his feelings

[blondie]

I have been dating this guy for 10 months, he says he loves me yet he keeps this distance between us. What should I do if I want more?

[Ed]

You didn't give a whole lot of information to go on.

 

What kind of distance are you talking about?

 

What is your idea of closeness?

 

My guess is you are wanting him to share his feelings with you. Some people are good at this and some aren't. Almost no one is taught how to do it. It is self-learned and everyone seems to have a different way of doing it.

 

It is well known that men are way behind women in the "sharing feelings" department. Not only are men usually not taught how to share their feelings, many societies simply don't encourage it. Of course, that's no excuse and it can be overcome with a little effort from both partners.

 

Just don't assume he has no feelings for you because he doesn't communicate well. You can both become better communicators by reading books on relationships and putting some of the things you read about into practice.

[Tony T]

The way people interact with others they "love" is often a function of their home environment when they were young and growing up. A person's capacity for intimacy and closeness is formed in those early years and it's very difficult to change later on.

 

See just how his parents and siblings interact and you will probably get your answer.

 

If he came from an abusive home or childhood environment, I promise you that's got everything to do with it.

 

Very often, people will not get close to those they love for fear of being abandoned. That springs from an abandonment experience (a grandparent, a parent or anyone they truly loved) early on in life that was traumatic for them. Ironically, the more one of the people loves another, the more distance they will place as a strategy of protecting themselves from the perceived threat of hurt, rejection or abandonment.

 

Life isn't as simple as it often seems.