Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[SmoochieFace]

Did you ever realise that some areas are bad or not suitable for a particular person, because of lifestyle, culture, ect?

 

Would you be comfortable in a ghetto? No, you wouldn't.

 

I don't mean any offence rabbit man, but you certainly aren't the sharpest knife in the draw.

 

First off, speak for yourself, all right? You do not know me or where I live and only I can determine where I am 'comfortable'. Perhaps I DO live in 'the ghetto'. Or perhaps not.

 

Secondly, your response doesn't have anything to do with what I was talking about.

 

You mentioned earlier that you wanted to move to America because you think that you will like it here better and that you will have an easier time here. My point is that no matter where you live you will still have the same attitude and personality 'issues' that are being quite amply manifested here.

 

A mere change in location is not what you need - a change of attitude is. Therapy may help you immensely. Go get some.

[Island Girl]

So Ross -

 

I was mean to you? You didn't like it when, after reading post after post and excuse after excuse from you I was mean because I called it how I see it?

 

That you want to sit in front of a computer and ask for advice about how to be different - but when you don't like the advice given , you jump on people calling them stupid or saying they need attitude adjustments.

THAT IS THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.

 

You disrespect Smoochie by calling him "rabbit guy" over and over - that isn't lost on people. You call people stupid who tell you to get off your behind and make your life different. You bash people who give you constructive critism.

 

Constant whining gets tiresome. On the internet, in person, in the UK, or in America - it gets really annoying. Complaining

 

At first I thought you were sincerely asking for help. MY MISTAKE.

 

I soon found by reading your responses over and over again where you bashed people for telling you to just do something - anything - instead of doing nothing about your situation that the advice you are looking for is really support so that you can just feel good about doing NOTHING.

 

"Stay just the way you are. You are so special and wonderful. Don't change a thing. Move. It has to be where you live. It isn't you. You're great. Girls secretly love you. You, just as you are, are the sexiest, best looking guy EVER. The way you play video games is so incredible."

 

Give me a break. If you came to America you would have the exact same life. You can't run away from your problems and you have clearly stated your problems are not the neighborhood where you live. That is the least of all of them. You want to move to the US? You are into Hip Hop? Great. Move to Detroit and get into 'the scene'. -- I'm just warning you, they'll eat you for lunch.

 

I've lived all over the United States. I have friends everywhere. I am married - in a stable and very happy relationship. Turn around and bash me all you want if it makes you feel great - at home, alone, in front of your computer.

 

Say I lack intelligence (yet I am not the one constantly asking what 4th or 5th grade level words are) - whatever you want. It doesn't matter to me.

 

I took the time to give you advice YOU ASKED FOR. If you find excuses and don't want to take it from me or anybody else. It is your loss red-headed boy. Not mine. I have love - and not on the internet - I have friends - not support groups. I have fun with people outside of my house. I have a life.

 

So do most all of the people on this forum.

 

You post all over about how you win arguments. I don't think you realize people grow weary of your attitude and your belligerency. They probably just quit posting because they have other stuff to do that is more important than post again and again to only get the same response from you.

 

By the way -- you posted to Smoochie -- that he isn't "the sharpest knife in the draw". It is drawer. And I have to say, he sounds like a great guy who WAS trying to help you. You define the word obtuse.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

How come your posts appear in the thread where they were not there before?

 

You must be one of the directors, Paul maybe?

 

I suppose this is your way of saying that people do not 'need' to change, right?

 

That's what I believe. I think people should be more in tune with their own nature if anything, and not work hard against it.

 

Hey, that may be cool for you but I don't subscribe to Taoism. Just doesn't resonate with me. Sorry.

 

Well, I can understand that. I seem to like the sage's points of views in most of the things, the idea behind it is to go with the flow of things.

 

Ariadne

[quietintrovertgirl]

[quote=Ross_K;944639

 

I don't mean any offence rabbit man, but you certainly aren't the sharpest knife in the draw.

:laugh:

[Ross_K]

So do you think acting like an 'ass' to those who allegedly act like an 'ass' to you is the right thing to do? If acting like an 'ass' is such a bad thing as you make it out to be then why do you proceed to do it as well?

