I wish OM would drop dead!

[stupid_girl]

I have been unhappily married for three years. I started having an affair eight months ago. My OM had a falling out with his ex girlfriend, and soon after started pressuring me to leave my husband to be with him.

 

So I eventually did leave my husband for my OM, but two weeks later, I caught him having dinner with his ex girlfriend, and we had a huge fight, and he told me that he still wanted to be with his ex girlfriend.

 

Since cutting the OM out of my life, people who are mutual friends or aquaintances of ours are treating me funny. I have kept our relationship private, but apparently he hasn't. Basically, he's telling little half truths about our relationship. For instance, he tells people that I followed him and his "girlfriend" to a restraunt, but he's leaving out that I was his girlfriend, and she was his ex girlfriend, and that he had lied to me several times before this night, and the only way he would ever admit the truth, was if I had hard evidence. So when I found out that he was sneaking off to a restraunt with his ex, I went there, and looked him in the eye, so ehe would know that he couldn't lie his way out of it!!! Also, he's telling people that I deleted her pictures off of his phone, but he's leaving out that he told me to delete them! He's telling people that I checked his voice mail, but he's leaving out that he willingly GAVE me his voice mail password, AND he's leaving out that he checked my voice mail too!

 

He's making me out to look like a raving lunatic! If these people knew the whole story, they would see that It was just normal relationship stuff, but I don't WANT to tell people the whole story, because I am quite frankly embarassed that I ever got involved with him! And EWWW if you saw what he dumped me for, you'd REALLY understand why I am so embarassed.

 

But I hate looking like a psycho stalker, so now what do I do?

[Woggle]

You cheated on your ex with this man and then you end up getting burned yourself. The universe has set things straight.

[stoopid_guy]

Cut your losses and learn your lesson.

 

Despite your excellent choice in screen names it sounds like you really need to mature some. Everyone involved will be better off if you just take it all as a learning experience.

[Adunaphel]

Try to see it this way:

 

- now that you know what kind of guy he is, would you really be with someone with him?

I think that anyone who treats OW/OM or MW/MM this way, will be just as much of a jerk to single people.

 

Feel sorry fot his gf - she is the one who is getting such a guy, not you.

 

- you said your marriage was unhappy, and it does not sound from your post like things could be worked out. At least OM "pushed" you to leave your marriage - which might end up to be a good thing for you.

 

Just try to forget OM asap. And concentrate on your life.

[catgirl1927]

If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. Lesson learned.

[whichwayisup]

Don't waste your time on him. Heal yourself and move on. If you need therapy to help you cope, DO just that...If you don't or can't let go of the OM, your life is going to be filled with bitter awful feelings and resentment. The guy is a jerk and not worth your time and energy.

[worriedsick]

Karma can be a bitch.

[Guest]

Oh the irony!

 

It's hell to invest in a relationship only to have the other alley cat throw it all away by cheating, huh?

 

I'd stick to the OM/OW forum if I were you. You won't get much sympathy out of this one.

[stupid_girl]

If I had left out the part about him being an OM, my question might've been answered. Let me try again.

 

I don't want to tell every detail of my life to people who have no business nosying in my life. However, I don't want these people to think there's something wrong with me because an ex boyfriend is telling lies.

 

So far I have deflected them by simply saying, "Maybe you don't have all the facts!" and most people just accept that, but other people continue to think they have a right to know the whole story, and I say, "I am not going to talk about it."

 

In another instance, I saw an opportunity for my ex to spread more lies, and I headed it off by saying, "Oh you talked to him? Yeah, he and I used to be good friends, but then he started telling people rediculous lies on me. In fact, I'd like to get to know his girlfriend, and see if she's really as big a bi*** as he says she is, or if she's another good person that he's just lying on." People that know us both usually laugh and say, "Yeah, he tells some real stories."

 

And not that I need to defend myself to you guys, but I had a reason for cheating, and it's not that I'm a text book slut. Quite frankly if your spouses cheated on you, I'm sure they had a reason. I worked really hard on my marriage, and it was over before I cheated. I had actually written a looong prelude to my problem, so I wouldn't get the whole, "You deserve what you get" reactions, but then I felt it wasn't necessary.

