Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

How come? You're nice looking and seem like a nice person.

 

Well, they just like somebody "else," so, what can you do... But thanks, I think I'm a nice person. You sound like a nice person too.

 

I can't understand it either.

 

And I've gotten a lot of "you don't respect yourself" and all that kind of stuff as well. But I don't care so much, they just think differently than the way I do.

 

Yeah I know. I think he's still lucky though, at least he knows it's possible for him to attract someone and it can happen again. I don't even have that.

 

Yeah, you are right. At least he had "one" girlfriend in his life. And he is a very good looking fellow, and very smart and articulate. But he sucked at getting girls. This is what he had to say about the gf he had.

 

(Hope I'm not boring you too much)

 

------

 

Some girl: So, what do you think the reason for that is? I mean, what did you do differently then than you did later?

 

Fusangite: From the age of 13 to 18, I failed at every attempt at dating. When I was 18, I successfully pursued a woman who ended up becoming my fiancee; we were together for 6 years before she left me. Since then, I have gone back to failing at every attempt for the ensuing nine years.

 

What was special about my one success? The fact that she was raised in a small very isolated extremely rural community by a group of drop-outs who rejected many mainstream social values and in which she was exposed to very little mainstream culture beyond certain books.

 

Basically, the problem is that I have never had the ability to date women raised in modern North American society. I was just really fortunate in meeting one who, while being very educated and intelligent (and therefore able to communicate about shared ideas and concepts), was not.

 

It's not so much having lost a skill set as never having acquired it.

 

-----------

 

So, maybe if you try to date someone in an isolated rural community? Argh, who knows where to go find love really.

 

Lol, they sound crazy, what are they, Flamingos or something?

 

Oh, they are some geese I think. Some have blue eyes

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I know I know. Offline women just don't seem to notice me, even to just get checked out a few times would be really nice.

 

I have the same problem. But I asked around and it seems it is because I'm usually serious. I don't know. But if I go to a place where guys are drunk I get more attention.

 

So, maybe girls are too shy or something like that.

 

But you really do seem like a wonderful guy, it's strange to me too that you don't have a girlfriend. Go figure.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

And that's terrible that they attack you those youngsters. Poor baby. And you have to go with your mother.. awww...

 

Do you think it is because they associate you with some political something? I don't know about those things in the UK though. But I know that they attack the Irish this or that.

 

Ariadne

[Moai]

I know I know. Offline women just don't seem to notice me, even to just get checked out a few times would be really nice.

 

I am not sre what you expect, man. Most men don't get "checked out" by women, ever. I am sure Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise do, but that's it. I am "checked out" by women frequently, I guess, but I am tall and have a bit of a reputation as a character in the places I go. It is nice to have a reputation that precedes you. I am not bad looking, I could drop some weight for sure, but that has nothing to do with it. I have a well-developed personality and tons of interests so I can talk to anybody about pretty much anything. I am always having fun, and always happy, and so people are drawn to me. I never want for company, female or otherwise. That is not to say I get laid all the time, but I do have awesome relationships with some amazing women. And men, too.

 

Everyone has limitations and insecurities. Most people don't let them hold them back.

 

Yeah I know. I think he's still lucky though, at least he knows it's possible for him to attract someone and it can happen again. I don't even have that.

 

You have to start somewhere, bro. I have read that you said you "can't do (whatever) right now. Actually, you can. If you are waiting for therapy, or waiting to get fitter, or waiting for"x" you will spend your whole life waiting. And then you'll be 70 and in the same place you are. And that would suck, right?

 

I was recently in Tonga for my sister's wedding. One night, my buddy and I were in a club and there was this woman--god, she was amazing. The way she danced was so hypnotic--all Tongan women move well--that I was captivated. She had long dark hair, a face like Helen of Troy, and her body was to die for. She was about 5'6" and was carrying about 20 extra pounds, which made her so sexy I was drooling. A woman who is as comfortable with her body as she was is so sexy, and she had it all in all the right places...

 

Anyway, I watched her dance for thirty minutes or so, and then she went over to sit down. As you might imagine, men were swarming around her. I stood across the bar and thought about approaching her. I could just leave it like it was, and have it be this beaufiful memory of an amazing chick, or go over and actually talk to her, and possibly be rejected and put a damper on the whole thing. The feeling I had while thinking about this was so pure and awesome I didn't want to ruin it. It was almost poetic.

 

I was watching all these guys approach her and get shot down, and then I decided, "Screw it!" I can't let this go without at least giving it a shot. I walked over, and as I did another guy saw me coming and backed off (which was funny). I stood next to her and said, "Hi. My name is Moai. I was watching you dance earlier, and I just had to come over and tell you how much I enjoyed it. You're amazing." And what happened? She smiled, told me her name, and pulled out ther chair next to her. I ended up spending the rest of the evening with her, and she was every bit as amazing as I thought she was. And the whole thing is a memory that will stay with me forever.

