URGENT

[Gokuli]

hi, (THIS IS LONG BUT AS SHORT AS I CUD MAKE IT)

 

i started seeing a boy when i was 13 for 3-4 yrs...not sex but we were a bit intimate, it ended coz of misunderstandings ( we are best friends now)...then i dated two guys for 2 mths each, one i slept with twice.. didnt work and we are still friends...then when i was 19 i met a guy i dated for 4 yrs...that relationship was like a rollercoaster, ups and downs...we at times loved each other and at times hated each other...we broke up coz he wasnt ready to get married and i after 4 yrs wanted to kno if he ws serious for a futre or not, he said he cudnt say, so we parted ways when i was 23....a motnh after that one sick guy started hitting on me and i was on a rebound i slept with him, got pregnant and had an abortion!!!! that was the worst time of my life...i felt awful and almost felt like i have f***ed up my life...6 months after that something nice happened..i met a really great guy...we got along and in 2 weeks of our relationship decided to get married..he said he didnt bother about my past.then he went away to the country he was working in...we were meant to get married in 1 year ( we had met each other actually 2 yrs ago and were friendly all this while as well)...a month after our engagement, i met my ex-boyfriend and something happened to my mind.. my ex was over me and i wanted to be with him again...i tried to get back with him while being engaged to my fiance and keeping him ignorant of all this..i called off my engagement after 6 mths of being engaged..and gave up on my ex boyfriend too...then to take a break i travelled arnd europe for a month repenting my mistake, i let such a nice guy go and hurt him too (my ex fiance)...it was too late then, coz he had met a woman and was in love with someone by then (a month after we called off the engagement) i felt awful however was still doing fine...with my job etc etc keeping me busy....then my parents found this guy for me, and i was confused as hell even then and he and i got engaged...(it is an arranged thing) at that time i thot he was good, but he was on his best behaviour, he is a decent guy, 7 yrs older than me, works in a great co, earns well...but true colours have come up now..he is very reserved, very serious, selfish, cold...i am all this...basically our personalities and attitudes are opposite...WE DONT GET ALONG we were meant to get married 3 months after our engagement..but decided to postpone it, as it was too soon...and then see, as of now i cannot see myself with him, if we get married will be living on our own very far away from home...but if i call this off then people will talk and say stuff and more importantly my parents will be hurt...girls in my family at the age of 25 are settled...and me ????? now i feel anxious all the time..even quit my job as the wedding was coming up. feel there isnt an agenda in my life... feel like i have made wrong decisions and have fallen down so bad...i wanna be happy, and make my family happy as well...i wud be happy being with someone who likes me for who i am, good or bad, ofcourse marriage is another name for adjustments, i wanna be happy with my partner not unhappy... my social life revolves around married couples, brothers' friends, or guys who like me and i dont like them in that way..i dont knw or see myself coming across someone soon, and i wud like to get married soon.. can u give me some words of wisdom... i really need help and sme intense help...!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

Words of wisdom you want...OK!!!

 

1. Stop getting engaged so often. And don't get engaged to ANYBODY after a few weeks. Wait six months minimum, but if you can go longer that's great. Get to know someone well and don't be afraid to say goodbye if it doesn't work out.

 

2. When you do get engaged, take your time and decide to marry a man you are in love with, you have things in common with, you want to have a future with, you want to have children with, etc.

 

3. Marry somebody because YOU care about them and YOU love them, not because somebody else thinks they're right for you.

 

4. Don't be in such a hurry. Lots of people get married at your age and find themselves divorced at 30, 35, 40 and on. Then they REALLY have a hard time finding someone.

 

5. Live for yourself, not other people.

 

6. Learn more about relationships. Read books, pay attention, attend classes and workshops, view tapes, listen to audio tapes...do whatever you have to do to get a better understanding of dating, relationships, marriage, etc. There is a lot you don't have a clue about.

 

7. Forget everything in your past and start out with a completely clean slate. Forget about the mistakes you have made...remember only the lessons you learned from them.

 

8. Always buy seedless fruit if you can, seeds can be very rough on your teeth.

 

9. If you use a cordless telephone at home, remember neighbors who have the same frequency may be able to hear your conversations.

 

That's about all the wisdom I have to pass along right now. It's late in the day and I'm a little tired.

