Some Q's for the women on here about confidence.

[quietintrovertgirl]

lindya,

 

Ross doesn't want to lose his virginity via love and commitment so it should be VERY easy finding a woman on the street to deflower him.Ross could alway take a cue from his 2 female friend. lori and shadowdancer. Lori /Pretty vacant lost her virginity to a married man(with a fiancess) and shadowdancer had sex with the first penis/man that walked on by.

There are soooooo many woman who will have sex with a man for free.Why pay ???

 

 

"Sex with commitment virgins are cool":laugh:

[Jizzosh]

Lol, well first you have to get a different view on life. I was reading on the first or second page some guy said that you gotta genuinely believe that girls think you're attractive, and that's true. That's basically it right there dude, if you don't believe it you're not going to get anywhere. Come back when you think you're a sexy beast:cool:

 

After this it's not hard. Well, I still have problems with keeping a conversation, but really all you gotta do is smile a lot and pitch in every now and then when talking to a girl, tease her and support her if she's in an argument with someone else, whether it be a play argument or a serious one. Just don't act all serious, the way you act rubs off on the people around you a lot more than you think. If you ever start to get nervous just tell yourself to calm down and don't say anything stupid. Sometimes silence is best. Make interesting intelligent conversation, and make it funny if you can. In my experience it's best to be the funny joking idiot that can carry a serious conversation but isn't serious most of the time, cause people feel so much more comfortable around you. I can't do it with everyone though, but you really have to build up a reputation as whatever you wish to be first. I think it's a load of bs when people say don't try to be something you aren't. Personality traits are skills, give it time and you can become a truly different person.

[magichands]

Ross doesn't want to lose his virginity via love and commitment so it should be VERY easy finding a woman on the street to deflower him.

I don't believe that making umbrella statements like this is at all helpful.

 

And I think that the (Lindya's) original suggestion to which you refer is a perfectly reasonable one (even if I don't necessarily agree with what I consider to be its somewhat overt pragmatism - and, of course, my own experiences are colouring my opinion).

[burning 4 revenge]

I had my first experience with a prostitute. And then probably the next three or four after that. It's a decent way to break in, but not a good way to learn about oral , or foreplay

[RecordProducer]

If you found a guy physically unattractive, but he was really confident, would you be attracted to him?

 

When you honeys say you like confidence in men, what exactly do you mean by confidence, someone who is really extraverted?

These are very good questions.

 

Yes, I MIGHT be attracted to a guy who is fun, smart, and confident even if I was not initially attracted to him. Many, many women who are not particularly attractive themselves find it very exciting when someone pays attention to them and pampers them. I had a friend like that, who wasn't ugly or anything, but had a complex about her looks. She basically dated anyone who wanted her and still had very few men.

 

How does self-confidence express... Hm, you can't fake it much, but you can fake it 'till you make it. There are no rules, but some ideas would be: you smile, have a clear look in your eyes (look people straight in the eye), your back is straight, you're dressed nicely, you smell good (!!!), have good manners, talk like you know what you're talking about and loud enough (not talking to your nose), you're the opposite of shy, you take initiative (you ask "How about...?" rather than say "Whatever..."), etc.

 

The higher level of self-confidence comes from your inner values and self-esteem. The more you think of yourself the more it radiates from the inside. The next step would be to become happy with whom you represent, your talents, hobbies, lifestyle, interests, thoughts, and feelings. When you start thinking that what you do is the right thing and what you say is smart and how you act is really cool - it will come out of you in a shape of confidence.

 

The highest level of confidence would be a fancy car and a fat wallet!

[lindya]

lindya,

 

Ross doesn't want to lose his virginity via love and commitment so it should be VERY easy finding a woman on the street to deflower him.Ross could alway take a cue from his 2 female friend. lori and shadowdancer. Lori /Pretty vacant lost her virginity to a married man(with a fiancess) and shadowdancer had sex with the first penis/man that walked on by.

There are soooooo many woman who will have sex with a man for free.Why pay ???

 

 

The world is full of women just waiting to tear off their knickers for any guy? Is that what you're saying? Lovely. That's the kind of logic a rapist might present, in trying to argue that the sex he had with some woman he dragged up some back alleyway was consensual. "M'Lord - everyone knows that your average woman walking along the street on her own at 2am is looking for sex rather than just making her way home on foot because she can't manage to get a taxi...".

 

It's worrying to think that you're posting that kind of perspective of your own gender on this involuntary celibacy website you've mentioned. Just because you still happen to be a virgin, doesn't mean every woman who isn't is some kind of raging nympho who'll sleep with anyone who asks. Do your gender a favour and make sure you never have a son, if that's the kind of stuff you like to try to fill men's heads with.

