lil Qn

[yes]

tony - i know, i shdn't ask the forum about every single thing but ...

 

1- if someone asks me out on IM, i dont take it seriosly. am i wrong?

 

2- when someone asks me out, i pretend to not "get it" for a lil bit... esp. if i dont wanna date the person. is this mean?

 

reason i ask: this guy asked me on IM , and i played that i have no idea what he's talking about, and he said smth like "why r u playing hard to get" and left ...

 

my bad or his bad?

 

thanks,

 

-yes

[velvet]

Girlfriend, thats your bad!

 

You were teasing the guy because he knew that you knew that he was asking you out.

 

Its okay to accept a date from someone on the internet.

 

You should meet him at a public place, dont invite him to see where you live until you know for sure he is safe. Dont get in the car with him or be alone with him either.

 

You could also tell him that you only date goodlooking men.

 

tony - i know, i shdn't ask the forum about every single thing but ... 1- if someone asks me out on IM, i dont take it seriosly. am i wrong? 2- when someone asks me out, i pretend to not "get it" for a lil bit... esp. if i dont wanna date the person. is this mean? reason i ask: this guy asked me on IM , and i played that i have no idea what he's talking about, and he said smth like "why r u playing hard to get" and left ... my bad or his bad? thanks, -yes

[yes]

i do know this guy - i just thought i was weird to ask for a date online ... i guess i'll play around less next time - at least in a case when its all obvious ...

 

thanks velvet,

 

-yes

Girlfriend, thats your bad! You were teasing the guy because he knew that you knew that he was asking you out. Its okay to accept a date from someone on the internet. You should meet him at a public place, dont invite him to see where you live until you know for sure he is safe. Dont get in the car with him or be alone with him either. You could also tell him that you only date goodlooking men.

[Tony T]

The proper way to ask a lady out on a date is either in person or on the phone. If men do it via an instant message, you tell them you only accept dates properly requested in person or on the phone.

 

If a guy asks you out and you desire not to go out with him, just tell him you appreciate the invitation but you must decline. If he presses you for why, he's immature but then go ahead and tell him you just aren't interested. Guys are often ignorant buttholes and don't get hints easily so you are well within protocol to just lay in all out on the table.

 

I don't believe the Internet ought to be a medium for personal relationship interaction. I think cyberlove, internet relationships, and all the stuff is a real crock.

 

If our creator had meant for people to get together via computers and the Internet, he would have given Adam a larger hard drive and Eve a bigger pair of speakers.

 

The fact that it happens sometimes successfully warms my heart. But I think there are many more disappointments and heartbreaks than there are successes.

 

Don't take any crap from any men on the computer...and even less in real life.

[yes]

I agree - I only feel like its for real when they ask in person or on the phone ... on IM it's sort of disrepectful...

 

gotcha,

 

-yes

The proper way to ask a lady out on a date is either in person or on the phone. If men do it via an instant message, you tell them you only accept dates properly requested in person or on the phone. If a guy asks you out and you desire not to go out with him, just tell him you appreciate the invitation but you must decline. If he presses you for why, he's immature but then go ahead and tell him you just aren't interested. Guys are often ignorant buttholes and don't get hints easily so you are well within protocol to just lay in all out on the table. I don't believe the Internet ought to be a medium for personal relationship interaction. I think cyberlove, internet relationships, and all the stuff is a real crock. If our creator had meant for people to get together via computers and the Internet, he would have given Adam a larger hard drive and Eve a bigger pair of speakers. The fact that it happens sometimes successfully warms my heart. But I think there are many more disappointments and heartbreaks than there are successes. Don't take any crap from any men on the computer...and even less in real life.

[Bill]

I know you asked Tony this, but I think his reply is absolutely wrong in my opinion.

 

"1- if someone asks me out on IM, i dont take

 

it seriosly. am i wrong? "

 

To this person it may be serious. SOME people have trouble expressing feelings over the phone or in person because it is more harsh when someone denies you that way. Asking out using the IM system is a safe way for someone to ask another out. If you have a problem with this, you are the one that needs to give respect to the other person. That person is obviously not secure with asking you out in person possibly due to being scared of being denied.

 

"2- when someone asks me out, i pretend to

 

not "get it" for a lil bit... esp. if

 

i dont wanna date the person. is this mean? "

 

If you want to date the person, tell them flat out. Don't let them think they have you. Or better yet, tell them that you are involved right now with someone else.

