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why (question about relationships)


lasan

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I originally started reading at this forum because I was looking for a place for a good friend of mine to find some support from. I want to give an overview of his situation so you all can give me some opinions.

 

He has been married for a couple years now.They have no children, although she has children from a previous relationship. She spends all her time on the computer. Morning, noon and night. She is to the point where she isn't paying much attention to the kids. My friend tells me he has tried all the typical "bring the spark" back stuff to get her attention. They have the talks about what's wrong, she says "I'll work on it" and then the cycle starts over.

 

I figured she was just net addicted at first. It happens to alot of people. Heck when I first got the internet, I am not even sure if I ever logged off. But the more he opened up about what was going on, the more I wondered. She isn't interested in sex. She will still do it, but its with a "oh all right then, hop on and get it over with" sort of attitude.

 

He became much more concerned because she is constantly talking to an ex of hers. He thinks that he is just being too jealous. At first I even chuckled with him about it. I am good friends with one of my ex's many years after our relationship ended. I figure there are plenty of people who can stay friends with their ex's and it doesn't mean anything.

 

But then he told me exactly who her ex is. She had an affair during her first marriage. This man she spends so much time talking to now, is the OM.

 

Once he told me that, I thought for about 3 seconds. Then I asked him if he was an idiot. I give him credit. He has been doing everything he can to keep her happy. He's got info, divorcebusters, all that jazz. He asked me to speak my mind so I did . (hence me calling him an idiot)

 

I do not know if she is having an affair with this ex of hers or not. What I do know that where there is smoke,sometimes there is a fire. I do not wish to make him more upset but it seems pretty clear to me that she has already started to check out of their marriage. All the signs are there. I think what makes it hard for him to see is that, she isn't a witch at home. She is perfectly lovely. No nagging, no emotional ups and downs, no nothing.

 

It is entirely possible that she is, no longer interested in sex, glued to the computer to talk to her ex-OM, and generally withdrawing from her spouse and it has absolutely nothing to do with her thinking about and or having an affair. All that being said, I think he would be a fool to ignore all of this.

 

There was supposed to be a question in there, but I lost it. In typing all of this out, it seems fairly obvious that something is going very wrong without asking.

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Well that was resolved quickly.

 

The day after I posted this, he got proof she was cheating.

 

I feel really bad for him. I was hoping that She was just acting wierd and not actually cheating .

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