 

My husband emotionally abused me, then it escalated to physical abuse, and that really doesn't begin to describe what he put me through - he couldn't get an erection for me (my OM had no problem with that) my husband looked at porn all the time (my OM never did to my knowlege, and even if he did, he still made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world) my husband would tell me that I needed to take diet pills, and that I shouldn't eat that candy bar, or drink that can of pop (although it was not a problem if he wanted to down three or four).

 

Pretty much everthing that I wasn't getting at home, I found somewhere else. I have been cheated on before, so I know that it hurts, but now that the shoe is on the other foot, I realize that I contributed to it. It's not an excuse, and I tried to talk to my husband about our issues, but when you talk and you talk, and nothing changes, and they won't go to counselling, you get your needs met somewhere else.

 

Think about it.

[Guest]

He sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you had a horrific relationship, but wrong is wrong. The proper sequence of events is:

 

 

1. A really bad irreconcilable marriage.

 

2. DIVORCE

 

3. New relationship.

 

 

By having an affair, you've basically sullied yourself and ruined your credibility, regardless of what he did. EVERYONE who has an affair blames their partner for it. It's par for the course.

[Sup]

If I had left out the part about him being an OM, my question might've been answered. Let me try again.

 

I don't want to tell every detail of my life to people who have no business nosying in my life. However, I don't want these people to think there's something wrong with me because an ex boyfriend is telling lies.

 

So far I have deflected them by simply saying, "Maybe you don't have all the facts!" and most people just accept that, but other people continue to think they have a right to know the whole story, and I say, "I am not going to talk about it."

 

In another instance, I saw an opportunity for my ex to spread more lies, and I headed it off by saying, "Oh you talked to him? Yeah, he and I used to be good friends, but then he started telling people rediculous lies on me. In fact, I'd like to get to know his girlfriend, and see if she's really as big a bi*** as he says she is, or if she's another good person that he's just lying on." People that know us both usually laugh and say, "Yeah, he tells some real stories."

 

And not that I need to defend myself to you guys, but I had a reason for cheating, and it's not that I'm a text book slut. Quite frankly if your spouses cheated on you, I'm sure they had a reason. I worked really hard on my marriage, and it was over before I cheated. I had actually written a looong prelude to my problem, so I wouldn't get the whole, "You deserve what you get" reactions, but then I felt it wasn't necessary.

 

My husband emotionally abused me, then it escalated to physical abuse, and that really doesn't begin to describe what he put me through - he couldn't get an erection for me (my OM had no problem with that) my husband looked at porn all the time (my OM never did to my knowlege, and even if he did, he still made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world) my husband would tell me that I needed to take diet pills, and that I shouldn't eat that candy bar, or drink that can of pop (although it was not a problem if he wanted to down three or four).

 

Pretty much everthing that I wasn't getting at home, I found somewhere else. I have been cheated on before, so I know that it hurts, but now that the shoe is on the other foot, I realize that I contributed to it. It's not an excuse, and I tried to talk to my husband about our issues, but when you talk and you talk, and nothing changes, and they won't go to counselling, you get your needs met somewhere else.

 

Think about it.

 

 

There's NO reason for cheating! Think about it!

[Guest]

Wow. This is the most closed minded bunch of people I've ever seen. You all play victims, but you don't want to admit your own fault.

[Mz. Pixie]

He sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you had a horrific relationship, but wrong is wrong. The proper sequence of events is:

 

 

1. A really bad irreconcilable marriage.

 

2. DIVORCE

 

3. New relationship.

 

 

By having an affair, you've basically sullied yourself and ruined your credibility, regardless of what he did. EVERYONE who has an affair blames their partner for it. It's par for the course.

 

 

True- and just so you know Stupid Girl- I cheated in my first marriage- so this is coming from someone who used to be the OW.

 

I know it's not easy to leave a marriage and you had every right to be unhappy but you should have left before you cheated.

 

You're still pretty raw from the affair- so you are not at the point where you can see this clearly. I'm over two years from it, and I can see that at that time I justified alot of my behavior that I shouldn't.

 

So, you made a mistake. Accept it at that and move on. Don't worry about what OM says. As a rule, they generally never accept responsibility for their actions.