[Angel]

You seem sooo confused and soooo in a hurry to get married! You need to take some time off to breathe, get to know yourself, set up personal goals for your future that are apart from men, start to love yourself. Relax. Have you ever been without a man? A man should compliment your life - not complete it. Only when you feel complete alone, calm, and emotionally healthy will you find an emotionally healthy partner. Only someone in your same boat will be attracted to you. Try meditation--it quiets the mind and the soul so that you can hear your inner voice that will whisper calmly to you what you should do next.

 

S L O W D O W N

 

Good luck.

Words of wisdom you want...OK!!! 1. Stop getting engaged so often. And don't get engaged to ANYBODY after a few weeks. Wait six months minimum, but if you can go longer that's great. Get to know someone well and don't be afraid to say goodbye if it doesn't work out. 2. When you do get engaged, take your time and decide to marry a man you are in love with, you have things in common with, you want to have a future with, you want to have children with, etc. 3. Marry somebody because YOU care about them and YOU love them, not because somebody else thinks they're right for you. 4. Don't be in such a hurry. Lots of people get married at your age and find themselves divorced at 30, 35, 40 and on. Then they REALLY have a hard time finding someone. 5. Live for yourself, not other people. 6. Learn more about relationships. Read books, pay attention, attend classes and workshops, view tapes, listen to audio tapes...do whatever you have to do to get a better understanding of dating, relationships, marriage, etc. There is a lot you don't have a clue about. 7. Forget everything in your past and start out with a completely clean slate. Forget about the mistakes you have made...remember only the lessons you learned from them. 8. Always buy seedless fruit if you can, seeds can be very rough on your teeth. 9. If you use a cordless telephone at home, remember neighbors who have the same frequency may be able to hear your conversations. That's about all the wisdom I have to pass along right now. It's late in the day and I'm a little tired.

[Gokuli]

I agree with what you both have written..

 

however i find myself very lonely and hurtfull even now after all that i have been through...

 

sometimes i think to myself what a horrible daughter i have been. yes i dont know much about relationships..i mean i might not know how relationship a success.. however the man i am engaged to now, is just not my type and he feels the same way, we both had decided to call it off, then i only advised him to take time and then decide.. i think he is not gonna be able to make me happy and even i wont be able to make him happy.

 

i have been living my life for myself, after all i have done whatever i WANTED to and look where its got me!!!! thats why i agreed to get engaged to the man my family finds for me...

 

not that my family is wrong, i will never blame them for anything... this man only came out with his true colours now, after we got engaged... says some really nasty things...

 

let me tell u something about myself...i am a very funloving, sincere, warm and down to earth kinda girl.. not writing a self congratulatory precis, but..... and this guy is just unlike me... WE DONT GET ALONG!! im looking for guidance i this regard please... sometimes i feel im gonna go crazy...

 

one more thing i am stressed about is the abortion i had... it was done by a good docor, when i was 1 month pregnant. i was told that i wud bleed for about 10 days or so, but i stopped bleeding after 3-4 days only, then after about 3 weeks i got my periods and they have been regular since then... i am concerned whether i will cncieve and have children later on in life?

 

and lastly about the ex boyfriend i mentioned... how am i supoosed to relate with him now... i mean he wants to be friends and stuff, but i dont feel like associating with him much..

 

thank you and waiting for ur prompt reply

 

____________________________________________________________

[Tony T]

1. "i am concerned whether i will cncieve and have children later on in life?"

 

One abortion should no affect your ability to have children. Stop worrying. Your worry will have more of an affect on your having children than the abortion.

 

2. "and lastly about the ex boyfriend i mentioned... how am i supoosed to relate with him now... i mean he wants to be friends and stuff, but i dont feel like associating with him much.."

 

Don't associate with him. What would be the point? You do not have to associate with people if you don't want to. Keep him at a distance or out of your life completely. You can do that.

 

And remember everything I wrote to you previously. DON'T get engaged so often and don't marry somebody who is wrong for you and with whom you will not be happy. Take your time.

 

And stop worrying so much about all this. Take time, have patience and it will all work out.

[Rachel]

Hi: Here are my thoughts;

 

1. You are NOT ready for marriage..... your family wants you to be happy. Maybe they think if you get married and "settled down"you will automatically be happy., Many cultures assume a woman will be fulfilled once they are a wife and mother. However, if after your marriage you are miserable, your family will also be miserable....

 

So, it is your duty to communicate YOUR wants and needs to them.

 

2. About your abortion.... the best thing you can do to put worry out of your head is to go see the same doctor again, or call him on the telephone. You are fantasizing about problems that probably don't exist.... if you are getting your periods regularly, then you should be O.K.

