Lighteyes4u143 Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Hi my name is Angel and I am torn between two men. I'm so confused I need some outside input to help me. So here is my story. I am married to a wonderful man. We have been together for about 7 years and married for one just this last sept. About two months after I got married the man that I fell in love with when I was a kid, came back into my life because my grandmother was very sick and I ran into his brother. This man lived in michigan and I lived in Missouri. Everything was great I was so happy that I had found him after splitting up 7 years prior. We were so in love back then and when I called him the next day after running into his brother at the hospital we just kinda picked up where we left off. I felt alive again. I then realized that I was still as much in love with him as I was back then. now it has been a year and I have not told him that I am married. I told my husband how I felt last night and he says he feels like I settled for second best. I don't feel that way at all. At least I don't really know how I feel. Brian has been there for me at some rough spots in my life but I never really could open up to him like I did Ben. No I just baught Ben a bus ticket back here and I picked him up from the bus stop yesterday. Ben tells me all the time that he still loves me and he knows how I feel about him I have told him. I can't decide what in the world that I am going to do. I love my husband but I don't feel like I am in love with him. I do on th other hand feel like I am in love with Ben. Brian and I have nothing in common and Ben and I have everything in common we are alike in so many ways and even time apart couldn't change the connection that we feel when we talk or see each other. I am so confused. I feel like I am living a double life. I can't tell Ben I am married because I feel so alive when we are together. With my husband I feel like I am just going through the motions of a marriage that I wasn't even ready to get into. I am only 22 and I haven't even lived a life that I wanted to live I guess I feel trapped because I want to be with Ben more and more and I can't because I made vows to Brian and I want to honor those. I feel like I am onligated to Brian. I know that If I tell Ben that I am married everything will change. I don't want to hurt either one of them and I am tired of the pain that I feel everytime that I think about what this is doing to everyone involved. My life is a wreck. It is sprialing out of control to fast for me to get it back on track. I know that I have to be honest with everyone but I can't decide who I am wanting to be with and that is the harest part of all of this because I love them both and I don't want to maked ahuge mistake. Can anyone help me figure this out. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 About two months after I got married the man that I fell in love with when I was a kid, came back into my life because my grandmother was very sick and I ran into his brother. This man lived in michigan and I lived in Missouri. Everything was great I was so happy that I had found him after splitting up 7 years prior. We were so in love back then and when I called him the next day after running into his brother at the hospital we just kinda picked up where we left off. I felt alive again. I then realized that I was still as much in love with him as I was back then. now it has been a year and I have not told him that I am married. I told my husband how I felt last night and he says he feels like I settled for second best. I don't feel that way at all. At least I don't really know how I feel. But your husband is right. Unknowingly, you did settle. Your husband isn't stupid, and I'm sure he has seen the difference in you in the past year, you being friendly with your ex. Fact is, your ex is still in your heart, so now you must decide which man you want to be with. It's not fair to your husband - If you cannot be with just him, get a divorce. If you want to be with your ex, go be with him, but don't cheat on your husband, then see how life is with your ex, then go back to your husband. That's so not fair, for either men. Sounds like you need be alone, figure this out, with NO men in your life. I can't tell Ben I am married because I feel so alive when we are together. You're lying to him, lying to your husband. You are making this harder on yourself by being dishonest. I think you may need some counselling to figure it out, because it's not fair what you're doing to these men. Plus, you can't have BOTH in your life at the same time, life just doesn't work that way. You love your husband, then be with him, end it with Ben. If you love Ben, end your marriage and be with him. Don't live a double life, it will just screw you up. Go read some threads in the OW/OM section, and then read threads in the infidelity section about betrayed spouses, and their pain after finding out their spouse cheated on them. Good luck and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
ImInPain Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 You are young and obviously confused. You should give the husband tha chance he deserves. You did marry him for some reason. Tell the other guy the truth and see what happens. You could ruin both lives by having your cake and eating it too. That's what I did and now Im all alone. Not a good place. Link to post Share on other sites
Age18Male Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 This reminds me of the notebook... lol Your going to divorce your HUSBAND b/c you think you still have feelings for another guy? What if he turns out to be an ******* then what will you do? I think you should stop, and realize you have a wonderful life.. and your about to mess it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 people: this is why you only marry someone you *truly* love, if you truly loved your current husband, this wouldnt even be happening now, you've f*cked him over, even if you choose him, he still has to deal with the fact that you had to make a choice. How is that supposed to make him feel? next time be sure of yourself. I'm sure if you do choose him he's gonna be feeling just dandy about himself, nice way to make your husband feel loved. kids just shouldnt get married. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 What if he turns out to be an ******* then what will you do? I think you should stop, and realize you have a wonderful life.. and your about to mess it up. Then she'll be alone. I mean, she can't just dump her hubby, then go off with the OM and see how life goes, then if it doesn't work come crawling back to her husband, hoping he'll forgive her with open arms and hope life is just going to go on like normal. He is second in her heart and until she makes a choice to stay, end it with the OM and work on her marriage, or let her husband go and be with OM, she'll be feeling confused for a long long time, and messing herself up more and more. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 That doesn't bode well for what you are hatching. The destruction of your marriage, the old boyfriend getting a booty call, you giving up your self respect. Seems like a high-priced bus ticket! BTW, why isn't he paying for his own transportation? You do know that neither you nor he are the same people you were all those years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 This reminds me of the notebook... lol That was one of me and my EX's favorite movies. Unfortunately, I did not really like the whole principal of what transpired, but that's American entertainment. Another movie that glamourizes dysfunctional relationships and infedelity. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lighteyes4u143 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 First of all this OM I have never slept with it is not a booty call. I do understand that this is not fair to anyone involved and that is why I came clean to the both of them. Brian my husband knows everything now all the details and we decided to take a break and seperate for 3 months for me to get my life on track with some stipulations though. First we can't see anyone else. We talk at least once a day and we see each other once a week. He gets the car and moves out, I take care of the animals and pay the bills. We are getting into councling too. I know that this is all messed up and I want things to work with my husband and we are taking steps to rekindling the love that was once there. My heart is still conflicted but I have ended things with Ben. I also want everyone to know that yes I baught his bus ticket because his brother is into drugs very bad and his mom asked me too. Ben is not going back to mIchigan but we have remaind friends. Brian and Ben get along and I think that we have all come to an understanding. I do know that I can't have my cake and eat it to but I took the chance of losing them both just to clear the air so that i wasn't in so much pain. Like that is even fair after the Hell that I put them through but for some reason everything seems to be working out. I respect everyone that posted their opitions. You hae all helped more than you will ever know. Thank you for responding and telling me what I needed to hear. signed Lighteyes TORN Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 I also want everyone to know that yes I baught his bus ticket because his brother is into drugs very bad and his mom asked me too. WTF? You don't see anything wrong with this? Why didn't HIS OWN MOTHER buy the bus ticket? Why is she involving YOU in their lives? You DO need to end this friendship with the OM and his whole family. If you want your husband back and your marriage to work you cannot be so involved in OM's life, even if they're all having problems...IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM to fix or help out with. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 um, yea...whatever WWIU said. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 IMO your husband should leave you, you've already been very disrespectful to him already. I feel sorry for him, some little twerp from his wifes past messed everything up. hopefully he just walks away and starts a new life. Link to post Share on other sites
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