 

And I think that the (Lindya's) original suggestion to which you refer is a perfectly reasonable one...even if I don't necessarily agree with what I consider to be its somewhat overt pragmatism

 

I'd imagine that most men, given the choice, would prefer to have sex with someone who actually cared about them rather than as part of a business arrangement. The notion of someone using prostitutes for sex because they can't or won't have relationships seems depressing - but that's life. There's no escaping the fact that some aspects of it are a little depressing. I generally believe that it's best just to accept "Yep - this is a bit of a low" then get through it.

 

Hence the pragmatic approach. Unless Ross has money to burn, he's unlikely to get a sex worker who's anything like the dream women he sees on porn sites...but in some ways that's probably just as well. The longer an inexperienced guy spends staring at surgically perfected women in internet porn, the more disappointed he's going to be by reality.

 

Ideally, most people would lose their virginity in some kind of emotionally rewarding relationship. Looking through Ross's comments, any emotion or empathy he expresses seems to be directed exclusively towards himself ("I need to increase my feelings of self worth" etc). I haven't read anything that indicates he wants to meet girls for any reason other than to "practice" on them. In which case, the more honest and fair course of action would be to pay a prostitute the going rate.

[quietintrovertgirl]

I don't believe that making umbrella statements like this is at all helpful.

 

And I think that the (Lindya's) original suggestion to which you refer is a perfectly reasonable one (even if I don't necessarily agree with what I consider to be its somewhat overt pragmatism - and, of course, my own experiences are colouring my opinion).

 

Magichands,

I known Ross for over 2 years and thats why i maded the statement.Magichand if we're going to talk talk lets talk.I'm not going say half truths.

The bottom line is Ross doesn think sex has any meaning or being in a relationship that leads to intercourse is worth trying for in his life.Why is Ross wasting his money on an escort when all he just wants to do is get laid and remove the 'Virgin and unexperiences" label?Ross should take a cue from his female friend lori and shadowdancer if he really feel that way. One lost her virgin to a married man and the other had sex with the firrst penis that came by.

It makes no sense to me for Ross to waste money on an escort just to learn how to F**k and talk to a woman.How about putting all that energy into a relationship that will lead to intercourse.

[quietintrovertgirl]

The world is full of women just waiting to tear off their knickers for any guy? Is that what you're saying? Lovely. That's the kind of logic a rapist might present, in trying to argue that the sex he had with some woman he dragged up some back alleyway was consensual. "M'Lord - everyone knows that your average woman walking along the street on her own at 2am is looking for sex rather than just making her way home on foot because she can't manage to get a taxi...".

 

It's worrying to think that you're posting that kind of perspective of your own gender on this involuntary celibacy website you've mentioned. Just because you still happen to be a virgin, doesn't mean every woman who isn't is some kind of raging nympho who'll sleep with anyone who asks. Do your gender a favour and make sure you never have a son, if that's the kind of stuff you like to try to fill men's heads with.

 

 

 

I'd imagine that most men, given the choice, would prefer to have sex with someone who actually cared about them rather than as part of a business arrangement. The notion of someone using prostitutes for sex because they can't or won't have relationships seems depressing - but that's life. There's no escaping the fact that some aspects of it are a little depressing. I generally believe that it's best just to accept "Yep - this is a bit of a low" then get through it.

 

Hence the pragmatic approach. Unless Ross has money to burn, he's unlikely to get a sex worker who's anything like the dream women he sees on porn sites...but in some ways that's probably just as well. The longer an inexperienced guy spends staring at surgically perfected women in internet porn, the more disappointed he's going to be by reality.

 

Ideally, most people would lose their virginity in some kind of emotionally rewarding relationship. Looking through Ross's comments, any emotion or empathy he expresses seems to be directed exclusively towards himself ("I need to increase my feelings of self worth" etc). I haven't read anything that indicates he wants to meet girls for any reason other than to "practice" on them. In which case, the more honest and fair course of action would be to pay a prostitute the going rate.

 

lindya,

I try to speak the truth and not half truths that's the problem you're having with my post. Who said anything about rape if you got that impression from my post that's your hangup not mine.

We all know there are women out there who will have sex with any person that breaths.We also know some women put themselves (some on purpose and some not) in a sexual position that could get them rape.This is the real world not fantasy world.

The bottom line most older virgin don't want to put the energy and time to find a person that will lead to a relationship and intercourse.These older virgins want to complain about not having sexual chances but you can lose your virginity in 24-48 hours if you wanted too.That's easy but It's hard work being in a relationship and Some virgins are scared to take the hard route.

What ross should be doing is practicing talking to women in public nonsexually instead of sexually.Why pay for a hooker to tell him what he wants to hear and feel.He might as well put all that extra energy and find him a "True" woman who wants to be and have intercourse with him.