 

3. About your ex-boyfriend... being friends, means different things to different people. Just be aquaintances... say hi when you see him in public and that's about it... Call him, wish him well, and say you have too much going on in your life right now, and he will always be a special person in your heart, but you cannot have as much contact with him.

 

I think you are underestimating your own power over decisions you can make. You are waiing for everyone else to make decisions for you. Take charge and be happy.

 

Also, you can read lots of books that will help you through this.

 

 

 

I agree with what you both have written..

 

however i find myself very lonely and hurtfull even now after all that i have been through...

 

sometimes i think to myself what a horrible daughter i have been. yes i dont know much about relationships..i mean i might not know how relationship a success.. however the man i am engaged to now, is just not my type and he feels the same way, we both had decided to call it off, then i only advised him to take time and then decide.. i think he is not gonna be able to make me happy and even i wont be able to make him happy. i have been living my life for myself, after all i have done whatever i WANTED to and look where its got me!!!! thats why i agreed to get engaged to the man my family finds for me... not that my family is wrong, i will never blame them for anything... this man only came out with his true colours now, after we got engaged... says some really nasty things... let me tell u something about myself...i am a very funloving, sincere, warm and down to earth kinda girl.. not writing a self congratulatory precis, but..... and this guy is just unlike me... WE DONT GET ALONG!! im looking for guidance i this regard please... sometimes i feel im gonna go crazy... one more thing i am stressed about is the abortion i had... it was done by a good docor, when i was 1 month pregnant. i was told that i wud bleed for about 10 days or so, but i stopped bleeding after 3-4 days only, then after about 3 weeks i got my periods and they have been regular since then... i am concerned whether i will cncieve and have children later on in life? and lastly about the ex boyfriend i mentioned... how am i supoosed to relate with him now... i mean he wants to be friends and stuff, but i dont feel like associating with him much.. thank you and waiting for ur prompt reply

 

____________________________________________________________

 

[Gokuli]

Hi,

 

reading would be great, can u recommend some books for me to read..? i agree i might not be ready for marriage...

 

i come from a very conservative family, girls in my family are brought up in front of their parents eyes till they get married and go... i have been with my parents for the last 25 yrs and they have had a say in a lot, however i am very emotional and tend to get swayed away...hence all these relationships that failed...!

 

i feel at times as though i am a slut slept with 3 men, whereas all my friends have slept with 1-2 and most are married and almost mothers at the age od 24-25...i feel guilty...

 

my parents say i have a bad temperament thats why all my relationships failed, they think im rude..i love my family, my brother is dating a friend of mine, they met thru me, and now they both hate me... they have humiliated me many times, the thing is my brother is a very hot headed guy, he is a loner hates people arnd him when he is home... and we have a large family and so, since im the youngest im always treated like the doormat!! other brother is married to someone who is very dominating and has made my parents life miserable along with my brother (her husband)!!

 

all you all have advised me is what i actually want to do...however i dont have confidence, or believe in myself anymore that i can find happiness...i am looking for happiness like everyone else is...i am just a regular girl!!!

 

i mentioned my social life...is with married couples, brothers' friends, or with guys who like me and i dont like them.... so how and where and when will i find someone...?

 

thank you and again waiting for your reply feedback asap.

[roger]

Hi there,

 

You can use the internet to find books relating to marriages, relationships and a whole host of things.

 

It's your life, you have had some great advise here, it's up to you whether you use it, try and take some time out and do heaps of reading...there's some great reading material out there.

 

Good-luck

[Rachel]

Try finding books on Amazon.com on relationships, and co-dependent relationships....

 

also try on Amazon to find a book called "finding the love of your life"....

 

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself... if you live to be 85 years old, do you think it will matter if you were married at 26 or 28...

 

You need to STOP the RACE.... stop judging your life by others' standards...

 

All families have ups and downs... and so yes, maybe your brother and his wife hate you now, but in 4 years may love you and vice versa.... not a big deal.

 

I think you need some focus on your life, on WHAT YOU WANT...

 

Maybe you can go visit a friend out of town and some distance might help clear your head....

 

First things first, break off you engagement. Have a talk with your parents first, tell them you aren't happy...

 

There are 3 Billion men on planet earth... I'm sure you will find someone soon. I married my ex-husband because I thought where will I find someone else.... now he is my ex-husband.....

