thyroid removal caused 80 pd gain in 1 year

[Ilovelucy]

I am 44, female, married for 23 years, have two teens, work full time, exercise at the gym 3x a week, volleyball 1x a week, and walk for at least 5 hours a week. I do not like meat, chips, cookies, soda pop, or juices. I eat fruit and veggies and some nuts for protein. I drink water and decaf tea. My daily intake of calories is around 1200 a day. I despise tv, and hate sitting around doing nothing. I always weighed between 105 and 130 at my heaviest. THEN>>>>>I had my thyroid removed,a nd gained 80 pounds a couple of years ago. I weigh 210 and dont deserve it the way I eat and exercise. We have a doc shortage and my doc admits he has trouble adjusting my meds....however there are no other choices. I wear make up, dress very nice, I am told my personality is amazing, I have a lot of friends and I am very fortunate. My problem is that my husband is not attracted to me anymore, I cornered him because our sex life (which used to be once a day, and extremely kinky, anywhere, any way, toys galore, lots of excitement and fun), turned into only once a month if lucky. He admitted he has trouble with the fat on me, he feels bad, and knows its not my fault, but he says he cant help the way he feels. He surfs the net for porn and watches the playboy channel alot, although I used to look like those girls, I am no where close now. I am contemplating having an affair, and told him that, and he reallly doesnt want me to, and he is sorry, but he says he will have sex with me if he has to.....I just need some intimacy again, 23 years is a lot to throw down the drain for a divorce....but I am willing-but he is not. He isnt taking care of himself this last couple of years, his hair in his ears grow so long....it is really disgusting, his nose hairs never get trimmed, he doesnt brush his teeth too much, he doesnt match his clothes. He is on meds for depression, and they have been changed a few times. He drinks a lot of alcohol, I finally had him admit he is an alcoholic. He drinks at least five days a week, till he almost passes out. I have asked him to clean himself up, and we went to the doc together, so the doccould explain my weightgain is not my fault, and to talk to him about his alcohol abuse, but nothing changed after the appt. Really torn on what to do...oh yeah, and he wont go to counselling, as he says that the counsellor and I would just gang up on him and pick on him. After two years of begging he isnt going to change I guess. Do I go with trying phone sex or cyber sex to get the satisfaction I need? Or should I just have an affair, or should I divorce? Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

[Tony T]

The first thing I would do is find another doctor....anyway you can. There is no good reason, even the absence of your thyroid, why you should be 80 pounds overweight. That is the key to your problem. When you become sexually attractive to your husband, he will be motivated more to take care of himself and your sexlife will resume in earnest.

 

If you don't think you'll shed the pounds, then get your needs met whatever way you can. You need to have a real good talk with your husband to see just what can be worked out here. Divorces are very painful but an unfulfilling marriage is probably worse.