 

Because it's being done to me. There's nothing wrong with treating someone like an ass because they're treating you like an ass.

 

All right... give us examples of how people have acted like 'asses' to you, Ross. I really am curious now. You've piqued my interest.

 

I will do when I can be bothered, you've also been an ass to Ariadne as well. The thing is, when I show you the examples you probably wont aknowledge them anyway, juat like some others didn't on here.

[Ross_K]

First off, speak for yourself, all right? You do not know me or where I live and only I can determine where I am 'comfortable'. Perhaps I DO live in 'the ghetto'. Or perhaps not.

 

It was just an example, not something which is supposed to be 100% accurate.

 

Secondly, your response doesn't have anything to do with what I was talking about.

 

Yes it did.

 

You mentioned earlier that you wanted to move to America because you think that you will like it here better and that you will have an easier time here. My point is that no matter where you live you will still have the same attitude and personality 'issues' that are being quite amply manifested here.

 

But it would solve a lot of other problems.

 

A mere change in location is not what you need - a change of attitude is. Therapy may help you immensely. Go get some.

 

Therapy and a change of location is what I need, as for my attitude, maybe, but there's nothing wrong with my attitude towards you and a couple of others on here which is obviously what you're getting at.

[SmoochieFace]

Because it's being done to me. There's nothing wrong with treating someone like an ass because they're treating you like an ass.

 

And that's called 'being a hypocrite'.

 

One of life's little 'lessons' is to take the high road and not stoop down to the level of those who are disrespecting you. You would come out being the 'better' person if you do so.

 

Now let's use this thread as an example. You started it with the intention (I presume) of seeking answers to some questions you have about confidence. You asked questions and others have answered them or have at least given you advice and/or opinions concerning the subject. The majority of your reactions to those opinions, etc. has been quite negative. You say that such-and-such advice won't work for me, blah blah blah, I have SA, blah, I can't do this or that, blah, no girl will ever find me attractive in real life, blah blah. You wallow in self-loathing and misery that, frankly, is of your own making. Your atttitude is a crystal-clear definition of the term self-defeating attitude. I believe I pointed that out to you earlier.

 

People tell you things in a straight forward manner because that is the easiest and most direct means of communication. You seem to take offense at that. Why? Why do you also just summarily dismiss a poster's advice based on what your personal interpretation of it is instead of what is actually being said?

 

So... you ask questions and people respond. You do not 'like' the responses you get, for whatever reason, and you then proceed to call people names, or take 'cheap shots' at them such as telling them they need to read more slowly, or you smugly tell people that you can't be 'bothered' to look up the meaning of a word so they should do your work for you - and yet no-one has responded in the same manner to your negative attacks. So who REALLY is 'taking the high road' here, Ross?

[Ross_K]

So Ross -

 

I was mean to you? You didn't like it when, after reading post after post and excuse after excuse from you I was mean because I called it how I see it?

 

Yes, I don't like it when people are mean to me, but there have been no excuses. Why would I make excuses anyway, why wouldn't I just give the real reason?

 

That you want to sit in front of a computer and ask for advice about how to be different - but when you don't like the advice given , you jump on people calling them stupid or saying they need attitude adjustments.

THAT IS THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.

 

You don't even know what you're talking about, I've already explained this again and again to rabbit guy, I'm not going to say it again. Just look at one of my past posts for the answer when he accuses me of the same thing.

 

You disrespect Smoochie by calling him "rabbit guy" over and over - that isn't lost on people. You call people stupid who tell you to get off your behind and make your life different. You bash people who give you constructive critism.

 

'Stop whining' or 'You're just making excuses' isn't constructive critisism, neither is getting angry with me and having a tone with me when their advice isn't working. And so what if I call smoochie rabbit guy? It's because I don't have any respect for him whatsoever because of how he has been towards me. Now, if he was to admit he is wrong and to apologise, I'll stop calling him rabbit guy. Quite simple really.

 

Constant whining gets tiresome. On the internet, in person, in the UK, or in America - it gets really annoying. Complaining

 

Okay then, how's this? My life is perfect, I'm so happy, I can get any woman I want. Everyone is nice to me when I walk down the street.

