The tide is turning

[Foreign_Love]

Again I will break netiquette and post a personal email. This is the first time she's admitted vulnerability to me. Those of you following this drama - what do you think? (I know anyone can write anything - but this is pretty heartfelt stuff)

 

(snip)

 

First of all, I want to apologize for my bad

 

attitude this morning on the drive way.

 

When you were telling me the story, I felt very

 

uncomfortable, because I had already made up

 

my mind that I wanted to stay with you for the

 

rest of my life. I was in a very good mood because

 

I could finally realize what I really want.

 

******** A Happy Life With You **********

 

Like I wrote in the lunch note today, at last

 

I am getting comfortable to live here and felt that

 

this is my home, where I belong.I have just started to see things

 

in different ways than I did before. Only a few days

 

ago... I still felt like I was in someone's house even

 

though I knew in my head that this was OUR house.

 

So when you told me that story, I got upset and mistook

 

your point and felt like you were telling me, " You had

 

better behave or you will lose me. I have warned you many

 

times now. This is your last chance."This is why I said such bad things even

 

though I knew you would go crazy and worry all day.

 

I think I wanted to protect myself from your words.

 

I did not want you to realize that I had fear losing

 

you. I am very sorry. I do have fear losing you and

 

now I know how you felt every time I said I wanted to leave.

 

I think I did not want to let you see the weak part

 

of me. I wanted to be tough and I wanted to convince

 

myself that I would be just fine even thoughyou leave me. I am not a loser.

 

I know it sounds very stupid but I did feel this way

 

and I immediately defended myself.

 

The truth is, I love you so much and I want you to

 

love me too. I want to be with you forever.

 

I do not think I will ever meet someone like you.

 

I believe we are the perfect match. I want to

 

have a happy life with you. I am sorry that

 

I am not very good at comforting when you need

 

extra love and attention. I will try harder

 

to make you feel more comfortable and happy when you are

 

down. I will try hard to be more sensitive aboutevery word I say.

 

Once again, I am very sorry that I got upset

 

and said things to make you worry. Please forgive me.

 

I love you very much and want to be with you always.

[Paul]

Totally unrelated, but Foreign_Love just posted our 40,000th post! Congrats, LoveShack! (Goes to uncork a bottle of sparkling cider)...

 

Paul

 

LoveShack.org

[Foreign_Love]

Hey kids - just to update you on the situation. We spent several days having real heart-to-heart talks and I thought things had finally reached a new level. We really seemed to be communicating and setting goals for the relationship. Well, last night that all came crashing down. Here's the scenario:

 

For as long as I've dated her I have told her I wanted to have 2 or 3 kids when I'm married - that's ALWAYS been the case and I've said it repeatedly. Even yesterday during the day we were discussing the costs of having 2 kids. Well, last night she informs me that she will only have one kid - she has decided she wants to take the money we would have used for a 2nd kid and use it to hire a lawyer to sue her ex-husband for custody of the kid she had with him.

 

This is something we had discussed and I agreed that I would help her try to get her kid back, but not at the cost of the future we had agreed upon.

 

She would not back down on this one and then she stated "if we can't agree on this we can't get married every" whereupon she got her paperwork (she's from Japan & it would require her divorce papers & family paperwork to get married) and threw them into the woodburning stove - thus making it impossible for us to get married.

 

My brain says "wow, it's a good thing you didn't marry her" but my heart is still broken.... I really thought we had gotten past all the rough stuff and were going to make it.

 

I should just give up and become a hermit.

[quankanne]

why are you torturing yourself like this? It seems like everytime you two make headway, there's some sticky point where she's not willing to consider a compromise ~ and basically that's what marriage is, a dance that involves compromise even when you're not too happy with the idea but if it means a better "we" (as opposed to me or you), you'll do it. Who says you can't have a dozen kids and still be able to fight for custody of her oldest child? If you're willing to try, you've conquered the hardest part.

 

it sounds like you keep setting yourself up to fail with this woman, knowing that she's going to keep pulling these little episodes just so she can keep the upper hand in your relationship with her. Dump her, and fast!

[Tony T]

So she wants to take the money that the two of you would have spent raising a second child and use it to sue her ex. Wow, what a concept.

 

Why doesn't she just sit down a do an entire financial plan with the money you'll save not having a second job...like buying Enron stock, a 401K, savings bonds, other stocks, gold and silver...and entire portfolio built around this kid you're not going to have...and, yes, of course, budget in some money for the attorney.

 

This is insane. I'm so glad I'm not you. Actually, you're a pretty lucky guy for being rid of this lady...you are hurting now but you'll see all this later.

 

Hang in there. Call me this weekend and I'll buy you a drink.

[velvet]

She feels like she would be replacing her child if she were to have a second one with you. She doesnt want her or her child to feel this way.

 

Throwing the papers in the fire is just psycho. Sounds like she doesnt love you. Even if she tells you she loves you, I would look at her in disbelief. I couldnt trust her. She keeps turning psycho on you. Your in Pain! Time to walk away for awhile and see just how much your in each others heart.

So she wants to take the money that the two of you would have spent raising a second child and use it to sue her ex. Wow, what a concept.

 

Why doesn't she just sit down a do an entire financial plan with the money you'll save not having a second job...like buying Enron stock, a 401K, savings bonds, other stocks, gold and silver...and entire portfolio built around this kid you're not going to have...and, yes, of course, budget in some money for the attorney. This is insane. I'm so glad I'm not you. Actually, you're a pretty lucky guy for being rid of this lady...you are hurting now but you'll see all this later. Hang in there. Call me this weekend and I'll buy you a drink.

[Angel]

She sounds like a horrible woman/person/human. You need to look inward to understand why you would stay with a mean-spirited ugly human being----this should be your primary concern. Seriously, you need some counseling a lot deeper than this forum can provide. Good luck.

So she wants to take the money that the two of you would have spent raising a second child and use it to sue her ex. Wow, what a concept.

 

Why doesn't she just sit down a do an entire financial plan with the money you'll save not having a second job...like buying Enron stock, a 401K, savings bonds, other stocks, gold and silver...and entire portfolio built around this kid you're not going to have...and, yes, of course, budget in some money for the attorney. This is insane. I'm so glad I'm not you. Actually, you're a pretty lucky guy for being rid of this lady...you are hurting now but you'll see all this later. Hang in there. Call me this weekend and I'll buy you a drink.