Feeling jealous

[Feeling jealous]

Hello I need some advice..I've been seeing this guy for a very long time now. I know quite a bit about his past, including the fact that his ex-girlfriend (of 8 years!)and that they used to have sex every now and then when he's "single". Well, she still calls to this day and apparently wants him back. Well I've tried to brush this off before but I recently found a copy of his cell phone bill and I noticed that recently, he's been calling her all the time, sometimes even 3 or 4 times a day, some times more before or after he talks to me. Of course I could not confront him about this because I should not have looked at his bill but I can't stand this. Well, yesterday we were together and his cell rang and it was her. He did not want me to pick it up so I didn't, but afterwards I got very mad and told him I didn't like the fact that this was going on. He told me they will never get back together and he lied saying that they only talk once a week or so. He then went on to get mad at me calling me insecure and telling me that he couldn't deal with my "#####".

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't usually get jealous like this but this situation is really pissing me off. I can accept the fact that she may call him now and then BUT the fact that he is initiating calls to her is bothering the heck out of me. By they way, he says he is only talking to her because he needs a couple of very important favours off her (I know what they are but can't disclose them on this forum)..I can accept that but i still think this is unacceptable.

 

Anyways, we ended up arguing, I called him unstable and told him he couldn't close the doors to his past and then I left. Am I overeacting? Am I making an issue out of nothing? Or should I have my antennae up with this one.

[Tony T]

If he is calling his ex everyday and sometimes three or four times, there is a lot more going on there than just friendly communication.

 

Not only do you have a right to be concerned but you need to bring this up to him. Not even good friends call each other that often so somethings up. If it has nothing to do with the deal you can't discuss here and he won't tell you exactly why there is this amount of contact, you are hereby warned that if you stay with him you will have major trouble.

 

You can no longer trust him because he has lied to you. Where there is no trust there can be no relationship.

 

You are over a barrel now. If you talk to him and he lies to you again, you have absolutely no choice but to move on down the road. There is no good point in remaining in a relationship with a guy who is having an ongoing relationship with his ex that he is trying very hard to keep from you.

 

There is also no point in arguing with him. He has painted himself in a corner and his only alternative is to be very defensive, especially if you confront him with his cell bill.

 

It should also piss you off greatly that he's trying to toss all this back in your face. Who the hxll does he think he is?

[Angel]

He's a liar--don't believe him EVER AGAIN. If you question him about it he will LIE! Read the post from a few days ago on how can you tell if someone is a liar.

If he is calling his ex everyday and sometimes three or four times, there is a lot more going on there than just friendly communication. Not only do you have a right to be concerned but you need to bring this up to him. Not even good friends call each other that often so somethings up. If it has nothing to do with the deal you can't discuss here and he won't tell you exactly why there is this amount of contact, you are hereby warned that if you stay with him you will have major trouble. You can no longer trust him because he has lied to you. Where there is no trust there can be no relationship. You are over a barrel now. If you talk to him and he lies to you again, you have absolutely no choice but to move on down the road. There is no good point in remaining in a relationship with a guy who is having an ongoing relationship with his ex that he is trying very hard to keep from you. There is also no point in arguing with him. He has painted himself in a corner and his only alternative is to be very defensive, especially if you confront him with his cell bill. It should also piss you off greatly that he's trying to toss all this back in your face. Who the hxll does he think he is?

[velvet]

Does he have children with her? If there calling each other to discuss children thats fine. If they do not have children, than hes calling her becuase he still wants her in some way or another.

 

After seperation there are usually walls put up between each other. And if there is communication its just friendly and rare.

 

Why did they split up? Was it the seven year itch?

 

Sounds like shes coming between you and its going to feel like a hammer to the heart. He doesnt care about you if he even have thoughts of getting up with her. He doenst care if he hurts you. As long as your there before his ex decides shes coming back to him, hes safe.

He's a liar--don't believe him EVER AGAIN. If you question him about it he will LIE! Read the post from a few days ago on how can you tell if someone is a liar.

[Laurynn]

First of all, not sure why he needs and ex to do him favors....is it REALLY necessary, I mean, is she the ONLY person in the world who can do these for him?

 

The fact that he's lied about the frequency he talks to her, and the fact that you have proof before you that he's iNITIATING the calls...that's bad...but the fact that he gets all defensive and rude and makes YOU out to be jealous and insecure, obviously trying to take the focus off himself....that, my dear, is the biggest red flag. Guys who lie and are guilty will pull this sh*t like clockwork. Can't tell you how many times I've experienced it firsthand. They fear they've been 'busted' so they try to take the focus off themself by being overly hostile/rude/angry/confrontational/defensive. As far as I'm concerned, they might as well wear a big neon sign around their neck that says LIAR.