 

I mention this for several reasons. First, there were many thoughts going through my head about how badly the whole thing could have gone. I mean, she could have hated me. There was a lot of competition, why would she pick me? It would ruin my night if she blew me off. And on and on.

 

But I fought through it. Why not approach her, I figured. If I didn't, I would regret it for the rest of my life, and wonder what might have been. Now I don't have to worry about that!

 

I wasn't born with the ability to talk to women. I practiced. If you want to attract women, you have to practice. Therapy will not help you with this. You can sit and talk all you want, but until you actually start talking to women you will NEVER get the confidence you need to attract a woman. Ever. There are no changes you can make yourself that will have a magical effect on you and make you attractive.

 

In one of your posts you menitoned that there is nothing wrong with your attitude. No offense, but there is a lot wrong with your attitude. You say things like you didn't ask to be incel, you didn't ask to be picked on, etc. Maybe not, but you are in charge of how you deal with it. And you are letting it defeat you.

 

I was picked on when younger, too. More than most people. I am pretty sensitive, and when younger any rejection at all hurt so bad I felt like I couldn't go on. I didn't attend one school dance from 8th grade through high school. I went on one date, and it was horrible. I was such a dork it was pathetic. I never went to parties or anything. I still beat myself up about it sometimes.

 

I remember once on my way to the swim team bus an enemy walked up and punched me in the face, and I just stood there. I didn't hit him back or anything. Of course, there were girls watching, and I felt like the weakest, most ineffectual douchebag ever.

 

I am not sure when it happened, but one day I decided that I didn't want to be the way I was, and started to make changes. I was sick of it. So, in college I started talking ot girls. I would walk up and ask them out. And it went horribly, at first. Then I got better at it. I started going to parties, and I got better at that, too. I got into a couple fights, and instead of cowering in fear I fought back. Slowly, my confidence improved. I started getting somewhere with women, and men started respecting me more. The more it happened, the better it got. And now I am really happy with my life and relationships. I can still improve, and work at it, but it's a journey and that's the point.

 

You have to start somewhere. The only person keeping you from improving is you, and your attitude. Again, if you wait for the right situation before you change you never will. The situation doesn't exist. You will always find a reason to stay where you are, because as bad as it sucks, it is comfortable and you are used to it.

 

I know nothing anyone says will make you change. You have to do it. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Think about all the time in your life that has already gone by, and all the opportunities you have missed. How many more are you willing to miss?

 

None of the problems you have are innate. You don't have brain damage or anything, you are just paralyzed by your own fear. It seems to me you have too high of an opinion of others preceptions of you, and are so afraid of a setback you don't even try. The truth is people see you as you see yourself.

 

Once I remember I was walking through a Walmart, and I was consciously thinking, "I am supremely confident. I dominate all that I survey." I was screwing around in my head, which I often do. A woman walked up to me and asked me where something was, and then stopped and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you worked here! You are just so confident." I laughed, and it turned out I knew where in the store she needed to go and told her. I bumped into her again, and she giggled and smiled at me. I made a comment, and she giggles again. We ended up in the checkout line together, and I joked with her again. She wanted to give me her number, but I told her I had a girlfriend and that it wouldn't be a good idea. She said that my girlfriend was really lucky and that she hoped that she would bump into me again and see if my situation had changed.

 

Is that cool or what? And believe me, you can do the exact same thing. Try it, and you'll see. It really is easy. I know you probably don't believe me, that you think that I have some special thing you don't have, but that is not true.

 

EVERYONE has been rejected. Everyone is weird, everyone has been a jerk, everyone is insecure. You are no different from anyone else, except for the fact that you let things paralyze you. Nobody is in charge of your attitude but you. You can choose to focus on all of your shortcomings, or you can focus on your strengths and work to improve them. Life is all about risk, and until you risk something you won't get anything of value.

 

People really do want to be nice to you. All you have to do is let them. Girls like to talk to men, all you have to do is start talking to them. Why do you think there are kids running around everywhere? WOmen are looking fo rpeople to be with. Why not you? You aren't deformed, you aren't a criminal, and you aren't diseased. All you have is a bad attitude. Change it, and your life will change.

 

It seems, too, that you are to reactive. "I have these problems, I didn't ask for them, there is nothing I can do about it." Everything is happening TO you, you aren't making things happen FOR you. That is a false idea. You are in your situation because you allow yourself to be. There are people with way more issues than you and they are out there. They don't let it stop them, and you shouldn't either. Think about the poor person with palsy who would give anything to have a healthy body and be able to get out there in life. They would give anything to have what you have. There are people with terrible physical deformities that are doing more than you. Doesn't that make you feel terrible? Believe me, the only difference between you and them is they have a better attitude.

