Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[Walk]

I think it was crazygirl that said she moved and solved her problems... but I'm betting it had a heck of a lot more to do with her attitude, then running away from problems. I've read numerous other posts from her, and she's a woman who looks at a whole situation, weighs the facts and then makes a decision based on what she wants for her life.

 

And moving can help a situation... but it still won't change who you are, or your normal ways of responding to situations.

 

Also, the above poster is correct. Welfare is piss poor to non-existent. Maybe if you had 6 kids you could get some... but single, white men.. hahahah You better be able to prove your 100% disabled in order to get money from the government. They have some decent homeless shelters here though. Nice new one in my town.. I've had an up close look at it, and it's dang near nicer then most peoples houses. Plus the food is plentiful and good. You could stay there til you found a good job and your own place.

 

So, Ross.. are you going to update us with your goals, plans, and action to change your life? Just curious.

 

Last thought, Littlekitty had a great idea. I did that too. Every night before bed I'd repeat how great I am, blah blah.. Really did help change how I thought about myself.

[Ross_K]

You know what your single biggest problem is Ross?

 

You care too much what other people think.

 

I don't think I really care what people think to an extent, but I do care what I think about myself.

 

If people who seem genuine and nice like yourself and littlekitty, are saying that the way I'm reacting is off to those people, as well as those people saying the same thing themselves. Then, you've got to wonder, there obviously must be something that I'm missing.

 

It used to happen when I was younger too, if anyone suddenly had an attitude with me, and I gave them attitude back, for some reason everyone would be on their side and would be acting like I'm the bad person. So maybe there is something that I do wrong which I don't realise after all.

[Ross_K]

Wow, man. You really do have a poor me attitude, just based on the last line of that paragraph. I appreciate that you were being sarcastic, but people with even a little reagrd for themselves wouldn't joke like that.

 

If you move here to the States, your problems will get worse. First, our welfare system will do nothing to help you. If you can't get a job because you are too scared or whatver, tough. Starve.

 

Second, people here prey on the weak. Just like the 14 year-olds in the town where you are now, only here they have guns.

 

The whole idea of "fitting in" is an illusion. I don't fit in, based on the social norms I see portrayed everywhere here. I don't like the music that's popular, I don't dress in the style that's popular, and my lifestyle isn't popular (at least for my age group). And I couldn't care less. I some things in common with some friends, other things with other friends--but I have lots of friends. I don't care what other people think, and that is what makes me attractive to people. That is where confidence comes from.

 

So how do you enjoy hanging around with people you don't fit in with?

 

This is why I don't want to live in an area where I don't fit in, for one I'd feel better living somewhere where I do, and for another it's hard to have friends that you can actually socialise with when you don't fit in with them, plus it isn't any fun either to hang around with people who just aren't your sort of people, I'm not making excuses or anything, I'm just trying to explain how I feel.

 

On a side note, I think that it's funny that you think there are different words for Britain and another set for the US. We are both speaking English. I guarantee you that "obtuse" is in the OED. It may not be common in your vernacular, but British people use that word. They use "ostensibly" also. Those words were invented by the British, actually. Vocabulary is indicative of intelligence, by the way. But you even make excuses for that!

 

Well, I've still only heard that word probably about twice in my life, so, you can't blame me for not knowing what it is, and that really doesn't have anything to do with my intelligence.

 

Vocabulary may be indicative of intelligence, but, like I said, just because you don't know a particular word, that you haven't heard often doesn't have to mean you're unintelligent, it just means you're uneducated. So, I don't think that's an excuse in my opinion.

 

It seems to me that at this point you are actually happy with the way your life is. You are having a blast playing the whiner and having women online stroe you for it.

 

That's not true, but I respect your opinion.

 

If that is what you are into, knock yourself out. Real girls are way better, but relationships aren't for everyone. Maybe you are one of those people.

 

Yeah, I know real relationships are way better. But, no, I'm not one of those people, I would love to have a relationship. they sound like the best things ever.

[Ross_K]

I think it was crazygirl that said she moved and solved her problems... but I'm betting it had a heck of a lot more to do with her attitude, then running away from problems. I've read numerous other posts from her, and she's a woman who looks at a whole situation, weighs the facts and then makes a decision based on what she wants for her life.

 

And moving can help a situation... but it still won't change who you are, or your normal ways of responding to situations.

 

Also, the above poster is correct. Welfare is piss poor to non-existent. Maybe if you had 6 kids you could get some... but single, white men.. hahahah You better be able to prove your 100% disabled in order to get money from the government. They have some decent homeless shelters here though. Nice new one in my town.. I've had an up close look at it, and it's dang near nicer then most peoples houses. Plus the food is plentiful and good. You could stay there til you found a good job and your own place.

 

So, Ross.. are you going to update us with your goals, plans, and action to change your life? Just curious.

 

Last thought, Littlekitty had a great idea. I did that too. Every night before bed I'd repeat how great I am, blah blah.. Really did help change how I thought about myself.

 

You know something, I was actually thinking about that before, about making some sort of a topic/journal/blog on here, and be totally honest about any bad, or good experiences, how I feel, any difficulties I may be having and any triumphs I have made, and people could give me any advice I may need, that's if people don't mind.

[quietintrovertgirl]

Ross,

Wow !!You're still hanging in there and taking advice:laugh:

[Moai]

So how do you enjoy hanging around with people you don't fit in with?

 

By realizing that I am an individual and that it is not important to have everything in common with everyone.

