consistent in her diet. She should try the boneless chicken-fish-egg whites + veggies + fruits diet and got o sleep half hungry every night. Walking and swimming are excellent for losing weight. Jogging and lifting weights will shape her body.

 

I just can't believe that so many people would rather eat like pigs, look ugly, and put their health in jeaopardy than look great and be healthy and give up their guilty pleasures. It does take discipline and I don't buy the 'what if she has health problems" thing. Yeah, right! All the fat people have good excuses to be fat and no matter how hard they try, nothing works. I wonder if they have ever really tired to lose weight.

 

You cannot lose weight unless you are hungry. The human body is NOT programmed to lose weight if you eat as much as your body needs. Exercise won't help you lose weight if you make it up later. There is no such exercise that a fat person's heart can endure that can spend 2,000 calories from one good meal!!!

[RecordProducer]

Um... Why would this "motivate someone to do something healthy for him/herself?" (assume you mean loose weight?)

Because telling overweight people that looks don't matter doesn't help them get rid of their excessive weight? It's the truth they need to know. I would "declare an emergency state" if I would wake up some day and see myself with 100 extra lbs. I would lock myself in the house and not get out until I look good. Obviously some people can't see themselves with somebody else's eyes.

 

If I had a fat child (adult), I would tell them: "Stop eating, you fat pig!" I certainly wouldn't cook their favorite meal for them.

[alphamale]

If I had a fat child (adult), I would tell them: "Stop eating, you fat pig!" I certainly wouldn't cook their favorite meal for them.

you wouldn't have to cook anything cause thier favourite meal would be McDonalds, Burger King and Pizza Hut

[RecordProducer]

Wow, I'm sure that's healthy Diet pills are pretty dangerous, I hope no fat kid reading this is encouraged to start taking them.

Yeah, I hope they continue to wrap the cholesterol around their hearts and blood vessels and inject sugar into their cells for the rest of their lives rather than take some "dangerous" pill for a few weeks. :rolleyes:

 

It's so easy to say "Go exercise every day!" or "Don't eat!" when you're starving. It's just hard to do it, nothing else. Fat people are fat because they ENJOY being fat and sick, not because it's so HARD to lose weight, huh?

[allina]

Yeah, I hope they continue to wrap the cholesterol around their hearts and blood vessels and inject sugar into their cells for the rest of their lives rather than take some "dangerous" pill for a few weeks. :rolleyes:

 

It's so easy to say "Go exercise every day!" or "Don't eat!" when you're starving. It's just hard to do it, nothing else. Fat people are fat because they ENJOY being fat and sick, not because it's so HARD to lose weight, huh?

 

Uhh high cholesterol and diet pills are far from being the only options, also diet pills don't really have all that much to do with cholesterol levels. It sounds as if you were saying that if one is not taking diet pills thay are consuming large amounts or sugar and fat, this makes no sense. I was not advocating fat/being fat at all, but I dislike the whole diet pill market that has become popular. Personally I would prefer a slightly chubby bf than one that is cracked out from popping pills.

[stoopid_guy]

Because telling overweight people that looks don't matter doesn't help them get rid of their excessive weight? It's the truth they need to know. I would "declare an emergency state" if I would wake up some day and see myself with 100 extra lbs. I would lock myself in the house and not get out until I look good. Obviously some people can't see themselves with somebody else's eyes.

 

If I had a fat child (adult), I would tell them: "Stop eating, you fat pig!" I certainly wouldn't cook their favorite meal for them.

I doubt many would think that looks don't matter, but I also wouldn't consider you finding fat people unattractive as any motivation to loose weight. (If I misinterpreted your meaning, I apologize.)

 

Getting healthy, feeling better, and having fun is good motivation to loose. Attracting a member of the opposite sex isn't.