cheating

[cmc]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have been living together for 4 months. He swears that he is in love with me, but recently had a one night stand with a 21 year old from the bar. Mind you, he is 29. He swears that he will change and that this made him realize how much he really loves me. One point, he did get up and tell me the very next morning. What should I do?

[ok]

So you moved in with a guy after just two months of dating and you don't really know this guy at all.

 

And you find out he is one-night-standing with a girl much yonger than himself.

 

How old are you anyway?

 

He tells you the next morning, so he gets a medal?

 

Seriously, you made a mistake moving in with this guy so soon after dating. You don't know each other well enough to be this far along in your "relationship."

 

I would give serious consideration to moving out and ratcheting down your involvement with him.

 

You both should go to a couple's counsellor and explore this.

 

Very troubling!

[Big Pappa Pump]

Well, usually people will tell you they cheated to one, either get your reaction, or to get the guilt off of their chest so they won't feel bad about themselves. I just want to know how did he tell you. Was it a, "Oh by the way, i slept with some other girl last night" thing and then he went off to work or what not or was it a serious conversation. Cause honestly, if it's that easy for him to tell you he cheated on you and then you forgive and forget and believe him, you need to look at yourself and realize, you shouldn't allow yourself to be pushed around that way.

[Ed]

This guy made a huge mistake by cheating on you. Apparently, he has some kind of problem with being faithful. I don't know why. Maybe he doesn't know why either.

 

My initial response is for you to pack your bags, dump him and move out, but I can't help feeling that there is more to this story. You gave very little information to work from.

 

Why don't you tell us how you feel about this whole situation.

[Laurynn]

You wouldn't by any chance be the gal whose boyfriend lied about what he does for a living/kissed the girl in the bar with you there? Maybe I'm all wrong here.

 

But seriously...he had a one night stand with some little chicky from the bar? YUCK. He obviously knows jacksh*T about love. You don't screw around on someone you love. It matters NOTHING, the fact that he told you the next day. Bully for him! So he screwed someone then thought he could ease his pea-sized conscience the next day by telling you? No medals for him.

 

If he's already cheating on you after ONLY 6 months (and 4 months of that you've been living together, to boot),then I don't see any hope for the future. Who's to say he hasn't cheated before? Who's to say he won't cheat again? If you forgive him and stay with him, all you're doing is sending him a loud and clear message that you'll "put up with cheating".....which in my opinion, just makes it easier for him to do it again down the road.

 

Perhaps if you 2 had years invested in your relationship, then I might say "try to work it out and get the bottom of why he felt the need to cheat".....but 6 months is peanuts. You're seeing firsthand, what kind of a dishonorable and untrustworthy dude this is.

 

By the way, did he use a condom? If he slept with someone who was so willing to have a one night stand, chances are she's done it many times in the past (though it only takes ONE time of sex with ONE person to risk getting diseases).....did she have any STD's? HIV? So not only did he betray your honor but he risked his own health and will only risk yours if you have sex with him in the future? Wow, what a swell guy.

 

Guys like him are a dime a dozen. I say move on, as hard as that's going to be. Women have to be strong and put their foot down, set boundaries.....no when to say "I will not take this from you" and follow through. We also need to remind ourselves what love is all about....and to demand respect and faithfulness...and to never settle for less.

 

Unless you have superhuman powers, from this point on, should you stay with him, you're always going to mistrust him.....and you'll always be wondering if he's out picking up squeakers in the bar. Can you live like that?

 

L

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have been living together for 4 months. He swears that he is in love with me, but recently had a one night stand with a 21 year old from the bar. Mind you, he is 29. He swears that he will change and that this made him realize how much he really loves me. One point, he did get up and tell me the very next morning. What should I do?

[witchbreed]

Personally I think the advice you got above was a bit too harsh. If the relationsship is otherwise good and you love him and believe in his love and his remorse about having cheated you, there is a chance in working this out.

 

If you feel that you can forgive him this one night stand, then do. I would tell him though, that you are willing to forgive this one time and thats it. If you feel the relationsship is worth saving, do that. But make sure, that he know, he is given a second chance, but that you will not give him a third chance.

 

It could very well be, that part of him got scared by the depth of your relationsship, specially since you moved togehter very early in your relationsship. And it is possible, that having had this one night stand, really made him realise how much he really cares for you.

 

I think its a good sign, that he didnt add lies and deception to the cheating. He certainly doesnt deserve a medal for cheating, but respect for having admitted to his wrong.

 

But in the end, it all comes back to your own feelings about your relationsship, about him and about his cheating. Can you see it as a bad mistake and forgive? Or does this make you feel insecure and mistrustful? Search your own feelings and follow your own heart on this.

 

Best wishes, whatever you decide. Btw dont let other people talk you into doing what is right for them, might not be right for you. For some the right thing will be to dump him, for others the right thing will be to forgive him - its up to you.