OMG I just hit my mother (I answered back), noooo

[the_alchemyst]

Ariadne, please don't encourage her bad behavior. It doesn't matter how old a child is (unless they are babies who can't differentiate), they should, under no circumstances, hit a parent.

 

A parent, likewise, needs to learn other forms of disciplinary action, as spaking or hitting them is wrong, as well.

 

Ailec, what you did was wrong. When you live at home with your parents, whether you are 19 or 30, you are still living under their roof, and as such, you have to obey by their rules. They should be understand and felxible in those rules, but obey them you must. It's their house and they are the ones whom will impose them; if you don't like it, move out.

 

That's it.

 

Yes, parents will sometimes do things that will anger you to the point where you want to pull your hair out, but that does not mean that you should. If your mother was out of line, you should have just let her talk. If she was hitting you, you should have asked her to stop or have gotten away, either into another room or have gone outside. You should have talked to her when she was calm, explaining what you did with the money, while letting her now that it is your money, and that so long as you pay your dues at home, if you decided to blow off the rest, that's your problem. BUT, keep in mind that it will be YOUR problem. If you decide to waste it on junk, then suck it up; don't go running to them begging for money because you are asking for independence, and so you must prove yourself independent.

 

You also should have explained to her that you do not appreciate you talking to you like that or much less hitting you. You should have explained that advice and corrections are welcome, but not in a violent and abusive fashion.

 

You should have done something like this--you know, something prudent and respectful.

 

By doing what you did, you only proved to be a child with severe issues whom does not deserve to ask for better treatment than the one she gives.

 

I'm concerned for you majoring in psychology, to be honest.

[samsungxoxo]

Yea I know I went off, but looks like everything's back to normal. Also had in mind of seeing a shrink. Thanx all for your replies.

[blind_otter]

I'm concerned for you majoring in psychology, to be honest.

 

That's rich. Most people who have a psychology degree do so because they have issues and are trying tounderstand themselves more. Just my experience in the matter, take it with a grain of salt.

 

Everything's back to "normal", eh? That fuse is already lit and you'll go off again. I hope that this time, someone takes the steps they need to for you to be forced to face the consequences of your violent eruptions. Maybe you'll wake up and get the help you need. Good luck.

[KittenMoon]

In which she started hitting me with my clothes for talking back, in whichI hit her with the my work pants as well.

 

Um, isn't anyone concerned she was hitting you with clothes? Why isn't SHE apologizing for this as well?

[Guest]

Again. NOBODY SHOULD BE HIT FOR ANY REASON. PERIOD.

 

 

 

You ARE an abuser because your mentality is that people 'deserve and ask for' being hit. GET TO A SHRINK NOW.

 

I hope that those people who were saying that you're not an abuser think twice. Until you lose the attitude that people 'deserve' to be hit, you ARE an abuser. And you WILL end up in jail. Probably for life. Because someday you'll decide someone 'deserved' to be dead.

 

 

Give me a break! They hit each other with CLOTHES! Maybe next time it will escalate and they'll use pillows or wet noodles or something. Sounds like she just needs to get out on her own (if she's in her twenties), or maybe it's one of those famous teen spats we hear about (if she's in HS). Regardless, I don't think the DA is going to file charges.

[Craig]

Give me a break! They hit each other with CLOTHES! Maybe next time it will escalate and they'll use pillows or wet noodles or something. Sounds like she just needs to get out on her own (if she's in her twenties), or maybe it's one of those famous teen spats we hear about (if she's in HS). Regardless, I don't think the DA is going to file charges.

Guest, I think the other 'guest' is considering Ailec1987's other thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t99276/ as well as this thread.

[lindya]

Guest, I think the other 'guest' is considering Ailec1987's other thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t99276/ as well as this thread.

 

I read through that thread, Craig. Ailec does seem to have an anger management problem - but the thread you cited indicates that she wasn't entirely alone in that. There seemed to be a couple of people who were very keen to post intimidating messages of the "hit me and you'd better make it hard - because you won't be getting up off the floor to do it twice...." variety.

 

Anyway, looking at this from the other thread

 

I would hear her cursing and screaming and he would tell her "calm down" until it got to the point were he would say "SHUT UP ALREADY", not the right thing for a man to do, now I know better. And most of the times she wouldn't, thats when he would then spanked her, on few occassions it was with a belt, or a brush, or just a shove, but he never got to the point of actually slapping here or punching her in the face, it wasn't real serious. But still, I don't feel a man should put his hands on a woman just cuz she talks back or curses.

 

I can understand why Ailec, when she was a child, would witness these scenarios and feel very frustrated. The inherent message there, for a female child, is that if she speaks quietly men will just ignore her - and if she shouts they'll use physical force to restrain her. Maybe Ailec hopes that if she gets angry enough, she'll become so strong that nobody can restrain her.

 

Ailec, you're making a major mistake in believing that unleashing your anger and mirroring an abuser's behaviour will give you power. In reacting like that, far from not taking the other person's crap, you're absorbing it 100% and demonstrating this by your subsequent loss of control. The ability to remain calm and unaffected by another person's unreasonable behaviour is a far better measure of your power. It takes far more discipline, intelligence and emotional balance...which is why people confronted with that balanced approach will sometimes do anything they can to throw you off it.