 

No matter what FORM of communication someone contacts you in, you should respect it. Maybe another form does not feel comfortable with them, maybe they CAN'T ask you out in another form. Maybe the person is SHY. Please people, don't down others for using something that is comfortable for them. This person might not have had the guts to ask you out in person. How do you think he would have felt if you said NO to him in person... It's a little more personal then isn't it? Even on the phone.

 

There are situations where the type of communication matters. If someone breaks up with you in person, they never loved you. If someone breaks up with you on the phone or email, where they cannot see you, it must hurt them to cause you pain.

 

I must say, that trying to start a relationship is difficult for some, and they may be scared of what you will say to them. Maybe this guy knew this, and that is why he used IM to ask you out. He would have been crushed if you told him that in person or on the phone. Think about it. Some people can't understand this, unless they themselves are like this (shy).

 

tony - i know, i shdn't ask the forum about every single thing but ... 1- if someone asks me out on IM, i dont take it seriosly. am i wrong? 2- when someone asks me out, i pretend to not "get it" for a lil bit... esp. if i dont wanna date the person. is this mean? reason i ask: this guy asked me on IM , and i played that i have no idea what he's talking about, and he said smth like "why r u playing hard to get" and left ... my bad or his bad? thanks, -yes

[yes]

Hmm - i'm pretty sure this guy isn't too shy to at least call me. He might be scared of rejection since i did reject two of his friends but ... i never reject directly - i simplt stop seeing the person.

 

Besides, i've invited him to go clubbing on sunday - so he could've asked then or smth. Since i invited him to come somewhere, he knows his chances rn't so bad, no?

 

In any case, i'll see if he comes on sunday and just be nice to him.

 

Thanks for a diff-t view,

 

-yes

I know you asked Tony this, but I think his reply is absolutely wrong in my opinion. "1- if someone asks me out on IM, i dont take it seriosly. am i wrong? " To this person it may be serious. SOME people have trouble expressing feelings over the phone or in person because it is more harsh when someone denies you that way. Asking out using the IM system is a safe way for someone to ask another out. If you have a problem with this, you are the one that needs to give respect to the other person. That person is obviously not secure with asking you out in person possibly due to being scared of being denied. "2- when someone asks me out, i pretend to not "get it" for a lil bit... esp. if i dont wanna date the person. is this mean? " If you want to date the person, tell them flat out. Don't let them think they have you. Or better yet, tell them that you are involved right now with someone else. No matter what FORM of communication someone contacts you in, you should respect it. Maybe another form does not feel comfortable with them, maybe they CAN'T ask you out in another form. Maybe the person is SHY. Please people, don't down others for using something that is comfortable for them. This person might not have had the guts to ask you out in person. How do you think he would have felt if you said NO to him in person... It's a little more personal then isn't it? Even on the phone. There are situations where the type of communication matters. If someone breaks up with you in person, they never loved you. If someone breaks up with you on the phone or email, where they cannot see you, it must hurt them to cause you pain. I must say, that trying to start a relationship is difficult for some, and they may be scared of what you will say to them. Maybe this guy knew this, and that is why he used IM to ask you out. He would have been crushed if you told him that in person or on the phone. Think about it. Some people can't understand this, unless they themselves are like this (shy).

[Tony T]

Instant messages and the wide use of computers are less than ten years old. Prior to that, would this guy have sent a snail mail or maybe used smoke signals to ask her out?

 

I just don't buy this IM stuff for asking people out, unless they have known each other really well for a long time and go out on a regular basis.

 

If this guy is too shy to do things the right way, he needs to get over his shyness the best way he can as soon as he can.

 

If he's that shy and a relationship evolved into having sex, is he going to have the sex with IMs...or send his good buddy over to stand (lay) in for him???

 

Life isn't easy but I think we've gone way overboard in using computers to do everything for us. In the past seven years (about the time home computers have become really popular) obesity, a killer disease, has increased almost 40 percent in the United States.

 

That's an outrage...and so is carrying on love over a computer. It just plain stinks. If a guy doesn't have the nuts to ask a girl out in person, or at least over the phone, he doesn't deserve to go out with her.

 

If a guy has that much trouble asking a girl out, he ought to sell his computer and get a ball transplant.

[Big Pappa Pump]

Seems like Tony has an issue regarding Computers and Technology. I do agree with you on one level. It is sad that Technology has really started to make our society very anti-social. Sometimes we have a reason to be afraid, but honestly, when somebody says hello, it's not always because they want something. And computers have made going out in public sometimes, more or less, a quiet self-involved affair.

