hankscorpio Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 hey everyone I'm going through some difficult times right now and i really need some sound advice to help me out. I am currently in university and having some problems there. When i first got accepted after high school, my parents were very happy because i was going to a so called "ivy league" college. I think they were more excited than i was. The degree i was persuing was supposed to take 3 years to complete. I had some trouble out of the gate, and went through some hard times adjusting to college life. I decided to do part-time studies second year to ease the load - it would set me back a year, but i thought it was better for me. My parents were a little disappointed that i would be set back a year, but after some time they thought it would be best for me. This year was supposed to be my last year at college, and i was supposed to graduate in the spring. My parents knew i wasn't doing so hot at school, but i told them i was passing my classes and that's what mattered. However, this was not true - i failed some courses, and dropped some courses because i found my major too difficult. Because of my bad gpa, i have been suspended for this entire year by the college, and i haven't told my parents yet. I will have to tell them sooner or later, but i just can't bring myself to do it. Recently my family went through some difficult and stressful times regarding some medical situations with a family member, and it's only now that everyone is happy and feeling together again as a family. I don't remember my family being so unified in a long time. Also, my parents are extra happy because they think i will be graduating - they've been telling their other friends, and proudly telling other relatives that i will be done this year. I've been leaving the house every day with my bag telling my parents that i'm going to my classes - i've just been digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole and i can't help it. I don't know how to break the news that i have been suspended for an entire year to my parents. I don't have the courage to do so. I know my dad will be totally ticked off at me, and both my mom and dad will be very disappointed and stressed out because of it. Also, the fact that my 3 year degree has turned into a 5 year one will cause them a lot of embarassment. I don't want them to go through all this trouble because of my troubles but i have to tell them soon because the stress is killing me as well. What do i do? thanks (sorry for the long post) Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 I don't know how to break the news that i have been suspended for an entire year to my parents. What's done is done. And what's important now is dealing with the fallout. Hopefully "suspended" means that you still have a chance of finishing your degree? You need to help yourself here...and find out exactly where things stand. This is probably the first question that will pop into your parents' minds, because - even though they'll be disappointed with the facade you have put up - they have your best interests at heart. Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to get back on track? (And explain this to your parents!) The other critical question is...what do you want to do with your life? Is this a must have? You're already so close to the line, so it would be a real shame not to complete your degree (do you agree?). That means seeking whatever help and support is available to you. And learning your lesson, so that you don't let things get so "out of control" again. I don't want them to go through all this trouble because of my troubles but i have to tell them soon because the stress is killing me as well. So you have been both avoiding (personal) embarrassment, and "protecting" them from your troubles. I don't need to tell you that such a strategy doesn't work for very long! (Or, more accurately, compounds your troubles in the long run.) Time to take responsibility for your own choices. Please, don't be afraid to ask for help in life - it's not a sign of weakness. It's only a sign of weakness if you're not already doing the best you can with what you've been given (in other words, excluding plain old laziness). I wish you all my very best. Don't delay any longer! Link to post Share on other sites
seven Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 by hankscorpio: I don't know how to break the news that i have been suspended for an entire year to my parents. I don't have the courage to do so. I know my dad will be totally ticked off at me, and both my mom and dad will be very disappointed and stressed out because of it. Also, the fact that my 3 year degree has turned into a 5 year one will cause them a lot of embarassment. I don't want them to go through all this trouble because of my troubles but i have to tell them soon because the stress is killing me as well. What do i do? College can be difficult, but the stress of it shouldn't be so great that it's overwhelming you. In the grander scheme of your life, the fact that it took you 5 years to complete your degree rather than 3 ... JUST NOT A BIG DEAL. More important that you maintain a life balance during that time, are pursuing a career you have a passion for, and are truly learning about those subjects and yourself along the way. If you want to go back and finish that degree or pursue a different one, meet with the college counselor to see when you get back in, asking their advice. Maybe, if you seem ready to do the required work, they would negotiate the suspension and let you take one or two classes this year to start back--I don't know?? Definitely let your parents know what's going on the sooner the better. Just be honest and start off with something like, "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now and need you to hear me out ...". Perhaps since the medical situation your family went through, they'll be mindful that your academic setback is not the end of the world. