Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[Ross_K]

If you found a guy physically unattractive, but he was really confident, would you be attracted to him?

 

When you honeys say you like confidence in men, what exactly do you mean by confidence, someone who is really extraverted?

[Pink Amulet]

Someone who doesn't have to ask how to make girls attracted to him is a good sign of confidence.

 

What's up Ross?

 

Did some girl say she wasn't attracted to you and now you are trying to win her back by being something you aren't?

 

It's just a lot of your posts/threads seem to be fixated on this line of questioning.

 

Just curious...

[superconductor]

Someone who doesn't have to ask how to make girls attracted to him is a good sign of confidence.

Well, maybe so PA, but after all, this is a message board about relationships, so I don't think the question is out line at all.

 

Ross, I won't pretend to speak for women here, but from a guy's point of view, if there's no physical attraction to a woman, then her confidence level is pretty much irrelevant. If she's physically attractive, but has the spine of a jellyfish, then I'm not interested either. If she's got both attractiveness and confidence - much like PA here - then I'm interested.

 

I don't imagine it's much different for women, though I'm willing to be wrong on that.

[Ripples]

Yep, I'd say that's very true SC, although, if the man is confident but not considered physically attractive, I'd still be likely to fancy him.

 

Mind you, there is overconfidence, narcissism is very unattractive, and I should imagine that's the same for men too

[Ross_K]

Someone who doesn't have to ask how to make girls attracted to him is a good sign of confidence.

 

Well, I guess. But I'm asking because I don't actually attract girls, not because I just think I don't attract them.

 

What's up Ross?

 

Did some girl say she wasn't attracted to you and now you are trying to win her back by being something you aren't?

 

No it's not that. It's because no girl has ever acted interested in me before.

 

Hmmm, you say that being something you aren't (as in having more confidence) as if it's a bad thing...

 

It's just a lot of your posts/threads seem to be fixated on this line of questioning.

 

Just curious...

 

Lol, it's because I'm just curious too, I'm just trying to work out what is happening with me.

[Pink Amulet]

Well, maybe so PA, but after all, this is a message board about relationships, so I don't think the question is out line at all.

 

I never said it was out of line at all Apologies if it came across that way.

 

I was merely asking what was really going on with him as his questions were obviously eluding to some personal problems... just trying to get to the bottom of it. And ta da! I have!

 

No it's not that. It's because no girl has ever acted interested in me before.

 

Okay first of all how old are you? School Job?

 

Are you a city boy, or a country boy?

 

Do you spend much time with any females? Apart of course from mum, sister, and cousins.

 

Have you ever shown obvious interest in any females before?

 

Have you shared a close bond with any females?

[Ross_K]

Okay first of all how old are you? School Job?

 

I'm 30, I don't work right now.

 

Are you a city boy, or a country boy?

 

I've been a city boy for most of my life but now I'm living in the country since my mum moved there.

 

Do you spend much time with any females? Apart of course from mum, sister, and cousins.

 

I used to until I was around 24.

 

Have you ever shown obvious interest in any females before?

 

No, apart from asking my mates to ask them if they would snog me.

 

Have you shared a close bond with any females?

 

I've just had two female friends and that's it. Offline I find it extreamley hard to make a connection with women, but maybe I was always surrounded by the wrong type and that's why. *Shrugs*

[superconductor]

No, apart from asking my mates to ask them if they would snog me.

Please excuse my ignorance of the term, but WTF does "snog" mean? It sounds, errr, kinda rude...

[Ross_K]

French kiss.

 

Where I'm from we actually use the term 'go', not snog, but I thought I'd say snog since it seems to be a well known term whereas I don't think anyone will have heard of 'go' on here.

[Ripples]

I'm 30, I don't work right now.

I've been a city boy for most of my life but now I'm living in the country since my mum moved there.

I used to until I was around 24.

No, apart from asking my mates to ask them if they would snog me.

I've just had two female friends and that's it. Offline I find it extreamley hard to make a connection with women, but maybe I was always surrounded by the wrong type and that's why. *Shrugs*

 

Ok, so from this we can determine you're 30, you live at home with your mother, you haven't been around females for six years and you ask your friends to ask women to french kiss you. Isn't this all telling you something?