 

The fact that he didn't want you to answer his cell phone, that's something else that smacks of "something being up." If she's 'nobody' to him and the only reason they supposedly have such LIMITED contact (cough cough), then he shouldn't give a rat's patoot if you answer his phone or not. Unless, of course, he has something to hide.....and unless he's lead her to believe that he's no longer with you??

 

Not sure how long you've been together....or what other kinds of stunts he's pulled......but he's a lying dog and you have to determine whether you can live with someone like this...whether you can continue being in a relationship with someone you're suspicious of (and with good reason!)...who you don't totally trust..who you KNOW has a lot of contact with his ex. I say skid the bugger....give him the gate!

 

L

[Laurynn]

(gawddammit...this is the third time I've posted a response (and a long one to boot) that didn't show up, despite several attempts and even more "reloads" of the board. Bet it's happening to others, too. Can this be fixed? No sense even coming here if you waste your time responding!)

 

So here's what I'd tried to write below, to the gal who's found out her b/f is making many calls to his ex (on cell):

 

First of all, not sure why he needs and ex to do him favors....is it REALLY necessary, I mean, is she the ONLY person in the world who can do these for him?

 

The fact that he's lied about the frequency he talks to her, and the fact that you have proof before you that he's iNITIATING the calls...that's bad...but the fact that he gets all defensive and rude and makes YOU out to be jealous and insecure, obviously trying to take the focus off himself....that, my dear, is the biggest red flag. Guys who lie and are guilty will pull this sh*t like clockwork. Can't tell you how many times I've experienced it firsthand. They fear they've been 'busted' so they try to take the focus off themself by being overly hostile/rude/angry/confrontational/defensive. As far as I'm concerned, they might as well wear a big neon sign around their neck that says LIAR.

 

The fact that he didn't want you to answer his cell phone, that's something else that smacks of "something being up." If she's 'nobody' to him and the only reason they supposedly have such LIMITED contact (cough cough), then he shouldn't give a rat's patoot if you answer his phone or not. Unless, of course, he has something to hide.....and unless he's lead her to believe that he's no longer with you??

 

Not sure how long you've been together....or what other kinds of stunts he's pulled......but he's a lying dog and you have to determine whether you can live with someone like this...whether you can continue being in a relationship with someone you're suspicious of (and with good reason!)...who you don't totally trust..who you KNOW has a lot of contact with his ex. I say skid the bugger....give him the gate!

 

L

[Paul]

Test

Does he have children with her? If there calling each other to discuss children thats fine. If they do not have children, than hes calling her becuase he still wants her in some way or another. After seperation there are usually walls put up between each other. And if there is communication its just friendly and rare. Why did they split up? Was it the seven year itch? Sounds like shes coming between you and its going to feel like a hammer to the heart. He doesnt care about you if he even have thoughts of getting up with her. He doenst care if he hurts you. As long as your there before his ex decides shes coming back to him, hes safe.

[Feeling Jealous]

Well everyone who responded to my post gave me the same advice--He's a LIAR. I already knew this of course but tried to deny it, hoping to brush it off. Well the facts remain. What happened afterward is that called me the next day and acted normal. I said to myself I'd give him one last chance to redeem himself--next screw up and he's gone. Well, lo and behold, a couple of nights ago I was talking to him around 7pm and suggested we get together. He agreed but was lukewarm about the idea. We ended up talking on the phone and I was being the typical good friend I always am and was listening to his problems regarding this and that. After I dished out a lot of advice, I noticed he was starting to fall asleep on the phone. I let him go and ended up staying home since he was so tired.

 

Well, last night we got together and he happened to mention he was tired. I asked why since he had gone to bed so early the previous evening. He then proceeded to tell me that after we hung up he ended up playing Nintendo and then talked to another friend of his for 2 hours! All I can say is that I was very hurt. Mostly at the fact that he let me go to sleep and that he had never called me back the rest of the night even though he was not "sleeping". I was quiet for a little while after that. Even though this was minor, I still felt bad and that he was a liar. We left my car in a parking lot near his house and then drove over to his place in his car. I gave him the silent treatment for a while but then when he tried to get sex from me I ended up snapping. I got so mad and I called him a sneak and a liar and it all came out. Needless to say, he thought I was ludicrous and told me that i had a problem and that he was going out with his friends. He made me feel like I was overeacting. Realistically, what I freaked out about was not the biggest issue in the world but it was just EVERYTHING that started going through my mind and it all just hit me and made me mad (I often feel he doesnt' think of me or care for me enough and this just reinforced that)