 

I think I read that you're going to be a psychologist. As far as I'm aware, psychologists are under closer supervision (as regards their practice and conduct) than most professionals are...primarily because their employers and professional bodies have to be satisfied that they have the emotional stability to objectively and effectively assess other people's stability.

 

Until you get your anger under control, I can't see how you'll make the grade - so if being a psychologist is your goal, you'd better start taking serious steps towards understanding and learning to control your anger. How can such a thing make you feel powerful if it ultimately prevents you from pursuing your dreams?

[samsungxoxo]

Pheeewww, finally you got what I was trying to put on my last thread. Yes, I'm still disgusted by it. Thought it's both of their faults, mom for throwing a tantrum at him like a child, it's more his fault for ever laying a hand on her. As a result, I'm kinda in a mess and kinda lost respect for my dad as well. Then they tell me the crap about the stupid "honoring parents", stated on the 10 commentments and that if it's broken then my future will go wrong. LOL, I'm an atheist so that rule doesn't apply to me and laws can be change at any time, they're not stable.

 

Even if there was a god like most people say, then he woudln't be judging anybody, not even the worst criminal ever.

[hazelle]

Ailec, I too am 19 years old and I moved out a month after HS graduation because of abusive situations in my household. I too had a job since 15 and worked hard, bought my own car etc. My parents would verbally and physically abuse me and I eventually ran away at 16. I remember once vowing to "fight back" the next time my dad hit me. I didn't see why I should just sit there and take it. Those feelings are very hard to work through, so I can see where you're coming from in some ways.

However, I would suggest never reacting to your mom hitting you by hitting her back. If you were younger, I would tell you to talk to a school counselor or to CPS if you think your mom's behavior is abusive. Unforunately, you did hit her back, which makes both of you abusive.

Use that money you have saved to get an apartment with friends. Show them you are an adult and then your mom will have no jurisdiction over how you spend your money. Plus, parent/child relationships usually improve after the child moves out.

Good Luck,

Hazelle

[Ripples]

Thought it's both of their faults, mom for throwing a tantrum at him like a child, it's more his fault for ever laying a hand on her. As a result, I'm kinda in a mess and kinda lost respect for my dad as well.

 

I find it a tad worrying when someone lays fault on someone else for their actions. You're now old enough to take responsibility for yourself, you are old enough to make your own choices in life. You chose badly this time, find help to choose better next time.

[samsungxoxo]

I find it a tad worrying when someone lays fault on someone else for their actions. You're now old enough to take responsibility for yourself, you are old enough to make your own choices in life. You chose badly this time, find help to choose better next time.

 

I didn't intented to give excuses but that has affected me both in developing a relationship, b/c at times I tend to compare my current with relationship with my parents, thought they both have nothing in similar, he's not like my father, but still I tend to jump to conclusions. It also has affected me in my emotional and mental development, and also the way I perceive some men.

On one particular occassions, we were talking and I thought he was ignoring me so I grab him by the arm, I thought he was turning his back on me and well I was like "Are you listening to me", sounding kinda mad.

I know I'm an adult right now and yes I'm responsible for every single action I made. I'm considering going to counseling sometime this semester.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you're considering counselling. It's something you need so you can live a normal and healthy life and BE in a healthy relationship.

 

It's not a normal thing to grab someone full of anger because they didn't hear you or you thought they were ignoring you. Your first reaction is to strike out, either verbally or physically...

[UnknowingOW]

First off...deal with the facts...there is abuse at home which is the first issue. As many of the poster have pointed out; if you are in college you have access to counseling services. These services are generally offered to the student free of charge.

 

Might I suggest you make an appointment ASAP with your colleges counseling services. You must be completely honest with the abuse at home and with your own anger issues. Most behaviors and reactions to situations are learned at home.

 

You mom will calm down and forgive you in a few days; but you need to forgive yourself. Sit back and rationally think about more productive ways to get your point accross with your family.

[samsungxoxo]

First off...deal with the facts...there is abuse at home which is the first issue. As many of the poster have pointed out; if you are in college you have access to counseling services. These services are generally offered to the student free of charge.

 

Might I suggest you make an appointment ASAP with your colleges counseling services. You must be completely honest with the abuse at home and with your own anger issues. Most behaviors and reactions to situations are learned at home.

 

You mom will calm down and forgive you in a few days; but you need to forgive yourself. Sit back and rationally think about more productive ways to get your point accross with your family.

 

Nope, I'm not really free of tuition, my parents payed for my classes as well as for the books. Only this ending semester, I'm gonna pay my classes myself since I'm working. As for her calming down, yes she already had, she's the easiest person to forget things I do, thus she already forgave me.

[UnknowingOW]

Of course the tuition isn't free...lol

 

What I mean is, generally all colleges offer mental counseling services to students at no charge.

 

Contact your campus health clinic and they will point you in the right direction for counseling services. When you call the counseling services find out if they charge...like I said, most colleges do not charge for these services.

 

Good luck.