 

Support is not what you need. The support you are getting now is keeping you where you are, it is not helping you move forward. Think about it: if you actually start having sex, how would the others on the incel board react? Now they have a fellow whiner to talk to, and wallow with you in self-pity and negativism. If you were to break out and live, it would show them that they could do the same thing, and they would have to confront their own attitudes. That's scary, so without even thinking they strive to keep you where you are, so as not to challenge the world they have created. Don't be one of them anymore. Take a small step, any step, and build on it. Any experience, even a negative one, is better than no experience at all.

[SmoochieFace]

I am not sre what you expect, man. Most men don't get "checked out" by women, ever. I am sure Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise do, but that's it. I am "checked out" by women frequently, I guess, but I am tall and have a bit of a reputation as a character in the places I go. It is nice to have a reputation that precedes you. I am not bad looking, I could drop some weight for sure, but that has nothing to do with it. I have a well-developed personality and tons of interests so I can talk to anybody about pretty much anything. I am always having fun, and always happy, and so people are drawn to me. I never want for company, female or otherwise. That is not to say I get laid all the time, but I do have awesome relationships with some amazing women. And men, too.

 

Everyone has limitations and insecurities. Most people don't let them hold them back.

 

 

 

You have to start somewhere, bro. I have read that you said you "can't do (whatever) right now. Actually, you can. If you are waiting for therapy, or waiting to get fitter, or waiting for"x" you will spend your whole life waiting. And then you'll be 70 and in the same place you are. And that would suck, right?

 

I was recently in Tonga for my sister's wedding. One night, my buddy and I were in a club and there was this woman--god, she was amazing. The way she danced was so hypnotic--all Tongan women move well--that I was captivated. She had long dark hair, a face like Helen of Troy, and her body was to die for. She was about 5'6" and was carrying about 20 extra pounds, which made her so sexy I was drooling. A woman who is as comfortable with her body as she was is so sexy, and she had it all in all the right places...

 

Anyway, I watched her dance for thirty minutes or so, and then she went over to sit down. As you might imagine, men were swarming around her. I stood across the bar and thought about approaching her. I could just leave it like it was, and have it be this beaufiful memory of an amazing chick, or go over and actually talk to her, and possibly be rejected and put a damper on the whole thing. The feeling I had while thinking about this was so pure and awesome I didn't want to ruin it. It was almost poetic.

 

I was watching all these guys approach her and get shot down, and then I decided, "Screw it!" I can't let this go without at least giving it a shot. I walked over, and as I did another guy saw me coming and backed off (which was funny). I stood next to her and said, "Hi. My name is Moai. I was watching you dance earlier, and I just had to come over and tell you how much I enjoyed it. You're amazing." And what happened? She smiled, told me her name, and pulled out ther chair next to her. I ended up spending the rest of the evening with her, and she was every bit as amazing as I thought she was. And the whole thing is a memory that will stay with me forever.

 

I mention this for several reasons. First, there were many thoughts going through my head about how badly the whole thing could have gone. I mean, she could have hated me. There was a lot of competition, why would she pick me? It would ruin my night if she blew me off. And on and on.

 

But I fought through it. Why not approach her, I figured. If I didn't, I would regret it for the rest of my life, and wonder what might have been. Now I don't have to worry about that!

 

I wasn't born with the ability to talk to women. I practiced. If you want to attract women, you have to practice. Therapy will not help you with this. You can sit and talk all you want, but until you actually start talking to women you will NEVER get the confidence you need to attract a woman. Ever. There are no changes you can make yourself that will have a magical effect on you and make you attractive.

 

In one of your posts you menitoned that there is nothing wrong with your attitude. No offense, but there is a lot wrong with your attitude. You say things like you didn't ask to be incel, you didn't ask to be picked on, etc. Maybe not, but you are in charge of how you deal with it. And you are letting it defeat you.

 

I was picked on when younger, too. More than most people. I am pretty sensitive, and when younger any rejection at all hurt so bad I felt like I couldn't go on. I didn't attend one school dance from 8th grade through high school. I went on one date, and it was horrible. I was such a dork it was pathetic. I never went to parties or anything. I still beat myself up about it sometimes.

 

I remember once on my way to the swim team bus an enemy walked up and punched me in the face, and I just stood there. I didn't hit him back or anything. Of course, there were girls watching, and I felt like the weakest, most ineffectual douchebag ever.

 

I am not sure when it happened, but one day I decided that I didn't want to be the way I was, and started to make changes. I was sick of it. So, in college I started talking ot girls. I would walk up and ask them out. And it went horribly, at first. Then I got better at it. I started going to parties, and I got better at that, too. I got into a couple fights, and instead of cowering in fear I fought back. Slowly, my confidence improved. I started getting somewhere with women, and men started respecting me more. The more it happened, the better it got. And now I am really happy with my life and relationships. I can still improve, and work at it, but it's a journey and that's the point.

