Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[Green]

Look he just asked for a the definition of a word it doesnt mean he's the anti-christ. Look I think Ross will get out of his slump, make some friends, meet a girl maybe a couple of girls who like him. He's going to be fine he's obviously got confidence inside him whether he relizes it or not maybe more confidence then most people I dare say he just doesn't know how to use it yet but I think that will change soon I'm staying tuned to see what happens next.

[Ross_K]

Amen Island Girl. Everyone has a pay off. And if you look at why Ross is still in this situation after _2 years_, you wonder what's his payoff. What is he getting from his current situation that keeps him there?

 

I don't mean any offence, but you're either incredibly dumb, or you're just doing this on purpose to just make yourself look good and me look bad.

 

I think after everything you've read you should realise what the payoff is. Here's one of many examples, not being treated like **** by thugs.

 

And in Ross' case why should he change? He's the center of attention. He get's people's sympathy, and people try to help him. But once people get tired of offering advice with no results or effort from him, they start to call his bluff, and all of a sudden they are "mean" to him and he returns with nasty arrogant remarks in his "defense".

 

Calling my bluff isn't being mean to me, but, nice try at trying to twist things around again to make me look bad.

 

Ross does not want help. He just wants attention. And once one set of people stop giving him attention, he'll move onto the next sap who will give him attention, and onto the next and next. And as long as he doesnt solve his problems, he can continue to get attention. That's his payoff. And that's why he wont make any real effort to fix his life.

 

Where's your proof that I just want attention? All I've done is make a couple of topics and have been truthful and spoke with people on here, and there's been a few posters who've been arrogant with me who I've rightfully been arrogant back with.

 

Maybe it's you who wants attention, look at how you're always picking fights with me. Trying to make yourself look as though you're coming off better by twisting things around. Come on admit it, you love it really.

[burning 4 revenge]

Ross I like you and enjoy your posts ,but something that may be causing you some social anxiety may be your own natural defensiveness.

 

It's not normal to answer non-personal critical statements with personal attacks.

 

By critical I mean you offer up a scenario and people interpret and evaluate that scenario and give you their impression. That's what most posts on LS.ORG are about. But I notice you get very defensive unecessarily sometimes and snap at the poster with personal attacks. If you do this in real life it will put people off of you.

 

It has nothing to do with your looks and you are totally focusing on the wrong things. I think Lindya is 1000% right when she says a professional therapist would benefit you more than just posting here. She has said the same thing to me and she is totally correct about me as well (I have psychological issues too, similar, but a little different than yours).

 

It's important to remember that it's not your fault and it's not the world's fault either. You get dealt a certain hand and there are times we need to reach out for help to deal with what we are dealt.

 

I still plan to look into stuff about American Immigration for you.

[Ross_K]

Exactly dgiirl -

 

And as I so often find here on LS -- Your posts are so very like-minded!

 

Accolades and Applause -- Accolades and Applause -- the crowd goes wild

 

hee hee hee

 

Lol, congratulating yourselves with back slapping now?

 

Really, there's better ways to go about making you both feel better about yourselves than trying to 'serve' people who haven't done anything to deserve it on the internet.

[Ross_K]

dgiirl,

 

High five!I agree with everything you have to say about my little bro.

 

'R', or do you mind if I use your real name? I thought you knew better.

[Ross_K]

Ross I like you and enjoy your posts ,but something that may be causing you some social anxiety may be your own natural defensiveness.

 

It's not normal to answer non-personal critical statements with personal attacks.

 

By critical I mean you offer up a scenario and people interpret and evaluate that scenario and give you their impression. That's what most posts on LS.ORG are about. But I notice you get very defensive unecessarily sometimes and snap at the poster with personal attacks. If you do this in real life it will put people off of you.

 

It has nothing to do with your looks and you are totally focusing on the wrong things. I think Lindya is 1000% right when she says a professional therapist would benefit you more than just posting here. She has said the same thing to me and she is totally correct about me as well (I have psychological issues too, similar, but a little different than yours).

 

It's important to remember that it's not your fault and it's not the world's fault either. You get dealt a certain hand and there are times we need to reach out for help to deal with what we are dealt.