 

I do not agree with you on the level that internet dating is the be all end all evil. Times change, for good or bad. There was a time when people had arrainged marriages or married the guy who lived across the street from them their whole lives. There was a time when all women stayed home and cooked and clean. There was a time when many people married there high school sweetheart. There was a time when most people only lived till they were about 40, if that. So times do change and we have to accept that.

 

I think adding another way to meet somebody isn't a bad thing. But to just rely on that alone, i think defeats the purpose. Because if you live in a city like NYC or LA, and meeting somebody at a club or bar, they aren't always who they say they are either. There have been many many crimes committed before the onset of computers. All it means is you have to be careful who you meet, whether thats online, at a bar, at a coffee shop, at the beach, or on an airplane.

Instant messages and the wide use of computers are less than ten years old. Prior to that, would this guy have sent a snail mail or maybe used smoke signals to ask her out? I just don't buy this IM stuff for asking people out, unless they have known each other really well for a long time and go out on a regular basis. If this guy is too shy to do things the right way, he needs to get over his shyness the best way he can as soon as he can. If he's that shy and a relationship evolved into having sex, is he going to have the sex with IMs...or send his good buddy over to stand (lay) in for him??? Life isn't easy but I think we've gone way overboard in using computers to do everything for us. In the past seven years (about the time home computers have become really popular) obesity, a killer disease, has increased almost 40 percent in the United States. That's an outrage...and so is carrying on love over a computer. It just plain stinks. If a guy doesn't have the nuts to ask a girl out in person, or at least over the phone, he doesn't deserve to go out with her. If a guy has that much trouble asking a girl out, he ought to sell his computer and get a ball transplant.

[Tony T]

You make some excellent points that I agree with totally. But you missed the entire point of this thread.

 

It's great if you meet someone online or conduct whatever you want to call it, relationship or whatever, in the cyberworld. We're all free human beings.

 

The point of this thread is whether guys ought to ask gals out via instant messages on a computer screen. I think a guy who asks a girl out on Instant Messages, unless they have an ongoing relationship of longstanding, is a complete and total wimp and rude as hell as well.

 

I agree that times change but I think it's a really sad day in the world when important parts of human relationships start being conducted over a computer.

[Big Pappa Pump]

Oh i agree with you Tony. The sad fact is, computers are great, but they also have made us as a society more or less more anti-social. Take the asking a girl out over instant messenger. If you know her or have been talking her before, i can understand something like, what are you doing for lunch and you're both in the same area. But if you're asking her out for a date date, thats just, well, i agree, a little on the lacking a certain something area.

[yes]

if he asks on IM it's either:

 

its not important enough to pick up the phone, in which case he's being rude, so to hell with him

 

or

 

he's too shy, in which case i dont wanna date him cuz i like men who take initiative

 

Thanks for advice n comments y'all!!

[Tony T]

Well, another way of looking at it...if he asks you out on Instant Messages, he must take a "hands on" approach to dating. Then again, you have to always be aware of what his hands are on!!!

[clia]

I don't agree at all. If you are chatting away on IM, it might seem like a good time to bring it up. Also, if you talk often on IM, it might feel like a normal, real conversation to him, and he probably doesn't view it as a big deal to ask then. I don't think it necessarily means he's shy or rude. (It would be different if he IM'd you specifically to ask you out, but I don't know if that's the case or not.)

 

In any case, I think the real bottom line is that you don't like this guy and don't want to go out with him, but you are trying to make up an excuse to blow him off so you don't have to admit to yourself that he's simply not your type.

 

Well, whatever floats your boat.

if he asks on IM it's either: its not important enough to pick up the phone, in which case he's being rude, so to hell with him or he's too shy, in which case i dont wanna date him cuz i like men who take initiative Thanks for advice n comments y'all!!

[young]

if he asks on IM it's either: its not important enough to pick up the phone, in which case he's being rude, so to hell with him or he's too shy, in which case i dont wanna date him cuz i like men who take initiative Thanks for advice n comments y'all!!

 

Don't you think he was taking the initiative by even asking you on IM or wherever?!?!?! anyone that goes on Im in the first place I would think would be open to whatever.....rude??????? doesn't come across that way to me, but that is only ,my opinion.......just going with the flow.....im is a fast way to get your feelings out.....typing is fast and very direct.....just how i take it!!