 

This is why I don't want to live in an area where I don't fit in, for one I'd feel better living somewhere where I do, and for another it's hard to have friends that you can actually socialise with when you don't fit in with them, plus it isn't any fun either to hang around with people who just aren't your sort of people, I'm not making excuses or anything, I'm just trying to explain how I feel.

 

I guess I would feel the way you do, if I were surrounded by hippies or something...dunno.

 

Well, I've still only heard that word probably about twice in my life, so, you can't blame me for not knowing what it is, and that really doesn't have anything to do with my intelligence.

 

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. What do you read for fun?

 

Vocabulary may be indicative of intelligence, but, like I said, just because you don't know a particular word, that you haven't heard often doesn't have to mean you're unintelligent, it just means you're uneducated. So, I don't think that's an excuse in my opinion.

 

Yes, it does. I don't hear lots of words everyday, and I still know what they mean. But I read a lot, and I went to college.

 

That's not true, but I respect your opinion.

 

Thank you.

 

Yeah, I know real relationships are way better. But, no, I'm not one of those people, I would love to have a relationship. they sound like the best things ever.

 

They are pretty cool. They are a drag sometimes, too. And they can hurt. Nothing is perfect.

[Ross_K]

Ross,

Wow !!You're still hanging in there and taking advice:laugh:

 

Lol, yeah

[Ross_K]

I guess I would feel the way you do, if I were surrounded by hippies or something...dunno.

 

Well, that is how different people are up here to me. They all seem to be obsessed with clubbing all the time and going to work/college and that's it. It's not just their lifestyle either, I just find them to be really not my kind of people even as far as just talking to them is concerned, I don't even feel that interested in talking to them when I am doing.

 

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. What do you read for fun?

 

I don't really read books or anything, I just usually read the newspaper and that's it, on the rare occasion I may look something up in my bodybuilding encyclopedia.

 

Yes, it does. I don't hear lots of words everyday, and I still know what they mean. But I read a lot, and I went to college.

 

It doesn't, I bet there is a word you have only heard a couple of times and you don't know what it means, this isn't suddenly going to mean you have a low IQ.

 

They are pretty cool. They are a drag sometimes, too. And they can hurt. Nothing is perfect.

 

I think the positives would totaly outweigh the negatives anyway, being able to have relationships, ONS, ect would certainly enhance my well being and happiness deep inside, after all, this is what we're made to do. Not doing so is unatural.

[crazy_grl]

I think it was crazygirl that said she moved and solved her problems... but I'm betting it had a heck of a lot more to do with her attitude, then running away from problems. I've read numerous other posts from her, and she's a woman who looks at a whole situation, weighs the facts and then makes a decision based on what she wants for her life.

 

Aw, that's so flattering. Thanks.

 

And moving can help a situation... but it still won't change who you are, or your normal ways of responding to situations.

 

I wasn't intending to say that moving solved everything. I completely agree that that's not the case. What I was trying to say was that having a sense of belonging can have a big affect on a person's attitude and outlook. If you always feel like an outsider, it's hard to feel good about yourself, not impossible, but still difficult.

 

Of course, if moving isn't feasible, then maybe finding that sense of belonging can be accomplished by seeking out people who have the same opinions/interests/etc that you do.

 

Ross, I haven't read many posts from you, so I don't know what types of things you do or what people you have in your life. What types of things do you do for fun? What interests you? Do you have many close friends or family?

[Ross_K]

I don't have any close friends anymore, and I don't really click with my family. My interests are the net, video games, sattalite TV, music and working out.

 

If I actualy had someone to go with I'd enjoy playing golf, chilling with a pint outside the pub on a sunny day, chilling inside the pub, playing pool and tennis.

 

I'd also like to work on cars, but I'm put off from finding a career from that because when I was way younger I went on two car mechanics training courses and got bullied at both of them.

[quietintrovertgirl]

Ross,

 

I think you should work on your car career.

[Ross_K]

I'd love too, but I hate the thought of getting bullied.

[quietintrovertgirl]

Ross,

 

Don't let bullies stop you from reaching your car dream

[Ross_K]

I don't know if I've got the strength, 'R'.

[quietintrovertgirl]

Ross,

 

Are you Ill?Don't assume the worse

[Ross_K]

I'm not ill. I just don't think I've got the strength mentally.

[crazy_grl]

Ross, you sound quite a bit like me a few years ago.

 

If I actualy had someone to go with I'd enjoy playing golf, chilling with a pint outside the pub on a sunny day, chilling inside the pub, playing pool and tennis.

 

This is one idea you should erase from your head. You don't need someone to golf with, play pool with, or go to the pub with. You can do those things yourself and meet people while you're doing them. If you're golfing and you see a group that looks like they have a free spot, you can ask them if they'd mind if you join. You can play a game of pool by yourself and if there's a girl alone looking your direction, invite her to play against you, etc. etc.

 

You can't wait around for people to just come to you. You have to go out and meet them. And while you're out, you have to have the idea in your head that people want to talk to you. If you go out thinking that no one is interested in you, no one will be.

 

Have you read any books about improving social skills? If you haven't you should pick some up. "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" is a good one. I've read a little bit about "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and I've read it's good. There's another book called "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends".

 

I'd also like to work on cars, but I'm put off from finding a career from that because when I was way younger I went on two car mechanics training courses and got bullied at both of them.

 

F*ck those bullies. You know that people only bully other people because they're insecure themselves right? You should work on cars if that's what you want to do.