 

 

 

Hi, reading would be great, can u recommend some books for me to read..? i agree i might not be ready for marriage... i come from a very conservative family, girls in my family are brought up in front of their parents eyes till they get married and go... i have been with my parents for the last 25 yrs and they have had a say in a lot, however i am very emotional and tend to get swayed away...hence all these relationships that failed...! i feel at times as though i am a slut slept with 3 men, whereas all my friends have slept with 1-2 and most are married and almost mothers at the age od 24-25...i feel guilty... my parents say i have a bad temperament thats why all my relationships failed, they think im rude..i love my family, my brother is dating a friend of mine, they met thru me, and now they both hate me... they have humiliated me many times, the thing is my brother is a very hot headed guy, he is a loner hates people arnd him when he is home... and we have a large family and so, since im the youngest im always treated like the doormat!! other brother is married to someone who is very dominating and has made my parents life miserable along with my brother (her husband)!! all you all have advised me is what i actually want to do...however i dont have confidence, or believe in myself anymore that i can find happiness...i am looking for happiness like everyone else is...i am just a regular girl!!! i mentioned my social life...is with married couples, brothers' friends, or with guys who like me and i dont like them.... so how and where and when will i find someone...? thank you and again waiting for your reply feedback asap.

[velvet]

You would marry this man to keep your family happy?

 

What about your sanity? No way in heck you could live a life that way.

 

Dont worry about meeting people, or having relationships.

 

The best thing for you to do is be by yourself for awhile.

 

Get to know who you are! Keeping yourself busy with other people to take your mind off your feelings is not the answer. Slow down, you have the rest of your life to find your life long love and friends.

 

Right now, its your time, time to find out who you are.

 

After I ended my four year engagment I moved away and have lived alone over the last two years. Though, being alone was ackward and uncomfortable at the begining, fighting myself to go occupy my mind with someone. Now I can relax and I dont feel so neady. Im learning more about myself everyday resulting in an improved life.

 

Good Luck, and make wise decisions

 

 

 

hi, (THIS IS LONG BUT AS SHORT AS I CUD MAKE IT) i started seeing a boy when i was 13 for 3-4 yrs...not sex but we were a bit intimate, it ended coz of misunderstandings ( we are best friends now)...then i dated two guys for 2 mths each, one i slept with twice.. didnt work and we are still friends...then when i was 19 i met a guy i dated for 4 yrs...that relationship was like a rollercoaster, ups and downs...we at times loved each other and at times hated each other...we broke up coz he wasnt ready to get married and i after 4 yrs wanted to kno if he ws serious for a futre or not, he said he cudnt say, so we parted ways when i was 23....a motnh after that one sick guy started hitting on me and i was on a rebound i slept with him, got pregnant and had an abortion!!!! that was the worst time of my life...i felt awful and almost felt like i have f***ed up my life...6 months after that something nice happened..i met a really great guy...we got along and in 2 weeks of our relationship decided to get married..he said he didnt bother about my past.then he went away to the country he was working in...we were meant to get married in 1 year ( we had met each other actually 2 yrs ago and were friendly all this while as well)...a month after our engagement, i met my ex-boyfriend and something happened to my mind.. my ex was over me and i wanted to be with him again...i tried to get back with him while being engaged to my fiance and keeping him ignorant of all this..i called off my engagement after 6 mths of being engaged..and gave up on my ex boyfriend too...then to take a break i travelled arnd europe for a month repenting my mistake, i let such a nice guy go and hurt him too (my ex fiance)...it was too late then, coz he had met a woman and was in love with someone by then (a month after we called off the engagement) i felt awful however was still doing fine...with my job etc etc keeping me busy....then my parents found this guy for me, and i was confused as hell even then and he and i got engaged...(it is an arranged thing) at that time i thot he was good, but he was on his best behaviour, he is a decent guy, 7 yrs older than me, works in a great co, earns well...but true colours have come up now..he is very reserved, very serious, selfish, cold...i am all this...basically our personalities and attitudes are opposite...WE DONT GET ALONG we were meant to get married 3 months after our engagement..but decided to postpone it, as it was too soon...and then see, as of now i cannot see myself with him, if we get married will be living on our own very far away from home...but if i call this off then people will talk and say stuff and more importantly my parents will be hurt...girls in my family at the age of 25 are settled...and me ????? now i feel anxious all the time..even quit my job as the wedding was coming up. feel there isnt an agenda in my life... feel like i have made wrong decisions and have fallen down so bad...i wanna be happy, and make my family happy as well...i wud be happy being with someone who likes me for who i am, good or bad, ofcourse marriage is another name for adjustments, i wanna be happy with my partner not unhappy... my social life revolves around married couples, brothers' friends, or guys who like me and i dont like them in that way..i dont knw or see myself coming across someone soon, and i wud like to get married soon.. can u give me some words of wisdom... i really need help and sme intense help...!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moore]

dear:

