the patient Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 i broke up with my ex about 3 months ago, we had been dating for just over 2 years. It was the biggest mistake of my life, at least that's the way i see it right now. Anyways, we went no contact about a month ago, i havn't heard from her since. Then today, i find out she's dating this guy, i don't know him, but i've seen him before, he's not the most attractive guy to say the least, but he must have a good personality for her to date him. Anyways, what do i make of this? is she dating to get over me? or does she actually really like this guy to be dating so soon? ANY INPUT OR EXPERIENCES WOULD BE EXTREMELY HELPFUL, i feel like i'm rotting away. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 Anyways, what do i make of this? That she is single & is dating again. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 ditto. it's been 3 months; i'm going to guess she's over you, but the point is that it doesn't matter. you made her life none of your business by breaking up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
BannaBee57 Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 Do you want her back? If so, don't wait until she's found herself a new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 You are upset that she's "dating" ? Are you serious? Many here (including me) were married for years. In my case 25 years and my wife was "dating" before she gave me the "I need space" speach. Dumb ol me didn't suspect here of "dating" because I was not vigilant, I had no idea I needed to be. Link to post Share on other sites
prrthd1 Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 IMO the fact that she is dating does not necessarily mean she's over you. My b/f broke up with me 3 months ago and I just went out on a date for the first time this past weekend. I'm definitely not over my ex. I want him back more than anything; but, I can't just sit around and wait for that to happen. To be honest, I was thinking about him the whole time I was with the new guy. So, the LD is maybe she's over you, maybe she's not. People often date to fill a void when they really have someone else on their mind. Look at it this way - would you rather her go on dating and not try to contact her and risk her finding someone else? Or would you rather at least TRY to talk to her to see how she feels about everything? Even if she says no you'll know that you did all you could and will have no regrets. I am in the same position she is and I'm telling you from this side of the fence - CALL HER! LET HER KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HER! It's HELL sitting around wondering if a man ever really cared about you. I wish my ex was feeling the same way you do. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 IMO the fact that she is dating does not necessarily mean she's over you. My b/f broke up with me 3 months ago and I just went out on a date for the first time this past weekend. I'm definitely not over my ex. I want him back more than anything; but, I can't just sit around and wait for that to happen. To be honest, I was thinking about him the whole time I was with the new guy. So, the LD is maybe she's over you, maybe she's not. People often date to fill a void when they really have someone else on their mind. Look at it this way - would you rather her go on dating and not try to contact her and risk her finding someone else? Or would you rather at least TRY to talk to her to see how she feels about everything? Even if she says no you'll know that you did all you could and will have no regrets. I am in the same position she is and I'm telling you from this side of the fence - CALL HER! LET HER KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HER! It's HELL sitting around wondering if a man ever really cared about you. I wish my ex was feeling the same way you do. Good luck! Prrthd1, you are right. I say call her and let her know that you care a lot about her. It doesn't hurt to try and perhaps pprthd1 is right, she might be still thinking about you and that the new guy is only a substitute for that void. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Pantero Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 It's a rebound relationship. These women do it all the time. If they say they don't - they're lying. Trust me. If you want her back, go bang another girl. It'll drive her crazy and that, in turn, will make you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Anyways, we went no contact about a month ago, i havn't heard from her since. Then today, i find out she's dating this guy, she was already seeing him before the two of you broke up... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 It's a rebound relationship. These women do it all the time. If they say they don't - they're lying. Trust me. Sometimes rebounds work out.. I have an ex that started banging a new guy weeks after breaking up from a 5 month relationship.. From what I heard it worked out.... By the time I realized what I had lost she was onto someone new and I was old news never to hear from her again.. It is the breakup that people should avoid.. once the break happens and you both start to go your separate ways then going back won't happen.. unless you BOTH realize that a mistake was made.. but when one person sees the mistake and the other doesn't, It is hopeless and final... Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 My ex had my "replacement" in the wings before we actually broke up... ...and for that matter, while we were still sleeping together. It's nice to know a "wink" on Match.com is enough to kill a "serious relationship". -tp Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 My ex had my "replacement" in the wings before we actually broke up... women usually do...they are akin to monkeys swinging from trees, they don't let go on one branch until they have a firm grip on the next branch. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 women usually do...they are akin to monkeys swinging from trees, they don't let go on one branch until they have a firm grip on the next branch. Since she was "gripping my branch" at the same time she started talking to this guy..... Oh, hell, I don't know.. I just wanted to say "gripping my branch" (insert Family Guy laugh) -tp my ex really grinds my gears! Link to post Share on other sites
heyduh Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 if she had broken up with you, i would say that she checked out of the relationships many months before you actually broke up but since you claim to be the dumper, 1. why do you care? 2. since you do care... she is most likely coping with the loss by rebounding i broke up with my ex about 3 months ago, we had been dating for just over 2 years. It was the biggest mistake of my life, at least that's the way i see it right now. Anyways, we went no contact about a month ago, i havn't heard from her since. Then today, i find out she's dating this guy, i don't know him, but i've seen him before, he's not the most attractive guy to say the least, but he must have a good personality for her to date him. Anyways, what do i make of this? is she dating to get over me? or does she actually really like this guy to be dating so soon? ANY INPUT OR EXPERIENCES WOULD BE EXTREMELY HELPFUL, i feel like i'm rotting away. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 why do so many of you think her new guy just has to be a rebound? she started dating him more than two months after she was dumped by the OP. i know some people will say, "two months, that's no time at all!" but it can be...many people do not sob and pine away and want to die because they've been broken up with. they move on, even if it does take a little time. we don't even know what their relationship was like...she might have been happy to not have to be the one to end it with the OP, who knows? if she hopped on the phone and just called up some dude and started dating him immediately, yes, that would probably be a rebound. it could really be a rebound after any amount of time, but whether it's a "rebound" relationship or not, that's how relationships are...they work out or don't. what does it matter? they had no contact for a month...she was the dumpee, and she didn't try to call him or make any contact in over a month. it's now been 3 months since the break-up. even if this new guy isn't "the one", you're not either, so leave her alone and let her get on with her life. good grief. deal with your choice and move on with your life, as she has. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 women usually do...they are akin to monkeys swinging from trees, they don't let go on one branch until they have a firm grip on the next branch. Well I myself don't need to grab the next branch, but for many women there are a ton of branches waiting for the current branch to break..... no need to look for them they are all around waiting to scream "grab me! grab me!" Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Sometimes I wonder, were we their rebounds. :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Miss1984 Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 In my opinion, this new guy may or may not be a rebound. She may genuinely like him or she may just be trying to get over you, but the key thing is that YOU broke up with HER and you have been in NC so she probably just moved on. She probably does still think about you, and personally, I'd still be hurting after three months. But you made it clear when you broke up with her that it's over, and she accepted that- when you get to that point it's just self destructive to sit around and wait for your ex to change their mind, so she probably just decided to get moving and get out there again. Maybe you do need to contact her and tell her how you feel to give her a chance to respond and stop you speculating what may have happened. She may think you broke up with her and don't care anymore and don't think about her, so it may help her to hear that you regret losing her and feel you've made a mistake. On the flipside, it could mess her up and set her back a few steps in getting over you, or she may not respond at all. But at least if you give her a chance to accept or reject your words one way or the other you will know for sure you did everything you could and will be able to move past it because you'll know one way or the other how she feels. I'll tell you my similar story from the girl's side: I had an ex who broke up with me, and then months after I moved away started texting me telling me what an idiot he'd been, and how losing me was the most stupid mistake he'd ever made. He wanted us to try again, but after everything that had happened between us it would never have been the same. I still cared about him, and was still hurting, but for me it was too late. I'd moved so far forward, and started seeing someone else because I liked this new guy and I thought 'why should I not be with this new person who I like and who likes me, because I'm still hurting from my ex?' Didn't mean I didn't care about my ex anymore, though. I hope you get past this. But if you decide to contact her you'll have to accept whatever she says, don't push it or beg and if she tells you to leave it then walk away with the knowledge you tried, and get on with getting over her. Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 In my opinion, this new guy may or may not be a rebound. She may genuinely like him or she may just be trying to get over you, but the key thing is that YOU broke up with HER and you have been in NC so she probably just moved on. She probably does still think about you, and personally, I'd still be hurting after three months. But you made it clear when you broke up with her that it's over, and she accepted that- when you get to that point it's just self destructive to sit around and wait for your ex to change their mind, so she probably just decided to get moving and get out there again. Maybe you do need to contact her and tell her how you feel to give her a chance to respond and stop you speculating what may have happened. She may think you broke up with her and don't care anymore and don't think about her, so it may help her to hear that you regret losing her and feel you've made a mistake. On the flipside, it could mess her up and set her back a few steps in getting over you, or she may not respond at all. But at least if you give her a chance to accept or reject your words one way or the other you will know for sure you did everything you could and will be able to move past it because you'll know one way or the other how she feels. I'll tell you my similar story from the girl's side: I had an ex who broke up with me, and then months after I moved away started texting me telling me what an idiot he'd been, and how losing me was the most stupid mistake he'd ever made. He wanted us to try again, but after everything that had happened between us it would never have been the same. I still cared about him, and was still hurting, but for me it was too late. I'd moved so far forward, and started seeing someone else because I liked this new guy and I thought 'why should I not be with this new person who I like and who likes me, because I'm still hurting from my ex?' Didn't mean I didn't care about my ex anymore, though. I hope you get past this. But if you decide to contact her you'll have to accept whatever she says, don't push it or beg and if she tells you to leave it then walk away with the knowledge you tried, and get on with getting over her. Miss 1984, very well said. I believe you hit on all the points of what is going on I dliked how you said and reflected on diffent topics.Good luckvone, Link to post Share on other sites
prrthd1 Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 I think Miss1984 makes some very good points and has a view similar to the one I posted previously. Like I said in my post, I am in the same boat that your ex is in and I wish more than anything that my ex would contact me and tell me how he really felt (good or bad). It's been three months since our split and I have also been dating someone else but I think about my ex constantly when I'm with him. I'm VERY much still hurting after three months and your ex probably is too. All my ex would say to me after the split "is sometimes things don't work out," so I took this as an "it's over for good." If we women think it's over we have to try and move on to keep our sanity and self-respect. I would love nothing more than to sit around day after day waiting for the moment my ex comes bursting through the door but it's not healthy or realistic. So, take it from a girl who's going through it - CALL HER. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 she was already seeing him before the two of you broke up... Usually this is the case...so true. Link to post Share on other sites
Amour77 Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 women usually do...they are akin to monkeys swinging from trees, they don't let go on one branch until they have a firm grip on the next branch. I couldn't agree more, at least in my current experience! Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 That is so sad.... :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Vanquish Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Ok, given this scenario. She dumped me because she needed space, tryed to get back with her 1st ex, he told her to f off, so she moved on to this new guy that doesn't match her usual type at all. Would that be a rebound relationship for her? The last thing she ever said to me was life is tough, which i laughed at and told her yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Sounds like a selfish wi** that is going to get what she deserves in the end. She wil l eventually grow up and realize that she is the one with the issues. But again, were are talking about a woman, so that may never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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