 

Here is the big thing..I got so fed up I put my shoes on and told him I was leaving. Like I mentioned above, we drove to his house in his car. He grabbed his keys to drive me to my car but I refused to take a ride from him. We fought back and forth but my pride and anger kicked in and I said to hell with him I dont' want a thing. So I ended up walking for one hour in the rain to my car. Maybe the smart thing to do would have been to take the ride but getting into his car was the LAST thing I would ever do at that point. About half an hour later he got into his car and found me while I was walking and I just ignored him and kept walking..I vowed during this walk in the rain that I would NEVER let him hurt me again and that he would be yesterday's news. In fact, I found the experience to be quite liberating because even though I'm sure he thought I was absolutely crazy and I took a huge risk with my safety, I still felt like i did not need him in any way and i showed it. I told myself that I deserve better and that no matter how long it takes i'll wait for that better to come along.

 

The hard part is going to be forgetting about him because we have been hanging out for a long long time. I'm sure I can do it though. If anyone has ANY thoughts, good or bad, feel free to post them. Thanks

 

(gawddammit...this is the third time I've posted a response (and a long one to boot) that didn't show up, despite several attempts and even more "reloads" of the board. Bet it's happening to others, too. Can this be fixed? No sense even coming here if you waste your time responding!) So here's what I'd tried to write below, to the gal who's found out her b/f is making many calls to his ex (on cell): First of all, not sure why he needs and ex to do him favors....is it REALLY necessary, I mean, is she the ONLY person in the world who can do these for him? The fact that he's lied about the frequency he talks to her, and the fact that you have proof before you that he's iNITIATING the calls...that's bad...but the fact that he gets all defensive and rude and makes YOU out to be jealous and insecure, obviously trying to take the focus off himself....that, my dear, is the biggest red flag. Guys who lie and are guilty will pull this sh*t like clockwork. Can't tell you how many times I've experienced it firsthand. They fear they've been 'busted' so they try to take the focus off themself by being overly hostile/rude/angry/confrontational/defensive. As far as I'm concerned, they might as well wear a big neon sign around their neck that says LIAR.

 

The fact that he didn't want you to answer his cell phone, that's something else that smacks of "something being up." If she's 'nobody' to him and the only reason they supposedly have such LIMITED contact (cough cough), then he shouldn't give a rat's patoot if you answer his phone or not. Unless, of course, he has something to hide.....and unless he's lead her to believe that he's no longer with you?? Not sure how long you've been together....or what other kinds of stunts he's pulled......but he's a lying dog and you have to determine whether you can live with someone like this...whether you can continue being in a relationship with someone you're suspicious of (and with good reason!)...who you don't totally trust..who you KNOW has a lot of contact with his ex. I say skid the bugger....give him the gate! L

[Feeling Jealous]

Well everyone who responded to my post gave me the same advice--He's a LIAR. I already knew this of course but tried to deny it, hoping to brush it off. Well the facts remain. What happened afterward is that called me the next day and acted normal. I said to myself I'd give him one last chance to redeem himself--next screw up and he's gone. Well, lo and behold, a couple of nights ago I was talking to him around 7pm and suggested we get together. He agreed but was lukewarm about the idea. We ended up talking on the phone and I was being the typical good friend I always am and was listening to his problems regarding this and that. After I dished out a lot of advice, I noticed he was starting to fall asleep on the phone. I let him go and ended up staying home since he was so tired.

 

Well, last night we got together and he happened to mention he was tired. I asked why since he had gone to bed so early the previous evening. He then proceeded to tell me that after we hung up he ended up playing Nintendo and then talked to another friend of his for 2 hours! All I can say is that I was very hurt. Mostly at the fact that he let me go to sleep and that he had never called me back the rest of the night even though he was not "sleeping". I was quiet for a little while after that. Even though this was minor, I still felt bad and that he was a liar. We left my car in a parking lot near his house and then drove over to his place in his car. I gave him the silent treatment for a while but then when he tried to get sex from me I ended up snapping. I got so mad and I called him a sneak and a liar and it all came out. Needless to say, he thought I was ludicrous and told me that i had a problem and that he was going out with his friends. He made me feel like I was overeacting. Realistically, what I freaked out about was not the biggest issue in the world but it was just EVERYTHING that started going through my mind and it all just hit me and made me mad (I often feel he doesnt' think of me or care for me enough and this just reinforced that)