 

At first I thought you were sincerely asking for help. MY MISTAKE.

 

I soon found by reading your responses over and over again where you bashed people for telling you to just do something - anything - instead of doing nothing about your situation that the advice you are looking for is really support so that you can just feel good about doing NOTHING.

 

"Stay just the way you are. You are so special and wonderful. Don't change a thing. Move. It has to be where you live. It isn't you. You're great. Girls secretly love you. You, just as you are, are the sexiest, best looking guy EVER. The way you play video games is so incredible."

 

No, that isn't why I bashed people, and I am doing something.

 

Give me a break. If you came to America you would have the exact same life. You can't run away from your problems and you have clearly stated your problems are not the neighborhood where you live. That is the least of all of them. You want to move to the US? You are into Hip Hop? Great. Move to Detroit and get into 'the scene'. -- I'm just warning you, they'll eat you for lunch.

 

I'm not really into hip hop. You know, it's like you and rabbit guy just make this stuff up as you go along. Anyway, you obviously can't read or have learning problems, otherwise you would've understood by now that some of my problems are because of where I live, and I can run away from those poarticular problems.

 

I've lived all over the United States. I have friends everywhere. I am married - in a stable and very happy relationship. Turn around and bash me all you want if it makes you feel great - at home, alone, in front of your computer.

 

Wow, well done, what do you want, a round of applause? And I take it you're not being an ass towards me here right?

 

Say I lack intelligence (yet I am not the one constantly asking what 4th or 5th grade level words are) - whatever you want. It doesn't matter to me.

 

This proves my point further that you lack intelligence, not knowing what a particular word is, no matter whether it is a 4th or 5th grade level word in another country doesn't have anything to do with intelligence, it's to do with lack of education. I'm really surprised you didn't realise that.

 

I took the time to give you advice YOU ASKED FOR. If you find excuses and don't want to take it from me or anybody else. It is your loss red-headed boy.

 

Did you? I can't remember, but you were obviously happy to jump in with the other two to start giving me crap. And yeah, your red-headed boy comment really got to me, seeing as my hair isn't actually red.

 

Not mine. I have love - and not on the internet - I have friends - not support groups. I have fun with people outside of my house. I have a life.

 

Good for you, what do you want, a medal?

 

So do most all of the people on this forum.

 

Yup, it's pretty obvious really, isn't it?

 

You post all over about how you win arguments.

 

Do I? No I don't. but, if that makes you feel happy, then keep on belivieng it.

 

I don't think you realize people grow weary of your attitude and your belligerency.

 

What does belligerency mean?

 

They probably just quit posting because they have other stuff to do that is more important than post again and again to only get the same response from you.

 

Tht's fine, I don't really expect everyone to keep posting again and again, it's not like I think the world revolves around me or something, which you obviously clearly think.

 

By the way -- you posted to Smoochie -- that he isn't "the sharpest knife in the draw". It is drawer. And I have to say, he sounds like a great guy who WAS trying to help you. You define the word obtuse.

 

Correcting spelling mistakes, way cool. You never know, you may just get as cool as all those other dudes on video game message boards who act all elite and love to correct spelling mistakes and grammar.

 

As for the word obtuse, sorry, I don't know what it means, I've only heard of it a few times, I'm sure there's plenty of obvious words in Britain that you wouldn't have a clue about what they mean. But, good for you, you know a big word, well done.

[SmoochieFace]

Ross, I cannot help you. Frankly, I really don't think anyone here can. No way. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are just too beyond the reach. Sorry.

 

Why, you may ask? Because you are not open to being helped. You are so convinced that you are right and everyone else is wrong AND on top of that you have a grossly distorted perception that most people are 'mean' to you. People who have such distorted ways of thinking are beyond my help, to be quite candid with you.

 

I dunno, man... maybe consider moving to an isolated island or something. You don't seem to be able to get along well with people in general and as long as you have this negative attitude towards people you will be alone.

 

And if you think coming to America will solve your issues you are in for a rude awakening.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Ross_K]

Ross, I cannot help you. Frankly, I really don't think anyone here can. No way. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are just too beyond the reach. Sorry.