 

you wanna be happy, alright do you think getting married is the happiness ..you feel messed up and so confused and saking help ..just let me ask you this simple question when your TV or computer or any device that you have is messed up what you gonna do ..go looking for someone in the street to fix it for you, naaaaah you would bring the guy who made this device to fix it up for you cuz he made it and he understand how it works and if any one can fix it it would be him .. now who made the human being and understand how they works ..it's him God, don't think that i am a religous guy or something nop, but i am just a smart guy who knows how to fix him self when i got messed up cuz i sake the help of God he has the answeres for me

 

now as for your problem you are not a bad person but you did a bad things you might keep on doing them and hurting people around you unless your conception of this world is changed and you realized the true meaning of your being god says " you are the humans I created you to worship me, if you let that and run after the things you like I will make you running all of your life like a wild animal in the desert and you will never get more than i want you to"

 

and that is the picture you look like running and running ..you are too weak to reach the happiness by your self ..

 

fix your relationship with your God then you will have a new view to the world then when you make the decision to get marry you certainly will find the right person who has a good relationship with his GOd too, otherwise i see you stock with people like you or like your x-boy friend people ready to riun their lifes for nothing more than 10 minutes of sex.

[crusty da clown]

don't you think it's a little selfish of you to now be worried about conceiving in the future, when you had no problem at the age of 23 (surely old enough to raise a child), terminating your unborn child's life? There are so many women out there who would give all they had to be able to have a baby, who wait years to be able to adopt. A shame when people think only of themself and not of the unborn child when they choose to use abortion as a method of convenience or birth control. sorry if you're offended but someone has to speak up for the rights of the unborn.

I agree with what you both have written..

 

however i find myself very lonely and hurtfull even now after all that i have been through...

 

sometimes i think to myself what a horrible daughter i have been. yes i dont know much about relationships..i mean i might not know how relationship a success.. however the man i am engaged to now, is just not my type and he feels the same way, we both had decided to call it off, then i only advised him to take time and then decide.. i think he is not gonna be able to make me happy and even i wont be able to make him happy. i have been living my life for myself, after all i have done whatever i WANTED to and look where its got me!!!! thats why i agreed to get engaged to the man my family finds for me... not that my family is wrong, i will never blame them for anything... this man only came out with his true colours now, after we got engaged... says some really nasty things... let me tell u something about myself...i am a very funloving, sincere, warm and down to earth kinda girl.. not writing a self congratulatory precis, but..... and this guy is just unlike me... WE DONT GET ALONG!! im looking for guidance i this regard please... sometimes i feel im gonna go crazy... one more thing i am stressed about is the abortion i had... it was done by a good docor, when i was 1 month pregnant. i was told that i wud bleed for about 10 days or so, but i stopped bleeding after 3-4 days only, then after about 3 weeks i got my periods and they have been regular since then... i am concerned whether i will cncieve and have children later on in life? and lastly about the ex boyfriend i mentioned... how am i supoosed to relate with him now... i mean he wants to be friends and stuff, but i dont feel like associating with him much.. thank you and waiting for ur prompt reply

 

____________________________________________________________

 

[sideshow bob]

i don't think this is the place to be preaching about abortion. age has nothing to do with it.

 

that is not constructive advice and could be detrimental. counselling is in need. not admonishment.

 

i rest my case. no abortion "right or wrong" arguments for me.

[crusty da clown]

you said there'd be no right or wrong arguments for you. good. nobody asked you for one. and age has lots to do with things. if your well into adulthood and were old enough to spread your legs and take the small risk of getting pregnant then your old enough to follow through with the consequences your actions resulted in: a child. we're not talking about a 13 year old here, we're talking about 23 years of age. if she didn't feel capable of raising a child at that age then she should have used better birth control or maybe kept her pants on. why should an unborn child have to pay for the convenience of their mother? i wont even go into the details of what's entailed during an abortion. a child is a gift from god. if you abort your child, why should you even have a right to have another? don't worry, no need to respond. you said you didnt want to argue. sideshow bob - fitting name.

i don't think this is the place to be preaching about abortion. age has nothing to do with it.

