I'm having an AFFAIR with my best friend...

[avamyers]

I've been married for 3 years now...Things started going downhill about a year ago. My husband became very abusive to me, both mentally and pysically. I've always been afraid to leave so, I just stay and endure the pain. Usually I cry to my best friend telling him all the horrible things my husband has done to me. One night I was at my friends house watching a movie....well, one thing led to another and I kissed him.

 

I wasn't thinking! I don't know if it's because I just missed that affection or what. The crazy thing is that he kissed me back. He's married and has a daughter; well, I guess it turns out that he's been having problems with his wife as well. We have been finding time to meet up with one another for the past year. I think I'm falling for him! I know that what I'm doing isn't right but, I can't leave my husband. Please help!!

[Sup]

I've been married for 3 years now...Things started going downhill about a year ago. My husband became very abusive to me, both mentally and pysically. I've always been afraid to leave so, I just stay and endure the pain. Usually I cry to my best friend telling him all the horrible things my husband has done to me. One night I was at my friends house watching a movie....well, one thing led to another and I kissed him.

 

I wasn't thinking! I don't know if it's because I just missed that affection or what. The crazy thing is that he kissed me back. He's married and has a daughter; well, I guess it turns out that he's been having problems with his wife as well. We have been finding time to meet up with one another for the past year. I think I'm falling for him! I know that what I'm doing isn't right but, I can't leave my husband. Please help!!

 

Lady, you just threw gasoline on a fire. Do you realize by doing THAT, it could get you killed, and OM too. You better Divorce your husband and QUICK!

[SoCalCatman72]

I know that what I'm doing isn't right but, I can't leave my husband. Please help!!

 

Ok, so then you have a choice to make.

 

1. Stop seeing your MM and stay with your husband and the beatings.

2. Have your husband ARRESTED, seek counseling, try to make it work.

3. In contravention to the above, leave your MM to work out his problems on his own, leave your husband and live the life you have denied yourself for so long.

[Luzzinit]

Wow, I feel really bad for you, because I know where you're coming from to an extent. My partner of four years was never physically abusive, but became extremely mentally and emotionally abusive. I just endured it, because when I talked about leaving he manipulated me into staying (crying, "I can't live without you," "I'll change," etc.). I felt like we should try to work it out, because I felt like he was a good guy and he loved me. But I also fell in love with his best friend, and cried on his shoulder about how awful he was being to me. One day there was a snow day - my work was called off, my partner still had to go to work, and his best friend was staying at our house. Snowed in all day together - you can probably guess what happened.

 

So, I knew I wanted to be with his friend. It was really hard, but I left my partner. We went through a time where I was trying to get everything separated from him (finances, belongings, etc.), and he was less than graceful about it. I think b**ch was his exact term for me. But I knew I wanted to be with his friend. Well guess what, his friend decided to be on his side. I was honestly in love with this guy, and today we don't even talk. He's roommates with my ex.

 

In your situation, I see a couple of key things. First, emotional abuse is bad enough. I could see seeking counseling for that. But physical abuse? I'm sorry, but any strong, self-respecting woman is out the door the second her man lays a hand on her. You do not deserve that, and for him to even consider it says something about his character, and that is something that won't change even if he stops hitting you. On that basis, plus the fact that you sound so much like I was, I think it's time to leave your husband.

The friend, now that's even trickier. If you two are undyingly in love, you both need to leave the ones you're with and be together, no matter what. But I would talk to him long before you make a move, and be sure you are clear about where you stand and where you will stand once you leave your husband. Does he want to be with you enough to leave his wife? Or does he want to stay with her and have you on the side? Or will he take your husband's side and not talk to you again after you leave him?

My vote is, talk to your friend first. If you two really want to pursue this, there are some things to work out. But even if he won't leave his wife for you, honestly, don't be with a man who's beating you. You deserve so much more. If you leave your husband and end up without your friend, then you get to go flirt with cute guys, which is always fun! You'll find a guy out there that treats you with respect, as long as you respect yourself.

 

For the record, after my friend stopped talking to me, I did end up meeting an amazing guy - really attractive, and very honest and communicative. Good men do exist!