 

It's the way people go about it though, the way you've gone about it here is perfectly okay, but other people have been harsh, you know, like sarcasm, stop whining, etc. Maybe they don't mean these things as personal, but I do find it annoying. I've had to put up with a similar attitude from people in real life, for example when I was telling my doctor about how I'm feeling unhappy because of (then) being in my late 20's and never having a girlfriend before, he said 'well, everyone has problems', like it was nothing and I shouldn't be moaning about it, I thought 'Jesus, this ain't something trivial like being late with paying the bills'. When I told someone about it online, even they said 'what a tosser'.

 

I still plan to look into stuff about American Immigration for you.

 

Wow, thanks, that's really thoughtful of you, I appreciate it mate.

[Ross_K]

 

I can even see the depth in your eyes. It's very unusual.

 

Thanks babe.

 

Btw, have you tried having a drink or two? Go to a pub or a place like that?

 

Having a couple drinks can cure the social anxiety you have well.

 

Ariadne

 

I've been to the pub before, but, no success.

 

The weird thing is, is that being drunk (I'm not sure about being legless, I haven't been like that for a few years) can make me feel more awkward socially for some weird reason. It never used to be like that, when I was a teenager it really helped greatly.

[Ross_K]

Look he just asked for a the definition of a word it doesnt mean he's the anti-christ. Look I think Ross will get out of his slump, make some friends, meet a girl maybe a couple of girls who like him. He's going to be fine he's obviously got confidence inside him whether he relizes it or not maybe more confidence then most people I dare say he just doesn't know how to use it yet but I think that will change soon I'm staying tuned to see what happens next.

 

Thanks KMT, I too have been wondering why the hell are they making a big deal out of me feeling like I couldn't be botherd looking up a word. Also, you're right, I'm on the path to better things, my social anxiety isn't actually as bad now because of medication, speaking to people on forums like these and listening to what they have to say, and also trying to change myself, myself, as well. I've been able to do things that I wasn't able to do before, like have a conversation with an attractive young female hairstylist while getting my hair cut, instead of acting all nervous and finding it difficult.

 

Things can only get better as I'm moving forward.

[Ariadne]

Hey Ross,

 

The weird thing is, is that being drunk (I'm not sure about being legless, I haven't been like that for a few years) can make me feel more awkward socially for some weird reason.

 

Oh, I guess you are just too nervous. Maybe that place you live now is making you pretty unhappy.

 

It never used to be like that, when I was a teenager it really helped greatly.

 

Yeah, that's usually how it goes. The Scottish friend I have said that some people were born a couple drinks too short. Something like that.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I doubt it Ariadne, because girls seem to think I'm ugly offline.

 

Well, I don't think you are ugly at all. I think you are beautiful.

 

Aside from that... I've gone out with really ugly guys. Really ugly. And I've met guys that I thought were ugly and then found them to be beautiful.

 

So, that is no problem,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Ross,

 

Um, typing out an explanation isn't any work at all, and they don't have to if they don't want to.

 

Calling my bluff isn't being mean to me, but, nice try at trying to twist things around again to make me look bad.

 

Where's your proof that I just want attention? All I've done is make a couple of topics and have been truthful and spoke with people on here.

 

(You are just too cool)

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Hey.

 

 

Oh, I guess you are just too nervous. Maybe that place you live now is making you pretty unhappy.

 

Yeah, I hate it here, it just isn't me at all.

[Ross_K]

Well, I don't think you are ugly at all. I think you are beautiful.

 

Thank you very much.

 

Aside from that... I've gone out with really ugly guys. Really ugly. And I've met guys that I thought were ugly and then found them to be beautiful.

 

So, that is no problem,

 

Ariadne

 

Really?

 

I always thought there need to be be at least a little bit of a physical attraction there.

[Ross_K]

(You are just too cool)

 

Ariadne

 

[Ariadne]

Hi you,

 

Ross I like you and enjoy your posts ,but something that may be causing you some social anxiety may be your own natural defensiveness.

 

I think I know the problem with Ross...

 

He is a magnet for attack, no wonder he is like that.

 

I think people sense that he is confident, clever and strong, and try to put him down in some way or another.