 

You have to start somewhere. The only person keeping you from improving is you, and your attitude. Again, if you wait for the right situation before you change you never will. The situation doesn't exist. You will always find a reason to stay where you are, because as bad as it sucks, it is comfortable and you are used to it.

 

I know nothing anyone says will make you change. You have to do it. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Think about all the time in your life that has already gone by, and all the opportunities you have missed. How many more are you willing to miss?

 

None of the problems you have are innate. You don't have brain damage or anything, you are just paralyzed by your own fear. It seems to me you have too high of an opinion of others preceptions of you, and are so afraid of a setback you don't even try. The truth is people see you as you see yourself.

 

Once I remember I was walking through a Walmart, and I was consciously thinking, "I am supremely confident. I dominate all that I survey." I was screwing around in my head, which I often do. A woman walked up to me and asked me where something was, and then stopped and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you worked here! You are just so confident." I laughed, and it turned out I knew where in the store she needed to go and told her. I bumped into her again, and she giggled and smiled at me. I made a comment, and she giggles again. We ended up in the checkout line together, and I joked with her again. She wanted to give me her number, but I told her I had a girlfriend and that it wouldn't be a good idea. She said that my girlfriend was really lucky and that she hoped that she would bump into me again and see if my situation had changed.

 

Is that cool or what? And believe me, you can do the exact same thing. Try it, and you'll see. It really is easy. I know you probably don't believe me, that you think that I have some special thing you don't have, but that is not true.

 

EVERYONE has been rejected. Everyone is weird, everyone has been a jerk, everyone is insecure. You are no different from anyone else, except for the fact that you let things paralyze you. Nobody is in charge of your attitude but you. You can choose to focus on all of your shortcomings, or you can focus on your strengths and work to improve them. Life is all about risk, and until you risk something you won't get anything of value.

 

People really do want to be nice to you. All you have to do is let them. Girls like to talk to men, all you have to do is start talking to them. Why do you think there are kids running around everywhere? WOmen are looking fo rpeople to be with. Why not you? You aren't deformed, you aren't a criminal, and you aren't diseased. All you have is a bad attitude. Change it, and your life will change.

 

It seems, too, that you are to reactive. "I have these problems, I didn't ask for them, there is nothing I can do about it." Everything is happening TO you, you aren't making things happen FOR you. That is a false idea. You are in your situation because you allow yourself to be. There are people with way more issues than you and they are out there. They don't let it stop them, and you shouldn't either. Think about the poor person with palsy who would give anything to have a healthy body and be able to get out there in life. They would give anything to have what you have. There are people with terrible physical deformities that are doing more than you. Doesn't that make you feel terrible? Believe me, the only difference between you and them is they have a better attitude.

 

Support is not what you need. The support you are getting now is keeping you where you are, it is not helping you move forward. Think about it: if you actually start having sex, how would the others on the incel board react? Now they have a fellow whiner to talk to, and wallow with you in self-pity and negativism. If you were to break out and live, it would show them that they could do the same thing, and they would have to confront their own attitudes. That's scary, so without even thinking they strive to keep you where you are, so as not to challenge the world they have created. Don't be one of them anymore. Take a small step, any step, and build on it. Any experience, even a negative one, is better than no experience at all.

 

 

Words of wisdom. This is a post that should be heeded.

[Walk]

Just because she doesn't let it defeat her doesn't mean that I have the same strength to do the same myself.

 

I don't have "strength" Ross. What I have, I've had to bust my ass for. It wasn't "natural", wasn't something I was born with. Took hard work, and effort. Not some mystical in-born quality.

[Green]

MOAI was inspirational. You need to push yourself. You said karate is really far away and you dont feel like traveling all the way out there but if its far away that would be even better because you have to much free time already part of your training would be getting outside your comfort zone and taking 2 trains. Look Ross you have it in you to be the man Just do it. that one girl who keeps posting on her Adrienne or something like that seems to have the hots for your avatar and you she gives u such good advice find a girl like that by you and ur set

[SmoochieFace]

MOAI was inspirational. You need to push yourself. You said karate is really far away and you dont feel like traveling all the way out there but if its far away that would be even better because you have to much free time already part of your training would be getting outside your comfort zone and taking 2 trains. Look Ross you have it in you to be the man Just do it. that one girl who keeps posting on her Adrienne or something like that seems to have the hots for your avatar and you she gives u such good advice find a girl like that by you and ur set

 

...

 

Seventeen miles isn't 'far away'. You could get on a bike and do 17 MPH and get there in ONE HOUR! And... as a great side benefit... get great exercise too. Build up those thighs and calves... women dig that on guys.

 

...

