anonymous regular Posted March 16, 2002 Share Posted March 16, 2002 my grandma raised me; then, my parents and i moved to a difft country, far from my home-city, leaving her behind with other relatives she was old and sick for years, and i was never there - my uncle took care of her i never saw her again after we left the country how am i ever to forgive myself for not being there? she raised me! she was with me for 6 or 7 years, day after day... as my babysitter... until she was too sick to take care of me, and i was old enough to get by by myself... she died about 2 years ago. I keep dreaming of her... of actually being with her... telling her im sorry, etc... and i keep waking up crying... i dont have any questions, just something to put it words to slightly get it off my chets. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Crystal Posted March 16, 2002 Share Posted March 16, 2002 ya know i can relate to you're pain. my sister died some ten years ago and you'd think that after all this time it would be easy but it's still not! she lived in florida at the time i in minnesota, i was/am terrified of flying and a bus trip would of been too long for the kids. so i talked to her a couple times on the phone, then nothing....... then she died....... to this day i kick myself too, for not having called her more often, for not having visited.. one day i seen a lady who could of been her twin, just about floored me! i was so shocked, my heart was breaking and i was almost in tears, i missed my sister so much at that moment. i wanted literally to run to this lady and hug her and hold her and cry, but of course i didn't but my heart was breaking for such a long time, i could not get this ladys face out of my mind, this was very recent too. i don't know that there is a way to deal with these things, i know you were not looking for answers but i thought if you new you were not alone it may be of some comfort. i was there when my mom died but it still offers little comfort to my still broken heart, so maybe being there does not always help either. i think she would understand and would forgive you but you have to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt! i wish you peace and comfort on this, Crystal. my grandma raised me; then, my parents and i moved to a difft country, far from my home-city, leaving her behind with other relatives she was old and sick for years, and i was never there - my uncle took care of her i never saw her again after we left the country how am i ever to forgive myself for not being there? she raised me! she was with me for 6 or 7 years, day after day... as my babysitter... until she was too sick to take care of me, and i was old enough to get by by myself... she died about 2 years ago. I keep dreaming of her... of actually being with her... telling her im sorry, etc... and i keep waking up crying... i dont have any questions, just something to put it words to slightly get it off my chets. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 16, 2002 Share Posted March 16, 2002 I am so sorry that you're feeling this sadness and guilt. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself? I'm sure when she was here, she realized that you were growing up and learning to be more independent, becoming an adult. All I can suggest for you to do, to try and heal from your feelings of guilt is to sit down and write her a letter.....write about all the good memories you had as a child with her, what she meant to you....things you remember about her and things you will never forget about her.....then write about how sorry you feel, how much you love and miss her. This will help to get this all off your chest. I am one of those people who firmly believes that our departed loved ones KNOW how we feel..and they look down upon us and watch over us. I'm sure she already knows how sorry you feel...and I'm sure she'd want you to forgive yourself. Maybe do something in her honor.....like go and volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen or find a program that takes volunteers to go visit the elderly in the nursing homes (the poor old folks who are in there all alone with no family to come visit them, there are MANY!)....by doing the latter, you can share your caring and love to an elderly person, and you can do it in her honor, FOR HER.......and you'll also be making the day of some poor little old lady or old man who would give their eye teeth to have a little company during those very long days in the hospital or nursing home. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
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