The secret about chasing and being chased - I figured it all out!

[RecordProducer]

Ok, last night, while Mary J was hugging my mind, I realized this and decided to post about it on LS...

 

The one who chases is the one who wants SOMETHING from the person who is being chased - the chasee. That "something" can be anything: affection, attention, love, sex, money, whatever. The chasee has a pretty good idea that they have the SOMETHING that the chaser wants, whether they just know, assume or have been told or shown what it is.

 

The chasee has the power. And they want to be chased. Imagine that the chasee has a ball. The moment he gives the ball to the chaser, he is no longer chased. And he desperately wants to be chased. He enjoys it. So his goal is to never give the chaser the ball, because then he won't be chased anymore. So he keeps running around with the ball and not giving it to the chaser, even if that means that occasionally he has to hide it and say "I don't have the ball, I don't know where it is" - meaning 'I am not playing with it, but I am not giving it to you either!'

 

The chaser knows that the chasee has the ball, but the chaser eventually gets tired of chasing. So what does the chasee do then? He or she grabs the ball and shows it to the chaser "Hey, look, I have it, chase me!" The chaser then starts chasing the chasee again...

 

With time, the chasee discovers all the tricks that work with the chaser and develops strategies to keep the process going on. Every time the chaser gets bored or tired from chasing, the chasee will stimulate him/her to start chasing them again. The chasee knows very well that the chaser didn't just give up because the desire to get the ball went down, but because the chaser simply gave up getting it. The chaser is pretty much in despair at this point, since he doesn't understand why the chasee is not giving him the ball and why they can't get along like they used to.

 

On the other hand, what does the chaser have that the chasee wants from him? What is that something that gives the chaser the power? The chasee wants to be chased - that's the "something," the power that the chaser has. And when the chaser stops chasing, the chasee is not getting what they want so they start chasing the chaser in order to get the something they want - to be chased.

 

At the beginning of every good relationship, both partners chase after each other and the rewards for the mutual chasing are big and mutual. But somewhere down the road, one starts chasing the other more than vice versa, because people's needs and desires differ. At that point the balance is disturbed and the one-sided chasing starts.

 

This explains why people stay with someone even when they know they are being used - because the user is chasing the giver and it feels good (the chasing process) for the giver, since he is the chasee in this case.

 

So what's the solution? How to make the chasee give you the ball? He won't just give it to you. Plus he is thinking: even if he does, then you will have it and he will have to chase YOU. And he doesn't want to chase you, he wants to be chased by you. I think the solution is to show the chasee that you don't need HIS ball, not that you gave up chasing. Let them wonder if you can get a better ball elsewhere, if their ball is not good enough or is simply not worth the effort.

 

Make the chasee give you the ball voluntarily, because without being chased, they don't need the ball. Then play together with it. Once you have the ball, don't start running around with it in order to be chased, because once the chasee gets the ball from you, you won't see it again. Show them that it has no value for you unless it's used for playing together. Put it in the middle and teach them how to play. Give it to them and tell them to throw it to you. Once the chasee sees that you're giving them the ball, that you don't want it unless it's for a mutually played game, they won't grab it and run away with it from you. They WILL throw it to you then you'll throw it to them, etc. - just like at the beginning of your love, when things were friendly and mutual and no one was running around with the ball...

 

But most of all, the chasee has to see that they are better off giving you the ball. We play these games with our partners all the time without even being aware of it.

 

Any thoughts?

[typical]

Whoa...that was both mind boggling and deep. I think I need more coffee before I read it again. Good insightful read.

[blind_otter]

Whoa...that was both mind boggling and deep. I think I need more coffee before I read it again. Good insightful read.

 

wrong way, typical - not more coffee. Smoke some ganja. Then it will all be clear.

[elijahBailey]

Uhhh, RP, ya wanna summarize things a little ?

 

I'm guessin' that the chaseeee is the one that I wanna be

[SmoochieFace]

Here's my thought: mature people who are not maladjusted don't play such ridiculous 'games'. That sounds like something liquored up and rabidly horny people do.

 

None of my relationships involved any sort of 'chasing'. They developed from mutual liking and respect.

[typical]

wrong way, typical - not more coffee. Smoke some ganja. Then it will all be clear.

 

Silly Otter, what do you think coffee really means?? :lmao:

[blind_otter]

I was going to write, before I was tragically unable to edit, that this whole process is subconscious - all relationships are power plays, aren't they? When you get right down to it, beyond romanticism, any interpersonal interaction involves jockeying for positions and arm wrestling to determine superiority, don't they?

 

I could be wrong. My primary relationships in life were power struggles so I could just have a distorted view of relationships.

 

But isn't it always about emotional commerce? And it's not so easy to give up the ball. I mean. You can't be too sure that your playmate will even VALUE the ball if they don't have to do some fancy footwork to get to it.