[Ross_K]

Ok, so from this we can determine you're 30, you live at home with your mother, you haven't been around females for six years and you ask your friends to ask women to french kiss you. Isn't this all telling you something?

 

You're not looking at the whole picture, you've unknowingly just picked particular factors and put them together to conclude something when it isn't like that.

[tanbark813]

Ok, so from this we can determine you're 30, you live at home with your mother, you haven't been around females for six years and you ask your friends to ask women to french kiss you. Isn't this all telling you something?

 

 

That was so awesome.

 

Yeah man, asking your friends to ask your girls if they'd kiss you is what you do in 3rd grade. 30 year old men grab the girl they're interested in and plant one on her.

[alphamale]

Yeah man, asking your friends to ask your girls if they'd kiss you is what you do in 3rd grade.

to my best recollection i think most 3rd grade boys were more interested in frogs than kissing girls

[Ross_K]

My problems with women aren't just down to what Ripples mentioned, since there was a time where living with my mum wouldn't have put women off (in fact it still doesn't with some online women now), I had been around a lot of women until I was around 24, and asking friends to ask women to french kiss you is acceptable when you're younger (at least it is where I'm from). But yet not one woman offline in the whole of my life has acted like she's attracted to me.

 

To clarify, I wouldn't ask a friend to ask a woman to French kiss me now at my age.

[tanbark813]

to my best recollection i think most 3rd grade boys were more interested in frogs than kissing girls

 

I generally operate outside the norm.

 

[Ross_K]

 

That was so awesome.

 

Yeah man, asking your friends to ask your girls if they'd kiss you is what you do in 3rd grade. 30 year old men grab the girl they're interested in and plant one on her.

 

I don't mean any offence but didn't you read the post above yours?

[norajane]

If you found a guy physically unattractive, but he was really confident, would you be attracted to him?

 

When you honeys say you like confidence in men, what exactly do you mean by confidence, someone who is really extraverted?

 

Yes, I've become attracted to men who are confident even though I didn't initially find them physically attractive.

 

It's not necessarily being extroverted. It's a belief in themselves and their inherent worth.

[tanbark813]

I don't mean any offence but didn't you read the post above yours?

 

Yes.

 

Anyway, one problem with the whole confidence thing is you're not going to be able to exude it if you keep putting yourself down or keep thinking that no girl does/will find you attractive. You have to genuinely believe that you're attractive to women and that vibe will help produce an air of confidence. Just don't overdo it or you come off as an arrogant prick.

[Ross_K]

It's a belief in themselves and their inherent worth.

 

Could you expand on these two things please? I don't really know what believing in yourself and what inherent worth means.

[alphamale]

Just don't overdo it or you come off as an arrogant prick.

in this situation its better to overdo it than underdo it...

[tanbark813]

in this situation its better to overdo it than underdo it...

 

Yeah, I would agree with that.

[Ross_K]

Yes.

 

Sorry, I actually took your post in the wrong way and saw it as though you were agreeing with Ripples, like you thought my problem was just down to the things she mentioned.

 

Anyway, one problem with the whole confidence thing is you're not going to be able to exude it if you keep putting yourself down or keep thinking that no girl does/will find you attractive. You have to genuinely believe that you're attractive to women and that vibe will help produce an air of confidence. Just don't overdo it or you come off as an arrogant prick.

 

Yeah, I guess this would work.

 

I think I do look quite attractive in the mirror, but I think I used to think that women should find me attractive and then hoping that it'd turn out to be true, instead of really believing that women will find me attractive.

 

In the end I just gave up hope because of no women ever acting like they're interested and women actually saying I'm ugly and saying 'no, ****off!' or 'no, he's ugly', whenever a friend would ask them if they were interested in me or whether they'd go with me.

[dgiirl]

Ross, it sounds like you havent done much work in asking women out. It sounds like you expect women just to approach you or you get your friends to ask the girl out for you. At the age of 30, you should have much more experience than what you do. You need to get out there, take a few rejections and grow a little backbone and thick skin.

[alphamale]

You need to get out there, take a few rejections and grow a little backbone and thick skin.

getting a job and moving out of mom's house probably would not hurt either...

[whichwayisup]

Ross, did you ever start therapy? I do remember that was something you were looking into the last few times you posted over the summer.