What should I do?

[Bongo]

I seem to have this major relationship problem. Every time I get involved with someone, the same issues come up for me. I start to feel trapped by the relationship, and overwhelmed, and even thought I don't want to end the relationship, I generally cause it to end by being so indecisive.

 

My last girlfriend, after 4 months I felt I didn't have very strong feelings for her anymore, and it took me over a year to finally break away from her. It was a very painful, and miserable year for both of us, because we just couldn't split.

 

She would do anything for us to stay together, even if it meant being with someone who didn't really want to be with her.

 

Anyway, unfortunately I still think about her a lot. Even after 8 months, since i last saw her. It doesn't help that she sends me messages on my phone all the time, telling me she misses me.

 

So, 4 months ago I met this new girl, and I really liked her, a lot. It took some mighty work to try me out. After the first time we went out she had already decided that I wasn't for her. But she chose to give it a go. Something changed her mind.

 

Anyhow, pretty much straight away I was already feeling like I did with my ex. I couldn't handle being in the relationship. I couldn't handle the responsibilities of it. It was horrible, and I thought I'd never get passed those issues.

 

One day, I just switched. I realisd that I was making her life crap, and I just totally turned over. I fell in love with her, and for the next two months I was inseparable. I couldn't believe the way I had felt before. I wanted to be with her all the time, and she felt the same. We've talked about living together, and future plans together, including an overseas trip at the end of the year.

 

So, 2 weeks ago I went overseas for a week. Leading up I was getting so upset about going away for a week, and not seeing her. This is after 6 weeks of spending every night together. It was so horrible, and I didn't want to go.

 

So, the trip wasn't so bad. In fact, I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of what it was like being single. Noone to worry about except me, I had full control, full freedom, and I could do what I want.

 

Of course I still missed her like crazy, but it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.

 

So, when I got back, I don't know why, but I just switched back to my old self. I don't know why, but since then I've had real trouble being with her, just like I used to be. I don't know what's happened in my mind, but now I find myself having major doubts.

 

Last night I almost told her we shouldn't see each other anymore.

 

I don't want to end the relationship, because I love her. Well, I think I love her. And I know that these problems are with me, not with her. But I also can't keep on like this, feeling miserable, and depressed, and anxious all the time.

 

I think I'm associating the single life with not having any complications, or any worries, and the relaitonship life with misery and anxiety. But I know that when I'm single, I pine for a girlfriend. I get so lonely.

 

I know if I don't deal with this problem this time, it will just be twice as bad with the next person, and so on, and so on.

 

If I broke up, she'd be devastated. She tells me I'm the first guy she's ever loved, I'm the first guy she's ever fully trusted, and I'm the first guy she's felt 100% totally compfortable with.

 

I love her, and I want this to work, but I don't want this relationship and my imaginary complications to take over my life.

 

I've let me friends, and interests slide, in favour of her.

 

I'm 25, and she's 27. What should I do?

[Rachel]

I think you're still young and interested in "PLAYING THE FIELD" .....

 

There's nothing wrong with that at your age.

 

Enjoy yourself. Each relationwship will be a learning experience. You will learn more about YOU.

 

When the right woman comes along you will know it.

 

YOu're torturing yourself over some very normal stuff.

 

I seem to have this major relationship problem. Every time I get involved with someone, the same issues come up for me. I start to feel trapped by the relationship, and overwhelmed, and even thought I don't want to end the relationship, I generally cause it to end by being so indecisive.

 

My last girlfriend, after 4 months I felt I didn't have very strong feelings for her anymore, and it took me over a year to finally break away from her. It was a very painful, and miserable year for both of us, because we just couldn't split. She would do anything for us to stay together, even if it meant being with someone who didn't really want to be with her. Anyway, unfortunately I still think about her a lot. Even after 8 months, since i last saw her. It doesn't help that she sends me messages on my phone all the time, telling me she misses me. So, 4 months ago I met this new girl, and I really liked her, a lot. It took some mighty work to try me out. After the first time we went out she had already decided that I wasn't for her. But she chose to give it a go. Something changed her mind. Anyhow, pretty much straight away I was already feeling like I did with my ex. I couldn't handle being in the relationship. I couldn't handle the responsibilities of it. It was horrible, and I thought I'd never get passed those issues. One day, I just switched. I realisd that I was making her life crap, and I just totally turned over. I fell in love with her, and for the next two months I was inseparable. I couldn't believe the way I had felt before. I wanted to be with her all the time, and she felt the same. We've talked about living together, and future plans together, including an overseas trip at the end of the year. So, 2 weeks ago I went overseas for a week. Leading up I was getting so upset about going away for a week, and not seeing her. This is after 6 weeks of spending every night together. It was so horrible, and I didn't want to go. So, the trip wasn't so bad. In fact, I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of what it was like being single. Noone to worry about except me, I had full control, full freedom, and I could do what I want. Of course I still missed her like crazy, but it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. So, when I got back, I don't know why, but I just switched back to my old self. I don't know why, but since then I've had real trouble being with her, just like I used to be. I don't know what's happened in my mind, but now I find myself having major doubts. Last night I almost told her we shouldn't see each other anymore. I don't want to end the relationship, because I love her. Well, I think I love her. And I know that these problems are with me, not with her. But I also can't keep on like this, feeling miserable, and depressed, and anxious all the time. I think I'm associating the single life with not having any complications, or any worries, and the relaitonship life with misery and anxiety. But I know that when I'm single, I pine for a girlfriend. I get so lonely. I know if I don't deal with this problem this time, it will just be twice as bad with the next person, and so on, and so on. If I broke up, she'd be devastated. She tells me I'm the first guy she's ever loved, I'm the first guy she's ever fully trusted, and I'm the first guy she's felt 100% totally compfortable with. I love her, and I want this to work, but I don't want this relationship and my imaginary complications to take over my life. I've let me friends, and interests slide, in favour of her. I'm 25, and she's 27. What should I do?

[velvet]

I agree with Rachel. Most men your age prefer to be single throughout their twenties. Than around 30 and mid 30's they become more available to settle down with someone.

 

Only you can figure that out. Its selfish on your behalf to put her through this, while your discovering yourslef.

 

 

 

in "PLAYING THE FIELD" ..... There's nothing wrong with that at your age.

 

Enjoy yourself. Each relationwship will be a learning experience. You will learn more about YOU. When the right woman comes along you will know it. YOu're torturing yourself over some very normal stuff.