 

Like, I was watching a soccer game on sunday. And it seems to me that the whole point is the competition - if the two teams just ran out onto the field skipping and holding hands singing tra-la-laaaa! and gleefully kicking the ball to one another, there wouldn't be a game. There would be no need to score points.

 

I like it when they try to score points. Everybody wins.

[blind_otter]

Silly Otter, what do you think coffee really means?? :lmao:

 

OH crap.

 

I thought that was your avatar's stripper name. WTF am I smoking?

[RecordProducer]

I was going to write, before I was tragically unable to edit, that this whole process is subconscious - all relationships are power plays, aren't they? When you get right down to it, beyond romanticism, any interpersonal interaction involves jockeying for positions and arm wrestling to determine superiority, don't they?

Unfortunately, I completely agree.

 

And it's not so easy to give up the ball. I mean. You can't be too sure that your playmate will even VALUE the ball if they don't have to do some fancy footwork to get to it.

OK so the chasee doesn't want to give up the ball. But what is it good for when the game is over? The same ball that was so valuable in the soccer game and everyone wanted to get it becomes unimportant when the game is over.

 

I guess the best part is when the chasee notices that the chaser has another ball in their arms.

Like, I was watching a soccer game on sunday. And it seems to me that the whole point is the competition - if the two teams just ran out onto the field skipping and holding hands singing tra-la-laaaa! and gleefully kicking the ball to one another, there wouldn't be a game. There would be no need to score points.

:lmao: :lmao:

[Art_Critic]

but the chaser eventually gets tired of chasing.

 

This is game over for me..

when I get tired of being the chaser there isn't much the chasee can do to get me to chase again.

 

the key ( for the chasee ) is to never let the chaser get tired of chasing. the chasee must give the chaser something to keep him/her hooked.. Sometimes even the tiniest tidbit can keep me chasing.. till I get tired of it..

 

Anybody got any cheese ??????

[RecordProducer]

Yes, that makes sense, Art. Very good point.

 

And how do you manipulate the situation when you're the chaser? How do you show them that you can get yourself another ball and manage without the chasee?

[Art_Critic]

And how do you manipulate the situation when you're the chaser?

 

As a chaser I have tried all kinds of things to manipulate the outcome..

 

Never have I done it sucessfully..

 

I guess the chaser must let the chips fall where they will and let the chasee drive and if I get tired of chasing then so be it.. their failure for not letting me catch them

[kjl933]

So, RP...are you looking to play with someone elses' balls?

[RecordProducer]

As a chaser I have tried all kinds of things to manipulate the outcome..

 

Never have I done it sucessfully..

 

I guess the chaser must let the chips fall where they will and let the chasee drive and if I get tired of chasing then so be it.. their failure for not letting me catch them

I see... that's a mature point of view.

 

So, RP...are you looking to play with someone elses' balls?

If you put it that way...many guys will be interested in giving their balls to others!

[Great Gazoo]

My thoughts on this is that once you start playing games in a relationship to me its game over. Things are suppose to be more natural, its not like a war, you don't need a strategy to win or lose.

[Ariadne]

Ok people,

 

Say this out loud five times, and see if you can say it "faster" each time:

 

The chasee wants to be chased - the power that the chaser has. And when the chaser stops chasing, the chasee is not getting what they want so they start chasing the chaser in order to get the something they want - to be chased.

 

Ariadne

[alphamale]

what does it all mean in the end anyways?....nothing, we all rot in our graves.

[Art_Critic]

what does it all mean in the end anyways?....nothing, we all rot in our graves.

 

 

Having a bad day ??

[JadeStar]

what does it all mean in the end anyways?....nothing, we all rot in our graves.

 

:lmao:

[alphamale]

Having a bad day ??

yes.....

[Art_Critic]

yes.....

 

Try not to break your 20 day stretch

[blind_otter]

yes.....

 

Oh Alpha, if I was there I would give you a foot rub.

 

Anyways, I think the chasing happens the whole relationship. But as you get older, the game gets a lot more relaxed and you take more water breaks. And sometimes you don't feel like chasing after the ball when it gets kicked out of bounds and bounces off the field, so you just shuffle over and get a new ball. but the players are still the same. Eventually you get to be ancient and hobbling around the soccer field tapping the ball with your walker. It takes ages and ages, but you still play the game.

[alphamale]

Oh Alpha, if I was there I would give you a foot rub..

I would love that....but there's no way I'm touching your skanky feet

[RecordProducer]

what does it all mean in the end anyways?....nothing, we all rot in our graves.

I agree. So we might as well have some fun while we're still mortal and avoid stupid games.

[Guest]

Then there are 'adults', who, at the first sign of people playing an idiotic game, remove themselves from the scene and leave the kids to play. Life is just too short to waste with that kind of ridiculous behaviour.