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 In the grander scheme of your life, the fact that it took you 5 years to complete your degree rather than 3 ... JUST NOT A BIG DEAL. More important that you maintain a life balance during that time, are pursuing a career you have a passion for, and are truly learning about those subjects and yourself along the way. Great advice! Perhaps since the medical situation your family went through, they'll be mindful that your academic setback is not the end of the world. Another poignant remark. Or perhaps your parents will hang you upside-down outside an upstairs window until you admit to taking drugs. I'm just kidding. I know you're not on drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 Have you thought about going to another school either for this year that you are suspended (or well 2 quarters since I am guessing that you can't do anything with fall quarter) or until you complete your degree. Are you feeling too much stress and pressure because of this so called "ivy league" school? Maybe going to another school and getting a fresh start is what you need to finish, that is if you want to finish. You could also (once you tell your parents) take this year off to do something for you... not something you are doing because you are expected to. Sorry for all the suggestions... No matter what you decide I think that you need to tell your parents soon... the longer you continue to act like you are going to school the harder it will be to tell them the truth. Good luck, I am sure that they will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hankscorpio Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 First of all I would like to say thanks to those that replied and gave their good advice. I really appreciated it, and it helped me thing more positively. Well if anyone is still interested, i finally broke the news to them today. I was waiting for the right day, and today seemed right so i mustered all the courage i had and confronted them with my news. I must say that it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do... i don't know why that is but it's the truth. I have a new respect for people who have difficulty admitting that they have a problem. At first my parents were a bit speechless when told them that i can't to college this year. They thought i was joking but then it set in after a few minutes. My dad who always has had a short fuse gave me a good scolding asking how i could have let this happen, and why i didn't come out and tell them earlier. He was really ticked at first, but then he changed his tone and started lecturing me (in a positive way), saying that i should try harder and not bottle these things in. He was disappointed at the lack of communication i have with my parents. I could tell he was disappointed but he didn't show it too much - he told me that these things happen in life and i should learn from them and have faith in the Lord. I don't know if it was because of the stress of the moment, but after a while i just broke down into tears and started crying like a baby . I don't remember ever crying that much since i was a kid... i had the tears flowing, and the nose running and everything . Oh man i was soooo embarassed afterwards. I dont want to show myself infront of them because they probably thing i'm some baby. I think my mom took the news a little more badly. SHe cried a bit when she found out - that was the hardest part. But she, like my dad said they weren't disappointed. I also had to put up with my sister and brother asking me all night "how could you let this happen?". I've barely spoken to any of them since then, but that's mostly because i feel really embarassed. I know my parents are disappointed because they have been quiet al night, but their overall reaction was much better than i had expected. the way i see it, things can only get better now, and i don't have to live with that stress hanging over me. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Once you tell them, you will have it off your chest. Who cares how they will feel? I know you do so very much, but what are they going to do to you? Beat you? No. So just call them and tell them. After you say what you have to say, tell them you have someone at the door and don't answer your phone for the next 3 days! Finally, they will lecture you a little, just listen, and say nothing.. and that's about it. The sooner you do it the better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 is the best time. if they are happy and fill like a family again then you will have a better chance at not being to mad at you. letters is the best way to go in my book. write your mom a letter and expain how sorry you are for not passing ang getting suspended but instead of telling her that you will bo better next time regroup make sure that you want to do what you are going to school for. make sure it is what you want and not what anyone else wants!!!! if it is what everyone else wants then you will just barely pass anyway cause it is not what you wanted. if you choose this study then you will find the strength to pass it if this is truly what you want. tell her you could not bare the thought of them being dissapointed with you and how much you know it was going to hurt them. tell them that you have been pretending to go to school cause of the fear you had in telling them. I think you will be fine. it is not that they are unhappy for you or dissapointed in you it is the fact that they want better for you. they want you to be able to make it in the real world and to not struggle. it is all because they love you. if they were not dissapointed I would worry more for that tells me they dont really care if you pass or fail. look at it like this all they will be is mad!!! that is the worst I think could happen it is not like they are going to kill ya or something. just suck it up and tell them. it is how you tell them is the key. like I said letters work wonders. you can write her themn pretend to go to school and stay gone all day to let her cool off and then come home in the afternoon. Link to post Share on other sites
seven Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 the way i see it, things can only get better now, and i don't have to live with that stress hanging over me. Good ... glad to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
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