[Ariadne]

Hi you,

 

that one girl who keeps posting on her Adrienne or something like that seems to have the hots for your avatar and you

 

Well, I do find him physically attractive, he has nice lips.

 

But what I like the most about him is his personality. He is a very deep and sensitive guy. And he is confident. Is just that most of the people here thing differently than he does. I don't imagine how doing Tae Kwon Do would make anyone confident. You should do Tae Kwon Do if that is something that you are interested in doing only.

 

But you are right, if he found a girl that would appreciate him as he is and that he liked, he'd be set. Not an easy task for most people.

 

Ariadne

[SmoochieFace]

But what I like the most about him is his personality. He is a very deep and sensitive guy. And he is confident. Is just that most of the people here thing differently than he does. I don't imagine how doing Tae Kwon Do would make anyone confident. You should do Tae Kwon Do if that is something that you are interested in doing only.

 

Uh, I think you need to look up the definition of 'confidence'. Might wanna also check out 'deep' while you're at it too.

 

Sensitive? Yeah, that applies here most definitely - and not in a good way either.

 

And doing Tae Kwon Do or participating in any sport will help build confidence... as long as the person doesn't give up.

[Ross_K]

Well, they just like somebody "else," so, what can you do... But thanks, I think I'm a nice person. You sound like a nice person too.

 

Hmmm, that's pretty strange. Well, it's their loss.

 

And I've gotten a lot of "you don't respect yourself" and all that kind of stuff as well. But I don't care so much, they just think differently than the way I do.

 

Is this what the guys say?

 

Yeah, you are right. At least he had "one" girlfriend in his life. And he is a very good looking fellow, and very smart and articulate. But he sucked at getting girls. This is what he had to say about the gf he had.

 

(Hope I'm not boring you too much)

 

Lol, nah, you ain't boring me.

 

------

 

Some girl: So, what do you think the reason for that is? I mean, what did you do differently then than you did later?

 

Fusangite: From the age of 13 to 18, I failed at every attempt at dating. When I was 18, I successfully pursued a woman who ended up becoming my fiancee; we were together for 6 years before she left me. Since then, I have gone back to failing at every attempt for the ensuing nine years.

 

What was special about my one success? The fact that she was raised in a small very isolated extremely rural community by a group of drop-outs who rejected many mainstream social values and in which she was exposed to very little mainstream culture beyond certain books.

 

Basically, the problem is that I have never had the ability to date women raised in modern North American society. I was just really fortunate in meeting one who, while being very educated and intelligent (and therefore able to communicate about shared ideas and concepts), was not.

 

It's not so much having lost a skill set as never having acquired it.

 

-----------

 

So, maybe if you try to date someone in an isolated rural community? Argh, who knows where to go find love really.

 

Maybe maybe. Whether it was anything to do with her not being mainstream or whatever, I guess they just clicked.

 

Oh, they are some geese I think. Some have blue eyes

 

Ariadne

 

Blue eyes? I never knew birds could have blue eyes.

[Moai]

But what I like the most about him is his personality. He is a very deep and sensitive guy. And he is confident. Is just that most of the people here thing differently than he does. I don't imagine how doing Tae Kwon Do would make anyone confident. You should do Tae Kwon Do if that is something that you are interested in doing only.

 

But you are right, if he found a girl that would appreciate him as he is and that he liked, he'd be set. Not an easy task for most people.

 

Ariadne

 

Wow. I don't think that he is confident at all. What about him makes you think he is confident? Do you think a guy intimidated by young teens is confident? Do you think a guy who won't get a job because he is afraid is confident? Not to run the guy down, but man! Just by reading his posts he is the least confident guy I have ever heard of...

 

I am not trying to make you feel bad, Ross, honestly. I guess it did take some courage to start posting here, but take what little you have and build on it. Rome wasn't built in a day, and the longest journey begins with a single step.

 

Tae Kwon Do will increase his confidence exponentially. Not only will it help keep him fit, as he attains skills in the art he will be proud of that, and want to do more. Interestingly, for me taking up boxing helped immensely. The confidence you get after a few rounds on the heavy bag is awesome--not to mention sparring. Can't praise it enough. It'll also help him take care of himself if he should have to defend himself--which happens sometimes.

 

Ross--notice this: Even with all of your shortcomings and insecurities, there is a girl RIGHT here who thinks that you are attractive! She has seen your picture, and has interest in you right where you are now! Granted, it is online, but if you talked to as many women IRL as you do online, you'd get the same result. This is not as rare as you think.

 

Take this VERY POSITIVE reaction and build on it.

[Ross_K]

Oh yes, and it shows....

 

Wow, really? I've probably got much more depth to my personality than the average guy, all most average guys just seem to talk about football, women, who they shagged last night, and how many watts their car speakers are, and that's it.

 

Quit focusing on your body, Ross, I was talking about your mind. Theres that "depth" again.