[Ross_K]

Lindya, yes, I've thougth about visiting an escort a lot of times.

 

Right now it's not possible, but as soon as I get the chance I'll either go see one or put an ad up on adultfriendfinder.

 

It's not just about practice Lindya, there's a lot of reasons for why I need to experience being with a woman (most psychological). A prostitute wouldn't fulfill all of these reasons, which a willing woman who actually wants to have sex with me would, but it's better than nothing.

[Jizzosh]

What I don't get is why you would just want to bang a girl. Personally, I wouldn't find any satisfaction in picking up a girl off the street, banging her in some alley and leaving her never seeing her again. If that's so important to you, you shouldn't even hesitate with sex. Seriously. You're never gonna see that girl again, so does it really matter if you suck at sex the first time?

[Ross_K]

Lol, well first you have to get a different view on life. I was reading on the first or second page some guy said that you gotta genuinely believe that girls think you're attractive, and that's true. That's basically it right there dude, if you don't believe it you're not going to get anywhere. Come back when you think you're a sexy beast:cool:

 

After this it's not hard. Well, I still have problems with keeping a conversation, but really all you gotta do is smile a lot and pitch in every now and then when talking to a girl, tease her and support her if she's in an argument with someone else, whether it be a play argument or a serious one. Just don't act all serious, the way you act rubs off on the people around you a lot more than you think. If you ever start to get nervous just tell yourself to calm down and don't say anything stupid. Sometimes silence is best. Make interesting intelligent conversation, and make it funny if you can. In my experience it's best to be the funny joking idiot that can carry a serious conversation but isn't serious most of the time, cause people feel so much more comfortable around you. I can't do it with everyone though, but you really have to build up a reputation as whatever you wish to be first. I think it's a load of bs when people say don't try to be something you aren't. Personality traits are skills, give it time and you can become a truly different person.

 

It all seems too complicated and confusing. And a lot of hard work, I'm not sure if I can pull it off.

 

I would say that the best way to be sucsessful with a woman is to just act natural and to just be myself. But obviously that hasn't worked.

 

I guess, if it is possible for a woman to be attracted to me. I'll need to gain more confidence, beat social anxiety, carry on acting natural and being myself and hopefully it'll just happen naturally, or at least if I go and meet a woman that I've met online it'll work out.

[Ross_K]

What I don't get is why you would just want to bang a girl. Personally, I wouldn't find any satisfaction in picking up a girl off the street, banging her in some alley and leaving her never seeing her again. If that's so important to you, you shouldn't even hesitate with sex. Seriously. You're never gonna see that girl again, so does it really matter if you suck at sex the first time?

 

There's many reasons why I need to have sex, I can't be bothered explaining them all here.

 

I've never said that I just want to bang a girl. Even though that'd be amazing on it's own, I also long for intimacy, skin to skin, cuddling, giving and recieving physical touch. I feel like a dying plant that needs water.

 

I don't care about sucking at sex the first time. Infact I think I'll be great.

 

I never said I want to bang someone in an alley.

 

It's strange how often people on message boards come out with a load of assumptions that they've just plucked from nowhere.

[lindya]

The bottom line most older virgin don't want to put the energy and time to find a person that will lead to a relationship and intercourse.These older virgins want to complain about not having sexual chances but you can lose your virginity in 24-48 hours if you wanted too.That's easy but It's hard work being in a relationship and Some virgins are scared to take the hard route.

 

What ross should be doing is practicing talking to women in public nonsexually instead of sexually.Why pay for a hooker to tell him what he wants to hear and feel.He might as well put all that extra energy and find him a "True" woman who wants to be and have intercourse with him.

 

Prostitutes aren't paid to tell a person what they want to hear (they probably charge extra for that). Their role is to provide sexual services. For a 30 year old guy who can't get a girlfriend or doesn't want one, they provide a valid option. What's the alternative? Picking up a drunk girl in a nightclub and taking her home? How caring and understanding is some random, drunk stranger from a nightclub going to be if her sexual expectations aren't met?

 

Another option is that he get a girlfriend off the internet. Someone who knows about his situation, wants to help, doesn't mind being used as some sort of practice run and is prepared to be patient and understanding in the event that the first couple of attempts at sex don't go well. There may well be many such paragons of empathy and selflessness out there, but so far none of them seem to have been extending any offers to our man here.

 

There's no point in advising someone that they should be putting effort into getting a relationship going if that's not really what they want. If Ross's main priority right now is to experience sex, then I think advising him to go to a prostitute is fair. It protects the dignity of women he might otherwise try to use for practice sessions, and it gives him an opportunity to get to grips with the technical aspects of sex - bearing in mind that the onus is on the guy to get it up and get it in.

