BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I caught my wife 3 hours ago in a threesome in our house in the guest bedroom after she thought that I'd gone to sleep. I literally woke up in my bedroom to see that she wasn't there, and looked into that room hoping to find that she had just fallen asleep in there to find her on top of another man. She blames alcohol, claims that it means nothing. I threw the other man and his wife out of my house, obviously, and my wife cried herself to sleep. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. So far as i know this has never happened before. i should have beaten them all to death with a tire iron. Right now I'm torn between honoring my marriage vows and just getting a divorce. I feel like such an ******* for even considering forgiving her eventually, for even thinking about deciding to try and work this out, when my gut instinct is to tell her to hit the road and move back to her parent's house. I'm pretty lost. Link to post Share on other sites
emmaUK Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 where did this other guy and his wife come from??? are they friends of yours or something??? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Talk to a lawyer and serve her with divorce papers. To me this would be a dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 where did this other guy and his wife come from??? are they friends of yours or something???yeah they were friends on their way through town. We were sitting around mildly drinking and I went to bed, because I was supposed to go to work today, when they sat down to smoke something. I thought that that would be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Do you two have any kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Doe Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 WOW. That's pretty bold for her to do that in your own home while you were there. WOW. How has she been thus far as a wife? Has she cheated on you previously? Do you two have children together? How long have you been married? Sorry for all the questions, but they're things to consider before deciding what to do. One more thing........stop beating yourself up and thinking you're stupid. You didn't do this. She did. Lay the blame where it belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 WOW. That's pretty bold for her to do that in your own home while you were there. WOW. How has she been thus far as a wife? Has she cheated on you previously? Do you two have children together? How long have you been married? Sorry for all the questions, but they're things to consider before deciding what to do. One more thing........stop beating yourself up and thinking you're stupid. You didn't do this. She did. Lay the blame where it belongs.She's been great thus far, and our one year anniversary was supposed to be sunday. I don't think that she's cheated on me before, but how can i know? I've never had reason to be suspicious, and she's not told me of anything. Link to post Share on other sites
RuralProblems Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I'm copying my reply from the other thread where you first mentioned this in case you didn't see it. Guest - unless she was completely, absolutely sh*t-faced drunk, throw her out right now, and set the precedent. Particularly if there are no kids. You are in control right now, and you can always take her back. Best to throw her out right now while she's still remourseful. This way you can take the time to decide whether to take her back. If you don't act right now, it'll just get harder. This coming from a guy who can't even confront his wife, but for different reasons. Confrontation isn't an issue here - you have actually witnessed it with your own eyes. Then I'd go see that lawyer like Woggle said. After drawing up papers as favorable to you as you feel you can get away with, and you decide to do it, serve them to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 If you are going to forgive her at least throw her out and make her suffer for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 They'd be no question in my book. She would be out on her ear, married or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 If you are going to forgive her at least throw her out and make her suffer for a while. Sound advice. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Wow.... harsh! This would be a deal breaker for me too. The only reason I'd consider forgiving my SO for infidelity is if we had children. But then it's a big IF... Firstly don't blame yourself. Then take some time to calm down and think through what YOU want to do about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 On their way through town? Why were they there exactly? Are they originally friends of your wife, or yourself? Do you think your wife was trying to set up a swap meet or something? You went to bed early and screwed up the plan, so she went on without you? The whole thing is just surreal. Regardless, unless you're into swinging, I'd ditch her. Doing it in your own house while you're there is the pinnacle of boldness. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 What? You have not even been married for 1 year and you have some friends pass through and she waits for you to go to sleep and then has a threesome with this couple and is caught by you screwing the man on top of him in the next room. She does this in your home behind your back like this? This was calculated and she could care less that she would humiliate and disrespect you in the worst possible way in your own home. This is your honeymoon period and she does to you in your house while you are sleeping? I think you would have to be out of your mind to stay with her. What are you going to say: Happy first anniversary and it was great seeing you screwing and being on top of our male friend while you thought I was sleeping. I would contact an attorney and see about getting an annulment. For her to do something as horrible as this to you really shows that she has a broken moral compass to begin with and probably has done something like this previously without your knowledge or will in the future. The story is just undbelievable that she would crap on her marriage vows her husband and her own home while not being married even a year. You have my sympathy. There is no execuse! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 There was no inclination for you to join in then?! You never know, it may have been fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Doe Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 The more I think about this, I tend to agree with the others. Kick her out. She can blame alcohol all she wants to but she made a conscious decision to do what she did. Doing it in your home with you in the other room really adds insult to injury. Kick her out. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 This was not a spontaneous, random thing. I think it was a planned "party" that you were not invited to attend. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Throw her out, give yourself sometime to think things through, reconcile your rational mind with your emotional state of mind. Give yourself sometiime to think and clear your head. Even if you think you want to save the marriage. The one that cares the least controls the relationship, and apparently she doesn't give a flying ****! Take back control of yourself, your emotions, your life ~ and do it now. Throw her out, and if she wants to come back and you want her to come back make her work for it and earn the right back into the marriage, down a straight and narrow path. Personally, she's disrespected you, all you've done for her, all your worked for ~ for her, all that you've given her, and your home! I'd throw her out on her ear and never take her back, especially if you don't have children. Cut your losses and run like Hell! She's a bad investment of your time, effort, energy, and money, don't continue throwing that away ~ especially if your under the age of 40! These are some of the best years of your life, and too precious to be wasting them on someone who would treat you and disrespect you like this. There's no freaking shortage of women ~ there's only about 3.6 billion other ones. And, what one would abuse ~ another could certainly use. The alcohol is not an excuse. Drugs and alcohol only make you more of what you already are. There's also your health, if you sleep with the wife again, you've just sleep with all the people that the OM and OW have ever slept with! So even if you get back with the wife (not recommended) make sure you get tested for STD's prior to getting back together and six and twelve months from now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 you're probably right. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 How do you both know this other couple? Were they friends of yours, hers or did you two meet them as a couple? I just ask, because is it possible that this has happened between them in the past, before you guys got married? I've never heard of a threesome just "happening" due to too much drinking or smoking dope. Obviously something has led up to this, and the fact is, drunk or not - SOMEONE in that group would have said "what about your husband?" WTF. No thinking was involved, that's for sure. How is she now? Sorry, full of regret? I suggest you think about what you want to do, don't do anything rash right now because you're emotional, upset and pissed off. Rightfully so... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 The woman was a friend of my wife's in college, and i know that she and my wife fooled around before we met. And now, probably while we were dating, but they thankfully live in another town so i thought that was over. not so much because i mind my wife having sex with women IF SHE'D TOLD ME THAT SHE WANTED TO, but because I just hate this woman in general anyway. My wife is pretty contrite now, and seems to regret it deeply, but i don't really care. She's off at an AA meeting now, perhaps this is her claiming rock bottom. But I'm leaning more towards putting her on a train in the morning for a week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Go to marriage counselling. If you love her and want to work it out, do just that. Or end it completely. I'm not sure if your wife is a lesbian, bi or what, but hopefully this IS her rockbottom. I don't know, time will tell. Either way, those so-called friends cannot be friends with you both anymore. No point and whatever trust was there, is gone for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Doe Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Does your wife have a true drinking problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BackstabbyMcDumbface Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 honestly she probably does. her mother is a diehard adherent to alcoholics anonymous now after years of abuse, and these things can be hereditary. but I've always seen her inability to control her drinking as a hallmark of her own laziness and immaturity rather than an addiction, and I suppose I was convinced that if i let her make enough mistakes she would, as most people do, rein in her drinking in the name of responsibility. Jokes on me! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 It is one thing for you to say that if your wife wanted to fool around with her girlfriend all you would want is for her to ask you; but the fact is that she was on top and humping the husband behind your back in your house says it all. Clearly she was willing to risk pregnancy and STD's while you her husband of less than 1 years was sleeping in the next room says it all. I recently divorced my wife because of her drinking. It is almost always a losing battle to be with someone who is addicted to drinking. They not only destroy their lives but everyone who comes in contact with them. Do not let her destroy your life and your future. Link to post Share on other sites
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