 

Well, thanks for your opinion. But I don't agree. To be honest I'm not seeing much depth to your character so far so either. I don't mean any offence though.

 

There is a job search engine that is always looking for someone to go to China, and teach english, (and no, you dont have to speak chinese) for a year. They will take care of passports, visas, rent, transportation and food. You also get a paycheck. The only thing you have to do is be an english teacher for a year in exchange. I dont think its only China, though I see alot of job ads specifically for China.

 

What's the point in going to China for a year? I'll only have to come back. No but seriously, it sounds like something I'd enjoy, but the fact is I don't fancy being exicuted for human body parts.

[Ross_K]

Most people are not 'bad' and it's wrong to assume that everyone out there is 'bad'. I used to be the same way but it's amazing what a little CBT (that has been suggested to Ross before, BTW) can do to a person's attitude. Having a sense of humour never hurts as well.

 

Hmmm, I dunno about most people being bad, but I do have a sense of humour, and when I see the psychologist we'll be doing CBT.

 

I'd just like to say rabbit dude, tut tut, it seems like you've copped out.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Hmmm, that's pretty strange. Well, it's their loss.

 

It seems like every guy that I'm attracted to is emotionally unavailable for some reason or another. Even tough we click. This guy that I'm in love with got engaged to his ex-gf and stopped talking to me from one day to the next. (Well, not his fault, she didn't want him to).

 

Is this what the guys say?

 

No, what the people in the forum say. When I don't do as they say it's because I don't respect myself. Something like that.

 

Blue eyes? I never knew birds could have blue eyes.

 

Me neither, so cute, blue eyed geese with white feathers.

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Hey,

 

I have the same problem. But I asked around and it seems it is because I'm usually serious. I don't know. But if I go to a place where guys are drunk I get more attention.

 

 

Hey again

 

I've been told a lot that I look serious too, maybe that's my problem or part of my problem, that I look unaproachable.

 

 

So, maybe girls are too shy or something like that.

 

Yeah, I get the feeling that if there is a type of girl that is interested in me it'll usually be the shy type or at least the type who isn't totally mainstream and things she's really cool and better than a lot of other people. And I guess these types of girls (which seem rare) especially the shy types are rarely going to show interest.

 

But you really do seem like a wonderful guy, it's strange to me too that you don't have a girlfriend. Go figure.

 

Ariadne

 

Maybe the reason why I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm not nice looking in real life, maybe I don't even produce pheremones.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Wow. I don't think that he is confident at all. What about him makes you think he is confident?

 

Because he has his own point of view and is not idiotic doing as he is told. Because he can think for himself. Because he stands for himself. Because he knows what he wants and doesn't.

 

Do you think a guy intimidated by young teens is confident?

 

Why not? I'd get intimidated by teenagers with a bat as well. And robbers with guns and stuff like that.

 

Do you think a guy who won't get a job because he is afraid is confident?

 

I'm an engineer and I won't get a job. It gives me stress just to think about it. Jobs suck. That has nothing to do with being confident, it has to do with what you think is more important. I prefer the ducks

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Oh,

 

And that's terrible that they attack you those youngsters. Poor baby. And you have to go with your mother.. awww...

 

Do you think it is because they associate you with some political something? I don't know about those things in the UK though. But I know that they attack the Irish this or that.

 

Ariadne

 

I dunno Ariadne, maybe it's because I dress differently from them, and I'm also from somewhere else.

 

I'm from the city of Manchester, and wear sorta hip hop/rave style clothes, these guys always wear tracksuits and are in the countryside.

 

But who knows, maybe they just do it to everyone.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I've been told a lot that I look serious too, maybe that's my problem or part of my problem, that I look unaproachable.

 

That's what they told me too. So I asked here and people adviced me to smile at men and they'll approach. I'm just afraid to smile to some married guy or someone with a gf. But I guess you can't go too wrong with a smile, as long as you don't look desperate I suppose.

 

I had a thread here "how to find a date" because I don't know either.

 

And I guess these types of girls (which seem rare) especially the shy types are rarely going to show interest.

 

Oh, they probably would. Is just that the right match is hard to find for everybody. It took me 39 years to find that guy that went with the ex-gf (but I thought we matched)

 

maybe I don't even produce pheremones.

 

Haha! I'm sure you do. I saw the picture of your upper body and you are super sexy.

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

I am not sre what you expect, man. Most men don't get "checked out" by women, ever. I am sure Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise do, but that's it. I am "checked out" by women frequently, I guess, but I am tall and have a bit of a reputation as a character in the places I go. It is nice to have a reputation that precedes you. I am not bad looking, I could drop some weight for sure, but that has nothing to do with it. I have a well-developed personality and tons of interests so I can talk to anybody about pretty much anything. I am always having fun, and always happy, and so people are drawn to me. I never want for company, female or otherwise. That is not to say I get laid all the time, but I do have awesome relationships with some amazing women. And men, too.

