Man of my dreams but...

[Crystal Brooks]

Ok so this is the first time i have ever talked to total strangers about anything personal but maybe a person who doesnt know either of us will be able to make a less opinionated comment.

 

In July i met this guy, Kris. We hit it off and have basically spent everyday together but two. When we first met he didnt trust me so he asked his other friend Chris to hit on me to see if i would cheat on him or not. So i was on vacation and Chris asked me to hang out one day. well, we watched a movie and went and saw his sister in the hospital (she had a baby) and left. well, Kris called and asked what i was doing ( while i was about to drop Chris off) and i freaked out. he had mentioned that Chris took the day off so i went along with the fact i didnt know. well, Kris thought something was up so he called Chris' house and put two and two together. It was harmless. but i freaked and lied to him. he found out and the ##### hit the fan. thats one thing, and to this day he still is pissed off about this. He is so super jealous and untrusting to me that it drives me insane.

 

Ok next thing... BEFORE i met Kris i dated this guy,Jake. well, Kris and this guy met this summer through a mutual friend. Then i met Kris. I slept with Jake BEFORE i knew Kris. It was 6 months ago. And now that he knows that we slept together he is all freaked out. he keeps bring up the fact that i slept with him and i would go back with him. it drives me nuts. so now we are kinda in this fight because he is all insecure about himself and the fact that i slept with one of his friends BEFORE they even knew eachother and before i even knew Kris.

 

So here is my question, Kris wont let these things go. its the only thing that is making our relationship not work. He is the greatest guy and we are madly in love with eachother, but he cant let this go no matter what i say. I love him to death and im willing to let his phopas go but he cant get over stupid little things. all he thinks about is his friend slept with his girlfriend. How do i get him away from this? how do i make him trust me when he was the one who set me up to lie to him anyway. PLEASE HELP!!

 

Thanks a hundred million!

 

Crystal

[Mike]

He is a jerk. Look for something better. It is out there. Decent men wouldn't put you through some childish test, and he probably won't ever forget you slept with his buddy. The past is the past, and you can't change it. He either accepts it or he doesn't. If he doesn't... you should move on.

[Ryan]

I have to question your dreams if they include a man so clearly lacking in the committment area. I also have to question "madly in love" after only a few months of being together.

 

I can understand not wholly trusting someone initially in a relationship. You don't know the person that deeply yet and haven't built up a history of reliability. But this "test" of your faithfulness is inappropriate, childish, and outright pathetic. Such actions are self-fulfilling, because the "test" is so outlandish and insulting it pushes away the very person you are trying to keep close. You are very right to be upset by his attitude.

 

This is not something you merely overlook. I think you have two options. First, you can make it clear that his actions are going to have the consequence of driving you away. If he cannot make improvements in himself, you aren't going to put up with it. Second, you just end it. Since this really isn't a lengthy relationship with much in the way of foundation, I would lean toward the latter option. There's no sense staying in a relationship when it's failing, and being "in love" is NOT a good reason to keep clinging.