 

Why, you may ask? Because you are not open to being helped.

 

I am open to being helped.

 

You are so convinced that you are right and everyone else is wrong AND on top of that you have a grossly distorted perception that most people are 'mean' to you.

 

I don't think everyone else is wrong and I don't thnk that most people are mean to me.

 

People who have such distorted ways of thinking are beyond my help, to be quite candid with you.

 

I dunno, man... maybe consider moving to an isolated island or something. You don't seem to be able to get along well with people in general and as long as you have this negative attitude towards people you will be alone.

 

Well, an isolated island would be way better than where I'm living now, and I guess, I don't click with most people offline. But, where I used to live I did click with quite a lot of people, even though I still didn't click with most, which might be normal and the same for everyone else, I dunno. Anyway, I always had a lot of friends.

 

And if you think coming to America will solve your issues you are in for a rude awakening.

 

Why, are the problems I'm having with living where I am now, like getting bullied by random people everytime I go out etc even worse in most of America?

 

Take care of yourself.

 

And you.

[Ross_K]

And that's called 'being a hypocrite'.

 

One of life's little 'lessons' is to take the high road and not stoop down to the level of those who are disrespecting you. You would come out being the 'better' person if you do so.

 

Well, I guess on message boards both ways make the person come off looking better I guess. Offline though, for some reason, if you don't disrespect someone back and just ignore them, it does make the bully or nasty person look as though they came off better. And if the other person was to stand up for themselves, they would be the ones who come off looking better.

 

Now let's use this thread as an example. You started it with the intention (I presume) of seeking answers to some questions you have about confidence. You asked questions and others have answered them or have at least given you advice and/or opinions concerning the subject.

 

Yup.

 

The majority of your reactions to those opinions, etc. has been quite negative. You say that such-and-such advice won't work for me, blah blah blah, I have SA, blah, I can't do this or that, blah, no girl will ever find me attractive in real life, blah blah.

 

Yeah, that's pretty much true, but I can't help that.

 

You wallow in self-loathing and misery that, frankly, is of your own making. Your atttitude is a crystal-clear definition of the term self-defeating attitude. I believe I pointed that out to you earlier.

 

I don't loath myself, I like me. Although I guess the fact that my confidence and self esteem can be lowered so easily, and infact my spirit crushed from someone offline being negative towards me/treating me badly would say otherwise I suppose, so I don't know.

 

I don't really know what self defeating attitude means, but if it means not being positive about certain things, and beliving they're doomed to fail, well, I guess when things do fail or when I get proved wrong, which always seems to happen when I try to be positive and think things like 'this particular girl likes me' without any real proof that I'm right, it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much.

 

People tell you things in a straight forward manner because that is the easiest and most direct means of communication. You seem to take offense at that. Why?

 

I just don't like people being harsh towards me, being sarcastic towards me or being angry with me when I haven't done anything. Take for example the cream topic, Ripples just suddenly turned on me, I never did anything to deserve that, and suddenly for some reason in your eyes and no doubt Island Girls and dgiirls eyes she's the innocent victim, and I'm the bad guy being horrible. I just don't get that.

 

Why do you also just summarily dismiss a poster's advice based on what your personal interpretation of it is instead of what is actually being said?

 

I don't think I am taking things as a personal interpretation instead of what is actuially being said.

 

So... you ask questions and people respond. You do not 'like' the responses you get, for whatever reason, and you then proceed to call people names, or take 'cheap shots' at them such as telling them they need to read more slowly, or you smugly tell people that you can't be 'bothered' to look up the meaning of a word so they should do your work for you - and yet no-one has responded in the same manner to your negative attacks. So who REALLY is 'taking the high road' here, Ross?

 

These people that I have made cheap shots towards deseve them for the way they're being towards me, I also take sarcasim as a cheap shot, which you have done towards me and I think Island Girl has done it towards me as well, and like I said, you've also been sarcastic and rolled your eyes at Ariadne, when she's not done anything to you.

