What am I supposed to do?

[Alcumena]

I met this guy at an academic conference last January, soon after my husband and I had separated. I felt very attracted to him, but he had a girlfriend. However, I enjoyed his company a lot; so, I put aside my attraction and tried to see him as a potential good friend. We got together a couple of times for lunch, but after a while we somehow stopped contacting each other. At the end of this summer I ran into him. His girlfriend had broken up with him. We decided to resume our get-togethers and since then we meet once a week (occasionally twice) for coffee, lunch. Dinner etc. We invited each other to our places. We talk about a lot of stuff, including our past relationships.

 

I think he sees me as a friend, but it is getting increasingly difficult for me to keep my attraction suppressed. Sometimes I just want to reach over and start kissing him. Normally, I would tell him, but three things complicate the matter:

 

1) I can’t figure out whether he might be interested in me romantically. (We have no space barrier, but we just hug)

 

2) I am moving out of the country at the end of this year. I’d love to be with him until I leave, but he says things like he is “a relationship person” and “needs to feel close to a woman before he can make love to her".

 

3) After the separation, I stayed in the same apartment with my soon-to-be-ex as roommates. My ex hit rock bottom (multiple reasons) and before I leave I wanted to help him out for the sake of the seven years during which he has been very supportive of me. This “new guy” tells me that he simply admires that, but I’m not sure whether it has an effect on anything he might feel for me (if anything at all

 

So, what should I do? Tell him anyway? Any advice? :confused:

THANKS!!!

[Jane Doe]

If you're going to be leaving the country soon, it's wise not to get involved. It sounds like you really like him and I doubt you'll be able to just let that go when you leave. That'll open up another can of worms with a long distance relationship, etc. I think you should play it cool and keep a safe distance lest your heart get broken.

[Alcumena]

Thanks for your input.... I've been trying to convince myself to do something along the lines of what you suggested. I can only do this if I see less and less of him and the idea of that drives me crazy. I really like him.

 

We had decided to meet again later this week and I'm toying with the idea of just saying "I'm busy". Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll blut it out. Then again I tell myself "so what?"; he may anyway not like me that way and I'll never wonder what might have been. I just don't know...