 

I think it would be interesting to hear more from B4R and any other guys who have gone to prostitutes in the past, to find out whether it helped them to relate more comfortably (sexually and non sexually) with women in their day to day lives.

[Ross_K]

I have had an offer lindya, but I was unable to take it up.

 

I still can't believe it would have happened anyway, it just seems too good to be true.

[magichands]

Ideally, most people would lose their virginity in some kind of emotionally rewarding relationship. Looking through Ross's comments, any emotion or empathy he expresses seems to be directed exclusively towards himself ("I need to increase my feelings of self worth" etc). I haven't read anything that indicates he wants to meet girls for any reason other than to "practice" on them. In which case, the more honest and fair course of action would be to pay a prostitute the going rate.

An excellent point, well made. And Ross - this is how you come across (now that I have been illuminated).

There's no point in advising someone that they should be putting effort into getting a relationship going if that's not really what they want. If Ross's main priority right now is to experience sex, then I think advising him to go to a prostitute is fair. It protects the dignity of women he might otherwise try to use for practice sessions, and it gives him an opportunity to get to grips with the technical aspects of sex - bearing in mind that the onus is on the guy to get it up and get it in.

Once again, something I hadn't considered. I think you're absolutely right - Ross is skewed (I'm so biased) to being obsessed with the mechanics of sex, and the more feelings we can leave out of this equation, the better.

 

Okay, now I have some more of my own crap to add. Ross - I can't deny that sexual "prowess" can be of considerable value in "increasing your feelings of self-worth", in making you more comfortable around the opposite sex, and even (in part, haha) in sustaining a relationship.

 

But I have lived my life with the view that sex is entwined with love. (And that it has no meaning in any other context.)

 

Experiencing sex in isolation from its bosom buddy is not for me - that's just a boundary that I'm not prepared to cross.

 

I guess I'm lucky that this "kind of worked out" for me. It is somewhat difficult to put myself in your position, but I urge you to have a good, long think about what you think love is.

 

For me, sex is purely the expression of my love. (I was going to say extension of my love, but that's just getting old.)

 

This is simply my choice, nothing more. The only choice that I am comfortable living with.

 

And if it was lust, haha...then it was much, much more than skin deep. I told you I am full of crap. (Welcome to dreamland.)

[Ross_K]

I know what love is, I was in love with a girl that I was in an online relationship with.

[magichands]

I know what love is, I was in love with a girl that I was in an online relationship with.

Might I suggest, then, that you start looking at women as more than sex objects?!

 

Oh my God - I said it. And I'm not saying that the whole "sex object" thing isn't central...in context, it's critical, haha.

 

I'm just saying.

[Ross_K]

I don't look at women as sex objects. What makes you think I do, the fact that I want to have sex?

 

Let me guess, you're female, right?

[alphamale]

I don't look at women as sex objects.

maybe thats the problem...if you don't look at women as sex object then they won't look at you as a sex object either. end of story.

 

forget about what your mother and sister told you. its all lies.

[Ross_K]

I always thought that looking at women as sex objects meant that you want to have sex with them but you couldn't give a **** about their feelings.

[alphamale]

I always thought that looking at women as sex objects meant that you want to have sex with them but you couldn't give a **** about their feelings.

yes, that's how you get "birds", ROSS_K

[Ross_K]

I'm sure you don't have to not give a **** about womens feelings just to get one.

 

I mean, that's what's classed as a jerk, but I don't think it's the 'jerkeyness' that women are attracted too, it's the confidence.

[lindya]

maybe thats the problem...if you don't look at women as sex object then they won't look at you as a sex object either. end of story.

 

Oh ho ho...here we go.

 

I have to say though - there's something in that (not the "don't give a damn about their feelings" bit though. You're right Ross - that's just pure jerkiness).

 

Times I've clicked instantly with a guy, there's tended to be a kind of friendly lust in his approach. I think that's something worth cultivating in order to improve your flirting skills.

 

Just watch people flirting naturally, and you'll see that's generally how it is. Friendly lust. Lustfulness on it's own can be too much. Pure friendliness and you'll assume that the person isn't sexually interested in you. There's got to be a balance of both. Show you like women, and do it with a twinkle in your eye...and if the woman doesn't fancy you back - so be it. There's nothing wrong with taking a fancy to someone, but equally there's no law saying they have to reciprocate.

[alphamale]

Times I've clicked instantly with a guy, there's tended to be a kind of friendly lust in his approach. I think that's something worth cultivating in order to improve your flirting skills.

when a man meets a new woman she generally decides within 5 minutes whether or not he will ever be a lover of hers. First impressions are everything in this particular situation.

[Ross_K]

Yeah, I mean of course I look at women in a lustful way. I just think the SA stops me from showing it.

 

When I'm around women I don't really feel any lust, just sorta like a deer caught in a cars headlights.