[Ross_K]

I'd just like to say that I've put Island Girl and dgiirl on my ignore list, I'm not sure about Smootch because he seems to be being more civilised with me now and I'm curious about his reply to my post, so I'll see how that goes.

 

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but I just can't be bothered with the arguing anymore. So, yeah, everyone else is right, I'm always wrong. I'm such a horrible person and the others who have been arguing with me are such nice wonderful people.

[littlekitty]

I'd just like to say that I've put Island Girl and dgiirl on my ignore list, I'm not sure about Smootch because he seems to be being more civilised with me now and I'm curious about his reply to my post, so I'll see how that goes.

 

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but I just can't be bothered with the arguing anymore. So, yeah, everyone else is right, I'm always wrong. I'm such a horrible person and the others who have been arguing with me are such nice wonderful people.

 

Ross, these self pitying posts don't do anything to help you honey.

 

Can I recommend something? Go back and read through some of the posts and your responses. You don't come off sounding great a lot of the time.

 

People are giving advice to you. Yes, sometimes it harsh. Yes, sometimes they lose patience with you. But there is a lot of good advice out there.

 

I don't believe I've seen anyone turn on you, or be horrible to you. I have seen people lose patience with you. And more often, you lose patience with other people and refuse to hear what they are saying.

 

Also, why not widen your vocabulary? Rather than 'I don't know that word', go off and look it up so you understand what is being said to you.

[SmoochieFace]

People who are self-pitying are really unattractive and unsexy. They aren't sexually viable.

 

*puts on asbestos suit*

[Ross_K]

I've had a quick scan through some of the early ones, I really don't think I was in the wrong, with all of the posts I saw, except their was one, and I think it was the first time I called him rabbit man, his post which I was replying too doesn't really seem bad at all now, but I guess I was just interpreting it differently, since I was getting annoyed with his lack of understanding and saying things like, 'do this, do that, then come back and tell us you're trying, seriously'

 

Maybe he didn't mean anything bad with the things he was saying early on in the topic that made me react to him, amybe if I heard him say them in person they wouldn't have come across as bad at all, but there did seem to be a tone sometimes, a bit of sarcasim, and a lack of understanding my problems which made me angry. I guess that's the trouble with posts, you don't get to hear their tone of voice or see thier body language and things can get misenterpreted, I've seen it happen a few times with other people.

 

I'm sure if people looked back to some of the early pages in this topic they'd be able to see where he does sound quite 'off' with me, if no one can, then, oh well, maybe there's just something wrong with me. That last comment wasn't self pity, I'm just being honest.

[littlekitty]

So, yeah, everyone else is right, I'm always wrong. I'm such a horrible person and the others who have been arguing with me are such nice wonderful people.

 

Ross, this isn't honest. It's self pity, you know that surely?

[Ross_K]

I was talking about my last comment in my last post.

 

But yeah, the comment you highlighted was. I guess that's what happens when people bash the hell out of you and everyone seems to be saying they're not doing anything wrong and I'm the bad guy. You start not even knowing how things really are for sure.

[littlekitty]

I was talking about my last comment in my last post.

 

Ahh sorry! Misunderstood you there!!

 

You're not the bad guy. And we're not all right, nor perfect.

 

But you can be dismissive, and rude. I'm a patient person, and you've at times pushed my patience. Be open to listen to people without taking everything they say to heart, or completely personally. They don't know you. They're just saying what they think based on what they see of you.

[SmoochieFace]

I was talking about my last comment in my last post.

 

But yeah, the comment you highlighted was. I guess that's what happens when people bash the hell out of you and everyone seems to be saying they're not doing anything wrong and I'm the bad guy. You start not even knowing how things really are for sure.

 

How do you define 'bashing' then?

 

For me... this would constitute 'bashing': "You dumb, stupid, worthless MFer! Why the F are you still living at home at the age of 30? What are you, some sort of loser? Get the hell off your ass and get a friggin' LIFE! Dipshyt!"

 

Now, Ross... be honest with yourself and us... has anyone here treated you in that manner?

 

Granted, your responses weren't in that vein either but they were certainly more offensive and rude than anything that was said to you.

[littlekitty]

Ok, just remembered two great tips for you Ross!