 

Everyone has limitations and insecurities. Most people don't let them hold them back.

 

 

 

You have to start somewhere, bro. I have read that you said you "can't do (whatever) right now. Actually, you can. If you are waiting for therapy, or waiting to get fitter, or waiting for"x" you will spend your whole life waiting. And then you'll be 70 and in the same place you are. And that would suck, right?

 

I was recently in Tonga for my sister's wedding. One night, my buddy and I were in a club and there was this woman--god, she was amazing. The way she danced was so hypnotic--all Tongan women move well--that I was captivated. She had long dark hair, a face like Helen of Troy, and her body was to die for. She was about 5'6" and was carrying about 20 extra pounds, which made her so sexy I was drooling. A woman who is as comfortable with her body as she was is so sexy, and she had it all in all the right places...

 

Anyway, I watched her dance for thirty minutes or so, and then she went over to sit down. As you might imagine, men were swarming around her. I stood across the bar and thought about approaching her. I could just leave it like it was, and have it be this beaufiful memory of an amazing chick, or go over and actually talk to her, and possibly be rejected and put a damper on the whole thing. The feeling I had while thinking about this was so pure and awesome I didn't want to ruin it. It was almost poetic.

 

I was watching all these guys approach her and get shot down, and then I decided, "Screw it!" I can't let this go without at least giving it a shot. I walked over, and as I did another guy saw me coming and backed off (which was funny). I stood next to her and said, "Hi. My name is Moai. I was watching you dance earlier, and I just had to come over and tell you how much I enjoyed it. You're amazing." And what happened? She smiled, told me her name, and pulled out ther chair next to her. I ended up spending the rest of the evening with her, and she was every bit as amazing as I thought she was. And the whole thing is a memory that will stay with me forever.

 

I mention this for several reasons. First, there were many thoughts going through my head about how badly the whole thing could have gone. I mean, she could have hated me. There was a lot of competition, why would she pick me? It would ruin my night if she blew me off. And on and on.

 

But I fought through it. Why not approach her, I figured. If I didn't, I would regret it for the rest of my life, and wonder what might have been. Now I don't have to worry about that!

 

I wasn't born with the ability to talk to women. I practiced. If you want to attract women, you have to practice. Therapy will not help you with this. You can sit and talk all you want, but until you actually start talking to women you will NEVER get the confidence you need to attract a woman. Ever. There are no changes you can make yourself that will have a magical effect on you and make you attractive.

 

In one of your posts you menitoned that there is nothing wrong with your attitude. No offense, but there is a lot wrong with your attitude. You say things like you didn't ask to be incel, you didn't ask to be picked on, etc. Maybe not, but you are in charge of how you deal with it. And you are letting it defeat you.

 

I was picked on when younger, too. More than most people. I am pretty sensitive, and when younger any rejection at all hurt so bad I felt like I couldn't go on. I didn't attend one school dance from 8th grade through high school. I went on one date, and it was horrible. I was such a dork it was pathetic. I never went to parties or anything. I still beat myself up about it sometimes.

 

I remember once on my way to the swim team bus an enemy walked up and punched me in the face, and I just stood there. I didn't hit him back or anything. Of course, there were girls watching, and I felt like the weakest, most ineffectual douchebag ever.

 

I am not sure when it happened, but one day I decided that I didn't want to be the way I was, and started to make changes. I was sick of it. So, in college I started talking ot girls. I would walk up and ask them out. And it went horribly, at first. Then I got better at it. I started going to parties, and I got better at that, too. I got into a couple fights, and instead of cowering in fear I fought back. Slowly, my confidence improved. I started getting somewhere with women, and men started respecting me more. The more it happened, the better it got. And now I am really happy with my life and relationships. I can still improve, and work at it, but it's a journey and that's the point.

 

You have to start somewhere. The only person keeping you from improving is you, and your attitude. Again, if you wait for the right situation before you change you never will. The situation doesn't exist. You will always find a reason to stay where you are, because as bad as it sucks, it is comfortable and you are used to it.

 

I know nothing anyone says will make you change. You have to do it. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Think about all the time in your life that has already gone by, and all the opportunities you have missed. How many more are you willing to miss?

 

None of the problems you have are innate. You don't have brain damage or anything, you are just paralyzed by your own fear. It seems to me you have too high of an opinion of others preceptions of you, and are so afraid of a setback you don't even try. The truth is people see you as you see yourself.

 

Once I remember I was walking through a Walmart, and I was consciously thinking, "I am supremely confident. I dominate all that I survey." I was screwing around in my head, which I often do. A woman walked up to me and asked me where something was, and then stopped and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you worked here! You are just so confident." I laughed, and it turned out I knew where in the store she needed to go and told her. I bumped into her again, and she giggled and smiled at me. I made a comment, and she giggles again. We ended up in the checkout line together, and I joked with her again. She wanted to give me her number, but I told her I had a girlfriend and that it wouldn't be a good idea. She said that my girlfriend was really lucky and that she hoped that she would bump into me again and see if my situation had changed.