 

Here is the big thing..I got so fed up I put my shoes on and told him I was leaving. Like I mentioned above, we drove to his house in his car. He grabbed his keys to drive me to my car but I refused to take a ride from him. We fought back and forth but my pride and anger kicked in and I said to hell with him I dont' want a thing. So I ended up walking for one hour in the rain to my car. Maybe the smart thing to do would have been to take the ride but getting into his car was the LAST thing I would ever do at that point. About half an hour later he got into his car and found me while I was walking and I just ignored him and kept walking..I vowed during this walk in the rain that I would NEVER let him hurt me again and that he would be yesterday's news. In fact, I found the experience to be quite liberating because even though I'm sure he thought I was absolutely crazy and I took a huge risk with my safety, I still felt like i did not need him in any way and i showed it. I told myself that I deserve better and that no matter how long it takes i'll wait for that better to come along.

 

The hard part is going to be forgetting about him because we have been hanging out for a long long time. I'm sure I can do it though. If anyone has ANY thoughts, good or bad, feel free to post them. Thanks

[Angel]

A pathelogical liar is soooo good, that he will make you feel like you're the one with a problem--like you are ridiculous for feeling the way you do. You did the right thing--you're much better off without a liar by your side that has an on-going relationship with another woman. There are wonderful men out there; you will find one that will cherish you and one that doesn't need another woman in his life. Not all men lie---when you find Mr. Right you'll know how miserable you were with this liar. That long walk in the rain baptised you into a new life. Keep busy, have a facial and a bubble bath every day! Mr. Right is just around the corner!

 

ps

 

Whatever you do----don't answer any calls! It's going to be hard, but don't do it! Good luck.

Well everyone who responded to my post gave me the same advice--He's a LIAR. I already knew this of course but tried to deny it, hoping to brush it off. Well the facts remain. What happened afterward is that called me the next day and acted normal. I said to myself I'd give him one last chance to redeem himself--next screw up and he's gone. Well, lo and behold, a couple of nights ago I was talking to him around 7pm and suggested we get together. He agreed but was lukewarm about the idea. We ended up talking on the phone and I was being the typical good friend I always am and was listening to his problems regarding this and that. After I dished out a lot of advice, I noticed he was starting to fall asleep on the phone. I let him go and ended up staying home since he was so tired. Well, last night we got together and he happened to mention he was tired. I asked why since he had gone to bed so early the previous evening. He then proceeded to tell me that after we hung up he ended up playing Nintendo and then talked to another friend of his for 2 hours! All I can say is that I was very hurt. Mostly at the fact that he let me go to sleep and that he had never called me back the rest of the night even though he was not "sleeping". I was quiet for a little while after that. Even though this was minor, I still felt bad and that he was a liar. We left my car in a parking lot near his house and then drove over to his place in his car. I gave him the silent treatment for a while but then when he tried to get sex from me I ended up snapping. I got so mad and I called him a sneak and a liar and it all came out. Needless to say, he thought I was ludicrous and told me that i had a problem and that he was going out with his friends. He made me feel like I was overeacting. Realistically, what I freaked out about was not the biggest issue in the world but it was just EVERYTHING that started going through my mind and it all just hit me and made me mad (I often feel he doesnt' think of me or care for me enough and this just reinforced that) Here is the big thing..I got so fed up I put my shoes on and told him I was leaving. Like I mentioned above, we drove to his house in his car. He grabbed his keys to drive me to my car but I refused to take a ride from him. We fought back and forth but my pride and anger kicked in and I said to hell with him I dont' want a thing. So I ended up walking for one hour in the rain to my car. Maybe the smart thing to do would have been to take the ride but getting into his car was the LAST thing I would ever do at that point. About half an hour later he got into his car and found me while I was walking and I just ignored him and kept walking..I vowed during this walk in the rain that I would NEVER let him hurt me again and that he would be yesterday's news. In fact, I found the experience to be quite liberating because even though I'm sure he thought I was absolutely crazy and I took a huge risk with my safety, I still felt like i did not need him in any way and i showed it. I told myself that I deserve better and that no matter how long it takes i'll wait for that better to come along.

 

The hard part is going to be forgetting about him because we have been hanging out for a long long time. I'm sure I can do it though. If anyone has ANY thoughts, good or bad, feel free to post them. Thanks