How not to get a job

[Guest]

I work in the HR dept of a large company. Basically my job is to screen the applications/resumes that we receive. I'm also the contact person for questions from applicants and I schedule interviews. Our interviews involve anywhere from 3-6 of our staff members (depending on the department) and I sometimes sit in on our interviews for various positions. Sometimes I can't believe what applicants do. These things have actually happened in the last 2 months.

 

An applicant emailed me his resume and the same day he sent a 2nd email asking ME to change the address and phone number on his resume because he had moved since updating his resume. This was for a computer programming job. This tells me a) either he has no idea how to use a word processing program or b) he is lazy.

 

A prospective employee called me and said she wanted more info on a position listed on our web site. I asked what the job title was and she had no idea. She only knew the wage and the location of the job. We have anywhere from 20 to 80 job openings at one time and I don't have them memorized by wage. You should know what you are calling about before you call.

 

Applicants will fax, email and mail me their resumes and not include a cover letter or any indication of the job they are applying for. Sometimes I will look over their resume and try to figure it out but more often than not if you don't list what position you are applying for we are NOT going to call you and ask nor are we going to guess. Your resume will be put into a "special" file.

 

I've called people for interviews who seem like excellent candidates on paper. When I speak to them on the phone they are either rude, don't say thank you or act like they are doing me a big favor by coming to the interview. Hey you are the one who needs a job and especially if this job requires contact with other people at least be polite over the phone.

 

When I call you for an interview don't give me a list of dates you can't make the interview as well as a long list of excuses (dr. appts, sick kids, have to clean the house etc) I do understand if you already have a scheduled appt the day of the interview but if you have a months worth of appts, kid related activities etc that don't allow you to squeeze in an interview, we certainly don't think you will show up for work 40 hours a week.

 

During an interview when asked where you see youself if two years don't look at the person who would be your boss and say with a straight face "I plan on having your job"

 

During an interview please don't tell us that you want the job because you are going through a mid-life crisis.

 

If the wage for the job is $15 hr and it clearly states this in the job description don't write on the application that your desired wage is $20 hr. You will not be called for an interview.

 

 

If you are seeking employment please have an answering machine/voicemail so that if you are not available a message can be left. I will call twice, if no answering machine or voicemail too bad you lost your chance at an interview. If you can't have either at least give us a number of someone who can take a message for you.

 

If you do receive an invitation to interview and accept, do NOT be a no call no show and then apply for another position at our company at a later date. We keep a list of no shows and do not give them a 2nd chance.

 

Anyone else have any experiences they want to share?

[tanbark813]

Don't put on a resume that you have 10 years of experience in a technology or program that's only been in existence for 5.

[Kathleen226]

Here's one- today I received a resume for an administrative assistant position we have open. It requires great computer skills, attention to detail, etc. I received this cover letter - I"m writing the parts that stuck out.

 

Dear Employer, (This is for a professional job at least take the time to input the name of our company)

 

 

My expriences (sp) are varied and I am sure Ican (no space) become on (supposed to be one I think) your most valued employee (should be one of your most valued employees). I can be reached at the above address and phone number. (Ironically her address and phone number are at the BOTTOM of the cover letter).

 

Needless to say we didn't call her for an interview.

[laRubiaBonita]

Do Not send a Resume if:

 

you spill your beer on it

 

you use your resume to groom your weed

 

there is a booger on your resume or ash marks!

[KittenMoon]

Do not spell your name on your resume using non-letters or in "l33t". Ex. L3S@ (Lisa)

 

On the same resume, this person titled her education section "Where I Partied".

 

The whole resume was like that. Terrifying.

[hotgurl]

do not show up to an intervie wearing jeans or in a skirt that is so short your a$$ hangs out. No you are no interviewing at a strip club.

 

I cannot believe how some people dress.

[stoopid_guy]

On a tech interview, NEVER BS the interviewer. "I don't know" is OK, it's important to know your limits.

 

I used to do a lot of phone interviews for prospective employees. I've heard them flipping through books for answers before.

 

A good tech interviewer IS GOING TO STUMP YOU at least once and intentionally, just to see how you react. Again, don't BS, don't get mad. Say "I don't know, can you explain it?" and let it lead to a good conversation on the topic.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

HAHA I'm going on an interview today...and TB actually helped me out ALOT...but when the man called me....I did what you said. (what you said not to say) I thinked him for the oppertunity to meet in person. Blah Blah. Also, on my cover letter, I say what position I'm applying for...Guess I'm on the right track..anything else?

[laRubiaBonita]

HAHA I'm going on an interview today...and TB actually helped me out ALOT...but when the man called me....I did what you said. (what you said not to say) I thinked him for the oppertunity to meet in person. Blah Blah. Also, on my cover letter, I say what position I'm applying for...Guess I'm on the right track..anything else?

ask your own questions... have a list in your head for your interviewers

[Art_Critic]

ask your own questions... have a list in your head for your interviewers

 

 

good advice.. a good interviewer likes to also be interviewed..it makes him feel that you really are interested in the company and not just the job.. unless you come across pushy

 

I also doesn't hurt to research the company so when he asks you what you can bring to his organization you can tell him with the knowledge of already knowing about the company you are interviewing with.

[bluechocolate]

The day after the interview send a thank you letter to your interviewers. Nothing special, just a simple thank you for their time. It's been a long time since I've had to do an interview but this one can sometimes work wonders. Even if they don't think you're right for that particular job they'll remember who you are. I had one woman call me as soon as she received the letter to say that no one had ever done that before! She was well impressed.

 

But hey, times have changed & maybe everyone does this now.

