crazy as a coconut or just taking the piss?

[la_luna]

Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months, we're very close and i'm generally very happy and secure with him.

 

The problem is, he occasionally has bouts of seriously 'abnormal' behaviour, and goes into hysterical and sometimes violent rants about his hatred for all people and women especially. he has a long history of this as well as alcoholism, but hasnt really sought help. i would go so far as to say he acts schizophrenic or at the least bipolar, my friends and family are in agreement, and he has even suggested it when he's 'normal'.

 

After a recent 'episode' i told him i could take no more, but gave him another chance when he offered to undergo psychotherapy.

 

However, when his friend visited us over the weekend we went out for the day. He was affectionate all morning until very suddenly and with no explanation he seemed to 'snap'. He took us to the pub and proceeded to humiliate me at every possible opportunity - constantly referring to me as a "cheap, whore" and chatting up the barmaid. It became obvious to me and his friend he had a serious issue, but his only reason was "its a laugh". His prejudice ranting resulted in the bar staff making 'crazy' gestures and many horrified looks...as if he'd lost all reasoning, he wasnt even drunk at first.

 

By the end of the night his despicable behaviour towards me became too much and i told him i had to break up with him, as ive never been treated with so little respect.

 

He has since sent me several messages and apologies for his 'craziness'. but it seems hes trying to use his mental illness as an excuse for hurting me. Although i am happy to stand by him while he seeks help for his problems, it seems to be costing my self respect at times like this.

 

i want to respond to his latest message and 'forgive him' as hes asked somewhat feebly, but i dont want this to happen again.

 

i dont know what i should do. i want badly to be with him but feel like its costing mine and his respect for me.

[josie54]

Sounds to me as if you already knew what to do, and you did it. You broke up with him and told him exactly why.

 

Mental illness is an incredibly tough challenge, and at this level, it requires more help than you can provide. You can do what's best for him AND for you. You can provide him the support that he needs to get help and treatment AND keep your emotional distance. If you can, stay friends and support him as best you can.

 

If staying friends isn't possible (for your own emotional health), wish him well and hope that he gets the help he needs. In a six-month relationship, this is not your battle to fight.

 

If at some point, he has proven that he has controlled his situation with medication and treatment, then maybe you can revisit the idea of resuming an intimate relationship with him. But I woudn't until then.

[whichwayisup]

He needs to go to counselling and be on meds. As well as stopping drinking! It's obvious the drinking affects his moods even more, so he has to control that.

 

Don't let him control you or suck you into his crap. IF he IS getting help, support him, but if he isn't or not willing to continue therapy, get out of this relationship. His mental illness doesn't go away, ever. It can be controlled through the help of meds.

[blind_otter]

don't forgive him until he makes the step to be evaluated by a professional and start some kind of treatment plan.

 

If he doesn't do this, move on and don't look back.

 

Mental illness is a terrible thing to wrestle with. The only thing that he can do is make the effort to get well.