 

1) I read somewhere (forget where now) that it only takes 12 repetitions before something becomes habit.

 

I want you to come up with a mantra for yourself. Something like the following:

 

I am a strong, confident, happy, good person. I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and can be the person I want to be.

 

I want you to stand in front of the mirror for say twice a day for two weeks and repeat this to yourself. You should start to believe it. It works, trust me on this!

 

2) This was something silly I did a long time ago, but it also worked for me. I put up yellow post it notes around my flat with 'good thoughts' on them. Like 'I'm a good person', 'I'm a confident person', 'I am happy with myself' etc. Anything you want to feel about yourself. Put them inside your wardrobe, on your tv etc. You'll read them and start remembering them and hopefully that too will help.

 

Give it go. It honestly helped me at one point.

[Ross_K]

Ok, just remembered two great tips for you Ross!

 

1) I read somewhere (forget where now) that it only takes 12 repetitions before something becomes habit.

 

I want you to come up with a mantra for yourself. Something like the following:

 

I am a strong, confident, happy, good person. I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and can be the person I want to be.

 

Yes. This is what I actually listen to on a hypnosis CD, and you actually repeat them.

 

I want you to stand in front of the mirror for say twice a day for two weeks and repeat this to yourself. You should start to believe it. It works, trust me on this!

 

I'll try that, thanks.

 

2) This was something silly I did a long time ago, but it also worked for me. I put up yellow post it notes around my flat with 'good thoughts' on them. Like 'I'm a good person', 'I'm a confident person', 'I am happy with myself' etc. Anything you want to feel about yourself. Put them inside your wardrobe, on your tv etc. You'll read them and start remembering them and hopefully that too will help.

 

Give it go. It honestly helped me at one point.

 

I will try that.

[littlekitty]

Yes. This is what I actually listen to on a hypnosis CD, and you actually repeat them.

 

 

 

I'll try that, thanks.

 

 

 

I will try that.

 

Great!! I swear I've used both of these tricks and they did help me. It's all about positive re-enforcement and retraining the mind. In conjunction with the CD I think you might see some results!

 

Hey, I'm impressed... we seem to be moving forward!

[burning 4 revenge]

You know what your single biggest problem is Ross?

 

You care too much what other people think.

[Moai]

I'd just like to say that I've put Island Girl and dgiirl on my ignore list, I'm not sure about Smootch because he seems to be being more civilised with me now and I'm curious about his reply to my post, so I'll see how that goes.

 

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but I just can't be bothered with the arguing anymore. So, yeah, everyone else is right, I'm always wrong. I'm such a horrible person and the others who have been arguing with me are such nice wonderful people.

 

Wow, man. You really do have a poor me attitude, just based on the last line of that paragraph. I appreciate that you were being sarcastic, but people with even a little reagrd for themselves wouldn't joke like that.

 

If you move here to the States, your problems will get worse. First, our welfare system will do nothing to help you. If you can't get a job because you are too scared or whatver, tough. Starve.

 

Second, people here prey on the weak. Just like the 14 year-olds in the town where you are now, only here they have guns.

 

The whole idea of "fitting in" is an illusion. I don't fit in, based on the social norms I see portrayed everywhere here. I don't like the music that's popular, I don't dress in the style that's popular, and my lifestyle isn't popular (at least for my age group). And I couldn't care less. I some things in common with some friends, other things with other friends--but I have lots of friends. I don't care what other people think, and that is what makes me attractive to people. That is where confidence comes from.

 

On a side note, I think that it's funny that you think there are different words for Britain and another set for the US. We are both speaking English. I guarantee you that "obtuse" is in the OED. It may not be common in your vernacular, but British people use that word. They use "ostensibly" also. Those words were invented by the British, actually. Vocabulary is indicative of intelligence, by the way. But you even make excuses for that!

 

It seems to me that at this point you are actually happy with the way your life is. You are having a blast playing the whiner and having women online stroe you for it. If that is what you are into, knock yourself out. Real girls are way better, but relationships aren't for everyone. Maybe you are one of those people.

[burning 4 revenge]

I think there's more bullying over in Britain than here in general though, Moia