My Fiance Doesn't Know If She Wants To Be With Me

[mattv25]

This is my first time doing this. I have been together with my fiance for a little over two years. Approximately a week ago she told me that she didn't know if she wanted to be in this relationship anymore. So I have been staying with my parents for a few days and will be for however long it takes for her to make a decision.

 

Now, this is my question. If there is one thing i hate, it's being in uncertainty. I can't stand having the "what if's". She has been telling me that she loves me and that she misses me, but whenever i tell her i don't want to lose her she doesn't respond, she just gives this soft sigh. I just want to know what my chances look like right now?? I'd appreciate all the honest input i can get.

[norajane]

Honestly? Why don't you take this time to consider whether you really want to be with her, married to her for the rest of your life?

 

How does she treat you? Does she make you feel like you're special? Does she do nice things for you, tell you how lucky she is to have you in her life? Does she compliment you or show you how much she loves you?

 

You've asked her to be the woman in your life for the rest of your life. It's not just her decision as to whether this relationship is right.

[mattv25]

Well, she treats me well... except that she wants me to do things for her all the time that she can do for herself. She makes me feel special too as well. She does nice things for me, she likes talking to me and she considers me as her best friend. I understand what your saying about my decision. One thing i didn't mention is that i have a child in my full custody. She treats him well and is good to him and she says that it isn't about him at all. She also says that i am so perfect and she doesn't want to make the biggest mistake of her life by leaving me, but she doesn't want to make a mistake by getting married either if it isn't what she wants. Man, i just want to know what my chances are right now and it drives me crazy that she won't tell me.

[Tony T]

Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic but in my opinion a fiance should want to be with me more than anything in the world. I wouldn't stay engaged two seconds more to somebody who expressed doubts. That's not the way it works...sorry. If she's not passionate in wanting to spend the rest of her life with you then do yourself a favor, end it and move on. Either you're not the one for her or she's definitely not ready for a commitment as serious as engagement and marriage.

 

So sorry about this but it's far better you find this out now than one or two kids later. Marriage is hard enough without going into it with both hands tied behind your back.

[mattv25]

Yeah, i've been thinking what you just said tony. I am know i am definitely co-dependent as hell. I feel like if this doesn't work out then god has something better in store for me. I just got off the phone with my fiance a few minutes ago. We are going to go have dinner tomorrow. We are just so good together. Everything has been great for the past two years we've been together. I'm 25 with a child and i don't want to make a mistake especially for his sake.

[alphamale]

So I have been staying with my parents for a few days and will be for however long it takes for her to make a decision.

you need to grow some cojones brother and become a real man.

 

If there is one thing i hate, it's being in uncertainty. I can't stand having the "what if's". She has been telling me that she loves me and that she misses me, but whenever i tell her i don't want to lose her she doesn't respond,

She does not respond cause from her end the relationship is basically over. You need to show her you're a man and tell her to get lost. You need to be assertive and dominant and take charge.

[norajane]

I have to agree with the gentlemen on this one. She accepted your proposal and now she's all hmm, I dunno. That just isn't right.

 

Take charge of this whole thing. Don't give her the option of hemming and hawing for as long as she wants while you're living with the parents. If she isn't sure, then you don't want her, period. Have dinner with her and very firmly tell her that you don't want to be engaged to someone who isn't sure.

[HeyYouGuys]

Don't make yourself real available right now. This is not a game.

 

Tell her straight up, "Look, you don't seem to know if marriage is the right thing for you right now. I have a child to think about, as well as my own future. Let's take a break for two months and you can think things over."

 

 

Tell her that means 8 weeks with NO contact. Let this really sink in. Let her know you mean it.

 

 

Then stand firm.

 

 

If she thinks you're a pushover who will just come running when she calls, she will abuse the privilage.

 

 

She needs to experience what being WITHOUT you really feels like.

 

 

This may hurt a lot. She may be really angry. But explain to her you are not joking around. You are talking about the future.....the rest of your lives. You both need some alone time to sort things out.

 

 

 

I hope you both make the right decision

[Jacob Heart-Stomped]

She's playing games with your heart, my friend. This is a glimpse into the abyss, so to speak. If she will be so selfish now, try and picture how bad it will be when she has you hog-tied in marraige. This may be the only red flag you have. Be wise. Clear your head of silly romantic notions. I had this done to me by a woman I was so very much in love with, and luckily, I took the hint and cancelled my engagement and politely refused any contact with her. Talk about hell hath no fury......

 

Marraige is serious business, and you can't afford to compromise. Think long and hard about what you're getting into. She loves the drama, and absolutely loves having you sit there like a dog with it's leash in it's mouth just hoping to get some attention. It will only get worse. She's trying to train you to be the obedient husband.

 

Run for your life.

 

Jacob