 

And I think in this case, his natural defensiveness plays against him. But there's nothing he can do about it because that's the way he is.

 

And since his replies are so cleverly done, that only asks for more and it escalates.

 

In my case, when I get an attack of some sort I couldn't care less and just joke about it or ignore it. But he does, and gets all anxious because of course, he must feel very misunderstood.

 

I've never seen someone more misanderstood than Ross here right in this forum. And I imagine the same thing happens in RL.

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Well, yeah, I guess you could be right. The thing is though I don't really argue back much offline because I always get a mental block easily and don't know what to say, maybe it's the anxiety or whatever. The good thing about forums is at least you get a chance to think about what you're saying before you say it.

[Ariadne]

Hey Ross,

 

Yeah, I hate it here, it just isn't me at all.

 

Why don't you like the place? (side discussion) Aside from the thugs of couse. Maybe looking different is making you some sort of target. But I don't know about those things in the UK.

 

I don't get that sort of stuff though. Strangers usually want to help me for some reason. I think I look retarded.

 

Really? I always thought there need to be be at least a little bit of a physical attraction there.

 

Well, as an example. This guy that worked in my next office (when I worked) looked like he had doll hair. Since he had thick white hair and dyed it blonde. And was much older than me (15 yrs) but he looked in good shape.

 

So, my first impression was, My luck, I thought I'd meet cute guys at work and I meet this guy. But, he was the funniest thing, and had a pretty face, very smart, cool, had a nice body... so, overall I started to find him more and more attractive (in every way) and got a crush on him. Eventually he let the weird blond hair grow and went for the natural white hair he had.

 

(But the guy I am in love with now has nothing to do with that guy as far as personality, he is much more like the way you are)

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi Ross,

 

Well, yeah, I guess you could be right. The thing is though I don't really argue back much offline because I always get a mental block easily and don't know what to say, maybe it's the anxiety or whatever.

 

Yes, but still I can see that people jump you. They must feel threatened on some level.

 

And if they make you nervous with their attitudes I can imagine the mental block.

 

The good thing about forums is at least you get a chance to think about what you're saying before you say it.

 

Yep, that's true (Although I've had to delete some post because I said something stupid regardless)

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Quietintrovertgirl made this comment:

 

Ross,

I've known you for 2 years and i can say that your relationship with your mom.It's effecting your relationship with women because I think our "friendship" died because of it.

 

Just out of curiosity (but of course you don't have to answer). How is your relationship with your mother? Is she supportive and approving? Is she scary?

 

I think part of my problem with men is that my father was very emotionally unavailable when I grew up. So I tend to feel drawn to men like that. I suppose it was my role model.

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Why don't you like the place? (side discussion) Aside from the thugs of couse. Maybe looking different is making you some sort of target. But I don't know about those things in the UK.

 

I just don't like the look and feel of it, the atmosphere, the lifestyle up here isn't me either, I just don't fit in.

 

I don't get that sort of stuff though. Strangers usually want to help me for some reason. I think I look retarded.

 

Yeah, I get strangers being nice to me too.

 

Well, as an example. This guy that worked in my next office (when I worked) looked like he had doll hair. Since he had thick white hair and dyed it blonde. And was much older than me (15 yrs) but he looked in good shape.

 

So, my first impression was, My luck, I thought I'd meet cute guys at work and I meet this guy. But, he was the funniest thing, and had a pretty face, very smart, cool, had a nice body... so, overall I started to find him more and more attractive (in every way) and got a crush on him. Eventually he let the weird blond hair grow and went for the natural white hair he had.

 

Ah, you see, he had a pretty face. Could you realy be attracted to someone who looked ugly because of their personality/confidence?

 

(But the guy I am in love with now has nothing to do with that guy as far as personality, he is much more like the way you are)

 

Ariadne

 

You know, in some ways you actually remind me of that girl I really liked online.

[Ross_K]

Hi Ross,

 

Well, yeah, I guess you could be right. The thing is though I don't really argue back much offline because I always get a mental block easily and don't know what to say, maybe it's the anxiety or whatever.

 

Yes, but still I can see that people jump you. They must feel threatened on some level.