 

Is that cool or what? And believe me, you can do the exact same thing. Try it, and you'll see. It really is easy. I know you probably don't believe me, that you think that I have some special thing you don't have, but that is not true.

 

EVERYONE has been rejected. Everyone is weird, everyone has been a jerk, everyone is insecure. You are no different from anyone else, except for the fact that you let things paralyze you. Nobody is in charge of your attitude but you. You can choose to focus on all of your shortcomings, or you can focus on your strengths and work to improve them. Life is all about risk, and until you risk something you won't get anything of value.

 

People really do want to be nice to you. All you have to do is let them. Girls like to talk to men, all you have to do is start talking to them. Why do you think there are kids running around everywhere? WOmen are looking fo rpeople to be with. Why not you? You aren't deformed, you aren't a criminal, and you aren't diseased. All you have is a bad attitude. Change it, and your life will change.

 

It seems, too, that you are to reactive. "I have these problems, I didn't ask for them, there is nothing I can do about it." Everything is happening TO you, you aren't making things happen FOR you. That is a false idea. You are in your situation because you allow yourself to be. There are people with way more issues than you and they are out there. They don't let it stop them, and you shouldn't either. Think about the poor person with palsy who would give anything to have a healthy body and be able to get out there in life. They would give anything to have what you have. There are people with terrible physical deformities that are doing more than you. Doesn't that make you feel terrible? Believe me, the only difference between you and them is they have a better attitude.

 

Support is not what you need. The support you are getting now is keeping you where you are, it is not helping you move forward. Think about it: if you actually start having sex, how would the others on the incel board react? Now they have a fellow whiner to talk to, and wallow with you in self-pity and negativism. If you were to break out and live, it would show them that they could do the same thing, and they would have to confront their own attitudes. That's scary, so without even thinking they strive to keep you where you are, so as not to challenge the world they have created. Don't be one of them anymore. Take a small step, any step, and build on it. Any experience, even a negative one, is better than no experience at all.

 

There's quie a lot to go through here, I'll respond to your post in more detail later.

 

However I have had a quick scan through it and you say that most men don't get checked out by women ever, unless they're Brad Pitt.

 

Are you sure about that? I mean it seems to me that about 99% of guys have at least been hit on a few times throughout their lives in a bar, club or whatever. I mean, in that very post you just admitted that you've been checked out yourself.

[Ross_K]

I don't have "strength" Ross. What I have, I've had to bust my ass for. It wasn't "natural", wasn't something I was born with. Took hard work, and effort. Not some mystical in-born quality.

 

Trust me, you have strength otherwise you'd be like me. Strength is being able to carry on despite problems, emotional pain ect.

[SmoochieFace]

Because he has his own point of view and is not idiotic doing as he is told. Because he can think for himself. Because he stands for himself. Because he knows what he wants and doesn't.

 

People who are confident do not lash out at others who offer them advice. People who are confident do not resort to namecalling and other personal attacks when they are told things they do not wish to hear. People who are confident will swallow their pride and deal with their issues constructively instead of being passive and apathetic. People who are confident take the initiative.

 

 

I'm an engineer and I won't get a job. It gives me stress just to think about it. Jobs suck. That has nothing to do with being confident, it has to do with what you think is more important. I prefer the ducks

 

...

 

Yeah, I guess I should just quit my job and stay home cuz I prefer the bunnies. That'd be a real hoot!

[Ross_K]

MOAI was inspirational. You need to push yourself. You said karate is really far away and you dont feel like traveling all the way out there but if its far away that would be even better because you have to much free time already part of your training would be getting outside your comfort zone and taking 2 trains. Look Ross you have it in you to be the man Just do it. that one girl who keeps posting on her Adrienne or something like that seems to have the hots for your avatar and you she gives u such good advice find a girl like that by you and ur set

 

To be honest it's too much hassle, I know loads of people like rabbit guy will get mad at this but whatever.

 

If it was nearer, then yeah, maybe I'd go. But like I said, once I've got some wheels I'll give it some more thought.

[Ross_K]

...

 

Seventeen miles isn't 'far away'. You could get on a bike and do 17 MPH and get there in ONE HOUR! And... as a great side benefit... get great exercise too. Build up those thighs and calves... women dig that on guys.

 

...

 

To most people over here it's far away. I wouldn't even know my way over there anyway.

[Ross_K]

Uh, I think you need to look up the definition of 'confidence'. Might wanna also check out 'deep' while you're at it too.

 

And you think you aren't a bad person?

 

Prick...