please....if you have ANY advice I would really appreciate it

[Melissa]

Hi...I kind of have a little problem so if you could stick with me...i'll try to expain my situation. Well a few months ago I realized that I had a some feelings towards this guy that i've known forever. Actually He's my neighbor, friend, and well best friends brother. I mean we've all been friends for probably around 11 years now, but when I was little her and I became alot more close than him and I. My other really close friend brought out these feelings last feb. and I really didnt' know what to do with them. I guess I've been hiding them all these years and either not wanting to admit them or not wanting to or i don't know. I do know though that I don't really want to have them, but obviously I cant' exactly help it. So to test how strong they were and to see if maybe it was just a little crush or something, I began trying to talk to him more online. We talked about anything and everything......life, relationships, parents, friends, family, school, etc. Also ever since I've known him, we've always had a kind of sarcastic sence of humor with eachother and I guess (I didn't notice it until then) we really teased eachother and flirted a lot, but that's just the way we always were. Well I'm not one of those kind of people that like to keep alot of things in...or at least not for that long so during the middle of march sometime I finally got up the courage to go over there look him in the face and tell him exactly what was going on. (Of course making sure that no one, especially his sister was at home) We sat down at his table and he could tell that something was going on especially since I was really nervous and I'm never like that around him. So finally after sitting there in silence wondering where to start I spit it all out in one big, long breath. The whole time he was smiling and I could tell in his eyes that he knew exactly what I was going to say. Afterwards he just smiled and started saying how good of buddies we are and that kind of thing and I just pushed it off cuz I was just happy to get that off my chest. For the next couple of weeks, it was kinda weird with us. I wasn't even able to go and spend the night like I always do for a while and whenever he or I came online, he never imed me which he always used to do. So finally I imed him and asked if he was avoiding me now and said how I really didnt' want what i said to change anything, that i just had to get it off of my chest so that i felt better and everything. He told me that he wasn't avoiding me, just was relaly busy latley, yadda yadda. Well after a couple weeks of it being weird when the three of us were around eachother, it got better. And of course his sister didnt' know anything that was going on. Or at least I thought she didn't. We eventually started talking alot again and it got even flirter when we were around eachother, sometimes even touchy kind of things and if I was talking to his sister or mom or whatever, he always seemed to be around. Whether getting some water....and of course he would always whatever he was getting offer me some. Through all of this my friend that has stuck by me kept telling me how she "knows" that he feels the same way, but just hasn't gotten to the point where he realizes it or does, but doesn't show it or tell anyone about it. I always told her no because I would be able to tell if he did, but honestly I have never been able to tell if someone has feelings for me even if I deep down knew that he did. Also even since I've known her, she has had these "feelings" about guys and me. She's had feelings about guys liking me and wanting something to happen and everytime it's been true. Then she's also had feelings about the guy not having feelings even though i did, but she's still told me what she thought so that I didn't get hurt and every time she's had either feeling, it's been true. Well she has been saying all this time even before I figured out how I felt (which I still haven't totally figured out) that she has a really big feeling about this one. I'm not really even sure how I feel about him....I mean I KNOW now (this took me forever to actually admit) that I have some major feelings towards him, but i'm not sure how much. I can say though that he's one of the few people that I seriously can't see my life without. Probably because he's always been there no matter what. I mean I don't even know what it would be like if I moved cuz I wouldn't have that nervous, excited, kind of feeling when i'm about to look out my window, or go online, or call their house, or go over to borrow something, or when i'm outside letting out my dogs, or playing football or catch or whatever with a sibling or friend, or when I have guys over that are just friends and I wonder if he saw and got jealous, or when i went to homecoming this year with my best guy friend adn looked really good and he was coming back from mowing a neighbors lawn and gave me a huge smile. I know i've never been able to tell about another guys feelings for me, but now whenever we see eachother and I look into his eyes, I'm beginning to see something that i've never saw before and it just makes me want to look into his eyes forever.....the way he looks at me and makes me feel when he looks, or touches me or talks or whatever is just an unbelievable feeling that makes me always want to be in his arms. I don't know what that means or anything, but i know that since i told him how i felt and after that slightly awkward stage, we've been alot closer. Like we'll talk alot more and be around eachother alot more even when his sister is around and it never really used to be that way. Oh yeah also we'll ask eachother for advice alot and stuff...actually him mroe than me....and i've always given him some of my best advice when it comes to girls and stuff because i'll try to give advice like a good friend and not anything else and put my feelngs aside (though it is really hard) and he's always appreciated it. Sometimes though it'll seem like he really likes a girl or has a prob with some girl or whatever and i'll give him advice and all that stuff, but sometimes he just acts so i dunno like he know's waht i'm talking about, but just won't act on it or anything with the girl and just not seem too enthusiastic about it, even if he seems liek and even told me how much he liked her, after we talk it's just stupid how he'll have a good chance and then not do anything after he asked for advice. He's had flings or feeligns for girls or whatever since I said something to him, but he hasn't had a serious relationship or actually no really any kind of girlfriend kind of relationship. He's wanted one alot, but it never went to that. I don't know.....I'm so confused about everything and I have no idea where to go from here with him. Whether just to keep acting semi normal with him or what. Cuz I made that first move so If he did have anything for me or wanted to try it and see what happens then wouldn't he of made some kind of move or said something? Well maybe he has, but I just haven't picked up on the signs....cuz i'm very neive like that. Well that's my whole...loooong story. Sorry about the lengh, but you wouldn't understand it if I shortened it any more so there ya go. PLEASE if you have any advice at all or anything please, please e-mail me and let me know because I could really use a new opinion about the matter cuz i'm stuck. Thanx alot for taking the time to read this......talk to you later.....hopefully!

[Cici]

Well this is a slightly complex situation. What I don't understand is why he didn't say anything at all when you revealed your feelings to him. Did he say that he didn't want anything to happen?

 

I mean, a smile is a smile, but what the heck. Who even knows what the Mona Lisa is thinking.

 

It sounds to me like you really want something to happen. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. I became involved with my neighbor for a while...he and I were really good friends and I knew his friends and all. This was a fling, though, because I have a boyfriend who I care very deeply for, so after it ended with me and the neighbor, everything was back to normal (except every now and then he asks me for sex and I laugh at him...).

 

what you really need is for him to be straightforward and open about his feelings. How you do this is up to you...also whenyou do this. You can either continue on in the same way you have been or sit down and talk to him again, asking him specific questions that force him to be open.

 

Good Luck! Keep us posted.