 

And if they make you nervous with their attitudes I can imagine the mental block.

 

The good thing about forums is at least you get a chance to think about what you're saying before you say it.

 

Yep, that's true (Although I've had to delete some post because I said something stupid regardless)

 

Ariadne

 

Lol, haven't we all.

[Ross_K]

Hi,

 

Quietintrovertgirl made this comment:

 

Ross,

I've known you for 2 years and i can say that your relationship with your mom.It's effecting your relationship with women because I think our "friendship" died because of it.

 

Just out of curiosity (but of course you don't have to answer). How is your relationship with your mother? Is she supportive and approving? Is she scary?

 

She's cold and mean.

 

I think part of my problem with men is that my father was very emotionally unavailable when I grew up. So I tend to feel drawn to men like that. I suppose it was my role model.

 

Ariadne

 

My father seemed to be distant too, but he was a nice person. It's funny you know, considering what my dad and my mum was like, I'm a very affectionate person.

[Ariadne]

Hi Ross,

 

I just don't like the look and feel of it, the atmosphere, the lifestyle up here isn't me either, I just don't fit in.

 

Oh, I know just what you mean. I moved to a place supposedly better to be near my work, so I didn't have to drive on that freeway, and felt exacly like that. So I moved back in 4 months and back to the freeway.

 

Ah, you see, he had a pretty face. Could you realy be attracted to someone who looked ugly because of their personality/confidence?

 

Well, but how ugly can you be? A monster? Most people are pretty in the face. I didn't find the guy particularly pretty though. But once I started to like him, his nose turned out to be so cute etc.

 

She's cold and mean.

 

Oh.. (*shot in the dark warning*) Being of a sensitive nature yourself, with a tendency to get nervous and anxious... A mother like that can make you scared when you are around women (because you may associate that, to what being with a woman is like). Since you are of a layback nature, it's only natural for you to avoid situations like that.

 

My father seemed to be distant too, but he was a nice person. It's funny you know, considering what my dad and my mum was like, I'm a very affectionate person.

 

Oh, well that's good. And I'm very affectionate too, say with my son, I'm always telling him that I love him and I hug him, because I don't want him to feel the way I did.

 

Ariadne

[Ross_K]

Hi Ross,

 

Oh, I know just what you mean. I moved to a place supposedly better to be near my work, so I didn't have to drive on that freeway, and felt exacly like that. So I moved back in 4 months and back to the freeway.

 

The trouble is, most of Britian comes across like this for me. And what's weird is most of America comes across as somewhere I'd feel right at home.

 

Well, but how ugly can you be? A monster? Most people are pretty in the face. I didn't find the guy particularly pretty though. But once I started to like him, his nose turned out to be so cute etc.

 

Well, I was just saying, since I've always been curious if a woman can be attracted to a man she is not physically attracted too, I guess it is possible though, I've just remembered a girl telling me she thought her boyfriend was ugly, I asked why was she going out with him, and she said that she liked his personality.

 

Anyway, yeah, on some pics I reckon I look like a monster.

 

Oh.. (*shot in the dark warning*) Being of a sensitive nature yourself, with a tendency to get nervous and anxious... A mother like that can make you scared when you are around women (because you may associate that, to what being with a woman is like). Since you are of a layback nature, it's only natural for you to avoid situations like that.

 

Maybe it has affected how I am with women, but I grew up with my sister, she's 10 years older than me and she was always nice to me, and played with me and stuff. So... I dunno.

 

Oh, well that's good. And I'm very affectionate too, say with my son, I'm always telling him that I love him and I hug him, because I don't want him to feel the way I did.

 

Ariadne

 

You know just thinking about it now, I've never shared affection with anyone, expect for one time when a women hugged me when I was a kid because I was upset.

[Ariadne]

Hi Ross,

 

The trouble is, most of Britian comes across like this for me. And what's weird is most of America comes across as somewhere I'd feel right at home.

 

Well, I guess people won't harass you so much in here. I think is not very common, at least my son never told me.

 

You know just thinking about it now, I've never shared affection with anyone, expect for one time when a women hugged me when I was a kid because I was upset.

 

Oh, you are like a plant without water. Poor .

 

Ariadne