 

that is not constructive advice and could be detrimental. counselling is in need. not admonishment.

 

i rest my case. no abortion "right or wrong" arguments for me.

[sideshow bob]

you said there'd be no right or wrong arguments for you. good. nobody asked you for one. and age has lots to do with things. if your well into adulthood and were old enough to spread your legs and take the small risk of getting pregnant then your old enough to follow through with the consequences your actions resulted in: a child. we're not talking about a 13 year old here, we're talking about 23 years of age. if she didn't feel capable of raising a child at that age then she should have used better birth control or maybe kept her pants on. why should an unborn child have to pay for the convenience of their mother? i wont even go into the details of what's entailed during an abortion. a child is a gift from god. if you abort your child, why should you even have a right to have another? don't worry, no need to respond. you said you didnt want to argue. sideshow bob - fitting name.

[Gokuli]

well..i dont know if you know what it takes to raise a child...you know how many people in this world are in need of a child, but are you by any chance aware that there are some children in this world whose lives are full of misery and less hope, due to their parents, broken homes, being the child of one and being raised by another. life isnt as simple as it used to be, there are certain complexities and the element of the unknown. one must be a good person, learn from their mistakes and move on, else what will be the difference between a human being and a vegetable...

 

i am a 23 yr old, if one is unsettled at that age, could having a child possibly be good for the child in the long run...and also would it be sensible to have a child that was concieved by a woman through a man who was nothing but a mistake...a child is a gift from GOD, i could not agree more, but when one wants the baby...and more when one can take care of that baby and make him grow into a good person and give him a good and fullfilling life !!!!!!!

 

these things are purely circumstancial, one should not draw judgements or conclusions out of it, as no one knows for sure what lies in store for them.

 

i hope that this made some sense to you, maybe you are the type of person who lives a very regimented life and have never made a mistake, but then in life sometimes ##### HAPPENS (excuse my language)

[crusty]

no i don't lead a very regimented life but i did know at the age of 23 and much younger what birth control was. and had i actually accidentally gotten pregnant at that age, i can assure you that i wouldn't have snuffed out the life of my unborn child because of my "mistake." if you felt or feel that you're not in any position to bring a child into the world then either stop sleeping around or get yourself some heavy duty birth control. surely you know that there is a risk of pregnancy when having sex. it is easy to justify why you ended the life of your unborn child and that is sad. since when does any one have the right to decide whether or not to go through a pregnancy based on wether they can provide a good life for that child. you should have thought about that before you took your pants off. at 23 you should have known the risks involved. why should an unborn child have to pay for the selfishness and carelessness of the mother? and if you felt you were so unfit to be a mom at that age, there is always adoption. there are zillions of couples out there who would give all they had to be able to adopt a baby. so don't give me this song and dance about your abortion was done out of love for your unborn child, because you knew you weren't ready to be a mom. you didn't have to be a mom, you could have chosen adoption. it's a sad day when people can so easily justify the taking of another life. did your unborn child have any say in the matter? go read up on how abortions are performed and what really happens to the fetus. it's not pretty and depending on the stage of your pregnancy, the fetus may have felt what was brutally being done to him or her.

 

sickening when people use abortion as birth control. and yes making mistakes is human but taking the life of the unborn is criminal.

well..i dont know if you know what it takes to raise a child...you know how many people in this world are in need of a child, but are you by any chance aware that there are some children in this world whose lives are full of misery and less hope, due to their parents, broken homes, being the child of one and being raised by another. life isnt as simple as it used to be, there are certain complexities and the element of the unknown. one must be a good person, learn from their mistakes and move on, else what will be the difference between a human being and a vegetable... i am a 23 yr old, if one is unsettled at that age, could having a child possibly be good for the child in the long run...and also would it be sensible to have a child that was concieved by a woman through a man who was nothing but a mistake...a child is a gift from GOD, i could not agree more, but when one wants the baby...and more when one can take care of that baby and make him grow into a good person and give him a good and fullfilling life !!!!!!! these things are purely circumstancial, one should not draw judgements or conclusions out of it, as no one knows for sure what lies in store for them. i hope that this made some sense to you, maybe you are the type of person who lives a very regimented life and have never made a mistake, but then in life sometimes ##### HAPPENS (excuse my language)