 

Have a copy of your resume in front of you during the interview. An EXACT copy. I've sat in on an interview where I swore the person had no idea what was on his own resume.

[Bogun]

During an interview when asked where you see youself if two years don't look at the person who would be your boss and say with a straight face "I plan on having your job"

 

:laugh:

I love this. Honestly if it was me interviewing someone and they said this to me I'd give them a job. I can't stand the bull**** that goes on in the corporate world. Up front and honest people are much more apealing.

[Kittiecat]

I hate the job hunting process. Everything has to be "perfect" - and nobody is perfect.

 

Bottom line - the best BS artist gets the job. So - practice your BS!

[Mary3]

HAHA I'm going on an interview today...and TB actually helped me out ALOT...but when the man called me....I did what you said. (what you said not to say) I thinked him for the oppertunity to meet in person. Blah Blah. Also, on my cover letter, I say what position I'm applying for...Guess I'm on the right track..anything else?

 

May I say your *spelling* could be part of the problem on your resume ? Its Opportunity ( not oppertunity ) and its " I thanked him " not I thinked him. Have you had someone proofread your resume for errors ? Just hope this helps a bit

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

May I say your *spelling* could be part of the problem on your resume ? Its Opportunity ( not oppertunity ) and its " I thanked him " not I thinked him. Have you had someone proofread your resume for errors ? Just hope this helps a bit

 

 

this is Love shack..not an interview... you dont think I spell check my RESUME!!!

[blind_otter]

I hate the job hunting process. Everything has to be "perfect" - and nobody is perfect.

 

Bottom line - the best BS artist gets the job. So - practice your BS!

 

This is so true. I've interviewed for jobs where they only glanced at my resume and never checked my references. I think that the whole process is bogus and stupid, and totally not designed to actually assess the abilities of the potential applicant.

 

But who am I? Just a voice in the babble. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Keep doing your mindless employee shuffle and let's all work to keep things status quo! Go APATHY!

[napoleandynamite]

I've heard plenty of mornonic episodes from employers who have witnessed a myraid number of mistakes potential candidates pull during pre-interviews/interviews.

In my experience, I was always told by employers & employment agencies what a "spectacular interview I pulled", and how I was very "well-spoken, well-rounded, knowledgeable, etc." I always stood out from the crowd when it came to getting a job. My biggest problem: KEEPING THE JOB! I've been fired from jobs after one week! I Don't understand why...maybe there's a curse on me. I have a BA, experience, and I'm VERY career-oriented (a career has been the most important thing to me in the world), but nothing ever works out for me. Very frustrating to be like this, especially when I'm so highly motivated to succeed and my enthusiac attitude crashes down on me, knocking me right on my a$$ (excuse the french!). Feels like a handicap. No matter how hard or smart I work, employers think I'm useless

What makes me feel like an even bigger ahole are these people who you mention usually DO find a job and KEEP IT-needless to say, they're background isn't very strong and lacks the essentials for the actual job. Even now, at my new job, I couldn't exactly tell you the brighest people work there! Incompetence always occurs. Yet, I'm the one that always gets let go from a job after 1 week, 3 months, 6 months, 8 months, etc. I would be happy as a pig in sh*t if I could keep a job for at least one year!

[stoopid_guy]

This is so true. I've interviewed for jobs where they only glanced at my resume and never checked my references. I think that the whole process is bogus and stupid, and totally not designed to actually assess the abilities of the potential applicant.

 

But who am I? Just a voice in the babble. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Keep doing your mindless employee shuffle and let's all work to keep things status quo! Go APATHY!

Yeah, I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to hire you with THAT attitude.

 

But seriously, B_O, maybe you're applying to the wrong places? Ever worked for a start-up? Entirely different attitude from a "corporate machine." Find a place where you'll be on first-name basis with the owner and/or CEO. Companies that small can't afford to be in a rut, every voice counts, and you will not be bored. You will have to be creative, self-motivated, and flexible, but somehow I don't think you'd have a problem with those.

[Mary3]

this is Love shack..not an interview... you dont think I spell check my RESUME!!!

 

This was absolutely constructive advice for you I am glad you do have your resumes proof read. Sounds like you will have something good coming along. It just takes time.

[blind_otter]

But seriously, B_O, maybe you're applying to the wrong places? Ever worked for a start-up? Entirely different attitude from a "corporate machine." Find a place where you'll be on first-name basis with the owner and/or CEO. Companies that small can't afford to be in a rut, every voice counts, and you will not be bored. You will have to be creative, self-motivated, and flexible, but somehow I don't think you'd have a problem with those.

 

Well maybe I'm a bit bitter.

 

Yeah I worked for a startup for 2 weeks before one of the partners got mad at me for putting his daughter's soccer schedule in his inbox. Because he never looked in his inbox. I was supposed to call him to tell him to check his inbox, even though he goes and sits in his office every day and the inbox is right in front of his face.

 

I've worked for small businesses, startups, and in academia.

 

I'm freelancing now, I just got a contract. I like it better because I can work whenever I feel creative, which isn't necessarily between the hours of 9-5. And I never have to see my boss.

 

I tend to do better in jobs where my responsibilities are clear. I can't handle this vague "think for me" personal assistant crap.

[stoopid_guy]

I'm freelancing now, I just got a contract. I like it better because I can work whenever I feel creative, which isn't necessarily between the hours of 9-5. And I never have to see my boss.

Great! I've been self-employed and enjoyed it, but found myself doing sixteen hour daze (not a typo) or going a couple of weeks at a time with nothing. It was always either feast or famine.

 

Best of luck.